A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
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Last Update: April 13, 2014
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f/15 (bday in january)
i wanna get a summer job. any places i can work ? (link)
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Houston's tough at 15. Astroworld was about the only place I know of that hired 15 year olds with any regularity.
Stables are a possibility. I know there's more than one on the southern outskirts. The jobs are dirty, but you get to be around horses and horse people all day.
Next year, summer counselor at any number of groups might be able to be arranged. 16 year old girls are perfect for counselors for 5-10 year olds in "summer camp" so their parents don't have to watch them. You might want to look into YMCA/YWCAs now, you never know when one might need a fill-in.
Other than that, look into retail stores and other small outlet places, maybe movie theaters. Worked at a Marble Slab Creamery when I was 16, places like that shouldn't be too bad. I'd suggest blockbuster (used to hire people your age) but they're going out of business or so I heard.
Walk into places. Hell, at 15, go check out GameStop. Tell them you'll learn about games quickly and you'll keep 17 year olds with more money than sense coming back for more.
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14/f
Yesterday, I went to this street festival where their was live music in Chicago. I was dancing and talking to this cute guy who looked 16-17. Later on we started grinding and just having fun. When I had to leave I kissed him and he gave me his number. We were texting and I decided to ask him his age. Turns out he's 21! So I lied and said I was 17 (I've been told I could pass for 17). He says he wants to see me again but I don't think that will happen since I was just in the city for the weekend. It was all in good fun but I feel kind of weird now.. I know we won't be like a thing and probably won't ever see each other again.
I know it's illegal since I'm a minor but what would you do if you were in my situation. I honestly though he was 16 or 17 but found out too late he was 21. (link)
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Stay away.
Guys are stupid. We hear a girl say 17, we don't doubt it, we just accept it, because we want it to be true.
Tell him how old you really are, and that you're sorry you lied. That'll back him off, as he needs to. You could literally ruin his life without anything untoward even happening. The mere appearance is often enough to screw someone's life up completely.
Tell him the truth, then delete his number and text messages and suggest he do the same, and tell him in closing that it was fun and you wish he was younger.
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So im 17 and the guy i like is 21. In elementary school my big brother and him were best friends and we hung out all the time, but we never really talked ya know! In middle school and high school they drifted apart. Theyre finally graduated now(of course) and he is still my NEIGHBOR!!! We just recently started talking, and hanging out a few times. I never stop smiling when were together, and he kissed me for the first time the other day. =) My parents know that i like him. They have never seen me so happy with anyone like i am with him. All of the sudden, they told me i couldnt go anywhere with him. I love it that my parents are looking out for me. but they know him, and they tell me all the time that they know he is a good guy. and sexual wise, we are both virgins, and sex is not what we want. i made that clear to mom to. its more dad freaking out then mom. Just because of age. To me age is just a number. and i think that if my parents actually talked to him and let him prove himself that he wants to be there for me, there should not be a problem. What do i need to tell them to make them realize that he wants me for who i am, and that his age shouldnt be a factor in the relationship if they like him? (link)
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Honestly, I'd go with with the "I'm personally offended by the suggestion that someone could be taking advantage of me"
Your father sees you as his innocent little angel.
I'd go it something like this.
You: "So why is his age a problem?"
Dad: [Something about inappropriateness or whatever]
You: "So basically, you're worried that he's after me for sex?"
Dad: [Incoherent awkward response]
You: "Don't you think any guy who I date my age or older is going to want the same thing? Because if you assume that any guy I date is going to want sex, it just comes down to how competent you think I am and how much you trust my judgement. You don't trust me to know when I'm being taken advantage of and when a guy actually likes me for me?"
Dad: [Stilted justification]
You: "I'm 17. I'm into guys. I want to date and I'm going to date people who I am attracted to and who are attracted to me. You don't have to like it, you can warn me about it, but you also are going to have to live with it. Like it or not, your little girl is going to have sex someday, and it's going to be on my schedule. Not yours. That's how adult relationships work.
If you try to control my dating life, it'll happen outside your control. If you accept the reality that I'm growing up and can be civil about it, you'll still get to give me plenty of input. Which do you think is better for both of us in the long run?"
Adapt and modify to your own needs, but it's time to send the message to your father (in some way) that you're not the delicate little flower he needs to protect from the world anymore.
