I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32908
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Ok I am working out, but I am doing things differently this time, this time I am weight training and doing cardio. So here is what's going on, for like the past month and a 1/2...I've been like this, Lose 5 lbs, gain 3, lose 6 gain 2, lose 2 gain 4...so Like I'll look at the scale and at the begining of the week I'll be 215 and by the end of the week I'll be 210 and then i'll be back up to 212 and then i'll be at 209 and then back up to 212 and then 210 and then 214 and I can't seem to get it to go down and stay down. So I don't know what to do, I don't know if it's reading my muscle gain and then maybe inbetween the time i'm doing cardio it's reading my cardio loss? Does this make sense? I was wondering if I just need to tough it out or if I should take like a dietary supliment or some kind of shake from the health food store. Thank you for the advice. I take in about 1700-200 calories per day. Now I am willing to get stricter with my calories but I guess I kind of like being able too be closer to 2000 than being closer to 1500. ok thanks. Oh and i'm not like in a huge rush, I just want consistant loss that stays off. Any ideas are appreciated. Thank you. (link)
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You sound like you're serious about weight loss, so I would recommend a program to you - Weight Watchers. I lost 75lbs over a year in WW. It is awesome b/c it teaches you about eating like a regular person (no diets) but controlling how much you eat. You sound like the perfect candidate for this program. Its $10 a week and if you feel uncomfortable going out to meetings you can do everything online. Try it. I think you'll be happy with the results as soon as the first week.
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18 f
Hey guys sry if its long but I'd appreciate the help !
So about 2 months ago I was in the train and I saw a gorgeous guy
He started looking back at me and we exchanged glances and
Even a couple of smiles. Then like 10 mins later he comes a little
Closer and says hi my name is nate and he asks for my name
And was just a total gentlemen and looked really sweet.
Then when he was about to get of asked for my number to keep
In touch. I was so excited because he was a total cutie.
Btw, before he left he invited me to a club. Now that isn't
Something I normally do. I'm a total romantic girl I love going
Out to dinner with my guy or going to watch a movie.
So the next day he called and asked me to email him a pic.
I said sure then he said a sexy pic?? I was a little confused and just
Sent him a normal pic but he kept asking me for a pic and to
Put on some shorts. I told him that I'm not that kind of girl
And that I need to get to know him. So he said ok. Btw he's 20 yrs old.
Anyway the next day he invited me to go clubbing again. I said I couldn't
And I called him the next day and invited him to the movies.
He said he hates the movies and would rather me to go over to drink??
I don't drink. I'm a total good girl, haha. So anyway we haven't spoke
Lately and idk wat to do. He's so cute but I don't club. Or drink.
I feel like we live in 2 diff worlds. He was a total gentlemen
When I met him. I guess I just want him to like me becuase I have
This huge crush on him and I can't stop thinking about him. I tried
But it didn't work. I guess I just wanted to give him a try and see if
It could work out but we have 2 diff interests. I wanna hang out with
Him but don't know what to say when I call him. Any ideas or advice about
The whole situation? Thanks !! (link)
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Sorry, I know it sucks to hear, but this guy was only interested in one thing and when he figured out he wasn't going to get it from you he backed off. Asking you to send a "sexy pic" when he just met you? Your instincts were dead on in this situation and you were right to feel uncomfortable with that. It wasn't right or gentlemanly and its a bit creepy. If he hasn't returned your text and he didn't want to go the movies I'd say its time to face the reality that he isn't the kind of guy you hoped he'd be. But you sound incredibly sweet and level-headed. Keep holding out for that gentleman. Sure, the creeps like this guy will come along every once in a while, but keep following your instincts and you'll end up finding a guy who can appreciate you and enjoy you for the sweet, "good girl" you are, and it will be wonderful!
