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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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15-F
Hi there. So last year me and my dad found out my mom has been cheating on my dad for four years.
She's moving out this Saturday to be with the guy. Obviously my parents are getting a divorce.
My dad always vents to me about things. He says we may not be able to make the bills, and we might have to move from the house I grew up in.
I really, really don't want that.
So I told him to nail my mom for child support, which he would clearly get since I'm staying with him.
But my dad said my mom would try and nail him for alimony.
My question, would the judge really grant my mom that? She's the one who comited adultry in the marrige. My dad is the one who gets to keep the kid. He has to support an underage kid, while deal with his emotional suffering.
I told him that's ridiculous under the circum stances. And he said judges usually favor the woman.
And he said my mom could claim mental, emotion, and/or physical abuse on my dad.
Which is NOT true at all.
My parents NEVER. EVER. fought. Ever. They've only had bigs fights like three times in all my years of living. Aside from now with all that's happened.
I told my dad I would go to court and be his witness if she were to say those things.
And I would call my mother out on her lie.
QUESTION; Would a judge honestly grant my mother alimony checks? Would my dad seriously not win this case? (link)
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Lawyer up. No one can give you an accurate prediction of results, but I can tell you that testimony of a 15 year old kid could be pretty compelling.
Both of you need to stop talking to your mother. Get a lawyer asap, and be up front about your willingness to testify on your father's behalf.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. We have had sex for 6 months now with protection (condoms AND birth control pills). We're both 20 years old so we're out of high school and we live together in his mom's basement right now.
I really want to have a baby and start a family with him. I want us to get married and have a nice little life, you know? Well, I heard that it's better to have kids when you're young and able to do things with them so I think 20 sounds reasonable.
I haven't talked to my boyfriend about having children. When we starting doing it together he said all kids scare the hell out of him so he wanted to make sure we were extra safe by always using 2 forms of birth control (hence the pill & condom). I didn't say anything about it because I do want children.
I feel like my body is screaming at me now to do it. I want to tell him to not put a condom on next time and I want to stop taking my pills. I want to have a baby so bad.
How do I tell him without freaking him out? I wouldn't do something stupid like "accidently forget" my pill or something so I NEED to tell him. I need him to say he wants to have kids with me because I love him but I'm afraid he's going to hate me. What do I do? How can I tell him I want a baby? (link)
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What? No. Not no but hell no.
Not about the discussion, but about acting on it afterwards.
My wife and I are young. Early 20s, just a bit past you. Been together five years though. Baby bug hit us both a while ago.
We're waiting. We've got our own apartment (barely) etc etc but there's more to being parents than just being a loving mother or father. There's planning for the kid, preparing yourself to provide them with the start all children deserve.
The first step in that is independence. You can't raise a kid in your boyfriend's parent's basement. And you want marriage too. Give yourself a few years as newly weds before you start pushing baby.
You aren't ready. My wife and I go through the same thing you are, the desire to be unsafe and take risks, to get started. It's not any wiser for us than it would be for you.
The biological clock is a loud alarm bell. Ignore it for now. Your body doesn't understand college fund, or mortgage, or your own need to finish an education. It doesn't understand mom's basement or "we've only been dating a year and we aren't married yet" or even "what my boyfriend wants and is ready for in his own life"
It is for your mind to impose such limits.
That doesn't mean you have to deal with this alone. If you reassure him that your number one priority is that you both have kids when you're both ready for it and have agreed that it's time, you should be able to talk to him about this. Just talk to him about what's going through your head after that.
Be prepared for him not to get it. Guys at 20 are usually focused on other things. But you need to trust him that he's willing to listen.
