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21 & alcohol
I recently turned 21. I was very excited for it and still am. I'm a responsible and sensible person, I go to school and work full time. When I'm not busy, I like to let loose and have a good time. The thing is, I like alcohol, very much. The problem is, my mom absolutely hates it since her mother (my grandmother) was an alcoholic. Every time I go out, she gives me this look and gets upset because she knows I'm going to drink. I can't stand it, because it makes me feel guilty for nothing and I end up not having a good time. I love my mom and tell her everything, but this is one thing that we disagree on and is tearing at our relationship. Turning 21 was supposed to be fabulous, but it's her nightmare. How do I handle this situation?
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Ask your mom what shes really scared of. Be open and honest about why your drinking. Being a parent of a child that is 21 where alcoholism runs in the family I worry as well. She is scared for you and things are different now for people who drink with the law then they were before, so she has a lot to worry about. Don't let this come between you two. Make sure that when you do talk to her that you listen with an open heart to what she is saying.
you sound like a very responsible person and let her know that you are aware of the dangers, and that right now you need to test out the waters.
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You have to understand, your mom doesn't want to feel the same anger that perhaps she has for her mother. watching you drinking scares her that your going to end up like her. so perhaps compromise, tell her that you are going to drink only once or twice in a while and find something that will appease you both so that that relationship can go stronger.
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Hit it on the head below.
Basically, part of being an adult is not feeling guilty just because your parents worry about you anymore. You're grown, it's time to live your own life.
Go out. Have fun. Be responsible. Your mother will hopefully get over it. If not, it's not your problem, so long as she doesn't make you listen to her about it all the time.
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You handle this by no longer handling it and letting it be her nightmare, and leaving her to handle her own negativity.
She's your mom. You're her adult daughter.
It's okay that she has her perspective and opinion. It's even okay that she glares and judges. (It's not nice, or considerate of her to throw negativity your way for responsible, legal behavoir, but it's not really 'wrong' either).
So, your problem here is not your mother's behavoir, it's yours. Your problem is that you carry her emotions with you. Your problem is that you are being a bit too senstive and lacking some confidence in your own decisions.
Take a deep breath. Give your mother every reasonable assurance (explain your plans, who you'll be with, where you'll be, any emergency plans, ectra.) and then leave her on her own and to deal with her own emotions. You focus on your feelings, your desire for celebration, and your confidence in your ability to make sensible, safe choices.
You just need to get a but thicker skin and recongize that you can love and respect your mother, without tying yourself to all of her feelings.
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