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I received a e-mail on My Space page from a lady who wanted to be added to my friends list, so I did. After e mailing back in forth she asked I knew who she was. I didn't, after she gave me some hints I finally figured out she was my old gf from high school, 30 yrs ago. After a couple e mails she told me she just got out of an abusive marriage 5 months ago.The questions I have are , What do I do now?Why after all those yrs she looked for me? What is she looking for from me? How do I handle her after an abusive marriage? I've been single for 17yrs and must admit it sparked some old memories. (link)
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It could be that after finally getting out of a horrible relationship your friend is looking for the comfort and familiarity of past relationships. I'm sure her heart remembers your days together as a "safe" time in her life and she's looking to recapture a bit of that safety. Whatever the case may be, it might be fun to reminisce a bit over the email, and get to know this woman from your past once again. However, 5 months is not a long time to be out of a marriage, and an abusive one at that. She's vulnerable and probably a bit needy right now, so you need to keep that in mind. Getting romantically involved with someone who is just learning how to function outside of her abuser could be prickly. She'll have issues and she'll need time to heal. With that said, its not like you're headed to the altar tomorrow. I say keep in contact over the email and enjoy reconnecting with an old flame. Just tread lightly in matters of the heart until you get a better read on where she is mentally right now. Good luck!
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Female/17. (SORRY ITS LONG) So I have a problem, usually when I meet guys I to get to know them and become friends.Then it ends up them liking me. But I dont like them back that way. Then they get hurt when I tell them I just wanna be friends. Its happened quite alot too. I also havent had a bf in awhile and how else am I going to get one is if I dont get out and meet some guys, become friends with them and see if theres anything more. But everytime there hasnt been! Now there is this new guy i have only hung out with 3 times and he already told me he likes me, but so far I dont like like him back that way, he is nice and cool so far...I just feel like theres something wrong with me! I am gonna have to break his heart when it ends up me saying that i just wanna be friends. Dont you have to be somewhat attracted to a guy to have some feelings for him? I know its also very important for him to be a good person and all that stuff but its just hard. And I feel lost, advice would be awesome! thanks!! (link)
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There's a couple of things going on here. #1 - what is it that motivates you to develop friendships with guys? Do you have female friends? Are the majority of your friends guys? If the answer to that last question is yes, you need to ask yourself what it is that makes it difficult to form relationships with other young women and why you gravitate toward friendships with young men. #2 - whatever your reasons, you're sending out mixed signals and guys that age aren't very good at reading signals. You most likely don't mean to, but your actions may be sending out the signal that you are looking for more than friendship. Spending lots of time alone with a guy will send out that signal, even if you're just "hanging out". The healthy thing to do here is to start concentrating on female friends for a while. I like that you feel you should get to know a guy before you date him. That is really smart and mature, but keep in mind that getting to know someone and leading them on are two different things. Focus on other things right now. Meeting a guy you like will just come naturally and when you meet a guy you like you'll know it. THEN you can spend time getting to know him better without the worry of him misinterpreting your affections. Good luck to you.
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ok so i had the begings of a yeast infection and sex with my boyfriend and every thing was fine and like a week or to later he textes me saying he was washing and found something he didnt tell me what it was but he wasnt my first and never had any complaints and now hes furious but im fine my yeast infections gone soooooooooooooooooo could it have been contatious or what (link)
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Men can actually contract yeast infections from their partners, so that's probably what it was. If you have even the beginning of an infection you should stop having sex and treat it. Lesson learned! Call you boyfriend and tell him to see a doctor (I have no idea how men get the yeast infections treated) but its not serious.