::Edit::
Extra Note. 17 and 21 is illegal (sexually) as someone above mentioned. You've already stated you don't intend to have sex, however if the cops did ever become involved all you have to do is tell them honestly "there has never been any sexual contact of any kind between us" and with your word against your parents nothing can happen to him. Barring video or highly sexually explicit messages back and forth on your phone, e-mail, etc, there's nothing they can prove.
Just keep in mind that the wrong words out of your mouth in that situation could get him charged with statuatory even if all you'd ever done is kiss the guy on the lips closed-mouth. So stick to the coherent truth properly phrased of "No sexual contact, ever" and you can do what you want without worrying that your parents can ruin the poor guy's life because he likes you.
Sorry to disagree with the above, but she's 17 and he's 21. She's old enough to make this decision and if her parents try to control it they're stepping outside the bounds of reasonable parental authority.
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So, I'm 16 and me and my boyfriend made the mistake of having unprotected sex about 3 weeks ago. I had my period about 2 and a half weeks before that (April 24-27) and I haven't gotten it yet and its always on time and I've never missed one. I do know about precum and thats partially why im worried. Ive been getting cramps for the past week but they arent as bad as when i get my period. Ive also been having mood swings and ive been extremely tired. Me and my boyfriend have noticed this already. I was looking online about early pregnancy symptoms and almost all of them fit how i feel. Is there a chance that im pregnant? (link)
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Yes, given the timing you mentioned it's not only possible but somewhat likely. You ovulate two weeks after your period (roughly) meaning you had sex during your most fertile time period.
The good (ish) news is that you won't have to wait long to find out. Wait until a week after your period was supposed to start (probably in a few days) and take a pregnancy test. If that fails, wait a week and take another. If that's neg too, you're in the clear.
If either turns up positive, time to arrange a gyno appointment.
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oh, here comes an original question :)
just as a note, i've never had a boyfriend (im 15...dont make fun...)
so...i have this friend...his name is "chris".
I have known chris since...maybe 3rd grade? and since the middle of 8th grade to now (very close to the end of freshman year) we have become really good friends. the thing is, and not to sound conceited or anything, but he is IN LOVE with me. no joke. he has asked me out by himself, he asked me to homecoming, he has had his and my friends ask me out, and so on. and whenever he sees me he always talks to me and hes just so cute.
me and chris get SO much crap about how we should go out...its happened all freshman year. we get it from EVERYONE. ive never really considered it...until now. and it seems like i cant stop thinking about him, and i always want to be around him...which sounds SO pathetic, i know, haha.
the thing is, i dont know if id want to go out with him. i mean, i want to SO BAD, but i feel like i shouldnt...
ive been thinking of his pros/cons...
pros:
-he is seriously a sweetheart. he always has been
-hes a REALLY good kid. doesnt drink, smoke, do drugs, etc. hes good at school, too.
-he really cares about me, hes told me many times
-hes incredibly protective, especially of me
-as i said before, he REALLY likes me
-my mom absolutely loves him. he came over my house once with a mutual friend of ours, and she loved him. my dad likes him too, as much as a 15 year old girls father could like a teenage boy.
-we know each other really really well
-he. is. gorgeous. especially his eyes :)
cons:
-some of my friends (who arent my friends. excuse my language, but the ones who dont like them are total bitches, not just to chris, but to everyone) dont like him, and call him annoying
-he has braces. nuff said...would that hurt to kiss him? just wondering
-he doesnt seem like the boyfriend type...like he just gets so nervous around me and he gets really joke-y and stuff... i cant describe it, he just doesnt seem like the boyfriend type. but then again, i wouldnt know. (fyi, hes never had a girlfriend)
-i WOULD NOT want to give ALL of those people who give us crap about going out the satisfaction that i finally went out with him. i wouldnt want them to be all smug and be like "i TOLLDDDD you".
-i'd be afraid of what people would think...and i KNOW i shouldnt care, but come on, EVERYONE is at least a little self-conscious. its unavoidable. its annoying as hell and i wish i could do something about it
could someone PLEASE help me? this has been bothering me for a long time now...i just want to make my mind up about him.
thank you SO MUCH
PS. sorry for the length!! (link)
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Alright.
So you have a bunch of positive points to dating this kid, pretty much all of which are stated as reasons why you personally find him datable and desirable.
And a bunch of cons which are, to a one, reasons why dating him might cause wierdness outside the relationship. None of them were "he does this" or "he does that" but "my friends might be smug for a while"
Don't be an idiot. Your friends and not-friends will do what they do. Would you rather be called an idiot for not dating the guy, or be called an idiot for waiting to date him?
