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Ive have been having bad feelings
lately Ive been having feeling towards the same sex. And it kinda freaks me out. My bestfriend says Ill get through the stage. But It freaks me out whenever Im out bra shopping or bathing suit shopping. My family is like super christian and they flip out everytime I bring over a gay friend. Im scared that this isnt just a stage of my life. What do I do if I really am gay?
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Being gay, bi, straight etc is all a matter of how you feel. Everyone here has numerous opinions on the matter, but what matters is what you think. In fact, you do not even need to label yourself. These labels are based on societal norms of what male and females are supposed to be. The most important thing to know is that gender is fluid...meaning it is not black and white. You can be born male, female, or intersex, but despite these things you can identify yourself as more "masculine" or "feminine" and then can be attracted to people who are more masculine or feminine, male or female or intersex. If it helps you could map yourself on a sort of spectrum, I myself was born female, identify as a female, and am attracted to women...but if this were put on a spectrum (like a line from left to right) i would not fall all the way to one side or another.
(I know the above is confusing but please message me if you are interested in what I am saying and I can draw it out for you)
If you are just going through a stage, that is completely normal, if you continue to be attracted to the same sex then that is normal too! Do not feel that you have to label yourself based on the titles society has offered. You are your own complex person!
Now if you are actually gay, and the part of your question reffering to your family is what you are primarily worried about is how christian your family is, do not worry. I know plenty of gay men and women who come from incredibly christian backgrounds. If you message me back we can talk about this more...and interpretations of the bible are not always what they appear to be.
I hope this helps, I didnt want to go on if you disagree with what I have said or if they are not the answers you are looking for!
Good luck finding yourself, and never be afraid of who you are! The people that matter in your life will stay with you through anything and everything!
-K
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Something I answered previously should do pretty well.
::Post::
It's been theorized (without an overwhelming amount of supporting evidence) that most people are less straight or gay than they seem. Guys and girls alike, most people have some latent ability to be attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex if they're gay/lesbian.
The "straight" orientation comes with expectations of both genders. While it's a bit worse for guys, everyone who identifies as straight is supposed to behave in certain ways, and stepping outside those roles in any visible way is considered to "infringe" upon that straight identity.
A straight woman who wants to be considered feminine will often be concerned about being thought of as a "dyke" or any other more masculine negative stereotypes about lesbians. The same way straight guys are tirelessly paranoid about doing something that might justify being called "fag"
The world (stupidly) views masculine and feminine as two separate opposites. The truth is that everyone has some degree of both inside them. People will try to emphasize one side and deny another because that's what people tell them they're supposed to be, and it causes alot of the reactions you've seen.
It's also been theorized (with a bit more supporting evidence) that people who exhibit strong homophobia often have stronger latent desires towards the same sex which conflict with their worldview of right and wrong, or acceptable and not. This cognitive dissonance causes the extreme reactions like disgust at the idea of being labeled as what you're trying to pretend is no part of you.
When it comes to people and relationships, things change. There's a scale of sexuality, but relationships are usually black and white. Most people who are bisexual are like you, tending towards dating one sex but open and even enthusiastic about sleeping with both sexes. There's a good chance that some of your straight friends have some sexual tendencies towards the same sex, but it's likely that none of them would ever be able to actually date the same sex, even if they genuinely wanted to give it a try for some reason.
::End of Post::
You might well be one of those straight friends I mentioned. If you really are gay, keep it to yourself until you're out of college or otherwise on your own. If you're bisexual, keep it to yourself until you start seriously seeing a woman in a way that begs for family introductions. If you're straight and going through a phase, just straight up keep it to yourself.
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Honestly, you there is a chance you will get over it. Its good that you are talking to your friend about this, that way you are not completely alone. Everyone's situation is different, but I do have some personal experience. Do you still find boys attractive? If so your not gay. If anything bi. And your not alone, a lot of young girls go through this and do get over it. My advice to you is to try and focus that kind of attention of guys rather than girls. And keep talking to your friend, it will definitely help you a lot. If you want to talk more about it, I would definitely love to help you out. Like I said I do have some experience dealing with this...but would rather not discuss it publicly. So if you would like, feel free to message me.
My family and I are also religious so I can give you some insight on that aspect as well.
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You need to find someone you trust to talk to about this. Here's the thing - there are a lot of people out there who are going to tell you to get over it and just say you're gay, just be proud and don't care what others think. But those people don't know what it is like to be you, to live with and love your family and to carry with you all of the truths and lessons from your faith. You are having a real issue here, one that will have consequences for your whole life, and you need to be able to talk to people who have been through what you've been through and know the challenges and questions you have. I have many gay friends who are Christians, and I have many Christian friends who were once gay and actually left the lifestyle (yes, its possible, don't let anyone tell you its not, they don't understand), so there are many different paths for you to take, but you need to be informed. Exodus international is a group of Christians that deals with this issue specifically. They have online forums, counseling services, local groups, and its not just holy-roller religious judgemental crap. Its real people who are actually really nice and know all about this kind of stuff. check out their site - [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) - I think you'll be able to find someone who can help you be more clear about what you're going through and what to do next. Good luck. It may seem scary right now, but you are not alone.
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