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My boyfriend is a little too honest
Ok, I love my boyfriend to death. He is so amazing except for one thing; he's TOO honest. I know, I know it sounds stupid but I don't know...sometimes we play this little question game like if we're bored or something and we just ask each other questions. I know I probably shouldn't ask questions if I'm so afraid of the answers but I don't know...I guess I just expect him to answer all of my questions nice and sweet for some reason. Ok, for example: The other day I asked him if he thought he would get tired of me if he hung out with me for too long and he said "yeah, probably...I have to have time for hobbies and stuff" and it's like I know that logically, what he's saying makes sense, but would it have really hurt for him to just say "No, of course not!" or something? :( It just seems that he doesn't really think about how sometimes his honesty can hurt me...I mean part of me feels ridiculous for even being upset about this because all anyone ever wants in a relationship is honesty right? But on the other hand, this isn't the first time he's done this...and then after he says it and I explain that it hurts me, he's just like "Yeah, I can see how that would have hurt you"...I don't think he understands how much it hurts me? I don't know...what do you guys think I should do? Or should I just drop it?
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He's honest with you and that is a characteristic you won't find very often, so be happy about that and don't let him go. Since he is hurting you, I think you should talk to him about it and tell him that you like that he is honest, but that you would appreciate it if he would lie every once in a while just to make you happy. Whatever you do, I would suggest it, not order him to do it just suggest it and suggest it with a good attitude. Also I wouldn't suggest, suggesting it alot, only call attention to it if you feel the need to. And when he says that he would probably get tired of you it's not that he is trying to hurt you or not pay any attention to your feeling it's just that he is probably at a higher maturity level and expects that you would have the logical thinking and that it wouldn't hurt you, but rather make you happy because he's telling the truth and he probably thinks that if he lies about a question like that then you will be mad at him and that you would only expect lies from him and that would make your guys's relationship complicated. So, in a way it's not that he's not thinking of you' but that he's thinking completely of you and your guys's relationship! So, don't drop it, talk to him, but relise that he is probably honest for you and your guys's relationship.
Hope I helped
-musicissoul301 13(m)
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You shouldn't ignore a problem in your relationship, and it is a problem since he's hurting your feelings. So you address it.
The best thing to do is talk about it. You need to either get him to stop or see how it shouldn't hurt your feelings.
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He's an amazing boyfriend.
You should honestly adore that he's being this honest with you. i understand it hurts, butsometimes you got to just suck it upp. He's just trying to be completely honest with you.
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Your boyfriend is a keeper.
The kind of honesty you want is a half step from denial and resentment. You're 15 and you want idyllic "I'll love you forever" and he's a very practical "we should not be around each other 24/7 because we'd drive each other insane"
He's right. I guarantee you spend enough time around anyone and you'll overload and get sick of them. I'm married. Adore my wife. Still need to get away from her from time to time.
Balance in life is important, and often the last thing teenagers want to contemplate or accept. Your boyfriend's figured that out, you haven't. If you have a problem with it enough that you're thinking about breaking up, that means there's a maturity gap here and you've got some catching up to do.
Not a bad thing. You're 15, if you're not ready for reality then date someone who can provide, but don't ask him to be ridiculous for you when that's not who he is. He's young, he'll learn how to be a bit more tactful, but in general his honesty is a good thing.
Teenaged relationships focus on the honeymoon period where you constantly ignore all of a person's character and personality flaws and just glory in the good parts. Adult relationships are the understanding and accepting of those flaws and loving someone all the more for "getting" them.
He's at that second stage. It's not a huge deal if you don't want to be yet, just recognize that it's probably not a great idea to date someone who's not going to give you what you want/need out of a relationship, even if what you need is a bit frivolous.
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Honestly everyone says i want an hoenst relationship, but we all know that if we were in the same situation as you, it doesnt seem so great anymore does it? It isnt a bad thing that he is so honest with you because most guys would lie to you saying "no baby i could never get tired of you" and we would all know that it was a big fat lie. Yes it might make us feel better inside but in all honesty we know they're lying. But maybe talk to him and say " when i ask you those questions, and you tell me things like ya i would get sick of you, thats not what i want to hear. I appreciate you being honest and all it just kind of hurts to hear you say those things." and see what he says!
Hope i helped (: if you need anything else feel free to mesasge me personally.
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If you love him to death then this is a part of him that you'll have to get used to. Is his honesty problem getting better with time? I don't think you should encorage him to be dishonest but explain to him that sometimes you would rather he thought about how what he was saying would make you feel and possibly twist the truth as a result. For instance, if you asked him would he get tired of you if you hung out for too long, he could answer with something like 'not if we found loads of activities to do'. Talk to him about it and if he's the amazing boyfriend you say he is then he'll understand and listen. Otherwise, think how long you can last like this. Sometimes, just relax a bit, I'm sure he's not saying these things to hurt you. Good luck x
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You need to -- mostly -- drop it.
Asking your boyfriend to lie to you to make you feel better might seem like a good idea at first, but it won't stay that way.
Would it have hurt for him to say "No, of course not."? Well, no, it wouldn't have hurt either of you today, but it might have hurt both of you a shit load in a few months when he tries to negotiate his life and alone time and you sit at home tearing up because 'but, he promised he'd never get tired of me?!"
That might sound unrealistic to you, but it happens ever day, and in almost every relationship, even in small ways.
Don't quash the boys honest nature, and work on your own confidence and security. Think of things he has done, or that you could ask him to do, that would make you feel more secure. Fundamentally, it's your job to be honest, and too accept honesty from others, but as long as you are doing your best at that, it's fair to ask him to help out a bit -- not by ending his honesty, but by making sure you both share other positive honest things about why you like and value each other.
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You're setting yourself up for hurt. If you already know he's an honest person that is going to answer from the heart, why would you ask questions that you know he'll answer in a way that will hurt you?
These are your own hang ups; don't blame them on him.
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I think you should just drop it hun. ;p.. You are the one asking him the questions, and you already have an answer in mind that you want him to say, and when he doesnt say it, you wish he lied.. Then what would be the point in asking the question if you didn't know what answers were real and which were kind lies..? Then you still wouldn't know, and you might say to yourself "maybe he just said that to sound sweet... did he really mean it..? or didnt he...? I don't know..!".. Then you're still unsure.. lol
If you wanted to know if he would get tired of you if he hung out with you for too long, just hang out with him for a long time and see ;p
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