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how to change the way he thinks i am ?
hello, i've been with my boyfriend for almost 11 months, everything was great at first but he started to stop talking to me that often and he said it was because he thinks i want other guys, he has been saying this for half a year...he says that he thinks im really really pretty and that its obvious that im trying to get guys attention cause i get dolled up (but to be honest i just do it when i HAVE to ) how can i change the way he sees me ?? he loves me and i adore him and i have never cheated on him and he once cheated on me, he thinks im just this horrible person, he says that its so obvious that i crave for other guys attention and thati just want guys to be looking at me and to be wanted by guys :S when to be honest i am NOT and between my friends i am the one that to less stand out to be honest my friends are very pretty tall girls great body white skin, im short average body not fat but not skinny pretty face long hair brown skin..my point is , i understand he thinks that way about me like he thinks every guy out there is trying to get with me and its soooo stupid because the truth is SO far from it !! i dont stand out at all ! but just because to him i may do it he says that he doesnt wanna be with a gril like me who just wants to be wanted (because according to him if i go out with my hair done and wear heels eventho i dont wear them often at all its because i want to get guys attention) to be honest the only reason i take care of my image is because i go to a rich kid's school, everyone there is literally dressed like the girls that are on the show gossip girl, just to go to uni they go like theyre going clubbing hahaha and i do noooot look like tht at all im like usually on jeans flats a regular shirt and have my hair done and a bit make up, im not trying to stand out but im trying to not stand out for being the laziest girl to at least do her make up....im just trying to pass unnoticed....but my boyfriend left me because he says that i am always trying to look good , when to be honest i look like every other girl out there! not over dressed but not in wearing pj's ...he says he cannot have me as his girlfirend anymore because he thinks i want other guys :S when the truth is i dont and i only want him. please tell me what could i do to change his mind , i never ignore him i always take his calls answer his texts i try to speak to him whenever he wants but he has changed alot :S he says he still loves me more than anything but he deleted me off facebook he says he doesnt want to see me there, he never replies until hours after i have texted him, he never makes time to speak to me and he says he is always busy eventho he isnt doing anything imoprtant !! he once said to me when he was very upset that it was because i didnt deserve his time of day for being a gilr that wants to attract other guys when he is my boyfriend, when i swear i never do anything like that :'( im desperate and i dont want him to leave me cause he thinks im a slut :S i prefer him leaving me over something else ! not because of something he thinks i am !!
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First, please realize that you can't change the way your boyfriend feels about anything. Only he can change how he thinks and feels. It's really not your job to constantly reassure him. That's certainly going to get tiresome and old very soon. It sounds to me like this guy has low self-esteem, is immature, or both. The most you can do is tell him one final time you are not interested in other guys and leave it at that. DO NOT change how you dress or act. Be yourself. Honestly, I would find it extremely difficult and annoying to be with someone who harps on the same subject day after day. It's quite possible that you're too mature for this guy. It worries me that you seem to be accepting all the blame for his insecurities because this is definitely not your issue, it's his. As I see it, you have a pretty big decision to make here. Either stay with this guy and spend the rest of your days soothing his ego or move on. Hope this helps somewhat. Good luck!
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to be honest, what i see is the following: i think your boyfriend feels guilty of something he did and thats why he's been trying to make you feel that its your fault and not his. i really think there is nothing wrong with you and its not a bad thing to look good. i am 22 i have a boyfriend and we've been together for 7 years now. i always like to look good and be noticed its not a bad thing it doesnt make me a slut and it doesnt mean i want other guys, i like looking good cuz it make me happy and lifts my self esteem and makes me more confident which makes me even more sexier in my boyfriends eyes. and hes not insecure to think that i do it to get other guys. so i hope you see that your boyfriend is the one with issues not you. hes got self confidence issues or as i said feeling guilty for cheating on you that in his own mind he's trying to make you feel like your the cause which is wrong. so there are 2 options here, either you ignore him and hopefully he will understand how stupid his decision was. or you talk to him and tell him that you're not going to change the way you look cuz it makes you feel good and that he should worry only if your behavior says that your out to get boys and not anything else. which you dont do. and tell him that he should be more trusting and honest if he loves you as much as you do. then just let him decide. and really you shouldnt be depressed or feel bad. your not a slut your normal and your a girl you should look good and feel good about it too! and no one should tell you otherwise. let him deal with his own issues.
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