marinemom24's advice column

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Q: How can I make my teeth whiter? Without whitening strips? Is there a paste I can make or something?

Make a paste from hydrogen peroxide and baking soda. Stay away from lemons and oranges. Citrus can damage tooth enamel.

Q: About two months ago, I got a job at a place I had previously worked at in order to get some extra money. The problem is, I hate the job. Mostly I'm just standing around wasting time, which is what everyone does. Most of my coworkers and I don't get along very well because I'm not into partying as much as they are, and I don't work there very often. When I do work, it's a three hour shift, every time.

I have another job that I've been at for three years. They really like me there, and I get paid the same as the other job. I had gotten the new job because the old job was undergoing remodeling and my hours were cut because part of the store was closed. Now that we're done remodeling, business has picked up a lot and I'm getting a lot more hours, with longer shifts than only three hours.

Should I quit the newer job, now that I would be okay financially just working at the job I've been at for years? Could I still use it as a reference, citing that it was seasonal work (it sort of was)? Do prospective jobs even call employers you were with more than three years ago?

I would have no qualms about quitting this job if I were you. You're under no obligation to stay there. If you want to use them as a reference in the future, however, do it right by giving them the standard two weeks notice. Just be honest and tell them that you're getting more hours at your primary job and just can't continue working two jobs any longer. I'm sure they'll respect that. And, yes, it is very possible that if you put this company on any future job applications it most likely will be verified. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Q: 16/F

Okay, it took me about ten years to make all the friends I have now and at the time, they were all wonderful. We acted like kids, we cried on each other's shoulders, we shared secrets, told jokes, had the best time of our lives and now, it's all completely ruined. I have friends who are doing drugs, smoking, and drinking, having sex, and dating guys online who've they've never even met and claim they want to marry him. I have two friends, let's call them Z.S and A.D, who're in a huge fight over some really nasty guy who lives several states away and they both claim they love him, telling each other that the other doesn't love him as much as they do. It's really ridiculous and they're acting like a couple of drama queens. Another friend of mine, A.C, is dating a guy online she's never met, who's slipped up while talking to me before, and he tells her these totally outrageous stories about how he's being sent to a special school for gay/bisexual boys with his brother, who was diagnosed with lung cancer. Another friend of mine, M.R is obsessed with smoking, drinking, and bragging about how she's getting her ID so she can buy cigars and stuff. I'll admit, I did something kind of bad a couple years ago, but I haven't done anything since because what happened scared me. It basically turned me a bit of a coward, but I think it was for the better because I became happy and optimistic, life is awesome if you make it that way. And now that I've started hanging out with my friends again, since we hardly have any classes together, they're ruining everything amongst ourselves. I think they're doing it because they're bored and quite frankly, it's just aggravating me. I don't want to be friends with them anymore, but I don't want to show up at school and get beat up or anything. Not to mention I'd feel super bad about telling them flat out... I'm more of a loner, though, and I have two friends I talk to everyday online when I get home and they're the only ones who understand (btw, I've met them in real life before I met them online). I really don't know what to do anymore and I kind of feel bad for wanting to ditch them, but I just can't handle all the stress again from taking sides and getting involved with this stuff...

It sounds like you've really outgrown these old friends and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't want to participate in or condone their self-destructive behavior then don't do it. I don't feel it's necessary to come right out and tell them you don't want to be friends anymore. Just do what you've been doing by avoiding them and seeing them less and less. I'm sorry you feel like you might get beat up if you tell these people things can't be the same between you. That's certainly not okay for anyone to give you that impression. And, you should not feel bad about wanting to put space between you and these old friends. You're making new friends so concentrate on that for now. Trust me, many people will come in and out of your life over the years. It happens to all of us. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and that's an excellent thing! Hope this helps a bit. Good luck!