Personally, I'll pick the one that has me dating someone I liked any day of the week.
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I'm going to a music festival next week where there are going to be shows until like 5 in the morning! I'm really excited and want to go to as many shows as possible but I'm the kind of girl who needs her sleep! So obviously I'm going to need some sort of energy supplement! I'm not going to have refrigeration so big drinks like Monster or RedBull will be very nasty! The only weird energy thing I've tried was 5-Hour-Energy and it didn't really work for me. Any suggestions? (link)
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To be honest, I really don't drink energy drinks or use supplements. No idea. I know certain types of tea are loaded with caffeine and other stimulants. That would give you something to hydrate and keep you awake. And tea is usually thin enough that it won't be disgusting warm.
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I know this girl and she is really pregnant but totally wants to sleep with me. She got pregnant from a one night stand so it isn't like she has a boyfriend or husband in her life. I think she's pretty and had a crush on her before she got knocked up so I do want to do her but I don't know if it's safe and all of that. I don't want to like cause her to have a miscarriage or abortion or whatever you call it. She's been calling me and asking me to come over and I keep making up excuses because I just don't know what happens. Anybody know anything about this? (link)
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http://lmgtfy.com/?q=Sex+during+pregnancy
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Ok, I love my boyfriend to death. He is so amazing except for one thing; he's TOO honest. I know, I know it sounds stupid but I don't know...sometimes we play this little question game like if we're bored or something and we just ask each other questions. I know I probably shouldn't ask questions if I'm so afraid of the answers but I don't know...I guess I just expect him to answer all of my questions nice and sweet for some reason. Ok, for example: The other day I asked him if he thought he would get tired of me if he hung out with me for too long and he said "yeah, probably...I have to have time for hobbies and stuff" and it's like I know that logically, what he's saying makes sense, but would it have really hurt for him to just say "No, of course not!" or something? :( It just seems that he doesn't really think about how sometimes his honesty can hurt me...I mean part of me feels ridiculous for even being upset about this because all anyone ever wants in a relationship is honesty right? But on the other hand, this isn't the first time he's done this...and then after he says it and I explain that it hurts me, he's just like "Yeah, I can see how that would have hurt you"...I don't think he understands how much it hurts me? I don't know...what do you guys think I should do? Or should I just drop it? (link)
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Your boyfriend is a keeper.
The kind of honesty you want is a half step from denial and resentment. You're 15 and you want idyllic "I'll love you forever" and he's a very practical "we should not be around each other 24/7 because we'd drive each other insane"
He's right. I guarantee you spend enough time around anyone and you'll overload and get sick of them. I'm married. Adore my wife. Still need to get away from her from time to time.
Balance in life is important, and often the last thing teenagers want to contemplate or accept. Your boyfriend's figured that out, you haven't. If you have a problem with it enough that you're thinking about breaking up, that means there's a maturity gap here and you've got some catching up to do.
Not a bad thing. You're 15, if you're not ready for reality then date someone who can provide, but don't ask him to be ridiculous for you when that's not who he is. He's young, he'll learn how to be a bit more tactful, but in general his honesty is a good thing.
Teenaged relationships focus on the honeymoon period where you constantly ignore all of a person's character and personality flaws and just glory in the good parts. Adult relationships are the understanding and accepting of those flaws and loving someone all the more for "getting" them.
He's at that second stage. It's not a huge deal if you don't want to be yet, just recognize that it's probably not a great idea to date someone who's not going to give you what you want/need out of a relationship, even if what you need is a bit frivolous.
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so i was fooling around with my boyfriend and he came he touched his penis just to aim lol but not the tip and i gave him tissues to clean up and i told him to wash his hands and he said he didn't get anything on his hands then he fingered me i'm soo paranoid about getting pregnant. should i be worried? obvously next time i'm telling him he needs to wash before touching me. (link)
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The below answer is factually incorrect.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pregnancy/an00281
Sperm can survive up to several hours outside the body. The determining factor is how quickly the seminal fluid surrounding them dries, depriving them of the environment they are capable of surviving on.
It is very unlikely, but still possible that what happened could get you pregnant if there was sperm present on his fingers.
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I'm so afraid of my ex girlfriend seven years after she dumped me and then destroyed my confidence by accusing me of stalking her just for trying to make peace that every time I see her I want to run and hide.