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So recently i've been upset over a guy who basically just wanted to use me for sex and we had a good friendship for a while and it died out and i wrote him a long letter telling how i felt and he didn't even respond and we basically stopped talking.I met someone new the other night on new years and we got a long good and we've been talking and he's been texting me and he is for sure interested in me.I'm slightly interested as well and he is getting my mind off of the other guy.For some reason,whenever a guy i just met shows interest in me,i always get a weird feeling.It's like a feeling that I get every time a guy gives me attention and likes me and it makes me like them less.I guess I like a hard to get guy.But I know myself and that if i were to stop talking to him,I'd like him again and he would probably end up getting over me and i'd be the one getting hurt. Don't get me wrong,I DO like him a little bit but I hate this feeling I get .Maybe it's just because he's a new guy and im still getting to know him. But i don't know what to do! help! (link)
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That feeling you get isn't because you like the "hard to get" guys... that feeling is you telling yourself you don't deserve a "nice" guy and the guys that use you and then treat you like dirt are the best you can do. That voice can come from a lot of different experiences - broken family, absent father, abuse. You feel you aren't worthy of being respected and treasured, so you find yourself drawn to guys who don't really care about you. You CAN get rid of that voice and learn to be attracted to the "nice" guys, but it takes practice. It means more "no's" to the dumbies and more "yes's" to the sweeties. And if you can't trust yourself to tell the difference, don't sleep with any guy you just met. Trust me, it sounds old fashioned, but you'll soon find it helps weed out the idiots, because they won't stick around long enough to get to know you as a person (much like your "ex" friend who bailed as soon as you said you had feelings). Keep your pants on and your heart open and you may just be surprised at what comes your way ; )
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I think I have sunk into a strange depression. I feel like I'm not even me sometimes. I don't remember what life was like before. It is winter break, I have been home for a few weeks. My boyfriend broke up with my after Halloween and he is currently my best friend. I sometimes hate him, and I avoid talking to him. Sometimes I want to talk to him and so I do. I have a good friend who I see from time to time. I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable telling my exact feelings to. Has anyone ever read the Bell Jar? I feel like that. I want to kill myself on most days. I cry for no reason. I don't know when one day ends and when another begins. I find myself wanting to listen to Bright Eyes all day long. Drinking makes me feel stupid because it doesn't even help. I don't feel that anyone understands me. I weigh myself everyday a few times a day and avoid eating as much as possible. I have random happy moments! Everything will seem okay, I'll laugh and smile, life is good. Then my mind starts to drift off, I lose track of time, I forget where I am, what I am doing. I just don't understand what is happening to me. I think I need help. (link)
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No, you're not crazy. Yes, you need help. You are depressed. Plain and simple. You are going through something right now and the wrong thing would to be to try to go through it alone. If you have health insurance see your family doctor and get a referral for a therapist. The idea of it may make you nervous and unsure, but trust me, you'd be amazed at the difference a good therapist can make. At least give it one session to see if its something that may help. If you don't have access to a therapist, try a school counsellor or chaplain. If you are religious, try a trusted pastor or religious leader. The point is, you need to widen your circle a little bit and let someone else help you. Therapy is the best option for right now. The good news for you is that you can get better, and you can feel happy again. You won't always feel this way. There's help out there for you and it just may change your life, but you have to decide to go get it. Don't wait. Find help, now. You'll be glad you did.
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So my best friend came out to me the other day. I did not think anything of it, and she is still my best friend. However, she just told me that i was the reason she likes girls. I was "that girl" that she liked. I obviously still love her as my best friend, however, i sometimes feel awkward going over to her house and watching a movie, or just doing anything close to her. What should i do? i dont want it to ruin our friendship. (link)
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This is a tough one. It was a bit unfair of your friend to confess her "crush" on you. Coming out to you is one thing, but revealing a crush on you makes me think she hoped you might reciprocate her feelings. But it put you in a bad spot by making you uncomfortable with someone you consider a best friend. She owes you an apology. That information should have been kept to herself, as its obviously made you uncomfortable. And its ok that you feel that way. Its just a little odd to find out a close friend feels that way about you, because it changes the dynamics a little bit. But that doesn't mean it will always be that way. You need to have an honest conversation with her and tell her how awkward her confession made you feel, and then let her know that you still value her friendship, but its hard to be around her right now. See what she says. She may say something that eases your mind, or she may have some suggestions to help the both of you move to a better place in your friendship. Maybe a little time apart might be the best thing . It will give you time to get used to the situation. Whatever happens, just know that it won't always feel this awkward and you can get back to that good friendship you always had, it will just take time. Good luck.
