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how do you deal with a betrayal?
me:18
sister 20
ok so last year at about this time i met a really attractive guy. lets call him nick. okay so nick and i hung out and my sister sometimes came along. i would notice how nick would flirt with my sister. before that i knew nick was a player. he always hid his phone. i didnt trust him. well to make a story short he ended up hanging out with my sister and even gave her a hickey. i found this out from a friend. when i confronted her about it she told me that she just wnated to protect me becuase she knew he was a player and wanted to prove that to me. the thing is that she had asked me if i wanted to know before she did that and i said no becuase i really liked him and i hoped that maybe he will like me back. so anyway when i found out i said all these horrible things to her. we didnt speak for about a month. well i forgave her becuase she said she was truely sorry and whatnot. so a year later (which is now) im just thinking back. we my sister and i used to be so close but after the thing with nick happened we are not so much. i found out she messed with a guy and that just brought memories back. like when she messed with nick(they kissed and he gave her a hickey). now, i just get so jealous when she tells me stories about guys becuase i remember what she did to me. i know shes trying hard to get back the relationship we had before. (we were REALLY close.) im trying too. but i just cant help it. i get so mad when she tells me the things she did with this guys she likes. i dont know i guess im just jealous. how do i overcome this. i have all this hatred deep inside. you dont understand i really liked nick and i feel so betrayed. i really dont know how to overcome this. any advice would be grateful.
BTW, my sister and i vowed not to talk about the nick situation. we always end up arguing about it and she said she doesnt need to be reminded about what she did. i mean i know shes sorry but why do i still have all this hatred deep inside? please help. thanyou in advance.
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Your sister betrayed you and you're hurt and rightly so. The fact that it's a year ago just shows that neither of you (especially you) have not dealt with the hurt feelings. It sounds like you've stuffed it down and it bubbles to the surface now and then. The only way to get past this is to have an open, honest talk with her. Let her know how much what she did affected you. Your sister needs to acknowledge what's she's done, own up to it, apologize and then work on gaining back your trust. If she decides to argue and tell you she "doesn't need to be reminded of it" then tell her things won't be the same between the two of you until she really listens to what you have to say. Hopefully the two of you can eventually move forward. Then vow to forgive and forget. Hope this helps.
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Your sister betrayed you and lied to you about it stating she was trying to protect you.
You have right to feel the way you do, However a year ago is a long time to still hold a grudge against your sister. Sure, It will always be in the back of your mind but for the future keep your relationship between your boyfriend and your sister separate. Your sister broke your trust, She is going to have to work really hard at gaining that back.
The best way to work through it, Talk to your sister. Keep in mind in the future some things are just better kept to yourself. You are your sister can still maintain a close relationship without her always being around. If you aren't comfortable discussing relationships with your sister, Tell her that. Sometimes people just need to have things kept to themselves.
Your boyfriend was a jerk, Find someone who will accept you and want to fully commit to you.
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Anonymous,
It's hard when a guy breaks up not only friends- but especially sisters. I think what you need to do is ask yourself what you're most angry about over the whole thing, since it has been a year now, and find out what benefit you have from holding onto this baggage?
What i would advise in letting it go is sitting your sister down and talking to her about it. be very calm and serious, and explain the whole situation, how you felt, and why you felt that way. your sister needs to understand why you're feeling that way, and when she realizes how and why she's hurt you, it's your turn to be able to let it go and realize that holding onto nick is not letting you and your sister move forward in your relationship. start off slow, and start spending more time together, it will take time, but doing this and be truthful with one another will save your relationship because the longer you don't talk about issues, the worse they're going to get. Hope i helped you :)
-Sophie
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