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Should I leave my boyfriend of 3 years? He watches porn!
Hey everyone. My boyfriend and I have been together for practically 3 years. And he watches porn. Now, I feel horrible whenever I find out he's been watching it. I have low self esteem and feel that when he watches it it's because I'm not pretty enough or whatever. I've told him how his watching porn takes its toll on me, and he promises to stop, which he always ends up breaking that promise :/
I satisfy him in every way possible, my sex drive is up to par, if not, even higher than his! But he just won't give up porn. He'll stop, and go back eventually. This frustrates me so much... What should I do? Should I leave? Thanks in advance :(
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to the comment from christina i think that is stupid what you said if you are a single person porn is ok but when u have the real thing and are hurting your partner because of it its a problem as for the ? at hand i am having the same problem and am not sure what to do i have been with my man for 14 yrs this feb and it sickens me not only that im in the room sleeping while he watches it but the genres of porn he chooses looking for anal rape and women being brutalized is disgusting not only does he want me to do these sick things but tries to hide it and lies to me when i ask him if he watched it i wanna leave but half your life time its hard to just split but its becoming more and more apparent that is what i need to do i made a deal with him no porn at home but when on the road that it was ok seeing as im not there to satisfy him but he cant even do that the past week he has been home every morning he sneaks out of bed at 5 in the morning and watches it!!!! its fucking pathetic really so im there with ya girl torn between love but to tell you the truth im not in love with him as much because of it!
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You definitely shouldn't dump him. Millions of people watch porn and everyone masturbates. It's healthy, and part of life. To leave someone over something so natural would be stupid.
You can't even ask him to stop looking at it either. He is an adult and it's his decision. If he wants to watch porn, he will. He's watched it before you came along, and he'll watch it long after you're gone.
I suggest you come to terms with it. He's human. Watching porn has nothing to do with you. Don't leave him over something as trivial as this.
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Ahaha. Rahzie I am entirely unsurprised about Mr. Darcy. It's ok though, I'm rewatching Xena: Warrior Princess, which is the male equivalent.
The primary reason people watch porn is because voyeurism is by far the most common sexual kink known to man or woman. Look at Reality TV. People like watching other people do stuff. That's no different when sex is involved.
Masturbation is a normal activity for just about anyone regardless of relationship status or sexual activity. Self-intimacy is a little emphasized yet important part of the human psyche.
And you can't fault him for fantasy. I've said this to a hundred girls, go look up a streaming porn site sometime and read what's listed. Everything is divided out by act, not by actress. It's not about who's in it, it's about what's going on. Porn is a way to fill in for fantasies people aren't comfy sharing, maybe even that you might not be comfortable with.
You know another sex act that's in the top five desired list? Group sex. Something that's almost universally unacceptable, taboo, or considered "extreme" among possible sex acts. How often is it acceptable in relationships?
There are many aspects to sexuality. Everyone seeks fulfillment, and your personal insecurities are no justification for stopping a habit which is otherwise harmless.
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You are the only one who can decide if this is worth leaving over...
But since you asked for opinions: No. I don't think you should leave an otherwise good guy just 'cause he watches porn.
A lot of people blow this issue into something far larger than it needs to be, so lets bring it right back down to basics: You two have a disagreement. You think porn is a problem. He doesn't.
Yes, it very wrong that he has tried to make you happy by lying to you about quitting, but let that go for a moment...
Porn is legal. A staggering number of people, probably the majority of people actually, watch porn on at least a regular basis, and yet, these same people are loving partners, good parents and all around respectable people. Porn is safe and normal behaviour, it doesn't make a person depraved or any less of a loving, respectful individual.
If you dislike porn, and he likes porn, then you don't have the moral high ground here -- his opinion is just as valid as yours is.
If you want to break up with a guy over his pornography habit, that's your right. You could send Prince Charming himself packing for ogling a Sports Illustrated if you wanted too. You don't have to have a 'good reason' for dumping someone, just your own reason.
But from one higher sex drive girl to another, let me tell you that I would never expect my boyfriend to give up porn, anymore than I'd be willing to hand over my well-worn copy of Pride and Prejudice, or ignore movies where Matthew McConaughey takes off his shirt. I can appreciate that the pleasure I find in Mr Darcy's charms and Matt's muscles are no threat to the intimacy I share with my partner.
We're trained to be more precious about sexual activity than romance novels and swim suit models, and that can be a good thing, considering the risks involved in sex. But in all seriousness, ask yourself if it's worth being so precious, and exercising this much control over your partner's sexual expression, that you might loose out on this (and many other) good partners.
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if it is just the fact that you told him to make a promice to you and he breaks it i understand that would upsetyou. but watching porn isnt that bad it doesnt mean he doesnt find you attractive once in a while people need to finish themselves the way they want by themselves now if watching porn is taking over his life like he doesnt go to work or on dates with you then its a problem but other than that not so much a big deal.
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You have invested 3 years into this. The question is can you live with this. If its no then he has to make or real change or you have to end it. But if the answer is yes just compromise. In a relationship thats what you have to do.I'm sure theres some things that he doesnt like you doing.But if you think this is somewhat of an addiction. You might need to get him some help.And P.S. Never think that your not good enough.
Lillian
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