My current girlfriend switches between being so nice to me and being incredibly angry and hurtful everytime I do anything wrong.
I can't get a job, and my writing isn't selling.
And I just want to smash my head against a wall but don't because I don't have it in me to do so.
I have this sneaking suspicion that when I die, all I'll have to show for my life is nothing.
Male, 27. Someone, I'm not asking for miracles, just an actual solution to my life that doesn't involve disconnecting from reality and curling in a ball for the rest of my days. (link)
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Go back to college. Get a new degree. Start a new career which you can manage yourself and retire later.
Your ex destroyed your confidence? No, she didn't. You handed it to her and then told her that her actions destroyed it.
Your peace of mind is yours. I've been through plenty of shit myself. Crying in a corner about it doesn't fix anything, and just shows that you want to be miserable. It makes you feel better about yourself to be this miserable because all of the other shit isn't your fault, you were non-functional from the issues with your ex.
Your current girlfriend treats you like shit, so now things are her fault too. You "Can't" get a job?
What is "can't"
You say you don't want to disconnect from reality and curl into a ball, but you really already have. "Can't get a job" and "My girlfriend is really mean to me and it makes me more broken" are evidence enough of that.
You want a positive step? Get yourself some financial stability. Do that by doing what everyone else does and sinking into loan debt to get an education which will directly benefit you. I have no idea what your level of education is, but anything from a two year associates certification which allows you to get a 50k a year job to a grad degree in something.
I'm two years younger than you and doing the same basic shit. And I've got med school to get into and find a way to pay for. Never too late, but you need to stop crying about shit and stop depending on your writing to provide you with an income. You're hiding from life and it's time to take some actions to benefit yourself directly and provide yourself with some practical stability, and worry about what you're going to do afterwards.
I'm working on a certification for networking. I'm doing this because if I become a net admin I can make 15 bucks and hour salaried full time to be on call and go to med school paying my own way and not ending up in hundreds of thousands of dollars in loan debt(not currently possible). If you can't find the career you want for the rest of your life, find a two year certification that might let you make enough to live off of and go to real school for something serious.
You might have as much as 60 years left. You really want to waste more than double the time you've lived moping?
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19/Female.
My boyfriend is 21.
My boyfriend has recently bought something from the tobacco store, and I am very concerned about it. It's in a pouch, and it looks like marijuana, more or less. On the cover it says it's incense, and it's called lotus flower, or something like that. On the back it says it is not meant for human consuption, but my boyfriend has been smoking it and claims it gives him a 15 or 20 minute high. I know it is wrong, obviously. So that's not what I am asking. What I am asking is what is the short and long term consequences of doing this? He thinks it's better than smoking marijuana, but I really beg to differ. (link)
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There's about an 80% chance that what he is smoking is Salvia, which is legal (so far as I know still) for anyone old enough for cigarettes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salvia_divinorum
Plenty of information there.
It's technically better. The long or even really short term effects of salvia are not overly well documented. It's not overly toxic, impossible to come anywhere near overdose threshold by smoking it without suffocating yourself from lack of oxygen intake.
Drugwise it's classified as a dis associative psychedelic. If he's "just getting a little high" he's not taking a high potency, pure unprocessed salvia makes you pretty much non-functional for about ten to fifteen minutes.
I really don't feel like googling up salvia laws, but it varies state to state anyway. Pretty sure it's still legal in most though, there's been non serious talk about banning it that never happens because almost no one bothers with it and the stuff available at your corner tobacco store has like a fiftieth of the potency of unprocessed salvia.
Unless he smokes it right before driving or something similar, he'll probably be fine.
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I recently turned 21. I was very excited for it and still am. I'm a responsible and sensible person, I go to school and work full time. When I'm not busy, I like to let loose and have a good time. The thing is, I like alcohol, very much. The problem is, my mom absolutely hates it since her mother (my grandmother) was an alcoholic. Every time I go out, she gives me this look and gets upset because she knows I'm going to drink. I can't stand it, because it makes me feel guilty for nothing and I end up not having a good time. I love my mom and tell her everything, but this is one thing that we disagree on and is tearing at our relationship. Turning 21 was supposed to be fabulous, but it's her nightmare. How do I handle this situation? (link)
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Hit it on the head below.
Basically, part of being an adult is not feeling guilty just because your parents worry about you anymore. You're grown, it's time to live your own life.
