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sisters
hi..
i am a year and a half older than my sister... we're somewhat close... it's very complicated... when we both moved away to college (i am 2 years ahead so wen she started freshman we moved but i'd already had creds from my old college) anyway so i adapted fast and she didn't... she is a tattletale ever since she could talk... she was depressed and miserable and missed her friends... i made friends in my new city fast and was out partying all the time.. i get straight As and she flunks and got warnings from the faculty she's in... she's very conservative and religious (my parents are like that and am cool with it but am more liberal) anyway my parents were also on her case about grades so she ended up pointing the blame on me and they found out about crap i did... i mean i didn't do drugs or have one night flings and stuff but i did party... and i am usually safe and end up being the DD for my friends... i party sober!!
needless to say i got in trouble because of her and was close to not being able to go back to school.. since then i stopped trusting her at all.. things are getting better even though i still don't trust her. she's finally coming out of her shell (4 years later!!!)
now she trusts me (because unlike her i can keep secrets and i don't gossip and i actually help with problems instead of report them) she is very tame compared to me... although compared to the rest of my generation i am not even near anything wild... she's still struggling with school and i am still doing great... the problem now is that she somehow got past what happened that year and doesn't realize i still have issues with her... she thinks now we're good friends as in we should hang out all the time... i love her to death but i find her company boring... she's always raining on the fun... she only has 2 friend here because of her judgmental attitude and rude expressions and if i were to put myself in her shoes i'd die... i like so many things but she isn't creative and has no interest in anything her idea of bonding and fun is boring... i don't trust her enough to involve her in my life but i did try to integrate her into my friends with a huge warning about her so they won't spill anything she can use... i tried hard to help her have some fun in her life... she's getting better... but as i said she won't think twice ratting me out if she needs to... in her opinion she forgave me for the crap i did and for making her "worry"... she doesn't realize that i don't trust her and never will... and she doesn't understand how she basically mutated my relationship with the rest of my family forever... and now she gets mad at me for spending time with my friends and makes it sound like she has rights too over me to spend time with her.... if we weren't related i wouldn't befriend her... she prefers staying at home, going to a movie, supermarket, walk or a drive literally that's it.... she's always rude, ruthless, and she's boring!!! i mean i love her sooo much but how can i detach!!! help meee! if she's mad (like she is now because i am going out with friends) she'll make sure i pay for it... often by telling my parents!!!
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It sounds like you live together. You didn't outright state it (that's really an important missed detail), but so I don't look like an idiot...
- You said you moved out together
- You never bitched about how often you have her around, leading me to believe you're used to her as a constant presense
- You said "she likes to stay home" not "she drags me to her apartment to hang out" or "she hangs out at her place" or anything to indicate separateness.
Move out. Now.
I'm alot like you. Private and liberal with an extremely conservative family. I would react exactly like you as well to the entire situation.
And if you're as like me as the rest of your post in your reactions, you need to not be living with this person anymore. It will damage your ability to enjoy your life, it will damage what relationship you are able to maintain with her.
Second...
First I said you're like me, but I'm pretty sure you've never confronted her (you didn't mention it) and that's alot more like my wife. She will grin and bear it and hate it.
It's a problem in her life, and I think it's a problem in yours, too.
She has reasons for it and I'm sure you do too. I'm sure a confrontation handled the wrong way would send her into bitch-overload mode and make your life miserable, and you don't want that fallout.
But, your sister will never change if you aren't honest with her. You're going to be gentle about it without my suggestion, but I'll make it anyway, otherwise she'll just reject it and retreat to "well the family hates you because I told them X" or something similar.
Live your life. You aren't her baby sitter. Move out, then confront her. In that order, so you don't have to live with the fallout if it goes badly.
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I think you should talk to your sister... Let her know how you feel. Let her know that you dont trust her like you used too.
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