Kendra is a young woman working as a professional in Toronto. She's a cat lover, a bookworm and has always had a deeply rooted interest in people, love and what happens when the former attempts the later.
She's been in three long term relationships, lost her mother when she was 16 and has lived through her father's alcoholism and drug abuse. She's a college graduate in journalism and art, has a quirky personality and has acquired some realistic yet romantic beliefs about love and relationships.
She lives with her boyfriend. Life may not have always been good, but it is good now.
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario
Member Since: August 22, 2008
Answers: 207
Last Update: February 14, 2013
Visitors: 15404
Main Categories:
Love Life
General Sex Questions
Friendship
View All
Favorite Columnists
Razhie
|
| |
|
What do i do if i get pregnant and my parents sont approve and i am too young to have a baby? What do i do? (link)
|
If your parents don't approve and you feel too young to have a baby, then you can either place the baby up for adoption or have an abortion.
Neither option is right or wrong, though some people have no problem telling women what to do or making them feel ashamed, so you have to decide whether or not it's right or wrong for you and you alone.
There can be a sense of regret with giving birth and giving your baby away, and sometimes women feel sad after an abortion, though there is no recognized phenomenon as "post-abortion syndrome" as some anti-choice people would have you believe. Statistically, most women feel relief so long as they were not coerced into aborting.
If you are less than three months pregnant, you are medically eligible for an elective abortion, however depending on where you live it may cost money or you may need parental consent, or you may have to travel on multiple days. Contact your local Planned Parenthood for more information.
If you are further than your third month, you should be seeing a doctor to monitor your pregnancy and looking at adoption options. There are agencies that your doctor can refer you to.
I wish you all the luck in the world. You're in a tough spot. I also recommend asking Planned Parenthood about birth control options to avoid this from happening again. Some people would say, "Just don't have sex," but that's not my business. Most people have sex without wanting to start a pregnancy. The important thing is to use contraception every time.
|
I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.
I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?
Sorry if this is too long! (link)
|
Wow... your boyfriend is a massive asshole. You can't stay with a person who does this sort of thing. It's so beyond not acceptable, I don't even know where to begin. You definitely want the group to be shut down.
Here is how it's done:
"Our system automatically deletes groups once they're empty (no members). If you created the group, you can delete the group by removing all members and then yourself. Note that if you were not the first admin and creator of this group, you will not be able to delete the group unless the group creator has left it voluntarily."
So the question is how to get your boyfriend to do this. You have a few options. One is to ask him to do it. If you dump him first, this may prove difficult. Are you in high school? If so, I would take this route:
1. Ask your BFF if you can view the group through her profile. Go in the group and take screen captures of it. Information on how to do that is here: http://graphicssoft.about.com/cs/general/ht/winscreenshot.htm
2. Report the group through your BFF's account and explain what is going on. If all else fails, this may help.
3. Tell your BF you know about the group and have seen it and want it deleted instantly. Make sure you watch him go through the process of removing all the members and then himself.
4. Talk to your parents about the group and show them the screen capture shots and have them contact his parents. This will ensure he will get in deep shit if he makes a new group.
5. The same day, end the relationship with your boyfriend.
Even if you don't want to show your parents the screen captures, this is a lot better than going it alone, which has way, way, way too many unforeseeable issues and potential problems.
Good luck.
|
I lost my virginity to a guy, Guy A, i was with for a year. we broke up about 7 months ago & i don't regret him being my first.
After we broke up, I went out with this guy, Guy B, who basically pushed sex on me.. he was a virgin, and lost it to me as well. I went along with it because i figured after the first time having sex, its no big deal about who you do it with next. But we lasted probably 2 months and i regret it, me being the one he lost it to. we despise each other now and wish he wouldve waited for somebody else.
so for the last five to seven months, this other guy, Guy C, has always been there for me & made his way to be my best friend. weve been together for 3 months romantically, and he wants to lose it to me. We are so amazingly attached at the hip that i would normally think it's not a big deal.
But i made a mistake with Guy B, and I can't do that with Guy C who has treated me like the most important person in his life, which i am and vice versa.
I just sort of feel like crap. Guy C makes me feel a way ive never felt before, but he'd be my 3rd 'partner', sexually, while i already made a mistake with my 2nd. I dont want to make the same mistake again. he tells me it wont be a mistake, which i do understand but at the same time theres something in the back of my head that just feels bad, you know? I don't want him to just be my third, and i'm his first but he may regret me. should i just talk to him a bit more? .. (link)
|
I think you need to evaluate your feelings about sex in general. You seem upset that you have already had two partners and this guy would potentially be your third. As far as numbers go, your worth is not determined by your sexual history.
Pay attention to how you feel. Do you want to? Or do you not want to? Does it feel right? Or does it feel like it's too soon? Are you declining because you're having guilt over choosing your second partner?
Really get to the bottom of how you feel and why, because this numbers worry you have is misplaced. When the love and respect and affection between two people is real, the sex is beautiful. You can't dilute the experience when it's the right person because you've once slept with the wrong person. You almost sound like you consider yourself damaged goods or something similar. You're not.
My advice to you is to let go of "my third" business and start evaluating him as a man, as a person, and yourself as a woman worthy of a healthy sex life of your choosing with a man of your choosing.
