Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84224
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about 3 months ago i had sex with my best friend. we were at a party and we were both really drunk. We talked about it later and we decided taht it was really nothing. We are still good friends. we have been since we were 4. he's like a big brother. and really he was the first guy i ever had sex with. i can't believe this happened but i'm prego. it sucks. It's really weird too because he is my best friend and we don't have feelings like that for each other. Our parents are best friends and so we want to tell them together that i'm prego. How should we tell them? Gah this is so weird! got any pointers? (link)
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Wow, this is tough. At least your parents are best friends, and since you all get along and like each other as friends, maybe you should all get together. First of all, you should both say that it was not the intention of either of you for this to happen, but you are BOTH glad that it happened with each other because you and your friend, still care about and respect each other. And say that you both need your parents(s) (his and yours) to be supportive so that together, you can all come up with the best solution of what to do about the pregnancy.
And I really do believe that it is better this way, with your best friend I mean. ( because if you were in love with some jerk who dumpted you.....like especially if it was someone that you parents hated in the first place. Then it would be REALLY hard to tell them, and then tell the jerk's parents. )
Also, you should both insist to your collective parents, that yours are not to be mad at him, (your best friend) and his are not be be mad at you, because you are both equally to blame. This kind of takes the anger out of the situation. (( I hope) good luck to you both. I hope that your parents will be reasonable.
Michele
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ok i am not sure this is the rite category.... but i wanted to know what happened to nicole richie that made her loose that much weight? ppl say its gastric bipas and others say liposuction and people said that they deprived her from food AS WELL AS drugs in rehab..... what really happened?! (link)
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No one knows the truth except Nicole Ritchie, but it is probably a combination of anorexia and cocaine. They cannot deprive you of food in rehab, but they also can't make you eat any food either.
Michele
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Ok, well I have a problem with not being able to get wet. I mean my boyfriend really turns me on, really. But I just don't understand why I'm not able to get wet. I used to before I ver got sexually active but suddenly I can't? I don't get it. He and I don't know why this could be. It just baffles me. Why could this be happening? Could birth control have a role in it? Because I'm getting tired of having to resort to him using spit everytime, >. (link)
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Women have these glands, called Bartolin's Glands which are situated around the opening of the vagina, and they are supposed to excrete mucus for lubrication when you are aroused. More sexual foreplay, even with your clothes on may help, but the best thing is to invest in some KY Jelly, so you always have lubricant handy. It works great, better than spit. It doesn't cost much and one tube goes a long way.
Michele
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me and my boyfriend have sex alot. but afterwards i get sore more than half the time. sometimes i'm fine and all but alot of times it gets extremely sore and it stays that way for almost a week if not longer. sometimes i don't realize it's still sore so when we start it hurts alot and it feels like i'm getting cut open, but when i take a piss there is absolutely no blood. why am i getting so sore? (link)
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It's friction honey. You need more lubrication. If the sex act goes on for a long time, and you lose your natural lubrication, you will get an irritation, and yes it does hurt. It is kind of like a rug burn. Once you get it, it will sting and irritate until it has a chance to heal. SO a lubrication like KY Jelly, which is colorless and orderless can allow you and your boyfriend to enjoy sex for long periods of time, and you won't get any friction burns. It's cheap enough and it comes in a tube and you can get it at any drug store.
Michele
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is it okay to give my hamster a shoelace to chew on. i think she might enjoy it but i dont want ot give her anything unhealthy. i could always tie it to the bars of her cage. (link)
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No I don't think that would be a good idea. She could swallow part of it, while the rest of it is still in her mouth, and she could choke. Don't hampsters like to chew on small sticks? Maybe a piece of leather. Is the shoe lace leather? If so, that would be OK, but cut it into small pieces, like an inch or so.
Michele
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so, how do you get rid of a decent sized keloid on the back of your cartilage?
...without seeing a doctor? [expensive!]
will 'time heal all'? (link)
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Has this actually been diagnosed as a keloid? And what do you mean by the back of your cartilage? Your cartilage where? There is cartilage in many locations in your body.
If it is a keloid, all my research tells me that they can only be removed by a physician. Keloids are scars that continue to grow and enlarge and surpass the wound area where you would expect a scar to be. Know one know who or why some people are prone to develop keloids where usually a regular scar would grow, then stop growing, of course. Dark skinned people are more prone to keloids. And people who are prone to keloids should never get piercings, because they cause keloids.