Go out. Have fun. Be responsible. Your mother will hopefully get over it. If not, it's not your problem, so long as she doesn't make you listen to her about it all the time.
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K so I'm 13, in 7th grade, (girl) and all my friends (girls) are like all prude, but I would like to grind and make out with people that I'm not dating but all my friends would judge me. We have parties all the time so there's a lot of grinding going on. I didn't grind at the last party because my parents were invited but in school today my friend and I were joking around and I ended up in front of him against the wall and he started grinding me without holding my waist and now everyone is making a huge deal out of it and calling me a slut and I feel horrible but I really want to do stuff like grind! Am I being a slut and should I feel bad??? (link)
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Difficult question.
You're young. That makes everything worse. You know, if you were 18 and you were just grinding and making out, people wouldn't think that much of it. People assume that you're old enough to make your own decisions, to understand what you're doing, and understand the reactions you get from people.
First, there aren't many adult men capable of respecting a woman who is brazenly and indiscriminately sexual. Most of the guys who ARE are in porn with most of the women who are indiscriminately sexual.
It's alot worse at your age. You're going further than your friends would with a boyfriend with guys you don't date. Guys who are into that are either going to be using you for whatever sex they can get and not feel anything for you other than that, or they're going to assume that sex is something you're willing to give and expect it at every turn.
There's an old cliche joke about one of the most common lies in the world being "I'll still love you in the morning". That joke talks about the issue there. Most women want to know that the guys they are intimate with will respect and care about them in the morning, that what's going on is more than just "having fun".
When you hand out sex outside of relationships, people who you might want to be serious with and might want to respect you will not, because they don't expect anything more of you than sex.
Like it or not, there's a reputation there. And if a guy sees a girl who just wants to have fun, he's not going to consider her for anything more serious. You're not going to be happy being single and fooling around forever, and if you build a reputation of giving sexual favors to whomever wants them, no one's going to take you seriously.
Also, most people don't want to be with someone everyone else has had. Because while a guy who wants to date you might respect you, the guys you made out with randomly probably won't. It's not fun to be a guy and have other guys talk shit about a girl we're dating because they fooled around with her and feel like bringing it up. Or we might straight up avoid you because you fooled around with a guy we despise and can't respect anyone who'd go near whoever it is. Been there myself, and while it might not matter that much to you because it's nothing serious, it matters to some of us, because we have standards and we want to be with people who have standards too.
Last, if you play with anyone who wants to, guys are going to wonder if you're faithful. When you don't care who touches you, guys are going to wonder who you let touch you when they aren't around.
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Hey everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for practically 3 years. And he watches porn. Now, I feel horrible whenever I find out he's been watching it. I have low self esteem and feel that when he watches it it's because I'm not pretty enough or whatever. I've told him how his watching porn takes its toll on me, and he promises to stop, which he always ends up breaking that promise :/
I satisfy him in every way possible, my sex drive is up to par, if not, even higher than his! But he just won't give up porn. He'll stop, and go back eventually. This frustrates me so much... What should I do? Should I leave? Thanks in advance :(
(link)
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Ahaha. Rahzie I am entirely unsurprised about Mr. Darcy. It's ok though, I'm rewatching Xena: Warrior Princess, which is the male equivalent.
The primary reason people watch porn is because voyeurism is by far the most common sexual kink known to man or woman. Look at Reality TV. People like watching other people do stuff. That's no different when sex is involved.
Masturbation is a normal activity for just about anyone regardless of relationship status or sexual activity. Self-intimacy is a little emphasized yet important part of the human psyche.
And you can't fault him for fantasy. I've said this to a hundred girls, go look up a streaming porn site sometime and read what's listed. Everything is divided out by act, not by actress. It's not about who's in it, it's about what's going on. Porn is a way to fill in for fantasies people aren't comfy sharing, maybe even that you might not be comfortable with.
You know another sex act that's in the top five desired list? Group sex. Something that's almost universally unacceptable, taboo, or considered "extreme" among possible sex acts. How often is it acceptable in relationships?
There are many aspects to sexuality. Everyone seeks fulfillment, and your personal insecurities are no justification for stopping a habit which is otherwise harmless.