Q: my ex boyfriend never leaves me alone. he asks me all the time if i want to hang out with him tonight and i said yes in the past. and he just wanted to make out with me and have sex. he never talks to me everyday. the only time he talks to me is when he wants to hang out with me and that's usually at night. it's really pissing me off. i tried acting interested in him and said yes. and talked to him a lot so he would back off. it was really boring talking to him and i was really not even interested in doing this but i had to get him out of my life. i got so bored that i eventually just ignored him for a couple weeks. then he comes back and pursues me and asks the same question "do you want to hang out?" the problem is im in love with this other guy and its not my ex. i told my ex i love someone else. i was mean to him i cussed him out. he just laughed at me and didnt take it seriously. but then he didnt talk to me for a couple days, then next thing you know he invites me to his house because hes having a party. i say yes. we end up having sex. it was the worst most boring sex ever. after that i made a promise id say no to him 4 times and if he doesnt give up by the 4th time then i dont know what to do. TODAY he texted me at 5 am and asked me if I wanted to hang out.

I ignored it. I didnt even respond. I just cant get him out of my life. I dont like him. I cant seem to like any other guys because my ex is always there wanting to make out with me. Not only this but he asks his other ex if she wants to hang out with him too...idk what to do. I thought he liked me until i realized he was just using me. i cant seem to do anything about it. hes really annoying. he calls me too until i pick up. i dont need him in my life and i know he doesnt even have feelings for me anymore because his friends told me he doesnt. please help. by the way he was the first guy i ever had sex with and thats not a lie. please help me i really want him out of my life forever.

This guy's a jerk and is using you big time. My advice is to completely cut all ties with him. Don't answer his phone calls no matter how many times he calls. He keeps bugging you until he wears you down and he knows it works eventually. Show this jerk once and for all you don't need him and you're done letting him use you. You really need to do this for your own mental health. You'll never be able to move on with the other guy if you keep allowing this to go on. Hope this helps.

Q: what does I'll let you know something mean after a job interview?

This is a good question. Unfortunately this vague comment after a job interview can mean several things. It could mean the interviewer will contact you when they've made a decision (either by letting you know you've been hired or someone else got the job). Sadly this can also mean they've decided you're not right for the job but for some reason can't just tell you that. More often than not the interviewer never even bothers to tell you a thing, which is extremely frustrating to someone who really needs a job. I've been on many interviews in my life and find it so completely frustrating that companies continually keep prospective employees hanging like this. But, there are some things you can do to ease the uncertainty you're probably feeling. Give the company a call. Thank them for taking the time to interview you and tell them how much you'd enjoy working for them. This should give them the opportunity to give you an idea if you're still in the running for the job. Or, you can send a quick thank you note saying the same thing. Doing these things can give the company a positive view of you and gives you a better chance of getting the job. Hope this helps a bit. Good luck!

Q: For a really long time now (probably ever since I was 10 or so., I am now 26) I've talked to myself- like having conversations with no body, as though someone were there listening. I only do this when I'm by myself. It's almost like having company, even though I am well aware that I am alone, and there is no body listening.

I have no mental illness to speak of, am totally normal (I have my quirks, but it's nothing abnormal), enjoy hanging out with people...but I have a tendency to be self-reliant, and just be on my own. I don't have a lot of friends (but I have a few close ones), and don't go out a lot, so I do spend much time alone. I have always been calm, and pretty much okay with being on my own (as a kid, I could just keep myself occupied with drawing or whatever, and was okay with spending time alone). I have always had friends, and do enjoy socializing...but am still able to just be on my own, if that makes sense.

I think that my habit of conversing with, well, no one, stems from me spending a lot of time on my own- and as human beings, we are programmed to be social. So...

I am well aware that I talk aloud quite frequently, when no body is around (never when people are around), and if I were to see someone doing the same exact thing, I would be taken back. So I do understand that there is something quite...weird about this, and if not weird, then unusual.

Do any of you do the same, or know of someone totally normal who does? Any thoughts/opinions are appreciated.