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I'm an 18 year old girl crushing on a 21 year old guy. As a result of this crush, I decided to ask him if he wanted to hang out with me back in November, in order to see if he was interested in me. He said, “yeah,” and he seemed really interested, even asking me what I liked to do on the weekends. He currently doesn't have a phone, so we exchanged AIM screen names. We met each other through a class that we both took.
I thought that he was really interested in me. We'd always be talking every time we got to see each other. And some people in our class would tease us at times. Like for instance, we didn't show up to class on the same day, and one girl said, “So, what were you guys doing?” And, he showed concern when a bunch of personal shit went down with my sister. I mean I understand that it doesn't necessarily mean that the guy likes you, but it does when you guys have both agreed that you want to hang out with each other and whatnot. He'd also greet me in class, which he didn't really do that much with other people.
We've talked one night since that class ended, and he was drunk, that was last weekend (weekend before Christmas). I honestly wouldn't have been able to tell if he hadn't said anything, about not wanting to drive because he was too drunk. I felt like we got along pretty well, I mean we're both equally as smart, and we talked about a couple of things, he would tell me about stuff that he did in highschool, etcetera. We also shared a lot of the same views. I mean, of course, we had some differences, like he smokes pot and drinks and I don't, which isn't a huge deal to me. Honestly, like I've always wanted to experiment with pot and drink, I just haven't had very many opportunities.
We haven't even really hung out, basically because other things have come up. He's always been busy, like one of his friends turned 21, so he kind of had to spend time with her. Thanksgiving weekend he got sick, and he was hanging out with his friends. One weekend he went down to his friends college with a group of friends. I also had a job for a little while that required me to work every weekend and at times really late.
I even contacted him to ask him if he was avoiding me, and he didn't answer. I don't know if he's purposely blowing me off or if he hasn't been online. Like, his mom uses his computer sometimes, so it's very possible that she's one on his computer and not him. I know that he's been busy with his friends, they go away to school, so they don't see each other, and when they're home they hang a lot. And I know that a lot of colleges are out for break. He's one of those guys that has told his friends that if they really want to get in touch with him to drop by his house, which isn't as easy for me considering that I don't drive, don't know his address, etcetera. So, I don't think he's one for AIM either, I don't know... it just frustrates me so much that we haven't talked. How should I proceed? Should I assume that he's avoiding me and is no longer interested? Shouldn't he be mature enough to let me know that, then? I mean, previously, he's struck me as a really good person and mature enough to let me know if he wasn't interested anymore, I'm thinking negatively and I want to know what's going on. (link)
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This is a hard thing to hear - if this guy really wanted to talk to you he would get in touch. Like you said, you have a crush on him. Well, maybe he had a crush on you too, and by definition crushes are temporary, so maybe his crush is over, simple as that. You say you thought he'd be mature enough to tell you he wasn't interested, but really, that's a hard thing to say to someone. Would you want to have to say that to someone? Maybe he thinks you're a nice girl and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by being so blunt. It doesn't mean its you, I'm sure you've been in situations where you've met a really nice, attractive guy but the sparks just aren't there. So don't be so hard on yourself and let this one go for what it was, a crush that ran its course. Move on. You're spending so much energy on this guy you may just miss Prince Charming when he comes walking by!
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So I have an older brother who is 19. We are extremely close and have always done everything together. Ever since we were little he has always been the one to sleep in and I was the early riser. Now that hes in college he has gotten worse. Every night he goes to bed at 2 or 3 in the morning. He dosnt wake up until 2pm usually. He has always complained about how he has insomia and he cant go to bed at a normal time even if he trys, I just think he has too many distractions like TV. Recently he has become more cranky and harder to get up out of bed. I know his drinking plays a part in this, but honestly asking a college kid to stop drinking completly is a lost cause. I just want to know how I can help to convince him to get his sleeping on a more healthy track. What tips are there to switch to a healthier sleeping pattern? Any info will help.