Like I said, just let him listen after you assure him that there's zero chance of an "accident baby"
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hi..
i am a year and a half older than my sister... we're somewhat close... it's very complicated... when we both moved away to college (i am 2 years ahead so wen she started freshman we moved but i'd already had creds from my old college) anyway so i adapted fast and she didn't... she is a tattletale ever since she could talk... she was depressed and miserable and missed her friends... i made friends in my new city fast and was out partying all the time.. i get straight As and she flunks and got warnings from the faculty she's in... she's very conservative and religious (my parents are like that and am cool with it but am more liberal) anyway my parents were also on her case about grades so she ended up pointing the blame on me and they found out about crap i did... i mean i didn't do drugs or have one night flings and stuff but i did party... and i am usually safe and end up being the DD for my friends... i party sober!!
needless to say i got in trouble because of her and was close to not being able to go back to school.. since then i stopped trusting her at all.. things are getting better even though i still don't trust her. she's finally coming out of her shell (4 years later!!!)
now she trusts me (because unlike her i can keep secrets and i don't gossip and i actually help with problems instead of report them) she is very tame compared to me... although compared to the rest of my generation i am not even near anything wild... she's still struggling with school and i am still doing great... the problem now is that she somehow got past what happened that year and doesn't realize i still have issues with her... she thinks now we're good friends as in we should hang out all the time... i love her to death but i find her company boring... she's always raining on the fun... she only has 2 friend here because of her judgmental attitude and rude expressions and if i were to put myself in her shoes i'd die... i like so many things but she isn't creative and has no interest in anything her idea of bonding and fun is boring... i don't trust her enough to involve her in my life but i did try to integrate her into my friends with a huge warning about her so they won't spill anything she can use... i tried hard to help her have some fun in her life... she's getting better... but as i said she won't think twice ratting me out if she needs to... in her opinion she forgave me for the crap i did and for making her "worry"... she doesn't realize that i don't trust her and never will... and she doesn't understand how she basically mutated my relationship with the rest of my family forever... and now she gets mad at me for spending time with my friends and makes it sound like she has rights too over me to spend time with her.... if we weren't related i wouldn't befriend her... she prefers staying at home, going to a movie, supermarket, walk or a drive literally that's it.... she's always rude, ruthless, and she's boring!!! i mean i love her sooo much but how can i detach!!! help meee! if she's mad (like she is now because i am going out with friends) she'll make sure i pay for it... often by telling my parents!!! (link)
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It sounds like you live together. You didn't outright state it (that's really an important missed detail), but so I don't look like an idiot...
- You said you moved out together
- You never bitched about how often you have her around, leading me to believe you're used to her as a constant presense
- You said "she likes to stay home" not "she drags me to her apartment to hang out" or "she hangs out at her place" or anything to indicate separateness.
Move out. Now.
I'm alot like you. Private and liberal with an extremely conservative family. I would react exactly like you as well to the entire situation.
And if you're as like me as the rest of your post in your reactions, you need to not be living with this person anymore. It will damage your ability to enjoy your life, it will damage what relationship you are able to maintain with her.
Second...
First I said you're like me, but I'm pretty sure you've never confronted her (you didn't mention it) and that's alot more like my wife. She will grin and bear it and hate it.
It's a problem in her life, and I think it's a problem in yours, too.
She has reasons for it and I'm sure you do too. I'm sure a confrontation handled the wrong way would send her into bitch-overload mode and make your life miserable, and you don't want that fallout.
But, your sister will never change if you aren't honest with her. You're going to be gentle about it without my suggestion, but I'll make it anyway, otherwise she'll just reject it and retreat to "well the family hates you because I told them X" or something similar.
Live your life. You aren't her baby sitter. Move out, then confront her. In that order, so you don't have to live with the fallout if it goes badly.
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Hey 18/F
Me and my boyfriend have been dating a while and lately have been talking bout exploring things more sexually. We have been taking it slow but think it's time. My question is if he fingers me or something will he be freaked out about how wet I am? He turns me on a lot and I really can't help it but I get really really wet and want to know if that will freak him out or be a turn off since we are both very inexperienced and it would be our first time with anything like this. Thanks!! (link)
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It's a turn on.