I hope this helps
Michele
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like im a girl and on the skin on my right and left leg kinda like kinda before the vajayjay, i keep getting burns there! it happens when i wear jeans sometimes.. and it feels like my underwear is uncomfortable since it hurts.. i checked there once and there were like.. burn-type things.. how can i get rid of them? they're uncomfortable and usually go away the next day but i can still see where the burn was cause its kinda darker there. (link)
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From your description, I would say that your jeans or your underware are too tight. They are rubbing against the skin there, and chaffing it. You end up with a heat rash, or sort of like a rug burn, and the skin is irritated and it can burn or sting. To heal it, you should probably use an ointment like Neosporine. To prevent it you should probably use baby power, or corn starch.
Hope this helps
Michele
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Long but please read:
My parents are getting a divorce shortly mainly because my dad is 38 wanting to be 20 again. I have a bestfriend that comes around alot and she thinks my dad is hot and he knows that. He says that she is very attractive and so on. He text her all the time. Me and my friend work together and my dad will go in and talk to her then leave without saying a word to me or he will go in when im not even working like he has for the last 2 weeks according to my friend.
The other night i was pretty drunk and my friend and i were talking to my dad. I laid down on the floor and dosed off and i hard noises coming from my friend ( like her and my dad messing around ) after my sister came in the room i got up and went to the bathroom and started crying. After 10 min my friend came to check on me and i asked her if she was messing around with my dad and she said "no, i would never do that ___ i would never do anything to ruin our friendship". And of course i believe her she my bestfriend.
Lately my dad is very attached to his cell phone every time it chimes i know its my friend.He sleeps with the phone right next to him most nights and if you touch his phone he flips out. Well tonight he left his phone on the table so i snooped and i looked thourgh his pictures and i found one of my friend naked (from the waist up)
IM so hurt by this i dont know if i trust her shes lying to me. We're supposed to be bestfriends. Shes tells me she annoyed by my dad but that pictures proves that thats a lie. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to tell her i was looking through my dads phone and found this. I'm Graduating tomorrow and shes going to be there we are supposed to move in tomorrow as in get an apartment.
Please help im falling apart over this
thanks (link)
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I can understand why you are falling apart over this. Two of the most important people in your life, which you should be able to trust, have violated that trust. Your father should be ashamed of himself. He is flirting with danger here. He may NOT be breaking the law, if your friend is 17 or older, but he is certainly breaking all moral laws. Can you imagin what his friends and co-workers will think of him when they find out. He can't live this down. This relationship is not going to last, but this mistake will follow him for the rest of his life. Even if you don't tell anyone, everyone is soon going to find out.
Your friend is playing with fire. She just likes the attention of an older more mature male, who knows all the right things to say. You know: Oh your so beautiful, or your so sexy, etc, etc. And of course, any 17 year old girl is sexy to a 38 year old man. That's a no brainer!
But in reality they have nothing in common and the lust will soon wear off. Probably on her part first.
I wouldn't share an apartment with that girl. If she can go behind your back, and violate your trust, is shows how much value she puts on your friendship.....little to none. She won't stop there, if she cares only about herself, that will be the main theme during the time that you to share an apartment together.
Her needs, wants and desires will come first. You could end up in the apartment by yourself, with loads of debt. Also who knows what kind of creeps she may bring to your apartment. Since she doesn't care about being used by men, as long as they tell her she's beautiful. They could rob you or hurt you.
If I were you, I would run as fast as I can in the other direction. I hope you are close with your mom. I hope you can stay with her for a while once you graduate,until you can find a more responsbile and reliable and trustworthy friend to share an apartment with.
Too bad you can't find a better dad. You're stuck with that one. When you do ever speak to him, be sure and tell him how ashamed you are of him. It will get him right in his gut, and he will never forget it, and it is a small price to pay for what he had done to you. Good luck honey. I hope you have a good life. You have learned a hard lesson. Some people cannot be trusted. Please be careful.
Michele
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the other day my friend invited me to her party. we are pretty good friends but not the closest. an hour later she told me the party was canceled cause her mom said she couldn't. well in everyone's away message it says "can't wait for sarah's party on saturday" so its obvious shes lying. i dont wanna bring it up to her and sound like a bitch or get her mad at me.. but like how should i bring it up? i really dont know why she'd do that to me. =/ the party is tomorrow night. (link)
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It certainly does seem like you were "un-invited" to the party. If you agree with that assumption, then what is the next step? It was really mean of her to do that. This calls for thinking about all the alternatives and seeing which one you can live with. I certainly understand that you want to go to the party.