I wouldn't worry about it. Most people talk to themselves. I know I do it. If you were walking down the street by yourself having an entire one-sided conversation I'd say you might have a problem. But as you've said you only do it when you're alone. You're fine. Hope this helps make you feel better!

Q: hello, i've been with my boyfriend for almost 11 months, everything was great at first but he started to stop talking to me that often and he said it was because he thinks i want other guys, he has been saying this for half a year...he says that he thinks im really really pretty and that its obvious that im trying to get guys attention cause i get dolled up (but to be honest i just do it when i HAVE to ) how can i change the way he sees me ?? he loves me and i adore him and i have never cheated on him and he once cheated on me, he thinks im just this horrible person, he says that its so obvious that i crave for other guys attention and thati just want guys to be looking at me and to be wanted by guys :S when to be honest i am NOT and between my friends i am the one that to less stand out to be honest my friends are very pretty tall girls great body white skin, im short average body not fat but not skinny pretty face long hair brown skin..my point is , i understand he thinks that way about me like he thinks every guy out there is trying to get with me and its soooo stupid because the truth is SO far from it !! i dont stand out at all ! but just because to him i may do it he says that he doesnt wanna be with a gril like me who just wants to be wanted (because according to him if i go out with my hair done and wear heels eventho i dont wear them often at all its because i want to get guys attention) to be honest the only reason i take care of my image is because i go to a rich kid's school, everyone there is literally dressed like the girls that are on the show gossip girl, just to go to uni they go like theyre going clubbing hahaha and i do noooot look like tht at all im like usually on jeans flats a regular shirt and have my hair done and a bit make up, im not trying to stand out but im trying to not stand out for being the laziest girl to at least do her make up....im just trying to pass unnoticed....but my boyfriend left me because he says that i am always trying to look good , when to be honest i look like every other girl out there! not over dressed but not in wearing pj's ...he says he cannot have me as his girlfirend anymore because he thinks i want other guys :S when the truth is i dont and i only want him. please tell me what could i do to change his mind , i never ignore him i always take his calls answer his texts i try to speak to him whenever he wants but he has changed alot :S he says he still loves me more than anything but he deleted me off facebook he says he doesnt want to see me there, he never replies until hours after i have texted him, he never makes time to speak to me and he says he is always busy eventho he isnt doing anything imoprtant !! he once said to me when he was very upset that it was because i didnt deserve his time of day for being a gilr that wants to attract other guys when he is my boyfriend, when i swear i never do anything like that :'( im desperate and i dont want him to leave me cause he thinks im a slut :S i prefer him leaving me over something else ! not because of something he thinks i am !!

First, please realize that you can't change the way your boyfriend feels about anything. Only he can change how he thinks and feels. It's really not your job to constantly reassure him. That's certainly going to get tiresome and old very soon. It sounds to me like this guy has low self-esteem, is immature, or both. The most you can do is tell him one final time you are not interested in other guys and leave it at that. DO NOT change how you dress or act. Be yourself. Honestly, I would find it extremely difficult and annoying to be with someone who harps on the same subject day after day. It's quite possible that you're too mature for this guy. It worries me that you seem to be accepting all the blame for his insecurities because this is definitely not your issue, it's his. As I see it, you have a pretty big decision to make here. Either stay with this guy and spend the rest of your days soothing his ego or move on. Hope this helps somewhat. Good luck!

Q: well my stepbrother is my age, 17. & the reason that we havent seen each other for so long is because i see my father about twice a month, since i dont live with him, my father is married to his mother but he does not live with them. soo its always a very low possibility of seeing him. over the summer i was going to spend time with my stepmom, we're really close, but at last minute it turned out that he was going to go to a summer christian camp. so thats knocks out all of summer. when school started in september, my father & stepmom got into a really intensive fight that caused them to separate. she changed her number, causing me to lose all contact with her. i would get updates from my dad but he isnt someone very trustworthy. & recently we got into an altercation & its been a month since ive spoken with my dad. so there are many obstacles in my way. but i just dont know why im falling even more for him everyday.. he supposably lives in my area but its not like my area is small. -thanks for the advice :)