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My ex and I are VERY close.We hangout all the time ,sometimes alone and sometimes with a group. We had an alone hangout the other day and got into a deep talk. We had both had drinkin that night so we were pretty much freely speaking the truth.He ofcourse started making moves on me and kissing me and all that and while he was doing all that i told him it was wrong because I still see him as more than a friend and he said he still sees me a little more than a friend but less than a girlfriend (whatever that means) He told me that he literally can't describe how he feels towards me and that he cares about me so much and that he sees me as his little sister and that he will protect me no matter what and that he wants me to be happy,and he wishes he could feel the same way about me as he did when we dated . Yet,i dont know how he could see me as his little sister yet want to hookup with me all the time. He told me that we won't hookup anymore because he doesn't want to give me mixed signals but all he does is tell me how im such an amazing girl and he trusts me and all this stuff and i just don't see how he can't see me as more than a friend! I'm always there for him but maybe if we spend a significant amount of time without eachother ,he will realize he really does have feelings towards me..but im not sure.What should i do?! Im crazy about him (link)
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He's using you. He wants sex with none of the hangups of relationships, no responsibility to you.
He continues to hang around because he knows you're crazy about him and your resolve on not sleeping together is weakening. The "sister" crap is just a line to bring down your defenses, as is the "I don't want to send the wrong signals"
He doesn't give a shit what signals he sends, so long as he gets laid as a result of them.
Walk away now.
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I really love my boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months and he has already proposed. Many aspects of his personality are great but...he is soooooooo sensitive. For example if I answer a question too abruptly for his taste, he says he is hurt.(I am rolling my eyes as I type this)And once he is 'hurt' he gets a pinched look on his face. He will say nothing is wrong, I am fine. But unless he ate a lemon behind my back, something is wrong. How sensitive is too sensitive? I honestly try to be calm and careful in everything i say, but I am not Budha. (link)
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Run. Like. Hell.
Proposed after six months? Overly sensitive. This guy is a bundle of issues you haven't yet begun to unravel. This will become less endearing and more frustrating with time. Do not waste the early years of your life trying to sort out some dude who's got delicate snowflake syndrome.
If you end it now, you might be able to retain some respect for him. If you don't, the amount of contempt you'll eventually build would make Buddha sad.
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this is really intended to be for guys 20+ but anyone could answer i guess.
what do you think about girls waiting until marriage? like say if you're engaged to a girl and she tells you she's a virgin and has been waiting for you, is that a turn-on? any comments on it is great (link)
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The desire to save yourself until marriage is based in two things. Religion, and the need to not have constant random procreation in a society with inherited property.
If someone does not themselves wish to wait until marriage, it's likely they would have difficulty understanding or empathizing with your decision.
Adult men grow out of the whole "possessing a woman's virtue" thing for the most part. The ones that don't are the ones who are overly obsessed with innocence and end up marrying a 24 year old when they hit the mid 40s life crisis stage.
My problem with the whole "waiting until marriage" idea is that really what it generally means is "repressing your sexuality until marriage"
You don't explore self, you have no sexual experience of any significant kind, and so when you marry someone sexual compatibility is a complete crapshoot. In the world of modern relationships, this is often a death sentence.
Advising you is hard. You should follow your beliefs, but you should also examine them and ask yourself why you believe them. I don't think you should bank on waiting until marriage being a turn on, rather simply seek someone who is capable of respecting you and your reasons for making that decision, and your right to make such decisions for yourself.
I will, however, say that sex is important to any relationship. You should not expect to be engaged to someone before they find out you're a virgin and that you're waiting until marriage. That's something that should come up within the first month/four to five dates of a relationship. Because while you may want to wait, others may not, and you both have the right to understand what each other's desires and boundaries are to see if you two are compatible.