Now if SHE un=invited you, what could that mean? Is she jealous of you? Will there be a boy there that you both like, and she wants total access to him without your interference?
What if she "un-invited" you at the request of someone else. Who could that be?
ARe you willing to crash the party? Are you willing to have someone else take you to the party? If you do decide to attend, you could say. Hey, glad to see your mom changed her mind! Then just enjoy yourself. She may be to busy to do anything about it. Or is she the type to start a fight with you in front of other people? I think you should think about these questions, and what the answers might be, than make your decision.
I know is sucks. If you decide it is not worth the risk, is there a special friend you can call, and make some awesome plans with?
I do hope that you end up at the party, if that is what you want.
GOod luck.
Michele
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Do vegies make you fat at all ???? (link)
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Veggies do not make you fat, when eaten raw or steamed with a little salt, pepper and spice. How veggies CAN make you fat, is when they are smothered in cheese or butter. Too much cheese and butter, stuff like that, can make you fat.
Salads are great, and very health, but be careful of the amount of dressing you put on. Low fat or no fat dressings are best if you are trying to loose weight.
Micheel
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Do lemons make you skinner ?? (link)
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No, not as an addition to your daily food intake Lemons by themselves do not make you skinny. But if you eat lemons in place of potato chips, ice cream and cookies, you will certainly loose weight because lemons are LOW in calories and contain no fat. But who can eat lemons? Truth is, to loose weight, you have to take in less calories than you burn each day. Eating foods like fruits and vegatables, salads and fish, are better for your body than junk food. They contain less calories and add more bulk to your diet. Excercise is also very important.
Michele
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theres this guy name bill and he likes to start rumors like we mess around with each ( telling jokes and stuff ) and so he goes nate wants you ( nate is this one guy ) im like eww i dont care i dont like him. and so bill goes and tells nate rose likes you ( me =rose) and nate goes online and IMs me and is like I DONT LIKE YOU SMELLY ARAB YOUR VAG SMELLS FUNNY AND YOUR UGLY and he just keeps goinng on dissing me and i diss him back
but now he wont stop and its bothering me. i have him in third hour and like what do i do?
ignore him?
cuss at him?
i just dont know whats the best
i mean if someone were calling you names and all that would you honestly just sit there and ignore them?
i ignored him now when he sent this
in third hour it always smells like fish because you never close your legs take out the dead fucken corpes out of ur vajj
oh and the LAST thing i would ever do is tell a teacher or adult, so dont say it (link)
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Yes I would ignore him. Because after all my years of experience, I have learned that this is what works. Although when I was your age, I would have found it hard also. If he doesn't get any reaction out of you, he EVENTUALLY will stop, and no it won't be as soon as you want it to stop, but it will stop. If you answer him, he will answer back, and so on and so on. It may never end. I am surprised that Bill said Nate likes you, when he obviously doesn't. Could it be that bill was testing you, and maybe he is the one who likes you. The other thing you can try is to just laugh at him, show him you have confidence in yourself and it doesn't matter what he says, you know it isn't true. (and you do know that) they hate it when you laugh at them, because they are trying to make you mad. Say yes your right, out loud and laugh. Since that is not the reaction he is looking for, he won't know what to say. If he succeeds in upsetting you, THAT IS THE REACTION he is looking for and will continue. He will continue until he makes you cry if he can. So be strong, just laugh and say whatever. (if that is what kids say today.)
I hope this helps. Please believe me. things do get better when you are an adult and are hanging out with other adults. Adults you choose to be with. Your stuck in school with who ever goes to your school.
Take care
Michele
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okay so i get all the signs of pms but arent they the same signs as pregnancy?
like i eat peanut butter and i get moody
but i have a weird discharge and its not blood or like anything but its like a brownish color.. then sometimes it looks like theres a little blood in it.. and me and my boyfriend were sexual last weekend but we didnt have sex.. but he fingered me... is it possible that he may have had cum on his hands and now im pregnant?
or does it mean my periods coming because its been going on for like 5 days and i feel like it happened after me and my boyfriend did stuff.. and im scared. (link)
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WEll I guess some of the symptoms are the same, but pregnancy has much more symptoms. Like tender breasts. Increased urination. And very often morning sickness, nausea. If you two are just pleasuring yourselves with your hands, it will not be that easy to get pregnant, especially if you clean up right away. IF he DOES actually have cum on his hands, and he inserts those fingers into your vagina, then yes you can get pregnant that way so be careful.
