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I hate every aspect of my life
I'm so afraid of my ex girlfriend seven years after she dumped me and then destroyed my confidence by accusing me of stalking her just for trying to make peace that every time I see her I want to run and hide.
My current girlfriend switches between being so nice to me and being incredibly angry and hurtful everytime I do anything wrong.
I can't get a job, and my writing isn't selling.
And I just want to smash my head against a wall but don't because I don't have it in me to do so.
I have this sneaking suspicion that when I die, all I'll have to show for my life is nothing.
Male, 27. Someone, I'm not asking for miracles, just an actual solution to my life that doesn't involve disconnecting from reality and curling in a ball for the rest of my days.
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your current relationship is not a healthy one buddy! you need to end this one as soon as possible.
If you tried talking to your gf about the things she says and does to you that hurts you and she still hasn't changed, then you need to end it soon.
-It is not healthy for you... it is only adding more stress and pain to your daily life.
- The situation with your ex... just know that all you tried to do is make peace and nothing else! you should have a clean conscious about that. If you see her challenge yourself and don't get or be afraid! what else can she possibly do? just live life being more relaxed and sure of yourself as a person. dont let your situation with her be the cause of your demise I know you can do it man! it just takes relaxation and taking it easy.
- why is it that you can't get a different job? their are tons out there especially now! go look and you will find! it could be anything for the time being until you are a bit more stable.
- I think it is awesome that you write! though you are just under too much stress right now to even come up with some decent writing and I know you can do better.
- start of a fresh new life... start surrounding yourself with positive people and remove all the negative ones! obliterate these annoying things that are stopping you from being the best you know you can be! enough is enough! now is the time to start anew... take a deep breath, end all the negative and start embracing the positive.
- listen to music that relaxes you before going out or while being out laying on the grass or sitting on a bench in a park.. you need to clear your mind and start getting inspiration once again.
I know you can do this it is up to you to make it work.
*if you want to talk more about this issue I would be more than glad to talk I have so much to say it is just much better to go step by step first.
-Best Always,
trueadvice3
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Dear Painful Life,
It's not easy to feel confident when you have allowed someone to control your life for so long. When you get blinded by the past it reflects on your vision of your present and future. Maybe the reason you have been with someone recently who is more like Jeckyl and Hyde is because you have allowed your past to dictate your life and put you in the situation to be with someone that would repeat the same patterns towards you.
As for your writing, make sure it is something you truly believe in because true writers will put themselves on these pages and are able to prove their passsion in what they write. Maybe your life itself cam be a great story and how you can overcome the obstacle of not allowing yourself to be sucked in by the negative aspects of your past and present. Surround yourself around positive people who add and multipky to your life. Want, to be a great writer than find a great writer and talk to them to see what they did. It's up to you to learn from others but take into account what is right for you. When you are happy, then your writing is more focused and driven, your relationship is more stable, your life is more fullfilled. It starts with you!
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Ok I might know a little something because my husband is 27 but ya what you need is a change in your life. First thing ignore the crazy Xs even if she hurt you. She doen't deserve you if she hurt you. She's just your past that couldnt last. Now about your girlfriend, you need to have a talk with her tell that everything is happening all at once and that she is kinda getting to you but changeing moods like she does and that if she does show a effort to change than she needs to go. Ok job wize go to www.graigslist.com there is lots of jobs available on there. Now about there writeing, try you best keep the faith. I've always got told when you put your mind to something, you can do anything you want. You dont have to leason to me, you can do what ever you want to do, just try your best because when ever you die (hopefuly a long time from now) nobody cant say that you didnt try you best in your life and no matter what when you try at something you cant say your nobody
you can say your somebody. Good Luck and a long great life =)
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Go back to college. Get a new degree. Start a new career which you can manage yourself and retire later.
Your ex destroyed your confidence? No, she didn't. You handed it to her and then told her that her actions destroyed it.
Your peace of mind is yours. I've been through plenty of shit myself. Crying in a corner about it doesn't fix anything, and just shows that you want to be miserable. It makes you feel better about yourself to be this miserable because all of the other shit isn't your fault, you were non-functional from the issues with your ex.
Your current girlfriend treats you like shit, so now things are her fault too. You "Can't" get a job?
What is "can't"
You say you don't want to disconnect from reality and curl into a ball, but you really already have. "Can't get a job" and "My girlfriend is really mean to me and it makes me more broken" are evidence enough of that.
You want a positive step? Get yourself some financial stability. Do that by doing what everyone else does and sinking into loan debt to get an education which will directly benefit you. I have no idea what your level of education is, but anything from a two year associates certification which allows you to get a 50k a year job to a grad degree in something.
I'm two years younger than you and doing the same basic shit. And I've got med school to get into and find a way to pay for. Never too late, but you need to stop crying about shit and stop depending on your writing to provide you with an income. You're hiding from life and it's time to take some actions to benefit yourself directly and provide yourself with some practical stability, and worry about what you're going to do afterwards.
I'm working on a certification for networking. I'm doing this because if I become a net admin I can make 15 bucks and hour salaried full time to be on call and go to med school paying my own way and not ending up in hundreds of thousands of dollars in loan debt(not currently possible). If you can't find the career you want for the rest of your life, find a two year certification that might let you make enough to live off of and go to real school for something serious.
You might have as much as 60 years left. You really want to waste more than double the time you've lived moping?