You're very welcome for the advice. Wow, you certainly do have alot of obstacles in your way. Sorry to hear about all you've gone through. Unless there's some way you can get in touch with your stepbrother it isn't likely that you'll ever get to tell him how you feel. And the fact that your parents are feuding will make it all the more difficult. Other than doing some online searching (facebook, myspace, yahoo email for example) you might just have to wait it out. I really wish I could be more help and have some better advice to give you. Please feel free to message me anytime. Best wishes!

Q: Okay, Im 19/f and my discharge has always been clear; today when I got off work, I went to use the bathroom and I noticed that my underwear had a white spot on the top of it, and i touched it, and smelled it, and it had no smell, I opened my legs and I saw that my vagina wasn't completely covered in white stuff, but it had some; My discharge is now white; and IM not too sure why? It doesn't itch down there, or have any irritation, and the discharge has no smell,

is something wrong with me?

why did my discharge go from being clear to white? Its never been white bfore, EVER. If it helps, I had sex a week ago, but it was protected. It doesn't mean Im pregnant does it?

I would try not to worry about this. You say it's not itchy or bad smelling so I honestly think it's okay. Discharge from the vagina varies in color and consistency and can even depend on stress, menstrual cycle, wearing tight jeans and even what type of laundry detergent you're using. Just keep an eye on it and if it begins to get itchy or smells see a doctor. You can even purchase one the many over the counter creams just to ease your mind. Try using panty liners to create a dry barrier between you and your clothing. This really helps alot. Hope this helps you feel more at ease!

Q: march 13 2011 marks a year of me not seeing the one my heart desires. a year. how is it possible for someone to feel this way for someone else over a long period of time as if it was the first time seeing them. i mean during this past year i think ive even fallen deeper in love with him when nothing even happened between us. & overall he's my STEPBROTHER! its not right! but in the 2 years ive known him he's been one of the most amazing guys i have ever met. is this an obsession? well he IS physically attractive but its his heart & the little things that lure me in... i WANT to tell him but things would get even more akward. what should i do?? Any advice is MUCH appreciated. thanks. -female 17

Your question leaves out alot of important information, making it difficult to give the best answer. Questions such as how old is your stepbrother? Where is he and why haven't you seen him in a year? I've personally known couples who were at one time step brother and sister, so it's not wrong or weird. You're not related by blood. I'd say tell him how you feel only if you're getting the same signals from him. Try to get a sense if the feelings you have are mutual. Otherwise this might become awkward. But maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised that he shares your feelings. Please feel free to send me a message to my inbox. Hope this helps somewhat. Good luck!

Q: Ok so im 13 and everyone and i mean everyone that i kno that has an xbox does its stupid because they let us watch rated r movies and crap with them and even my one friend thats a girl has it its soo anoying when im playing some t game while everyone else in the party im talking to is playing black ops i hate it plz help!!!!

Speaking as a parent I'd have to say that if your parents have already made up their minds and decided they don't want you to have this game then chances are pretty slim that'll they'll be changing their decision anytime soon. Try to keep in mind that your parents aren't restricting your game playing to be mean. They're taking an active role in what you do and have your best interests at heart. But I realize this is something important to you. Maybe you could try talking to them calmly about it. Perhaps ask them if they'd agree to let you show them the game so they can make a better determination. Hopefully they'll listen to you and respect your views. Hope this helps somehow. Good luck!

