I like a boy, but my mom and dad are kind of iffy on the age thing :/
Question Posted Sunday June 6 2010, 12:17 pm
So im 17 and the guy i like is 21. In elementary school my big brother and him were best friends and we hung out all the time, but we never really talked ya know! In middle school and high school they drifted apart. Theyre finally graduated now(of course) and he is still my NEIGHBOR!!! We just recently started talking, and hanging out a few times. I never stop smiling when were together, and he kissed me for the first time the other day. =) My parents know that i like him. They have never seen me so happy with anyone like i am with him. All of the sudden, they told me i couldnt go anywhere with him. I love it that my parents are looking out for me. but they know him, and they tell me all the time that they know he is a good guy. and sexual wise, we are both virgins, and sex is not what we want. i made that clear to mom to. its more dad freaking out then mom. Just because of age. To me age is just a number. and i think that if my parents actually talked to him and let him prove himself that he wants to be there for me, there should not be a problem. What do i need to tell them to make them realize that he wants me for who i am, and that his age shouldnt be a factor in the relationship if they like him?
gorgeouss_type answered Monday June 7 2010, 10:37 am: Ok first never go out of your way to sneak and be with him because he is and adult adult(21) and if your parents decide to call the cops on him he could be in big trouble. Also if anything does happen to you while your with him( car accident, arguement and he leave's you at the bowling alley or w.e) then your gonna have to explain to your parents why yu were with him in the first place when you weren't supposed to be just so they can pick you up then they really extra won't like him because he left yu alone on a date.
And second make your parents understand that you are 17 and capable of Maturity and trust, don't give up if they are being stubborn because if yu do then it will look like you are still a little childish if you can't handle hearing the answer "no"
WittyUsernameHere answered Monday June 7 2010, 1:16 am: Honestly, I'd go with with the "I'm personally offended by the suggestion that someone could be taking advantage of me"
Your father sees you as his innocent little angel.
I'd go it something like this.
You: "So why is his age a problem?"
Dad: [Something about inappropriateness or whatever]
You: "So basically, you're worried that he's after me for sex?"
Dad: [Incoherent awkward response]
You: "Don't you think any guy who I date my age or older is going to want the same thing? Because if you assume that any guy I date is going to want sex, it just comes down to how competent you think I am and how much you trust my judgement. You don't trust me to know when I'm being taken advantage of and when a guy actually likes me for me?"
Dad: [Stilted justification]
You: "I'm 17. I'm into guys. I want to date and I'm going to date people who I am attracted to and who are attracted to me. You don't have to like it, you can warn me about it, but you also are going to have to live with it. Like it or not, your little girl is going to have sex someday, and it's going to be on my schedule. Not yours. That's how adult relationships work.
If you try to control my dating life, it'll happen outside your control. If you accept the reality that I'm growing up and can be civil about it, you'll still get to give me plenty of input. Which do you think is better for both of us in the long run?"
Adapt and modify to your own needs, but it's time to send the message to your father (in some way) that you're not the delicate little flower he needs to protect from the world anymore.
::Edit::
Extra Note. 17 and 21 is illegal (sexually) as someone above mentioned. You've already stated you don't intend to have sex, however if the cops did ever become involved all you have to do is tell them honestly "there has never been any sexual contact of any kind between us" and with your word against your parents nothing can happen to him. Barring video or highly sexually explicit messages back and forth on your phone, e-mail, etc, there's nothing they can prove.
Just keep in mind that the wrong words out of your mouth in that situation could get him charged with statuatory even if all you'd ever done is kiss the guy on the lips closed-mouth. So stick to the coherent truth properly phrased of "No sexual contact, ever" and you can do what you want without worrying that your parents can ruin the poor guy's life because he likes you.
Sorry to disagree with the above, but she's 17 and he's 21. She's old enough to make this decision and if her parents try to control it they're stepping outside the bounds of reasonable parental authority. [ WittyUsernameHere's advice column | Ask WittyUsernameHere A Question ]
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