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No social life -- extreme parents.
18 years old. Female. In a Muslim family (origin Pakistan). Living in Canada. I have no social life. No friends. The closest thing is an acquaintance that lives 2 floors down my Mom's apartment. I live with my Dad, visit my Mom on weekends/holidays. I'm not allowed to talk to boys -- including my cousins, and relatives (I always get yelled at, then humiliated if I do).
I was browsing online and I found a meet up site where you can meet up with people and make friends. My mom said it's alright but I can't go and make any friends with guys. Whatever, I know that. But I get angry. I don't talk to boys ever, even if I've been in classes with all boys, and then to have her even lecture me makes me angry. I understand my parents are trying to look out for me -- but they are extreme. I can't even talk to my OWN god damn guy cousins for FUCK's SAKE. I'm old enough to make my decisions. I know my morals, and I'm not going to jump the bones on any guy that comes close to me. Advice?
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I'm so sorry your family is restricting you like this. It isn't fair that they should choose how you live, because you are old enough to start making your own decisions.
To be honest with you, I think you are going to have to talk to your parents and attempt a compromise, or cutting off contact from them once you move out.
Tell your parents that you deserve a social life. You should be allowed to meet people, and have friends. Tell them that they raised you well enough that they can trust you to make good choices.
And not being able to talk to your male cousins? Thats ridiculously sexist. Just because you are female! Obviously you will not have innappropriate contact with them, they are related to you. It's humiiating that you are being treated like an oppressed female when you live in a free and progressive country.
I would start by asserting your freedom in small steps. Talk to people in your classes! Talk to boys! Your parents won't know that you do this. Try to make friends, and then try to spend time with them. Maybe if you invite one to your house for your parents to meet and see that she is a good influence, you will be allowed out with them.
My parents aren't strict but at times I do have to lie to them, and honestly that comes with the territory of being a teenager. You might have to slip a few white lies in to do what you want.
Do you have college plans? Did you ever think about applying to a college where you have to live there? If you can find a college a few hours from home that you can convince your parents you love and will give you a great education, you may finally get some freedom. They even offer all girl dorms, so your parents may be more comfortable with the idea.
Those are just some tips, because it's hard to say how to proceed since I don't know you parents. I don't want you to be disowned or punished, but if you want to get out there you will have to start some conflict. You must assert yourself and make your own choices. You are young, it's the best time to get out there and have fun! Don't let your parents hold you back.
Good luck,
-Abby
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Technically you are 18, which is the legal age for making your own decisions. But I understand the predicament of pleasing ones parents out of respect. Have you thought about college any? If so, you could go to a college where you could stay on campus, work for the college to raise some money for stability. As for your parents shunning you, truth be told if they truly loved you, they wouldn't say those things. They just want to keep you in control and not turn out to be like all the other statistics. When you go out, why not document your times so your father couldn't get suspicious, pictures, notes, etc. It seems a bit extreme, but my dad is the same way. No matter what you choose, someone is going to be unhappy, might as well make yourself happy. if you have anymore questions you can email me at lleggett@bethanywv.edu
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