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okay. sooo i read your advice to this one girl and i really liked it and i\'m about to tell you the entire story of my relationship (7 months) (things i\'m too scared to tell my friends) and i just wanna see what you say.
alright. i am a fourteen year old girl (freshman) and the guy is a sixteen year old boy (sophomore). it all started about ten months ago when i met him. we\'ll call him jack. (not his real name) and i saw him playing baseball last summer and i thought he was cute. when school started we talked because of a mutual friend. one football game he looked at me and smiled and after the football game we went to bdubs and just talked. after another football game (i\'m a cheerleader) he talked to me and asked for my number. we texted and talked and hung out in groups for about three months and then he asked me out. i was really really really happy. then one night about a month in he told me about a certain time with his ex girlfriend, and how he had fingered her. i was kinda upset by this but i don\'t really think i had a right to be. it\'s just before we started dating i had never kissed or done anything with a boy and i didn\'t want him to expect anything like that from me. he told me he didn\'t and that he valued our relathionship more than the physical stuff. and i believed him. thing is, i let him finger me. i wouldn\'t say he pressured me into it at all. he would try to slip his hand down there every once in a while and i would stop him, until one night i wanted him to do it and he did. things were fine. about anothere two months later, i gave him a handjob. he kind of asked for that... then we didn\'t go a lot farther for awhile but our relationship started to get really rocky. he would be a complete ass to me sometimes and it felt like all i ever did was annoy him or embarrass him and it sucked. when i went out of town he went out to lunch with this girl kacy. nothing happened, but i was still mad cuz he didn\'t wanna tell me about it. she was the one that asked him and there was anohter guy there but jack and kacy used to like eachother and she\'s constantly flirting with him. jack and i would just fight all the time and it sucked. we almost broke up but he said he was gonna try harder and he did. and things were slowly starting to get better. just four days before he broke up with me (he brok up with me on tuesday) he told me he felt so much happier and that he could tell things were better. but i\'m skipping a part... a week before we broke up i gave him a blowjob. i didn\'t really wanna do it but i felt almost kind of guilted into it. let\'s just say i\'m really bad at handjobs and i stopped giving them. well he kept fingering me and he could make it feel sooo good. he told me we had been dating for six months and that i should be comfortable enough with him to give him a blowjob. that he felt like the physical part of our relationship was completely one sided. so i did it... i trusted him when i did it and i wanted to make him happy and he broke up with me in a text message a week later. i don\'t even get why he did it when four days prior he told me how much happier he was... well its been a few days since we broke up. and i found out that after we broke up on tuesday he alrady started talking to this new girl on thursday. that just hurt really bad... i thought i wanted him back but i don\'t think i do anymore. i just gave so much of myself to this guy and i\'m so hurt right noww because it seems like those seven months didn\'t mean anything to him at all. i just don\'t know what to do... and i would really appreciate any advice you can give me. thing is i can\'t talk about this stuff with my friends because i\'m too ashamed to tell them that we did all that physical stuff... so please don\'t involve the advice doing that. i really don\'t want to. (link)
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Wow. First, before I get to the advice, a request.
People use line breaks, paragraphs, and punctuation to express themselves so that others can easily read it. Questions like this are difficult to read and somewhat frustrating, there's no spaces to break off and think about what you've read and continue without losing your place.
Please, in the future, try to separate things out so that they're readable. Also, what's with the \ marks?
Now. This is what happens when you date older guys sometimes. There's alot of stigma associated with sex, but the truth is that different people want different things and it causes conflict even when there's nothing really wrong with what either person wants for themselves.
That's what happened to you. You're broken up because you weren't ready for things to end, and you look at him and feel frustrated because you don't think he's equally broken up.
People don't grieve when they're ready for things to end. He wanted things from you you weren't ready for. The breakup was an acknowledgment of that fact, which isn't anyone's fault. I'd be willing to bet that he could tell you weren't comfy with the oral, and he felt somewhat guilty for it.
You can't fault him. You've been having issues, and regardless of how much you like each other things weren't working. It doesn't sound like you were overly happy, obviously neither was he. Caring about each other doesn't mean a relationship is workable.
You gave too much because you wanted to make things work instead of letting go of a situation you really weren't ready to handle.
You're fine keeping this to yourself if you want. Take things one day at a time. The first step is accepting that it is over and moving on. Cease contact, tell him if you need to. No anger, just matter-of-factly tell him that you need to get over him because you weren't ready for things to end and he was, and that hurts. Ask him to not contact you, say your goodbyes, and stick to it.