Also some information about him: Hes relativley healthy and in shape. He plays sports in college and always has. He parties, but I dont think his drinking is the real root of the problem, He's also not over or under weight. Normal height. No illnesses or conditons that we are aware of. Im not trying to stage an intervention to save his life. Its really not that serious. I just want him to be healthier and have more energy.
Thanks in advance!! (link)
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It sounds to me like your brother might be experiencing a bit of depression, which is not uncommon for a young man at his stage in life. He has just made a pretty big transition to college. It can be tough and a bit strange, and can cause a change in personality for people just starting out. I don't know if there's anything you can really do except continue to be his friend and sibling and support him. You might want to sit him down and express your concern to him. Tell him you've noticed a change in him and you're worried. Then just leave it up to him. As you said, getting a college kid to stop doing ANYTHING is a lost cause. Its all up to him, but at least he should know how his attitude is affecting someone he cares about. He'll be fine. I promise. And so will you. He's lucky to have such a caring and concerned sibling.
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(sorry so long but i do rate! :) Hello im 18/f so heres the situation im in. My mom and step-dad recently got divorced. My mom and sisters moved in with my grandparents and i decided to stay at my stepdads until my mother got her own apartment. My stepdad is really cool and he told me he loves having me around and i can stay there as long as i want. Well my mother can move into her apartment on tuesday. I dont have anything packed and i really dont want to live with her. The tough situation is that me and my mother are very close. But this divorce situation has sort of seperated us if you will. shes moving to the "bad side of town" and i have nothing against that. My mom had me when she was 16 and shes became more immature i've noticed over the past couple weeks and she cant stand to be alone. She constantly has to have a guy with her and that really bothers me. I want to stay at my stepdads house because i've been bounced around over 40 times and im just 18. Its a stable home. Everyone is telling me that im stupid if i move out. And do what makes me happy. I honestly wanna stay here. I've lived here for 5 years. Im sick and tired of getting moved around. I just dont know how to break it to my mom that i dont want to stay with her its not because im chosing my stepdad over her its because of the situation. I guess im just wondering what your thoughts are on this entire situation. If you need more information please feel free to e-mail me. Thanks so much for any advice!
-Ashley (link)
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It doesn't sound like your Mom's been looking out for you too much in this situation. You'll have to look after yourself. If you feel more stable and secure at your Stepdad's and he's ok with it, I think you should stay there. It doesn't mean at all that you don't love your Mom. It just means you're doing what you think is best for yourself at this time. The only good way to break it to her is face to face, just come right out with it, calmly and explain your feelings. Tell her you love her but this whole situation has been a strain on your relationship and you would feel more comfortable if you could just stay where you are for now. I hope it all works out. Merry Christmas!
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I was friends with this girl last year. She seemed like she liked me back then and we hung out. This year however, is different. She ignores me and never seems to talk to me anymore. I have never lied to her or talked about her behind her back. She gave me a note that reads, "First off, let me say I am not doing this to be mean Cuz everyone knows I am not a mean person." It goes on to say, "...or let alone do I want to be your friend. I don't want to be your friend because you lie to me and talk behind my back." Then it says, "You talking behind my back is bull****." I have never in my life talked behind her back and I sure as snot didn't lie to her. My ex friend, her BEST friend, does that. Lastly, it says "I will only tell you this once. LEAVE ME ALONE! This is no joke." She then signs her name and has her sister hand it to me. After reading it, I realized that my mom was right in saying that she wasn't going to be a very good friend. My heart is now broken and my spirit torn. She was my only friend and now I have none. What should I do? Should I forget her? Should I write her a note back saying that I never lied to her or backstabbed her in any way? I already know that I am going up to my mom and telling her she was right, but what should I do with the note? What should I do that would make her understand I did none of these things?