Q: Heyyyy. Okay... So I'm a sophomore girl, fifteen. Some background on me: Dated a guy all of last year (I was freshman,14 he was sophomore,16) and he was a jerk. He would be a complete ass one second and then force me to look him in the eye when he told me he loved me. He kinda sorta (based on your defintion) cheated. He pressured me into fingering. He physicallyl forced my hand to give him a hj. He asked me for weeks for a bj saying things like "if you really loved me, you'd do this". He dumped me in a text. All in all, he really hurt me. He confessed he was only in the seven month relationship for the physical stuff, only liked me when we were hooking up, etc. He also told me he didn't tell anyone about how far we'd gone which was a lie cause he would give his baseball team entire play-by-plays and brag about how he "had me on a leash". But okay. I was whipped. I was so confident and strong before I met him. I really changed when we dated. I hate that girl that I was. I was an IDIOT and I wish more than anything I could take it back. I became a little puppy dog and basically lost all of my self worth when the whole thing was over and done with. I felt like a joke. I felt like(because of this and other instances involiving guys prior to this one) a guy couldn't ever like me for the person I was. That there was something so horrible about me or my personality that my body was the only thing that would keep them around. After the break up I was to put it shortly a mess. And one of my really good guy friends basically saved me... He talked me through a lot of it. I told him things I didn't even tell my girlfriends. When I wanted to beg for my ex back he told me I was too good for that and he basicallly helped me find myself again. We've stayed god friends August he started dating a girl. Around November I started dating a guy. Towards the end of November he was talkign to me about how he wanted to break up with the girl. He did it and called me after so we could talk. He was pretty upset just because he felt bad for hurting her. About a month later I decided to break up with my boyfriend cause he was super clingy and would look through my phone and yell at me and stuff. Again, my guy friend helped me through this. After that we started talking every single day. People accused us of liking eachother but we both assured them we were just really good friends. But the thing is... I like him now. I'm so confused by our relationship. And I don't want to ask him about it because I don't want to ruin the friendship. Recently he hasn't texted me as much and he acts really distant when we hang out around other people. But that's only b een the past like week so maybe he's just in a slump? I dont' know... but it actually makes me sad. We've been through so much and I don't know what's going through my head or what to do or if I really do like him or what... I need some serious help...

Most strong, long-lasting relationships begin with friendship. It sounds to me like you two have the basis for a mutually beneficial relationship. Maybe his recent silence means he's feeling the same mixed feelings that you've been experiencing and he's feeling unsure as well. He sounds like a wonderful, caring guy and I feel you should bite the bullet here and let him know how you truly feel about him. It sounds like you've been through alot in a short amount of time. Let him know how much he means to you and take it from there. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Q: 18/f

My friends have never been like this all of high school. When I was in 9th grade I drank a lot, but I don't do that at all anymore. I mean I still do sometimes, but only at like a big party or something. My friendsdo every weekend. Friday and Saturday. And it's not even at like real parties it's like them and a few really ugly guys. I don't know why there doing this! It's just so immature and annoying. My one friend has had sex with like 8 different guys in the past three months, the other just lost her virginity to her boyfriend that she was only dating a month, and then cheated on him a week later. My other friend just lost her virginity to some guy she didn't even know. And two of them have been trying pot too.

Aren't they kind of old for these teenage phases? Or am I just on another maturity level completely? They're my friends, but I'm just sick of this.. Why are they acting like this?

Hmmm...sounds to me like you just might need some new friends. It also sounds like you've outgrown these girls. You've matured and they haven't. Don't let them drag you down with their self-destructive behavior. I don't think you should spend too much time trying to analyze them. As difficult as this may be I feel you should move on and leave them behind. Hope this helps!