Take it one step at a time. Flirt with guys you know or meet, and eventually it'll just be part of the past.
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My husband has 3 children from his previous marriage and has full-custody. We've had custody of them for 3 years now in Texas. Their mother lives in California. She has been unemployed since she moved out there 5 years ago. She makes no efforts to be a "real" part of the kids' lives. She hasn't come to visit, her cell is continuously shut off so calls are limited (once a week or every two weeks). And the children are currently 11, 8, and 6.
The other day the 8 year old asked if I knew why she didn't correct someone when they call me her mom. She then told me she didn't want them to know I was her step-mom. I asked her if she believed it was a bad thing and she told me no, she thinks I am a mom. I told her it was fine if she does that in front of people. She took it the wrong way and now wants desperately to call me mom 24/7.
My question is if both myself and the child are comfortable with mom is it alright for her to call me that? Her real mom's jealousy is not an issue because her presence is absent. Most people I ask tell me not to encourage her but she is the one asking not me. (link)
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Are you kidding?
The child is begging for a mother figure and you're married to her father. You are mother. Embrace it.
I don't know who your friends are, but they're idiots. She may be 8, but obviously she's intelligent and mature enough to have made this decision for herself. Respect it.
Kids are just like anyone else. When deprived of common bonds, they suffer. Her attachment to you is a good thing, something you should foster, encourage, and step up to.
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My boyfriend says we have a normal relationship. I try to tell him it's not. He expects me to tell him everyone I pass in the hall way at work, what they say and send him pictures. If they come in my office he says they only made an excuse to come and see me that things should be controlled differently and men should not be able to just walk in my office. He takes these things out on me as well. Last Friday my boss called me in his office because he was about to leave for the day. When the boyfriend called I wasn't at my desk. he called and left vmails that were rude and ugly and when i called him back and explained he Said "you were in the office w/ 2 men?" "What else happened" Would you feel as if he is suggesting that something un professional could have happened by saying something like that? I'm at wits end and he seems to think he is doing no wrong. He says he has the right to know who I talk to and what is said and where I am and thinks if I have a problem w/ it then I have something to hide. (link)
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Its time to leave.
Your boyfriend thinks he has the right to act this way. You aren't going to change his mind by staying with him.
Tell him point blank. Break up with him and explain (briefly) that you're leaving because he has no right to call you at work and leave shit like that when you're away from your desk dealing with work. Tell him that his opinions on what should be allowed and what is appropriate between men and women are 200 or more years out of date and that you have no interest in being with someone who's so insecure and pathetic that he's got to create his own little rules about what men and women should do which let him be secure about his relationships.
Leave. Everyone has the right to secrets, and everyone has the right to not be hassled for living a normal life. Unless you want to end up the abused housewife raising his kids for him, dump him now.
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Hi, I previously asked you this question: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=581401
I wanted to sincerely thank you for your advice, I read it literally every day when I feel upset at the fact that he has moved on so quickly. Your words reminds me that I need to do the same, and that he wasn't worth my time.
I'm still finding it hard to get on the computer and NOT visit his websites, but so far I've gone 2 days, which is a good start, I think. Thank you again, what you said has really helped me. (link)
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Glad to hear I helped.
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I am a 15 year old guy who's just finishing grade 10. I spend all my time making short and feature length movies mainly by myself and some of the time with my friends. Also I listen to alot of metal and instrumental techno music. I read books about the occult and death, along with really funny comic collections. I have never had a serious relationship, and I would really love to have one. I find it easy to become close to girls in a friendship way, so they trust me with anything but if I tell them I like them (which I have!) they get kinda awkward and won't want to go out with me. I know I'm not the best looking guy around, I'm very skinny, tall, glasses, and I have long hair because I love metal music, but I still think that if someone gave me a chance they might actually be pretty happy. Any advice for me to get a girlfriend? (link)
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You're the tall, skinny, creepy, glasses kid who may or may not be into D&D or LARPing. Got it.
Dating, especially at your age, is mostly about confidence. Having it or faking it passably. Trying to tell the awkward semi-gothic to be more confident...
Lets try a different approach. I knew a hundred kids like you. You're puppy dogging them. You're all cute and cuddly and safe.
Cute and cuddly do not make women horny. You can work safe pretty well, but not until you've got a good bit of real confidence in your stable.
When you tell a girl you like her, it's a confession. You're sharing a secret hidden thing, and putting the burden on her of not hurting you. Pressure, pity, and awkward admissions are also a bad recipe for sparks and chemistry.