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I'm off to college this year. I'm going to be dorming, but I have NO IDEA what I should bring and what's provided by the university. I didn't get to go to a tour of the dorm so I don't know. (I'm going to Stony Brook, if it helps)
So, what do I HAVE to bring? What should I bring? What shouldn't I bring? (link)
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It's a really bad idea to plan a dorm without having seen it first.
Comforter and a pillow or two are almost always a necessity. Sheets are usually not a bad idea either.
Clock/radio/alarm is pretty much a necessity. Get one that you will wake up to.
My dorm came with a mini fridge and microwave. Those two items are very, very important. If you decide to get a mini fridge, get one with a key. Hide the spare key somewhere in your collection of stuff.
You'll likely have limited closet space. Plan accordingly, especially if you're a girl.
Electronics are iffy. If your roomie brings over an unscrupulous new friend your ipod and other such items could dissappear. I brought a laptop, used it for everything, and took it with me everywhere I went in a backpack (literally, took it to work, class, on dates, everywhere).
Call their housing office to find out about dorms. I'd not be surprised if you could find floor plans online somewhere. Get with your mom, these are things you need to know.
Few other random ideas.
Bathroom stuff and a waterproof (preferably with drainage holes) bag to carry it in in case of communal showers/inconsiderate roomies who use your shampoo.
A Trunk. Harry Potter style giant lockable chest to store important shit in. Something that when loaded down will weigh enough to require help moving.
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There's this certain advicenators columnist that I'm obsessed with. I constantly read pages and pages (and there's ALOT) of his answers and sometimes I'll even make up a question to ask him just so I can be the cause of his beautiful words of wisdom. So, getting to the question, how serious are you and your wife?
(link)
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I adore her, sorry. I do appreciate the compliment though.
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Im 18, and me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 10 months now, and we were best friends for about a year before we started dating. So we both truly care for each other. Though, we both have agreed that we want to wait to have sex. This is also our first relationship so we both are learning and have been curious about things. So, we have expirimented and the other night we took it a little further which consisted of below the belt like him fingering me, and well i didnt really do much to him cause i just wasnt ready. Though, it was an intimate moment between us. Well, now it feels like we arent as touchy feely as we use to be before this happened. I mean we still kiss and we still love each other but its not like we have to be touching each other all the time if that makes any sense. Which we werent all over each other to begin with. Though, is this normal. Im thinking maybe our curiousity isnt as strong anymore with each other? And at the same time, im kinda relieved cause I dont feel as pressured, not that he pressures me cause he doesent. But like I dont feel as if we are going to accidently go way to far one night. Maybe its just the honeymoon stage is over? Idk if im really making any sense, and im sorry if I dont but I figured maybe some of yall would maybe figure out what im trying to say. Thanks! Hope you can help. (link)
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Hmm. You feel intimate. He probably feels blueballed. Guys are horny, and if you go long enough being horny enough with only your hand to keep you company, it gets kind of bad for us.
I like the "I don't think we're going to accidentally go to far" comment. You thought you might because you wanted to, and were mentally preparing yourself to "accidentally go too far" when you could justify it with the heat of the moment, and he's just never actually made the move.
I doubt the "Honeymoon" stage is over. Generally that only ends after you've had sex, or after one party has lost interest in sex (and thus probably the relationship)
As you move towards sex, things become less sweet and more horny. Guys aren't loving and sweet when the little man is demanding sex. Just doesn't work that way. Nothing to worry about really, but you might want to rehash the "when we're going to have sex" conversation in a non-judgemental way. I'd bet that if you got him completely honest you'd get "I'm ready for sex and I wish you were" which he'll never actually say to you because you're both inexperienced and so pressure=bad.
I think there's a disconnect between where you both are and where you both want to be sexually. Worth some conversation.