Be sure to clean up carefully. In my opinion, you are not pregnant, and you will be getting your period soon. Any chance you could get on the pill so you don't have to worry about this.
Michele
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I'm going to enter junior high soon and my friends and I have decidded to change our appearance a bit. I decided to highlight my hair with a few black strips(nothin' goth or anything. It would just bring out my eyes better). So I asked my mom and she said no because she didn't want me to turn emo or somethin'. She rejected my idea before I got a chance to tell her my reasons. How can I convince her to let me highlight my hair? (link)
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WEll, try this. Tell her that you want her to think about it, and that you will ask her again at the end of the summer, before school starts. Then spend the summer acting very mature, and very grown=up. So that she trusts you. Stay out of trouble, and be mature about everything. when one of your friends or an aquaintance from school does something stupid and gets in trouble, tell her about it. It will make her think that you also think the behavior is stupid and that you wouldn't try it. (hopefully this is true.) My son had a purple mohawk during high school, and I didn't mind because he was always honest, always responsible, and got very good grades in school. No I didn't like the mohawk, but what could I say. He never gave me a moments worry in any other area, so how could I say no.? His acting responsbile bought him my trust and much more freedom. He shaved it off when he started college (thank goodness, ha,ha.)
Michele
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I'm taking a trip to Washington DC in about 3 weeks, and i havent been on a plane in almost ten years. I am a teen and need things to do on the plane, so i am looking for suggestions...but i'm plannning on just bringing my ipod and stuff.
but i have some more questions:
*what are some things that i will not be allowed to take on the plane?
* Is it true that you cannot take curling irons/straighteners on the plane?
*can you take on food or do you have to buy it on the plane?
*do they actually open all your bags and check theM??
*Anything else i should expect? (link)
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go to this website it has lists of everything you can and cannot bring.
http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm
If the link doesn't work. go to
www.tsa.gov
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My boyfriend & I are sexually active. I've been on the pill for 5 days now. We are going to use a condom, but if the condom were to fail, will the pill help prevent me getting pregnant since I haven't been on it very long?
Thanks. :) (link)
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No at this time the pill is not 100% affective. Not until you have had your period at least once while on it. If you have, you are OK. Also, if you experience any bloody spotting, while on the pill, then this version of the pill is not strong enough for you. If you do not have any spotting, then you are OK on this version. You just have to be on it for more than one month before it is effective. That is in case you have already ovulated and there is an "egg" there in your uterus waiting to be impregnated. After you have been on the pill for more than 30 days, no more eggs will move to your uterus to be impregnated. Glad that you are taking the initiative and you are on the pill. Can you use a spermacide too, during this first month?
Hope this helps.
Michele
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So it's summer, as of today. Now I realize that.. I'm going to be really bored the whole time. My group of "best friends" never call me anymore, because they're always out drinking. I confronted them about it once & they say that they've changed now & I haven't. At school I talked to a lot of people but no one called me after or on weekends. Now it's summer & I won't see anyone anymore. What do I do? I have no friends. I don't want to sit at home all summer. Plus my mom is always like, "where are your friends?" & I make up a lie because I can't tell her that they don't talk to me anymore, I feel like a loser.
I don't know what I'm going to do all summer. It seems like my old friends don't even feel bad that I have no friends. (link)
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It is true that misery loves company, and your friends are drinking and partying too much because they don't want to face reality.....and since you are more sensible, and you remind them of when they were also against these things, they want you to join them, or be without them. I know it sounds corny but you are better off. You don't say how old you are, so I guess I can't recommend that you get a job. How does volunteer work sound. Is there a library close by, you could volunteer there. How about dog sitting or dog walking? How about volunteering at a child care center to play with the kids, What a lifesaver you would be, if you could help out that way.
Please don't think that it will remain this way for the rest of your life. You will meeting kids who feel the same way about implusive and negative behaior. Adolescense is not forever (Thank GOd, because it is horrible.) You will see in time, as your friends' behavior gets them in more trouble than they can handle. My son is in high school, he does not drink, he has already lost two friends to drinking while they were driving. They died too young in traffic accidents. That was enough to wake him up. Call someone up that you used to think was kind of nerdy. I'll bet they are feeling the same way. You could start up a whole new friendship.