Janie93 (link)
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I'm a bit older than you, but I had this EXACT situation happen to me when I was a teenager. A small group of people that I was very tight with suddenly turned on me when my "best friend" started telling them I was lying about everyone in the group and spreading rumors. It hurt so bad because up to that point I was really what you might call a "goody goody". I had never lied or done anything and it really came out of nowhere, so I wasn't prepared for how hateful everyone got right away. It hurt. Bad. I spent a few weeks trying to convince them it wasn't true, but then I realized that I was only making things worse. People will believe what they want to, no matter what you say. I'm sorry to say, but only time will heal this wound. But the good news is, time WILL heal this wound. You won't always feel this bad. And when you're a little older, you'll realize this girl actually did you a favor by making sure you didn't waste any more of your precious time on a two-faced, lying backstabber. For now, just feel what you feel. Its all right to feel sad about this. But just for a little bit. Then you need to pick yourself up and start finding other things to distract you. Join a club, group, anything to start meeting new people. Take care of yourself. Enjoy the things you love. And don't stoop to their level by talking bad about them. As a matter of fact if you really want to drive her crazy, whenever someone asks you about her say nothing but nice things. The best revenge is looking good and being happy. You didn't do anything wrong. She's the "crazy" one, so don't wrap up your self worth in her. You'll get through this, I promise, and you'll be a better person for it.
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ok so my two friends are going out. Before they started going out my guy friend would flirit with me a lit I knowhe had a crush on me. When they started going I thought this was all going to stop but it didn't. So I told my friend about what her boyfriend was doing. I think she told him to stop and he did for like two days but then he started flirting again. He texted me after school two days ago and I didn't reply because I didn't have my phone but i found out he tested me because my brother told me and he had my phone. So after i didnt text him back the flirting stopped but he didn't seem mad he just dosnt flirt. I think I am getting feelings for him I miss him flirting with me. I want to tell him so badly but I can't he is going out with my friend. What do I do? I feel like I don't want to get between him and my friend but at the same time I want to be with him.
(link)
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Are you sure its him you miss or just the attention? Its easy to get it mixed up like that at this stage in your life. I say leave it alone and let their relationship take its course. This is actually a gift. Now you don't have to worry about it and I bet you'll find if you give it some time the feelings you have now will change. Concentrate on other things for now, keep yourself distracted, and don't text him anymore. Its not fair to your friend and no good will come of it.
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i get theses really annoying pop ups that randomly come up on my laptop all the time and its driving me mad how do i stop them ? (link)
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You should be able to go into your "file" menu and choose "block pop-ups" or "disable cookies". This will do it, but keep in mind that enabling the blockers can also end up blocking certain websites or images on those websites. But if that happens all you have to do is go back and reverse what you do. Easy!
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hey so i'm going for my first photoshoot in a week and i was wondering if anyone had any tips for me? not to brag or anything but i have a really pretty smile but i don't really know how to make any other face without looking bad..lol so any advice? and any advice in general? (link)
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I have a friend who is a professional model and one thing she always says that makes the difference between a professional and an amateur is that a professional is always thinking about something while she's posing. So think of different situations as you do your shoot. Something that makes you really sad, a happy memory, a fantasy you've always had. Make up a conversation in your head with the person behind the camera. If you want the picture to look "sexy" think of something "sexy". It doesn't necessarily have to show up in your expression, but it will show in your eyes and the face will follow. Hope that helps! Good luck and have fun!
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i am 17 and female and 5'1 and 109 lbs around.
i am obsessed with my weight- its all i think about.
i have always been on crazy diets my entire life and recently my diet got a tad crazy...
i have as much coffee as i want with half and half or regular milk , celerey, and sum chicken for dinner. THATS IT oh and gum.
i know its unhealhty and wtvr but it makes me feel so clean and skinny.
i am to scared to eat anything bc i will gain weight bc i dont eat anything...
what do i do so i can eat and loose weight without this crazy anorexic burden on me (link)
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You don't need diet suggestions, you need someone to talk to. On the surface you think your obsession with your wait is about wanting to look good, but women who struggle with anorexia are usually struggling with control issues. Many anorexic girls come from families that are broken (divorce) or super-strict. In either case, they've been in an environment where what happens around them is beyond their control. The only part of their lives they have control over is their own bodies. As others would turn to drugs, the anorexic turns to (or rather, away from) food as a means to control something in her life. Is there anyone you can talk to about this? School counsellor, pastor or religious leader, community services? You need help with this. Its not just about your weight, its more than that, and if you think its only about you wanting to be skinny then you are headed down a very dangerous path you may never come back from. Get help immediately. Once you've dealt with the root causes for your obsession the weight issue will take care of itself. Good Luck.
