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divorce or not?
my husband and I have been married for 2 years now and I am happy being married to him. Since he has come back from a 15 month deployment we have been fighting alot. Alot more than normal and it usual ends with me crying and him pissed off and we hate each other and it's always the same thing we fight about, him not helping me around the house I feel like I have to do everything. I'm tired of the fighting and so is he I want to go to marriage counseling but I'm afraid he wont make the effort. Yesterday he brings up the discussion of divorce and asking me if we ever did get a divorce what would I do. Does this mean he wants a divorce? I don't know if we should go to marriage counseling if he already believes our marriage is over. Should I just start the paperwork and give up? Help me please..
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You can't give up or let him want to give up on this marriage just like that without even an ounce of counseling. You should bring it up to him, even if you fear he won't make the effort into it. If he ends up doing what you believe, that's his own stupidity and eventually he'll realize it. I say, bring it up and try it out. If he refuses or keeps talking negatively about it, show him how much it would mean a lot to you if he at least tried it out. Say something like, "You may think our marriage is going in the dumps, but I still have some hope. We can't make any judgement about counseling until we BOTH actually give it a try and effort. Can't you please do this for me?"
Good luck to you.
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No, its too soon to give up just yet. Don't assume you know what he will say about counseling. Just ask him to go. If he doesn't want to go, go by yourself (yes, you can do that). It may seem like the end of all things now, but you'd be amazed at what can happen. I've seen couples on the brink of divorce rediscover their love and find an even deeper relationship and live for many happy years together. You can have that too. But it will take a lot of work. In a time of peace (a calm time, not when you're arguing or being mean to each other) tell your husband you are unhappy, but you want to be happy again, with him, and it would mean a lot to you if he would attend counseling with you to fight for your marriage. If he seems hesitant about it, suggest a time frame, like "Let's try it for 3 months, if you don't see any hope in it, we'll stop", something like that. Believe it or not you are not the only newlyweds to fight over these issues. Its not true that the first years of marriage are the most fun. They are the hardest. It is truly difficult to learn how to live with another person, decide your roles in the household and in the relationship, and figure out how to be a good husband/wife. There is no shame in asking for help in navigating this crazy time in your life. As a matter of fact, I believe it would be a sin not to ask for help. You took each other for better or worse. Well, this is the "worse" part, so you need help to figure out how to get back to the "better" part. I have been married for 11 years, and my husband and I still participate in marriage classes and counseling sessions offered through our church and other venues, even when things between us great. Because we know that life has its ups and downs and we want to have all the right tools to helps us through the downturns. Believe me, its helped us through some rough times. I believe you can get through this. You two will find something incredible on the other side of this, I know it. Do the work now and you'll reap the rewards in the future. Good luck to you.
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I have faith in relationships, don't give up! Ask him about the counseling and if he says no, ask him if not doing it is worth losing you. Also, tell him about everything you have to do around the house and how it overwhelms you. Ask him if he would atleast be willing to do 1 or 2 small chores for you, and how it would help you so much.
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