And before I start, I don't want any negative judgements for my decision.
19/female from Australia. Been dating my online boyfriend for 9 months, he's American. He's coming here in Feb 2011 for 5 weeks. Since the distance has had its toll on us already we both decided we don't want to be apart again. He says when he gets here we'll get married and I'll go back with him to the U.S, but me being someone who likes to go by most rules, I don't want to screw around with the system. I don't want to marry him and find out It was illegal for us to do so and then ruin my chance at being with him. I want to do this right way.
I've looked on the USCIS site at different visas, and I'm not sure which one I qualify for, the fiance one would be nice, but I don't know/think I could apply for that since this will be the first time meeting physically and only known each other for 9 months. We haven't decided yet where we want to live, but he said he can definitely take care of me in the U.S and to be honest, it would be great to get away from Australia for a while, and my family. I love this man. I know that, I don't need anyone telling me I'm too young, I'm old enough to decide who I want to be with and where I want to go in life and Dad knows I've always wanted to travel, but once he finds out my plan he will try to stop me since he's the type of guy who likes to have power, but I'm not letting him shield me from the world.
So what I need to know is how to exactly do this. Not so much easy way because there's no such thing but the EASIEST way is what I'm looking for. Also, does him being in the Marines for 5 years then the U.S Army for the past 3 years count for anything at all? Will it make a difference? And is there ANY possibility that we won't have to be apart again for more than like 1 month? at most 2...
I would greatly appreciate if someone could help me out without making harsh judgement...
Hey,
The best advice i can give you, is from my own life, and that's moving to America. If you want to go live with your fiance then I would make a move to America and work on getting a green card so you can live here permanently, and then have the option of having a US and Australian passport. Getting a green card IS difficult, it just takes time, but if you're planning on staying, it would be work getting so you can be a permanent resident, since there is a maximum number of years you can be in the US legally from Australia (or any country).
I would definitely talk to the district you wanted to move too, i would start with the town hall, and work on what you need to do to gain residence, and get things such as a driver's license and insurance over here.
Sorry i couldn't help more!
-Sophie
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Does this make sense? Is this normal, I'll explain the situation that I'm currently going through at the moment.
I'm a 19 year old girl dating a 24 year old guy, whom I'm falling in love with (I do believe that I may already be there, but it just seems rather soon to say it). He takes care of me, I love getting to see him, I love being with him, when I'm upset he makes me see things in perspective. When I kiss him, his kiss lingers on my lips for a while. I love his touch, and I think about him constantly. When we're not around each other I'm missing him, being with him is just an amazing experience. We've only been together for a month, so I'm not going to tell him that I love him, I don't want him to think that I'm crazy. Although for some reason, I feel insecure, like looking at perspectives he's very into me, he talks to me every day when we don't get to see each other, he wants to play games with me when we're not seeing each other, when I'm having a bad day he makes me see perspective, so it's always like I get time with him even if it's not necessarily physical (which can't always be done, we live in different counties, not countries or states, and I don't drive, although he does).
Which I think is from the fact that I'm just really insecure in relationships, I don't think it has anything to do with him. Being with him is just an amazing experience, he is such an an amazing guy and I could go on and on about him forever.
Previously I dated a 26 year old guy, who I was in love with, he was my first real relationship, and we dated for 5 months, we broke up four months ago. I recognize what I had with him as a memory, although I guess he was my first love and he was the first guy that I had sex with. However he chose to end what we had, by freaking out over our pregnancy scare, dicking me around for a while after we broke up, and verbally abusing me in several ways, and the really shitty way of breaking up with me on the internet. Sometimes I think about him, although these thoughts are mainly about sexual experiences, I guess you could say, our relationship was intensely sexual. Before we got together, he really did mean the world to me previously, we knew each other for like almost 10 years and I was nervous about getting into a relationship with him.
Not so much with the new guy, I think about how silly he is, what he looks like, how he's definitely my type, how when I'm upset he makes me see things in perspective, etcetera. I know that he would never do half the shit to me that my evil ex boyfriend did, he pulled a lot of insane and evil shit. Although I'm not going to lie, I do think about sexual stuff with my current boyfriend, I think about his touch, how he touches my face, etcetera. When I'm kissing I never think about my ex boyfriend, when we're together I think about my current boyfriend, I might mention a really shitty thing that my ex boyfriend did to me but I don't ever think about what it was like with him, it's only when I'm alone.
Does it make sense for me to think about my current boyfriend and my ex boyfriend as well? I definitely don't want my current boyfriend to know that I still think about my ex, I just don't think that it would have a very good effect on anything. I really don't want to lose him any time soon and definitely not over thinking that I'm not over my ex. How do I stop thinking about my ex boyfriend? I'm enjoying my experiences with the new guy, and I don't want to swap him for anything. Is this just a side effect of falling in love again and being scared that he's going to turn out just like my ex boyfriend?