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So I am 16 and my bf is 14. I usually date people 19 and older basically graduated. Now when I met him He told me he was 16 I was like I dont usually date people my age but you seem cool so ohhK so we started dating for abt a month and he confessed to me that he was actually 14 I wasn't hard on him because I know it was compicated for him to tell me that but I do have feelings but he doesn't want me to bring up the situation ever and it doesn't help that not I call him adorable instead of the usual sexy hahhaha. And now it's ok with me because I'm in love with him and everytime I think of breaking up with him it literally gives me nightmares. But that doesn't change the fact that he lied. He says he lied because he really liked me and really wanted to be with me and he knew I wouldn't want the same thing if I knew he was two years younger than me. Which was true but you didn't give me a chance to decide for myself, so my question is is age honestly just a number or what? should this honestly matter to ne if I love him? HELP (link)
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It scares you that you don't really care that he lied. It scares you that you're into a guy who's not generally acceptable.
No predictions on how this works out. You're teenagers, teenagers self destruct and rebuild on a daily basis. But if you want to date him, why not?
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17/f
(I've known this guy since I was 7) he is now 21.
When I was like 15 almost 16, him & I became best friends, and eventually had sexual relations (yes i know he's older & etc. I am very mature for my age because of everything I've been through, so dont judge me or give me sh** for it please, because you'll just be a broken record that I wont really listen to--sorry.)
Any ways, he has like no one there for him anymore except for me, and he's on drugs really bad; which I'm used to dealing with because my step dad used to be on them really bad.
(lets name him John)
John and I tell each other everything and anything, our whole friendship is based on honesty and just being real, even if the truth can hurt.
& John never really had any one there for him, like he has his grandparents but he cant really talk to them, and all his friends are moving away; so all he really has is me.
I want him to know that I don't like that he does drugs (except for weed, he knows that I dont care if he smokes weed), like he kindve already knows a little bit, but I want him to know I care for him and love him I don't want him to get hurt or end up killed over the drugs hes doing now.
He basically already knows I'm always here for him no matter, but how I do I tell him I care for him so much and tell him I dont like the drugs without pushing him away?
& I know I should just stay away from him because he's drugs, but deep down he is a really good and nice person, hes just made a lot of very bad decisions and ended up with the wrong crowd basically; & when it comes down to it I love him, even if he is all wrong & f*cked up, but we all are in some way, & you can't help who you love..
(keep in mind me & him have never dated, we're basically best freinds with benefits.)
& I apologize if this comes off as mean, I'm really not trying to be, I'm just stressed out from it all & I'm tired of people telling me how bad of a guy he is & stuff like that..
So I guess here's my question how do I tell him how I feel without pushing him away?
& sorry this is so confusing (link)
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Hmm.
Ok.
First, you're legal in a year, possibly legal now (would be in Texas at least). So, who cares. He's on drugs? That probably puts him behind you in emotional maturity by a significant distance if the drugs aren't a relatively new life problem.
Second. Step dad on drugs tells me something. Tells me you came from a family that was damaged and unstable. You got used to dealing with it. And so it's almost a "better the devil you know" scenario. Having dealt with it before also gives you a (false) sense that you're better equipped to handle this guy's specific brand of crazy.
Third, you're 17. At 17 you do NOT need to be binding yourself in love or deed to a dude who's got drug issues. His issues could take months, years, decades to work out. They might never get there. It's not your job to pull someone out of the muck.
And let met tell you, as a people fixer myself, there gets to be a point where you want someone to be fixed. But the same way this guy leans on drugs, he's going to lean on you. And not knowing any better you're going to enable the hell out of this guy.
If you date him now, if you continue to be friends now, you will become another thing he is dependent on. And when you grow up into an adult yourself and he's nowhere near that maturity level, you're either going to resent the hell out of him for taking advantage of you for that long, or you're going to fall out of love with him when you realize that he doesn't love you (or anything else) as much as you thought, and he now just looks like a 30 something year old loser.
You can't. Addicts don't let you sit on the fence. If you aren't enabling them, you're making them feel guilty, and they hate that. So you can enable him, or you can let go now and tell him that you love him but you can't watch him destroy himself, and that if he ever gets his shit together and quits the drugs permanently that you'd probably marry him or something.
