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reputation: I used sex as a way to feel better about myself
I'm a college student, and I lost my virginity while at college. I lost it at the beginning of the school year, and I kind of slept around a lot (I used sex as a way to feel better about myself) the first half of the year. Now I've changed, but my past comes back to haunt me, because it is a small school, and a small isolated town, and a lot of people know about my past. How do I move on from that? It seems like no one will ever forget and move on with their own lives. I've made that my past, I'm not like that anymore, but others still haven't. And to be honest it wasn't even that bad, I haven't really been with that many guys (many girls here have twice that number, easy, and yet they don't seem to have that reputation).
Thanks!
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People are going to think and say whatever they want. You just have to be the bigger person and ignore them. If you know that your not acting like the same person anymore, than whatever they say is meaningless.
Move on with your life. As long as your living differently people will eventually begin to realize that your not the same person anymore and they'll forget about it.
I hope everything works out!
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I think that you have already done all that you can do. You made mistakes in the past, just as everyone has. As long as you have learned and moved on you're already on the right track. I don't think there is anything that you can do to change people's minds quickly. Just keep up what you are doing and eventually people will see that you have changed. I hope this helped, and keep in mind that you are not the only one who had some crazy times in college. :)
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Your past is your past, and if people know about it the only way past your past is to own it.
You made choices. You probably enjoyed them. They are no longer your choices. Instead of "being haunted" simply accept that you made choices when sex was completely new that you wanted to get laid. You weren't looking for anything serious, and now you are.
Because of your reputation, you accept that some guys are going to make assumptions and you give every guy one "you were a dick, but I'll forgive you" get out of jail free card. One, and only one. Guy acts like he wants to get laid in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you tell him you're looking for something more attached than random sex and if he's not interested in that then he's not interested in you.
The reputation exists because guys hope you will live up (or down) to it. If you simply _ignore_ said reputation and continue to act as you see fit (in this case being more reserved sexually) regardless of what people think they will get the message whether they want to or not.
They key here is to put aside any insecurity you can and to just continue to be yourself. If guys express interest you approach them from a "this is what I want, if that's not cool you should move on" perspective.
Countering a reputation takes time, but if you own your choices rather than just blaming it on too much drinking or whatever, people will eventually respect it. "I went through a bit of a slut phase. It's behind me. And if you want to be someday you'd better fall in line with that idea" is about the tone you need to take with guys who express interest and bring any "reputation" into it.
Also, you should make guys wait a bare minimum of three months of getting to know you and dating you before sex happens. Right now, with that reputation, you will get guys willing to go along until they get laid. Three months should be enough time to ferret these guys out and send them packing.
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