Wow, I've definitely been there before! Being that intimate and that close, especially with your first boyfriend is going to take time to overcome, and time with heal your wounds with him- they're already being helped by your new boyfriend. Tell yourself every time you miss your first boyfriend how much of a jerk he was, and replace those memories with your now boyfriend. it's hard- but treat him as a memory. you learned a lot of lessons from him, and letting go of him will enable you to stop being bitter and be able to move on, and be able to throw yourself into this new, wonderful relationship. if you need to delete photos, e-mails, messages, whatever, do it! it'll be like a new you. as for the sexual part with your new boyfriend, since you went that far with the previous man, it's hard not to go that far again, since you have more feelings for this new man. be careful though, people changed, and sex changes a lot of thing (as you already know). Hold off on the physical part. if your relationship is based around love, and NOT lust, then it will last, and the right guy will wait for the right time to be physical. take your time- if you do love him, then you have the rest of your life to be with him, there's no need to rush! :)
-sophie
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Hey! I'm a fifteen year old girl, sophomore. So I was at this party last night and there was this guy that used to go to my school (he got expelled for getting busted with pot) so he goes to a school nearby (he's a junior, 17). So I barely even knew him until last night and a few factors, ahem, impaired my judgement and I went up to him and sat in his lap while he was playing cod. He taught me how to play and then we stared dancing. For awhile. And we hooked up, but just making out. He asks for my number and I give it to him. He texted me today. I don't know what to do. Im kind if interested in him but I know he's not what you'd call a "good kid". Okay I'm not exactly a good kid either but I've never been interested in a guy this bad (I try to avoid potheads) and I know I barely know him but there's something that's making soooo curious about him and I dunno why.
Anonymous,
I completely understand; the bad guys are always more interesting because they aren't the typical guy. They seem mature because they're being rebellious and doing their own thing, but honestly, where do you seem him down the road? Right now, since you're in high school, there will be a lot of flings, but you're curious just because you haven't dated someone like him before- my advice, DON'T. If you did pot and your boyfriend didn't, wouldn't you want him to join you in doing something you enjoy? Be realistic. You're still young, and you have such a great life ahead of you, that can be filled with really great guys- not pot heads. Be careful! If you date him, he's only going to lead you down a bad path- because he's already led himself down that path. Go for the good guy; they might not seem as interesting, but they'll lead you on the right track, i promise :)
-Sophie
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me:18
sister 20
ok so last year at about this time i met a really attractive guy. lets call him nick. okay so nick and i hung out and my sister sometimes came along. i would notice how nick would flirt with my sister. before that i knew nick was a player. he always hid his phone. i didnt trust him. well to make a story short he ended up hanging out with my sister and even gave her a hickey. i found this out from a friend. when i confronted her about it she told me that she just wnated to protect me becuase she knew he was a player and wanted to prove that to me. the thing is that she had asked me if i wanted to know before she did that and i said no becuase i really liked him and i hoped that maybe he will like me back. so anyway when i found out i said all these horrible things to her. we didnt speak for about a month. well i forgave her becuase she said she was truely sorry and whatnot. so a year later (which is now) im just thinking back. we my sister and i used to be so close but after the thing with nick happened we are not so much. i found out she messed with a guy and that just brought memories back. like when she messed with nick(they kissed and he gave her a hickey). now, i just get so jealous when she tells me stories about guys becuase i remember what she did to me. i know shes trying hard to get back the relationship we had before. (we were REALLY close.) im trying too. but i just cant help it. i get so mad when she tells me the things she did with this guys she likes. i dont know i guess im just jealous. how do i overcome this. i have all this hatred deep inside. you dont understand i really liked nick and i feel so betrayed. i really dont know how to overcome this. any advice would be grateful.
BTW, my sister and i vowed not to talk about the nick situation. we always end up arguing about it and she said she doesnt need to be reminded about what she did. i mean i know shes sorry but why do i still have all this hatred deep inside? please help. thanyou in advance.
Anonymous,
It's hard when a guy breaks up not only friends- but especially sisters. I think what you need to do is ask yourself what you're most angry about over the whole thing, since it has been a year now, and find out what benefit you have from holding onto this baggage?
What i would advise in letting it go is sitting your sister down and talking to her about it. be very calm and serious, and explain the whole situation, how you felt, and why you felt that way. your sister needs to understand why you're feeling that way, and when she realizes how and why she's hurt you, it's your turn to be able to let it go and realize that holding onto nick is not letting you and your sister move forward in your relationship. start off slow, and start spending more time together, it will take time, but doing this and be truthful with one another will save your relationship because the longer you don't talk about issues, the worse they're going to get. Hope i helped you :)
-Sophie
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