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pretty sure my dad is cheating on my mom. im 18, my brother is 21 he doesnt live at home anymore. Its just me my mom and dad. I walked in on him having a video sex thing over the computer with another women and in chat rooms when i was 15. Now im wiser... ive been seeing a lot of chat sites, porn sites, and escort sites. I told my moms best friend who is a close family friend, and dropped hints to try and blow my dads spot when he wasnt home at 1am and she was at work (she works nights) anyways. i think she kind of got the hint, but idk. Im scared. my best friends dad killed himself cause of the guilt. and its wearing me down, my anxiety is high, and i try to ignore what hes doing, and i cant tell my mom.. i cant picture this life im living being changed even for the worst, and risk one of them doing something stupid. My dad is a good man to the whole public, and everyone knows and loves him. I cant take it though, what can i do? How can i stop him.. i just need help. and ya, i know i should tell my mom.. but i know what comes with that after, and i know thats two million times worse, and i have no proof of him actually going to meet another women, just high suspicion. help me :( i already check his history on his computer... (link)
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This might be difficult, but you should start with your Dad on this one. You need to tell him what you saw, and what it made you think of him. Don't confront him in an angry way, but in a time of peace, calmly explaining what carrying this around has done to you, how its changed your view of him and how it has hurt you so much. Dynamics between a married couple are often more complicated than people on the outside know (even the kids). She may already know, but even if she does, you still need to have your feelings about the whole issue addressed. Your Dad needs to know that his actions have affected you. He probably thinks what he's doing doesn't hurt anyone else, but he would know that was wrong if you told him about your feelings. This is not fair to you. You need some answers, and I think your Dad is the place to start. See what he says, how he reacts, and then make a decision as to tell your mother or not. Who knows, he may actually say something that will help you feel better about it all. And don't forget that no matter what his "public reputation" may be, your Dad is still human, and does bad things once in a while, just like the rest of us. If he is willing to hear you out and work with you on this, maybe you just might find you are willing to forgive. Good luck. Be brave. It will all work out.
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OK, so I am a US citizen living in a foreign country. We have been planning a two-week trip back to the states along with a friend that is from the country I live in now. Today he went to get his US visa, and since he is young and just got out of high school they classified him as high risk and gave him the visa for just one week. My question is, is there anything we can do about this? I mean, he had to pay 150 dollars to get the visa interview, and then when he tells them he needs it for a two-week trip they only give him the visa for one! I've seen online that you can apply for visa extensions, but it seems like those are only for really long stays, where you need to apply months in advance to get the extension. Also, if he stayed illegally for one more week, is there anything they could do about it? or is it better not to risk that? (link)
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It depends on what country he's coming from. If its a country like Great Britain or Australia, staying over a week extra probably won't cause any waves. He could say an emergency came up and he couldn't arrange transportation to the airport before then. But if its a country on the watch list, like a middle-east country, than staying the extra week could result in his being detained and questioned at customs, or denied re-entry to the U.S. in the future. If I were coming from somewhere like Canada or the U.K., I'd just say "screw it" and go. But anywhere else is taking a pretty big risk.