Key point. He's got to pull himself out of this. If you do it for him, he learns nothing. If you enable him, he learns nothing. You've got to tell him you care while stepping back, and be completely honest about the fact that just knowing him is painful because you watch him suffer and watch him use drugs to avoid solving his problems.
Suggest therapy.
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Hello, i am 15 and female. When i was in the 7th grade i was in a relationship with my best friend, she had a boyfrind at the time and he knew we were together, he even saw us kissing sometimes. we have only kissed, nothing too serious. In the 8th grade we were still going out and i didnt like other people thinking i was a lesbian or something so i broke up with her. We are both bisexual. Now we are both going into the 10th grade and i have these feelings where i want to make out with her and all that stuff. and its hard to control because we go to eachothers houses often and i always have the urge to kiss her but i never know how to go about it. The worse thing about this is she is in a comited relationship with a good guy friend of mine and they are happy together. What do i do? Do i tell her or should i keep it to my self? (link)
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The sane option is to keep the friendship and respect her relationship.
The risky option is to tell her the truth and see where it leads you.
The comedy option is to start liking her boyfriend and move in with both of them (buying a bigger bed along the way)
::Edit::
Haha, sorry 10th grade. Guess the comedy option has to wait a while. I'm sure there's a Charlie Sheen sitcom somewhere around here...
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i need to know how to give my boyfriend a booty dance. (link)
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Ahaha. I came in to make a sarcastic comment about youtube knowing better than this site would, and lo and behold there's a serious answer with Youtube in it.
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I was wondering this for a while, and i was too embarrassed to ask my mom, but how much does your vagina stretch when you have a kid? I was wondering this because of the duggar woman whose given birth to like over a dozen kids. lol so yeah anyone knows? (link)
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http://women.webmd.com/tc/kegel-exercises-topic-overview
The vagina does indeed stretch. As you get older your skin in general loses some of it's elasticity. Wrinkles are a result of this, it stretches but doesn't stretch back, so you've just got extra skin. Wrinkles.
For women, Kegels combat this. Pelvic muscle exercises. Often enhances sexual response and orgasm too. Articles at the top, webMD's got good info. Read on.
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My boyfriend fingered me for the first time the other night, but each time before he washed his hands cause i told him i dont want to get pregnant or an infection. Well, Im just worried that something might have got on his hands, which his underwear and stuff was dry. So, I dont think he had any of his body fluids come out. So, is there a chance that the stuff didnt show up on his underwear? Or can it dry quickly? I just worry about everything. If there wasnt anything on his underwear then should we be okay? (link)
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Given the "act of God" clause*, there's not really the slightest chance in hell.
Act of God Clause - Poster is not responsible for events taking place which cut across the boundaries of reality or which possess a statistical likelyhood of one in billions or worse.
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I'm on my first week of birth control pills.
It says to take it at the same time every day; I took it an hour late. Does that make me any less protected or is an hour still an okay range? (link)
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There are two general types of birth control pills.
The first has progestin, the second has progrestin and synthetic estrogen. All you really need to know about that is that progestin only pills are rare, and that progestin only pills become ineffective relatively easily while the estrogen/progestin mix type pills can miss a full day, double up the next, and only drop from 99 to 97 or 96 percent effectiveness.
The pack will probably say, or you can call your gyno and ask, but 99% chance they gave you the combo pills and you're more than fine. An hour or two's variance on those makes no difference.
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13/f
we just got our yearbooks and i dont know how to ask the guy i like to sign mine...i REALLY want himtosign it..but im a little nervous and scared...and he sits right next tome in science (link)
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Don't tell him you want everyone to sign. Just go around and get a few other people in class whom you like to sign before him, then go up to him and ask.
Lets you send him a little "I like you" message at the same time without making it blatantly obvious. You asked other people in class too, right? It's just classmates you liked, easy to play off.
Alternately, walk right up to him and ask him even though you're scared. It'll be good practice for later in life.
