|
Losing my virginity just to get it out of the way?
I'm an 18 year old bisexual girl, and I'm a virgin. It's something that's always in the back of my mind and it does worry me - for years I have wanted to lose it. I wanted to be able to be promiscuous and not make a big deal of sex, but I just don't have it in me. I am not a naturally promiscuous person - I've tried, but I'm just not comfortable being that intimate with someone unless I am very, very close to them.
Now, here are some points I want to make. Firstly, I'm not someone who can't get laid. Not to sound big-headed, but I am considered attractive by most and get a lot of male attention (although I'm bisexual, I'm not out yet and don't tend to get attention from females). Secondly, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin at my age. People should be able to have as little or as much sex as they want without being judged. However, I won't say I don't feel the pressures - I do, a lot. No one knows I'm a virgin apart from closer friends I've known since I was 13 or younger, I hide it from everyone else.
So, really, I know I should just be comfortable with it and wait till I find someone I am comfortable enough to have sex with. But here's the thing: I really want to have sex. I have such a high sex drive and it's something I constantly think and fantasise about. I want to start experimenting and having sex be a part of my life. I don't want to have to wait for someone I really, really like and who I'm really close to, because knowing me, that could take years.
But of course, the problem is, I know I'll find it difficult to have sex with someone I'm not close to (even if I'm attracted to them) and to tell them that I'm a virgin beforehand (I couldn't do it without telling them, because they'd either find out I was a virgin anyway, or just think I wasn't that good in bed.)
I guess my question is: what's worth it? Is it worth waiting and just being consumed by lust but not being able to have sex, until I find someone I'm really comfortable with? (And like I said, this could take years, I rarely fall for people seriously.) On the other hand, is it worth just getting it over with through an experience I might not enjoy, so I can start experimenting and having a sex life? And if you'd recommend the latter, how do I go about it?
I do have a lot of problems with physical intimacy which gets in the way of this, so if anything knows how I could sort this out, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you x
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
You are way overthinking this. Always try to keep things simple and you will be a lot happier.
First, find someone who you would like to have as a partner. Relax, get to know them well, form a strong bond.
Second, get it on.
Pretty simple, huh?
Until you find someone, though, you can just masturbate to deal with that high sex drive. Nothing wrong with it. Yeah, it's not like being with somebody, but it's pretty damned nice.
It is human nature to want instant gratification, but one has to just accept that it is often not possible. It's just life.
]
I'm going to be blunt. Your hormones not your brain is trying to dictate what decision you make. You have a high sex-drive and need to learn how to control it without actual sex. You can read up on that in other places, books, publications as we can't do that here.
Having sex just to experience and or "get it over with" is about the dumbest mistakes people can make. They always wind up with someone they don't give a shit about and likewise the same in most cases with their partner.
It can also lead to STDs, pregnancy, and even AIDS of which you can die from. That's what promiscuity can lead to as well as a reputation and a host of other problems both emotional and physical. I understand your "sex without being judged" belief and agree but sex without common sense and solid choices negates that.
You say there's nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age. Do you honestly believe that? While not needing to tell everyone it seems like something you think should be hidden. Obviously, when you think about it you feel some level of shame or embarrassment over it. DON'T.
Sx with someone you don't care about is meaningless and just a physical act with no emotional attachment (which is the major part) and you likely will regret it later and not look back on that first experience well. It's worth waiting for the right person, time, place and an attachment to and figure out healthier ways to handle your hormones and drive.
Also, if you have loads of problems with physical intimacy with anyone be them close or not how do you expect to have a sex life with random partners or anyone just yet? You have to deal with that problem first. Don't rush things it's not a competition to catch up with what other people are doing or something to do on a whim. You can experiment and be safe without the actual sex itself.
]
I can totally understand your situation. I'm bisexual and I had my first sexual experience with a girl when I was 14 but didn't have sex with a boy till I was 16. I think having sex with girls for the 2 years before, helped me when it was time to be with a boy. I'm not saying to go out and hook with some girl but if you could find a close friend that's bisexual, she could give you some good pointers. As far as sleeping with a guy, you'll have to decide if it's the right time or the right guy. Everyone wants their first time to be special but rarely it's all that great. I hope this helps and good luck.
]
I understand where you are coming from, and it's great you are really thinking this through.
I'm a lot like you. I can't have meaningless hookups, and I couldn't imagine having sex with someone I wasn't close to. It's just uncomfortable for me, and it makes me feel guilty and cheap.
What you also have to consider is, sex is a big deal. It isn't just about pleasure. I lost my virginity at 17, and although it was exciting, it has caused a lot of problems.
You have to be very open with your partner. Being cautious of diseases and pregnancy is key. I got a couple of infections after sex, and it was awkward enough having to explain to my boyfriend what a yeast infection was, let alone some guy I barely knew. I've also had an experience where the condom broke and we had to go out and get the morning after pill. These things are all on you if you have sex with guys you aren't close with. I was too embarrassed to go buy condoms or the pill on my own, so it would be hard for me if my boyfriend wasn't there to help.
I thought it was worth it for me to be in a relationship before having sex. I was comfortable and not nervous at all when we did it. That made it enjoyable and memorable. I look back on it and have zero regrets, and thats what you want because your first time will be your most memorable.
When it's with someone you are close with, the partner will care about you. It will be okay if you have awkward or embarrassing moments, because you can laugh about it. I've learned a lot by being in a relationship, and it would have been hard to get those experiences without being embarrased if I did it with a random guy.
You can satisfy your sex drive with masturbation (vibrators are better than guys in many women's opinion) or you can have a guy finger you or perform oral sex. This may be hard, not going all the way, but the build up makes the experience so much better. Giving it away too easy can be a let down.
This is something you have to carefully consider, but if I was you I would wait. When you aren't forcing it, things will come naturally, as they are supposed to. Then it won't be awkward or forced, and you will have a good memory to look back on.
No matter what, please use protection. I can't stress it enough, pregnancy scares are horrible.
Good luck,
-Abby
]
firstly there is nothing wrong in you being a vargin at your age instead its your pride i must say congrate girl... secondly if yuou fell it is time for you to lose it (have sex) then fine you have tryed all you have to do is get a good man who you think really deserve you get to no each other better by always being togther, spend plesant time togther alone for the intimacy to be there and i promise you , you will get to love and have feelings for him. all the best dear
]
More Questions: |