Drinking and drugs and smoking does not make you cool, or smart or beautiful. Go to Google images, and search on "crack head" or drunks. Better yet, do you like to read, why not pick up a copy of that book written by a college age girl, called "SMASHED" by Koren Zailckas. It is her true life story. If that doesn't convice you..... Hey maybe you could get some of your old friends to read it....it just might save their lives.
Michele
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Does anyone know any reliable websites where i can get a tutu under £15 from?
Thanks
xxx
(link)
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Try ebay, there are lots of tutu's for sale or for auction on ebay, and many of them are for less than $15. (english pounds) You might even find a seller in England.
Michele
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Thank youi Michele for the help and I undderstand what you mean. I tried to apologize, really. I made her a sign that I put on her house and I think I have texted her about 10 times. I also made her a card that says the reason I like you sooo much is becuase I wanna be like you. You are like an idol. She just texted me back saying just stop and you don't want to be like me. I suck in school. All the things I am good for is a hot bod and a good soccer player. Whenever I bring it up on a text(that's the only way she will talk to me) she just says why are you talking to me? Whenever I see her at school she always gives me the death look . I just had this problem for over 2 months now and I feel that invading her privacy was wrong but I want to be given another chance and she just will not let me do that. You know what I mean? I feel I have nowhere else to turn. Thanks for your previous advice. (link)
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I understand, and I think this will take some time. She needs to get over her anger, and in the meantime she is getting on with her life, and not thinking at all about you. Her comment about "why would you want to be like me, all I am is a hot bod, and a good soccer players, blah, blah, blah," This tells me that she still thinks enough of you to give you some good advice. People who are selfish, want everyone to be like them, to like what they like, and to wear what they wear, etc. etc. Believe me, she is flattered that you think so highly of her. I think she will come around. In the mean time, you can still admire her and try to copy her good points. her skills and mayber her fashions, but at this point, if you try any more to make amends, you are just annoying her. So let it be, and when some time has passed between the events when you annoyed her, and a time in the future, when she has forgotten why she was annoyed by you. You will be friends again. Let me say this, whenever she needs a boost to her ego, when she is feeling bad about something, she may just seek out your company because you will remind her of all the good qualities she has.
Seeing only what is good about a person is an excellent trait that you have. Don't loose it. I will serve you well for the rest of your life.
Michele
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ok soo I have been best friends with this girl for about a year and a half.
and she has moved twice,
but still when she moved we kept
in touch and say eachother and stuff.
and she moved back to where I live about
2 months ago. and we became ever closer.
she is my best friend. even though we
dont get to see eachother that much,
there is a place in my heart for her
that no one else could replace.
and about a month ago she was at my house,
and I was sleeping and I woke up to my other
friend shaking me and saying my name alot
and seemed very scared and told me to
come here, and so I followed her into the
bathroom, were my bestfriend was laying
on the ground with a bunch of empty pill
bottles and throughing up everywhere
trying hard to breath.
I started balling.
we got my mom and called 911.
the ambulence came and took her away.
luckly after a few days in the hospital
she was ok.
I couldn't see or talk to her for
one week. then when she got back
she came over for 5 minutes.
then she left.
and I havent seen her since.
idno why, its just hard I guess.
and shes grouded for a longg time.
but I'm going to camp with her soon.
but ever since then, I cant
see or hear an ambulence without
crying, I can't take pills, well I have to
but its soo hard.
I think about her every day.
I talk to her everyday.
I cry alot thinking about her.
I seem to write sooo much about her.
I probably spend over half of everyday
thinking about her.
and its like no one understands.
I need help with this.
idno what to do.
(link)
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Your best friend has some adult problems in her life and she doesn't know how to deal with them. And she doesn't think you can help, that is why she has not confided in you. But young girls DO NOT try to committ suicide if they are happy. And yes that is what she was doing when she took all those pills, having no idea what they would do to her. I can only believe that she must have some problems at home with her parents. Are they abusive, are they on drugs? Could someone she trusts be molesting her? Girls your age should be happy and giddy and talking about boys and clothes and music. Not overdosing on pills. Usually if a young person is unhappy, the problems are with the people they live with, their family. The fact that her family has moved so much is a clue, also that she was" grounded" after taking the overdose of pills. That was a cry for help, not for punishment.
Are you ready to ask her these hard questions? Are you strong enough to deal with the answers? Are you able to be supportive to her?
When you see her at camp, the best thing you can do is say. Hey, you seem to be carrying a very heavy burden. I want you to know that I am here to help you, if you want to share with me."
Or something of that nature. It is nice that you are concerned about your friend. I hope you can help.
Michele
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