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I'm a college student, and I lost my virginity while at college. I lost it at the beginning of the school year, and I kind of slept around a lot (I used sex as a way to feel better about myself) the first half of the year. Now I've changed, but my past comes back to haunt me, because it is a small school, and a small isolated town, and a lot of people know about my past. How do I move on from that? It seems like no one will ever forget and move on with their own lives. I've made that my past, I'm not like that anymore, but others still haven't. And to be honest it wasn't even that bad, I haven't really been with that many guys (many girls here have twice that number, easy, and yet they don't seem to have that reputation).
Thanks! (link)
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Your past is your past, and if people know about it the only way past your past is to own it.
You made choices. You probably enjoyed them. They are no longer your choices. Instead of "being haunted" simply accept that you made choices when sex was completely new that you wanted to get laid. You weren't looking for anything serious, and now you are.
Because of your reputation, you accept that some guys are going to make assumptions and you give every guy one "you were a dick, but I'll forgive you" get out of jail free card. One, and only one. Guy acts like he wants to get laid in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you tell him you're looking for something more attached than random sex and if he's not interested in that then he's not interested in you.
The reputation exists because guys hope you will live up (or down) to it. If you simply _ignore_ said reputation and continue to act as you see fit (in this case being more reserved sexually) regardless of what people think they will get the message whether they want to or not.
They key here is to put aside any insecurity you can and to just continue to be yourself. If guys express interest you approach them from a "this is what I want, if that's not cool you should move on" perspective.
Countering a reputation takes time, but if you own your choices rather than just blaming it on too much drinking or whatever, people will eventually respect it. "I went through a bit of a slut phase. It's behind me. And if you want to be someday you'd better fall in line with that idea" is about the tone you need to take with guys who express interest and bring any "reputation" into it.
Also, you should make guys wait a bare minimum of three months of getting to know you and dating you before sex happens. Right now, with that reputation, you will get guys willing to go along until they get laid. Three months should be enough time to ferret these guys out and send them packing.
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16/f
My bf is so asking for it,I don't know what to do...Every time we're on a date we both get turned on like crazy and it's been like this for a while.We want to have sex soon and it's gonna be my first time,but I'm a bit scared.I told him that and he said he'll be gentle and careful with me...I really love this guy but I'm quite insecure and indecisive about this.Should I have sex with him if I feel like it?I know only I can decide when's the right time for me to do it.Still there are so many dilemmas,like,what if the condom breaks? that causes insecurity...what should I do? I really want him and can't hold back anymore.
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Ignoring the "pushing you" part from below, she's mostly right. You're not ready.
Time to start doing some research yourself. Google things like "pregnancy" and "fertility cycles" and "birth control" and read the entire first page of results for all of them.
You should be educated enough to protect yourself before you'd be anything like ready. You should know when you're fertile and why you're fertile during that period every month. You should know ten different common forms of contraception, their risks and benefits and side effects, and which ones are best used in conjunction.
And you should start looking into your first Gyno visit. Gyno visits are pretty much a requirement once you are sexually active, but if you know that you're going to want to, and possibly go through with choosing to have sex, you should go ahead and set one up early.
Through them, or if you'd prefer another method you can look up planned parenthood in your area, you should try to get on birth control. In the interim, if you DO choose to have sex you should use an internal spermicide with condoms so that if they break you've got a fallback. VCF comes pretty well recommended, it's in the condom aisle and is a good second line of defense. Google VCF (Vaginal Contraceptive Film)too, just to be informed.
Sex is a personal choice you're going to make someday. You're past the point where sex is some far off future concept to you that you can just put off till tomorrow. It's time to go out and learn a few things before you find yourself giving in uneducated.
Because "its only a matter of time" has now been specificed up into "it's only a matter of months, weeks, or days".
In the mean time, there are plenty of fun activities that don't risk pregnancy you're probably already engaging in. Try to stick with them for now.
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