If you're going to be dark and brooding, you need to also be independent and stoic. When you turn letting a girl know you like her into a confession, you're showing vulnerability. That's now how attraction works. Attraction is about peacocking. Vulnerability comes later with trust.
Instead of presenting a choice guaranteed to hurt you, you should be presenting a choice with few to no strings. When you talk to girls they get the feeling that they could crush you emotionally by rejecting you. What they need to get from you is that you're curious, and the worst that will happen if they say no is that your curiosity will go unsatisfied.
You're invested in the answer, but it won't devastate you. You're a rock. Unmovable and emotionally distant. Peeling back your layers and getting to the "guy inside" is half the fun girls have in relationships.
The other thing. You need humor.
Google something like "Top 100 stand up comedians" and go watch something from each and every one of them. Pay attention. See what goes into a joke, delivery, body language, etc.
Humor is the giant spear gun on the front of your whaling ship that brings in the big ones. Humor allows you to flirt in a way you can play off, or at worst gives someone a framing to reject you early on without being a dick about it.
You can use humor to compliment a girl. To entertain her. To get her guard down. The right line delivered at the right moment can be the difference between attraction and indifference.
I've worked some of the corniest routines known to man successfully because I delivered them with a straight face.
You've got to express interest early. It's best if you do it with everyone. Flirt with girls. Compliment them. Ever seen Animaniacs? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myQfxsbZuIg
There. See that? Do that, but less cartoony. Girls expect certain reactions of interest from guys, and when they don't get them they assume friend. That's where you are. You confess you like them, they're just friends, awkwardness, etc.
Final note: Right now you're being rejected because of the friend trap issue. Once that's gone, and you're expressing yourself and your interest like a human being with feelings (and hiding all of your real feelings), you'll get to deal with reasoned rejection. Things like "Your taste in music sucks" or "your hair is ugly" or whatever else girls might decide to pick as the reason there is no spark.
When that happens, find some good friends who aren't into the occult thing and get a few honest opinions. Or else ask a few of the girls you've gotten awkward with exactly what about you they don't like so you can work it until someone else does.
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lately Ive been having feeling towards the same sex. And it kinda freaks me out. My bestfriend says Ill get through the stage. But It freaks me out whenever Im out bra shopping or bathing suit shopping. My family is like super christian and they flip out everytime I bring over a gay friend. Im scared that this isnt just a stage of my life. What do I do if I really am gay? (link)
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Something I answered previously should do pretty well.
::Post::
It's been theorized (without an overwhelming amount of supporting evidence) that most people are less straight or gay than they seem. Guys and girls alike, most people have some latent ability to be attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex if they're gay/lesbian.
The "straight" orientation comes with expectations of both genders. While it's a bit worse for guys, everyone who identifies as straight is supposed to behave in certain ways, and stepping outside those roles in any visible way is considered to "infringe" upon that straight identity.
A straight woman who wants to be considered feminine will often be concerned about being thought of as a "dyke" or any other more masculine negative stereotypes about lesbians. The same way straight guys are tirelessly paranoid about doing something that might justify being called "fag"
The world (stupidly) views masculine and feminine as two separate opposites. The truth is that everyone has some degree of both inside them. People will try to emphasize one side and deny another because that's what people tell them they're supposed to be, and it causes alot of the reactions you've seen.
It's also been theorized (with a bit more supporting evidence) that people who exhibit strong homophobia often have stronger latent desires towards the same sex which conflict with their worldview of right and wrong, or acceptable and not. This cognitive dissonance causes the extreme reactions like disgust at the idea of being labeled as what you're trying to pretend is no part of you.
When it comes to people and relationships, things change. There's a scale of sexuality, but relationships are usually black and white. Most people who are bisexual are like you, tending towards dating one sex but open and even enthusiastic about sleeping with both sexes. There's a good chance that some of your straight friends have some sexual tendencies towards the same sex, but it's likely that none of them would ever be able to actually date the same sex, even if they genuinely wanted to give it a try for some reason.
::End of Post::
You might well be one of those straight friends I mentioned. If you really are gay, keep it to yourself until you're out of college or otherwise on your own. If you're bisexual, keep it to yourself until you start seriously seeing a woman in a way that begs for family introductions. If you're straight and going through a phase, just straight up keep it to yourself.
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