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making the right decision
(sorry so long but i do rate! :) Hello im 18/f so heres the situation im in. My mom and step-dad recently got divorced. My mom and sisters moved in with my grandparents and i decided to stay at my stepdads until my mother got her own apartment. My stepdad is really cool and he told me he loves having me around and i can stay there as long as i want. Well my mother can move into her apartment on tuesday. I dont have anything packed and i really dont want to live with her. The tough situation is that me and my mother are very close. But this divorce situation has sort of seperated us if you will. shes moving to the "bad side of town" and i have nothing against that. My mom had me when she was 16 and shes became more immature i've noticed over the past couple weeks and she cant stand to be alone. She constantly has to have a guy with her and that really bothers me. I want to stay at my stepdads house because i've been bounced around over 40 times and im just 18. Its a stable home. Everyone is telling me that im stupid if i move out. And do what makes me happy. I honestly wanna stay here. I've lived here for 5 years. Im sick and tired of getting moved around. I just dont know how to break it to my mom that i dont want to stay with her its not because im chosing my stepdad over her its because of the situation. I guess im just wondering what your thoughts are on this entire situation. If you need more information please feel free to e-mail me. Thanks so much for any advice!
-Ashley
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
This is a touchy situation, I know. You don't want to hurt your mom's feelings, and at the same time, you want to take yourself and what you need into consideration. I know because I too had my daughter when I was 14 and had her bouncing around while I was trying to find myself. I was only in 3 serious relationships and she hated getting attached to one family, then having to let go because we separated.
But nonetheless, she is 18 now and she has her own job and own car and goes to see her dad whenever she wants.
Point being is that I know all she had to go through with me and it is my time to let her live her life, as long as she is happy and being safe.
You will need to talk to your mother and show her your maturity and sincerity and express your desires to not move with her.
It will hurt her, that is nothing you can avoid, but it does seem like staying where you are might be best for you, as long as your step-dad is cool with it and only wants to see you succeed. If being with your mom will hinder your drive to move up in the world and focus on you and your future, then you will have to overlook or overcome rather, the fear you'll have in telling your mom what she may not want to hear.
I would love to be kept posted, because I hope you do the right thing. If your mother loves and respects you and trusts you, then she will respect your wishes. Just promise to stay in touch and keep her posted on how you are doing at all times. That's what I would want from my daugther.
Good luck!!
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It doesn't sound like your Mom's been looking out for you too much in this situation. You'll have to look after yourself. If you feel more stable and secure at your Stepdad's and he's ok with it, I think you should stay there. It doesn't mean at all that you don't love your Mom. It just means you're doing what you think is best for yourself at this time. The only good way to break it to her is face to face, just come right out with it, calmly and explain your feelings. Tell her you love her but this whole situation has been a strain on your relationship and you would feel more comfortable if you could just stay where you are for now. I hope it all works out. Merry Christmas!
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Well I guess no one can tell you what to do. I think you should do whjatever you think is right for you. Stand up for what you believe in even if you stand alone. It may hurt other people, but maybe you can talk to them about it. /Maybe possibly visit your mom when you can even if you do choose to stay with your father. Once again I think you should do whatever you think is right for you. GOOD LUCK!!!
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