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I'm Falling In Love With Him, but I Still Think About My Ex
Does this make sense? Is this normal, I'll explain the situation that I'm currently going through at the moment.
I'm a 19 year old girl dating a 24 year old guy, whom I'm falling in love with (I do believe that I may already be there, but it just seems rather soon to say it). He takes care of me, I love getting to see him, I love being with him, when I'm upset he makes me see things in perspective. When I kiss him, his kiss lingers on my lips for a while. I love his touch, and I think about him constantly. When we're not around each other I'm missing him, being with him is just an amazing experience. We've only been together for a month, so I'm not going to tell him that I love him, I don't want him to think that I'm crazy. Although for some reason, I feel insecure, like looking at perspectives he's very into me, he talks to me every day when we don't get to see each other, he wants to play games with me when we're not seeing each other, when I'm having a bad day he makes me see perspective, so it's always like I get time with him even if it's not necessarily physical (which can't always be done, we live in different counties, not countries or states, and I don't drive, although he does).
Which I think is from the fact that I'm just really insecure in relationships, I don't think it has anything to do with him. Being with him is just an amazing experience, he is such an an amazing guy and I could go on and on about him forever.
Previously I dated a 26 year old guy, who I was in love with, he was my first real relationship, and we dated for 5 months, we broke up four months ago. I recognize what I had with him as a memory, although I guess he was my first love and he was the first guy that I had sex with. However he chose to end what we had, by freaking out over our pregnancy scare, dicking me around for a while after we broke up, and verbally abusing me in several ways, and the really shitty way of breaking up with me on the internet. Sometimes I think about him, although these thoughts are mainly about sexual experiences, I guess you could say, our relationship was intensely sexual. Before we got together, he really did mean the world to me previously, we knew each other for like almost 10 years and I was nervous about getting into a relationship with him.
Not so much with the new guy, I think about how silly he is, what he looks like, how he's definitely my type, how when I'm upset he makes me see things in perspective, etcetera. I know that he would never do half the shit to me that my evil ex boyfriend did, he pulled a lot of insane and evil shit. Although I'm not going to lie, I do think about sexual stuff with my current boyfriend, I think about his touch, how he touches my face, etcetera. When I'm kissing I never think about my ex boyfriend, when we're together I think about my current boyfriend, I might mention a really shitty thing that my ex boyfriend did to me but I don't ever think about what it was like with him, it's only when I'm alone.
Does it make sense for me to think about my current boyfriend and my ex boyfriend as well? I definitely don't want my current boyfriend to know that I still think about my ex, I just don't think that it would have a very good effect on anything. I really don't want to lose him any time soon and definitely not over thinking that I'm not over my ex. How do I stop thinking about my ex boyfriend? I'm enjoying my experiences with the new guy, and I don't want to swap him for anything. Is this just a side effect of falling in love again and being scared that he's going to turn out just like my ex boyfriend?
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Well, it's normal for you to think about all of the times you and ex have shared, but it doesnt sound like your thoughts of your ex are dominating the relationship your in now. It's normal to have thoughts about yuor ex, but if you have feelings for him, then take a break from the relationship your in now to just be with yourself and your thoughts. (:
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Wow, I've definitely been there before! Being that intimate and that close, especially with your first boyfriend is going to take time to overcome, and time with heal your wounds with him- they're already being helped by your new boyfriend. Tell yourself every time you miss your first boyfriend how much of a jerk he was, and replace those memories with your now boyfriend. it's hard- but treat him as a memory. you learned a lot of lessons from him, and letting go of him will enable you to stop being bitter and be able to move on, and be able to throw yourself into this new, wonderful relationship. if you need to delete photos, e-mails, messages, whatever, do it! it'll be like a new you. as for the sexual part with your new boyfriend, since you went that far with the previous man, it's hard not to go that far again, since you have more feelings for this new man. be careful though, people changed, and sex changes a lot of thing (as you already know). Hold off on the physical part. if your relationship is based around love, and NOT lust, then it will last, and the right guy will wait for the right time to be physical. take your time- if you do love him, then you have the rest of your life to be with him, there's no need to rush! :)
-sophie
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