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There is something wrong with me
I think I have sunk into a strange depression. I feel like I'm not even me sometimes. I don't remember what life was like before. It is winter break, I have been home for a few weeks. My boyfriend broke up with my after Halloween and he is currently my best friend. I sometimes hate him, and I avoid talking to him. Sometimes I want to talk to him and so I do. I have a good friend who I see from time to time. I don't have anyone that I feel comfortable telling my exact feelings to. Has anyone ever read the Bell Jar? I feel like that. I want to kill myself on most days. I cry for no reason. I don't know when one day ends and when another begins. I find myself wanting to listen to Bright Eyes all day long. Drinking makes me feel stupid because it doesn't even help. I don't feel that anyone understands me. I weigh myself everyday a few times a day and avoid eating as much as possible. I have random happy moments! Everything will seem okay, I'll laugh and smile, life is good. Then my mind starts to drift off, I lose track of time, I forget where I am, what I am doing. I just don't understand what is happening to me. I think I need help.
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Wow!! Those are all such intense feelings to be feeling at the same time...for sure I see how you can be overwhelmed with good feelings one moment, then bad feelings the next.
Apparently it would be hard to address one feeling at a time, seeing as how you can't hold on to just one emotional feeling at a time, but surely it has helped you just alittle being able to voice this out on the computer.
I can say that I know being depressed is really sucky...I too have those things that overwhelm me and I just get so lost and I want to run away.
I finally went to my doctor, and I put him in the hot seat making him feel like I needed therapy from him, and you know what he did, after I poured my heart out and shed some tears....He prescribed me some Cymbalta...hahahah!!
It has helped me a great deal...I had always said to myself that I never wanted to take a drug to stabilize my emotions, but it was needed.
It's going to benefit you a great deal if you talk to a doctor or therapist or councelor, just to get things off your chest, and it will be helpful if it's someone you dont know so they can't be biased, but only give their honest opinion and guide you in the right direction.
Don't lose hope on being better...you will get past this...Be optimistic in knowing you are possibly just going through a tough spot in your life and you will be redirected soon.
Keep me posted...Good Luck!!
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No, you're not crazy. Yes, you need help. You are depressed. Plain and simple. You are going through something right now and the wrong thing would to be to try to go through it alone. If you have health insurance see your family doctor and get a referral for a therapist. The idea of it may make you nervous and unsure, but trust me, you'd be amazed at the difference a good therapist can make. At least give it one session to see if its something that may help. If you don't have access to a therapist, try a school counsellor or chaplain. If you are religious, try a trusted pastor or religious leader. The point is, you need to widen your circle a little bit and let someone else help you. Therapy is the best option for right now. The good news for you is that you can get better, and you can feel happy again. You won't always feel this way. There's help out there for you and it just may change your life, but you have to decide to go get it. Don't wait. Find help, now. You'll be glad you did.
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