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I've met someone fabulous and who I think I may have fallen for. We ar both in our 40's, met on the internet, exchanged a few e-mails regularly for almost 2 months, until I had enough nerve to finally call him and we've hit it off pretty good. Although I have dated a few men since divorcing a man after 20 years, this man seemed so different from all others. How often do we find special ones who are only intrersted in what is on the inside more than on the outside? This guy is one of those types. He didn't care what I looked like. When we finally met in person, we hit it off very well, because I fell attracted to him. He called daily afterwards, even when he was out of town for a week with friends. He even told me that he loved me and he could be mine if I wanted. It was a bit awkward initially, but I replied, "I could see that happening down the road if things worked out for us". I told him about something traumatic that happened to me on his way back home from his out of town trip and I think my honesty may have un-nerved him for his calls stopped and when I called him to find out why--asking also if he had a change of heart and if I should back off, he claimed that he has just been very busy with "end-of-the-year" stuff to wrap up and they must be priority right now(he is a small business owner). He said that he will call me back. He returned a couple, but never initiated any calls. He has taken some of my calls and has remained very brief, stating that he will call back because he is busy...but hasn't yet.(last call to him was 5 nights ago) I am still hopeful for he did say that he will call back, but am hurt, confused, devastated and scared to lose someone special. What do you think may have happened all of the sudden? Could all of this be coincidental and everything he is saying is indeed the truth? I don't know... (link)
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It sounds like you may have made him a little nervous when you shared such a private trauma withvhim. You don't hint at what it was, but if it was something that may have left you with emotional scars he may be worried he's bitten off more than he can chew. But that doesn't mean he won't get over it and keep moving forward with you. But it does mean that he may need a little time to process it and come to terms with how deep your relationship may be getting. Men are different, they don't always want to talk things out like us women. He may just need space and he's trying to do it without hurting you by being blunt about it. You've already made the calls, he knows you are expecting a call back. Leave it to him at this point, even though you are anxious to talk to him again. You have to give him some breathing room or you may make him even more nervous. This will be hard, but give it until Christmas. If he doesn't start calling back by then, call him one more time and ask him if what you shared scared him in some way. You deserve an honest answer and need to know one way or the other where things are going. And who knows, maybe the time apart will help him realize that he misses you. Good Luck.
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my husband and I have been married for 2 years now and I am happy being married to him. Since he has come back from a 15 month deployment we have been fighting alot. Alot more than normal and it usual ends with me crying and him pissed off and we hate each other and it's always the same thing we fight about, him not helping me around the house I feel like I have to do everything. I'm tired of the fighting and so is he I want to go to marriage counseling but I'm afraid he wont make the effort. Yesterday he brings up the discussion of divorce and asking me if we ever did get a divorce what would I do. Does this mean he wants a divorce? I don't know if we should go to marriage counseling if he already believes our marriage is over. Should I just start the paperwork and give up? Help me please.. (link)
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No, its too soon to give up just yet. Don't assume you know what he will say about counseling. Just ask him to go. If he doesn't want to go, go by yourself (yes, you can do that). It may seem like the end of all things now, but you'd be amazed at what can happen. I've seen couples on the brink of divorce rediscover their love and find an even deeper relationship and live for many happy years together. You can have that too. But it will take a lot of work. In a time of peace (a calm time, not when you're arguing or being mean to each other) tell your husband you are unhappy, but you want to be happy again, with him, and it would mean a lot to you if he would attend counseling with you to fight for your marriage. If he seems hesitant about it, suggest a time frame, like "Let's try it for 3 months, if you don't see any hope in it, we'll stop", something like that. Believe it or not you are not the only newlyweds to fight over these issues. Its not true that the first years of marriage are the most fun. They are the hardest. It is truly difficult to learn how to live with another person, decide your roles in the household and in the relationship, and figure out how to be a good husband/wife. There is no shame in asking for help in navigating this crazy time in your life. As a matter of fact, I believe it would be a sin not to ask for help. You took each other for better or worse. Well, this is the "worse" part, so you need help to figure out how to get back to the "better" part. I have been married for 11 years, and my husband and I still participate in marriage classes and counseling sessions offered through our church and other venues, even when things between us great. Because we know that life has its ups and downs and we want to have all the right tools to helps us through the downturns. Believe me, its helped us through some rough times. I believe you can get through this. You two will find something incredible on the other side of this, I know it. Do the work now and you'll reap the rewards in the future. Good luck to you.
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