Q: To begin with, I love my boyfriend...we always have a great time together and he is my best friend. He's the only guy I've ever done stuff more then kissing with and I've lost my virginity to him (and he lost his to me). This morning I woke up really happy because we had a date last night and it was really fun. But then I checked my facebook, and everyone else updated their status about them hanging out with friends and my best friend sent me a text and said she missed hanging out with me...I'm so confused, because I LOVE hanging out with my boyfriend, I'd rather hang out with him then anyone else, but at the same time I miss hanging out with my friends. I feel like my friends are just like "oh, she's always with her boyfriend now, she probably won't want to hang out with us anyway" and they never invite me to stuff like they used to :( I guess I have been more distant since I've been with this guy, and I miss my friends but I'd still choose to hang out with my boyfriend over hanging out with them...I don't know why but I've been craving the 'single life' lately, even though I'd never break up with my boyfriend, at least not right now. And I don't believe in 'taking a break'...if I ever broke up with him (or him with me), I couldn't ever allow us to get back together because if we can't work out the first time, then we probably can't work out the second time. So what do I do? I feel like I'm torn between my friends and my boyfriend, but I'm not...I'd rather hang out with my boyfriend. Maybe I just like the idea of being more social rather then actually doing it? A lot of times when I used to hang out with a friend, I'd get really bored and just want them to leave so I could be alone...I just don't know what's up with me! I'm so confused :( please help, any advice is appreciated!

Also, if it helps, I'm 17 and he's 18...we've been together for a little bit over a year.

You shouldn't feel that you need to take a break from your bf because you want to hang out with your friends from time to time. It's good to stay in touch with friends and family even if you're in a relationship. Having interests aside from any that you have with your boyfriend is important for a well-rounded life. Please don't feel as though you would be ignoring your bf. Perhaps you two can discuss your needs and desires to do things with your friends. Does he have friends that he hasn't been spending much time with? Maybe you can agree that one night a week (or every other week) can be friends night. You can both spend that time with friends doing things that you all enjoy. What you're feeling is perfectly natural. Stop beating yourself up over it. Hope this helps!

Q: Ok so were I live well it's getting snowy and too cold to run outside I need good workout info that I could do in my house bc I can't go to a gym at the moment but I want to get in shape for softball a little so when conditioning starts it won't be as bad... And I kinda have a small fear of conditioning soo any good types of workout I could do in the house p,s I don't have stairs k thanks!!

In my opinion, walking is probably THE best exercise you can do to get in shape. It's low cost (a good pair of walking shoes is pretty much all you need) and simple. Since you've already made the point of not being able to go outside you may want to check out Leslie Sansone's walking series on DVD. I use them and find them extremely affective. You can find them affordably on Amazon.com or if you're lucky enough to have "on demand" through your cable provider you can get her series on the fitness channel. You can add an inexpensive set of ankle weights, wrist weights or dumb bells to step it up a notch. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Q: ok so the title says it all. is it normal for a teenage girl to look at porn. it's embarrassing :/ but, is it normal? and i heard you can become addicted to it? how do you know if your addicted? i dont think i am because i only do it so i can get arroused when i masturbate and its not like everyday. it just makes it easier and stuff.
- just so you know, im 14 and i know its kind of wrong i guess? but i dont want comments on it, just answers to my questions. thank you so much for the answers(:

In answer to your question, yes, it's normal. It's perfectly normal to be curious about sex and the interenet certainly provides an outlet for the curious. Recent studies show that more females are surfing porn for the purpose of becoming aroused and achieving orgasm. The problem comes in when it becomes an obsession. If you are spending many hours or prefer surfing porn over spending time with friends and family or doing school work. It's not wrong, but, honestly I feel that too much of it can be a problem. You've stated that it isn't a daily thing so I wouldn't worry about it.

Q: Do they teach people how to spell anymore? My time on this site shows me that they stopped. Alternatively, are gorilla-finger sized people using this site? I'm quite curious.

Thank you so much for noticing that. I just try to chalk it up to fast or inexperienced typing or poor (or non-existent) proof reading skills. But you're right, it is mind boggling that many teens (and adults as well) have such terrible spelling and grammar skills. Goes to show you how much our education system is lacking. Thanks for pointing that out!