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I am a very young but bright person, i am probably one of the youngest on here so i dont take it personal if you dont take my advice. But honestly iv been where you are. Except i have ruined my own life before. I was 13 hours from home with noone to turn to. My now ex boyfriend wanted nothing to do with me even though i tried so hard to make ammends. What you should do hun is not worry about girls or relationships right now work on getting your confidence up. Do things for yourself not for anyone else life gets tough sometimes but its a test. Im not trying to gedt religious but things can only get so bad until they cant go anywhere but up. Miracles do happen but they only happen when we make our own miracles. You seem like a very nice man, just start doing things for yourself dont worry about what others think about you. I hope iv helped a little, let me know.
Short N Punky
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Not a miracle? Just a solution to your life?
I'm curious what you'd consider a miracle!
The first thing to do is break your problems down into manageable chunks.
Often, when our lives are spinning out of control, we are tempted to throw our hangs up in the air and give up. It all seems too much, and it IS too much, if you try to handle it all at once.
So, a few of your problems as I see it:
You have low confidence
You are irrationally obsessed with a seven year old problem.
You cannot find work.
You are having struggles with your girlfriend.
Now pick one. Just one. And start brainstorming possible solutions to just that ONE issue. I'm going to do a bit of this below, but it's NOT a solution to your life, this is just some notes to get you started. There will be more you need to add and flesh out. Don't overwhelm yourself though: Perhaps brainstorm solutions to one issue a day, or one every other day. Give yourself time to let the difficult and your thoughts about it sit.
You are irrationally obsessed with a seven year old problem.
You probably already know that this is a very silly issue.
It was seven years ago and it should not have this kind of impact on your life.
You should also have begun to realize that 'making peace' as you imagine it, is NOT something she wants to do. So the real problem is not the lack of peace, it's your inability to accept the lack of 'making peace' and get over the fear of her.
A quick, simple solution: The next time you see her, don't run. Continue to do what you were doing. Ignore each other. Perhaps after ignoring each other on a few encounters, you might smile and nod slightly at her. Is this scary? Hell yes. But it's also small, simple progress forward. A smile, a nod, and a Hello might be all the peace you ever achieve between you and your ex, but doesn't that sound more peaceful than your current approach?
You can't get a job.
What kind of job and how desperate are you? It's okay not to flip burgers if you don't want too, but it's not okay to not flip burgers if you can't make rent unless you flip burgers.
If you are not desperate and do not want to flip burgers, then the truth is not that you CAN'T find a job, it's that you haven't found the right one yet.
If you are desperate, a solution might be to put aside a whole week of your life to looking for a job. For 5 days, 95, call 'looking for a job' your full time job. Print 50 resumes and walk in to places and ask to speak to the manager. It becomes a game of numbers: Eventually, you will get a job that way. It might not be one you like, but you can start to pay rent.
If you aren't desperate, brainstorm ways you could make connections to the kind of job you do want: Is there somewhere you could volunteer? Someone you could e-mail and ask to job shadow or take to coffee and say "Okay, so how do you job hunt in this industry I want to be part of?"
Okay, so I threw a lot at you there, but the hard work is really up to you. No one else can 'solve your life' for you. Even you probably can't 'solve your life'. You are just setting yourself up to fail when you think about it like that. Instead, break your problems down into more manageable chunks. If, while you are brainstorming solutions, you come across other problems that seem to large to handle (ie, I don't have any experience! or something) put that aside and start breaking it down into bite size pieces too.
Life is as much about baby steps at 27 as it was at 2.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
That must have been some girlfriend you had that she could totally destroy you like this. I do not have any words of wisdom that in one short note that can put your life back on track.
What you need to do is to talk with a professional who can help you get past this. You start by visiting your family doctor telling the doctor what you have written here and having a full physical. Felling as you do can have an effect on your physical self. Once your doctor clears you ask that you be referred to a clinician for talk therapy.
The clinician can be a LPSW or psychologist. In talking with a trained professional you can unburden yourself and get your inner most feelings out in the open where you can deal with them in a secure manner. Once you have found and dealt with the trigger(s) that are causing you to be so down on yourself you can start to rebuild yourself. Once you start rebuilding everything in your life will get better including your writing.
You cannot allow yourself to disconnect as you say: “from reality by curling in a ball for the rest of my days.” You need help to recover from where you have gotten yourself. This is not something you can do by yourself or with over the counter elixirs.
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You need to come to terms with the fact that you may never make peace with your ex. Instead, I suggest you try to make peace with yourself. Believe me, I understand how a significant other can wreck confidence and destroy you, but you MUST stop blaming yourself for all of this.
It is not your fault that your relationship with your ex didn't work out. It's not all her fault, either. The fact is that it didn't work, and that's all there is to it. You've gotta move on.
Your current girlfriend is treating you like a yo-yo, and doesn't respect you. Do you really want to be in this relationship? Or is the fear of being alone causing you to stay where you are? You're better off alone than in an emotionally abusive relationship.
The economy sucks. It's incredibly difficult to get a job, and particularly difficult to do so in writing. Put in applications EVERYWHERE you can find. Network. Talk to your friends and acquaintances and make sure they know you're looking for work. Now is not the time for pride.
You're only 27. Unless you take matters into your own hands, so to speak, or are involved in some type of freak accident, you're nowhere near dying. You may have nothing to show right now, but that could change in a year. It could even change in a month, or a week.
Snap out of this downward spiral. You're not out of control of your life; you're letting it control you. Grab the reins and start doing something to change your situation - as long as it isn't smashing your head against a wall, because that defeats the whole purpose of what I'm suggesting. Make the decision to take the necessary steps to get what YOU want.
Your life is in YOUR hands; no one else's. You have the right to change it, and the right to demand better, because you're worth it, and you're a great person. You're intelligent. Never settle for less than what you deserve - and you deserve all the good coming your way.
Siren
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