Q: 20female

So it's really weird but I would rather just have sex then do foreplay. I feel more comfortable having sex then giving a guy a handjob or blowjob. I've actually never given either because I'm scared I'll be bad but I've had sex before. It's actually pretty weird. I'll let a guy finger me and I don't care but I just can't find myself to let me return the favor to them and would rather just get right into sex. Like from making out to sex. Is this weird? I've only had sex twice with the same person ..but I'm no longer talking to him. Would any guy let this happen or would they be turned off that I wouldn't want to please them before sex?

I don't know what to do!

You've stated you've only had sex twice. Give yourself time to feel more comfortable doing other things besides intercourse. You should not feel compelled or forced to do anything you are not comfortable with and your partner should respect that. If you aren't experienced at performing oral sex then of course it will make you unsure of yourself. Relax, take your time and it will develop naturally. Putting so much pressure on yourself will only result in more insecurity. If your future partner gets upset with you then you don't need to be with him. Hope this helps.

Q: me:18
sister 20
ok so last year at about this time i met a really attractive guy. lets call him nick. okay so nick and i hung out and my sister sometimes came along. i would notice how nick would flirt with my sister. before that i knew nick was a player. he always hid his phone. i didnt trust him. well to make a story short he ended up hanging out with my sister and even gave her a hickey. i found this out from a friend. when i confronted her about it she told me that she just wnated to protect me becuase she knew he was a player and wanted to prove that to me. the thing is that she had asked me if i wanted to know before she did that and i said no becuase i really liked him and i hoped that maybe he will like me back. so anyway when i found out i said all these horrible things to her. we didnt speak for about a month. well i forgave her becuase she said she was truely sorry and whatnot. so a year later (which is now) im just thinking back. we my sister and i used to be so close but after the thing with nick happened we are not so much. i found out she messed with a guy and that just brought memories back. like when she messed with nick(they kissed and he gave her a hickey). now, i just get so jealous when she tells me stories about guys becuase i remember what she did to me. i know shes trying hard to get back the relationship we had before. (we were REALLY close.) im trying too. but i just cant help it. i get so mad when she tells me the things she did with this guys she likes. i dont know i guess im just jealous. how do i overcome this. i have all this hatred deep inside. you dont understand i really liked nick and i feel so betrayed. i really dont know how to overcome this. any advice would be grateful.
BTW, my sister and i vowed not to talk about the nick situation. we always end up arguing about it and she said she doesnt need to be reminded about what she did. i mean i know shes sorry but why do i still have all this hatred deep inside? please help. thanyou in advance.

Your sister betrayed you and you're hurt and rightly so. The fact that it's a year ago just shows that neither of you (especially you) have not dealt with the hurt feelings. It sounds like you've stuffed it down and it bubbles to the surface now and then. The only way to get past this is to have an open, honest talk with her. Let her know how much what she did affected you. Your sister needs to acknowledge what's she's done, own up to it, apologize and then work on gaining back your trust. If she decides to argue and tell you she "doesn't need to be reminded of it" then tell her things won't be the same between the two of you until she really listens to what you have to say. Hopefully the two of you can eventually move forward. Then vow to forgive and forget. Hope this helps.

Q: What to do with a four year old who wont listen to anything. He screams, talks back, throws temper tantrums, you try and put him in time out and just makes the situation worse. I cant get him to listen to anything I say. If there is something he doesnt want to eat he screams about it. Its like this all the time. He didnt used to be this way. hes even told me husband that he is not his father (step dad). He does what he wants when you ask him to stay out of the fridge or put something back he throws a fit.

I agree with the other Advicenators, definitely seek the advice of a pediatrician. Certain food allergies can cause young children to behave this way. Once you remove the allergen the difference is often like night and day. It could be something as simple as that. Good luck!

bio

Merry Meet!
I'm a mom of three grown children. I've been married, divorced and now recently remarried. I've had more than my fair share of life's hard knocks and have been knocked down more times than I can count, but still manage to get back up and go at life again. All this gives me tons of experience to draw upon when giving out my advice. I love people and honestly want to help. Please feel free to ask me questions directly if you like and I promise to answer each one of them.

Brightest Blessings to All!!