This man may or may not be right for you. I don't know. But you can sort that out if you're willing to accept bad sexual partnerships sometimes occur and it is only something that happened *to* you, not something that defines you.
|
|
I'll try to make this as short and straight forward as possible. Basically there is a guy that I have known for a while now. He is in the marines and currently stationed no where near to where I am living now. Before he left, the possibility of starting a relationship had been discussed. I drove 18 hours in one day just to see him for the weekend. And after all that as well as other attempts to show him that I am serious and committed he basically said that he was sorry because he couldn't give me what I wanted..a relationship. He said that he wouldn't be able to spend time with me and therefore the relationship wouldn't be equal on both our parts. But then again he has also said that I can find someone better than him. Does this sound like a guy that wants to keep me around but doesn't want to make a committment? Or does this sound like a guy who truly does care but doesn't feel that he can have a healthy relationship right now? Should I just quit now while I'm ahead or just hope for something good to happen in the future? Is it worth it? (link)
|
This sounds like a man who may think you're a lovely person and a good catch, but not HIS catch. Basically, he doesn't think you're the one.
If he did, he'd see driving to see you, be the one making the efforts and you would be in no doubt of his feelings. It sounds like he's trying to break things off with you as kindly and gently as he can. Obviously he cares enough for your feelings to want to avoid hurting you, but does not care enough to want you for his girlfriend.
When men meet The One, or someone they think could be The One, they will do whatever it takes. This marine is not into you.
Thank your lucky stars too. You're free to find the right man, and one who is local, one who will call you and meet you and make all the effort you would expect from a man who's falling in love. Don't trick yourself into settling for less from someone who isn't interested. Let this guy go.
|
My best friend just told me something really bad tonight that I am not supposed to tell anyone. But its really bothering me and i need someones help on what i should do. & i dont wanna hear that I am a bad friend for saying this online when i wasnt supposed to tell anybody.
My friend went to her 20 year old sisters house to hang out with her. She met this kid while being there and took him back to meet her sister. One thing led to another and the two started making out in another room. Her sister and her boyfriend walked in and her boyfriend ripped my best friend off of the other guy and started taking off her clothes and feeling her up. the kid she met who she was making out with started joining in while her older sister watched and encouraged this to keep going in order to have a foursome. She doesnt want to tell her mom because she says it will ruin the family. Should i keep it a secret like i promised or say something to her mom? I don't want her to be mad at me but no matter what i need to do whats right. (link)
|
Your friend was sexually assaulted. Her body was abused and her will was ignored. It's not your place to take her will away from her. If she wants to tell her mother, that's her choice, not yours.
Here's something a lot of women don't understand until it happens. The system is not kind to rape victims. Many women have called it "being raped twice". The defense finds ways to blame the woman for what happened. It's an ordeal and it's traumatic. You absolutely cannot impose this on your friend. If she wants to go through with it, it has to be her choice. Choice right now is of paramount importance, her choice.
Be there for her. Let her talk. Encourage her to talk to a counsellor. Reassure her when she needs it. Explore the idea of her telling her mother with her, but don't take away her autonomy. She needs to be in control of what happens about this from here.
I've been in your boat. It's a terrible place to be. I didn't tell her mother. She didn't tell her mother. I encouraged her to come forward and she never did. This was a decade ago. We were teenagers. We talked on the phone all the time, talking everything out. She spent the night and I woke her from nightmares. We wrote in journals together and wrote letters we never sent.
No one ever gets over being sexually assaulted. But a good friend can give you the strength to cope with it.
|
|
Well im 13 and well ive been masturbating for yearssss like well yuo know how babys, they like "touch themselves" well i figured out the masturbating thing when i was like 5. i didnt know it was an orgasam.... duhhh cuz i was five. but i dont think im normal. Am i? and could this happen to other people too?? (link)
|
Yes, this happens to other people, boys and girls. Sometimes a kid just figures it out early and goes to town with it. They don't know it's sexual until much later, they just know it feels good.
Don't worry, you're not abnormal. Most people don't talk about kids masturbating because it makes them feel uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or weird or anything negative. It just means you had a more exciting private life when you were a kid. So congratulations ;)
|
|
we already know kids / teens of all ages are having sex. but how do you know youre physically, emotionally, and mentally ready to have sex? (link)
|
There's a few ways you know.
1. You know you are. You don't feel unsure or doubt. You feel in your gut you're ready. The idea of having sex makes you feel excited and happy, not anxious and worried. If you're uneasy or still wondering if you're ready, you're not.
2. You know you've found the right person to have your first time with if you know you won't regret it. Even if the relationship ends someday, you'll always be glad it was him or her that you shared that moment in your life with.
3. You can talk openly about birth control options with your partner and you're prepared to acquire condoms or pills or whatever other method you've decided upon.
When these things have happened, you're probably ready.
|
|
What is the best sexual position? (link)
| |
The one that makes you feel the best. Everyone has their favourites.
|
i'm 18/f
i had sex for the first time recently so my knowledge of everything isnt quite clear yet. my question is, even if i'm not on birth control, if the condom was used correctly (which i'm pretty confident it was) does that mean i'm safe from being pregnant? (link)
|
100% safe? No. Very safe compared to no condom or no method at all? Absolutely. Two methods of birth control are recommended if you truly want to avoid pregnancy. Combining condoms with spermicide, the ring or the pill would eliminate virtually all risk. There are also IUDs, cervical caps, diaphragms... Talk to your doctor to determine the best method for you.
Using two methods would be so unlikely to produce a pregnancy that a couple would not need to worry. Using one method means that if it fails or if you make an error using it you're toast.
An IUD is highly effective and your doctor inserts it (and will have to remove it when the time coems) and then you can forget about it. It's good for monogamous couples. The pill requires vigilant use, but it's easy and you can stop any time. Rings are hormonal and you leave them inside you for a week at a time, so they're easier to remember than pills. Diaphragms and caps aren't hormonal, but you must insert them prior to sex and then remove and clean them afterwards.
|
I've been with my boyfriend for more than a year and I love him a whole lot. We started having sex a long time ago (like 2 months into our relationship) and I think we're really strong together. We have really great sex but there is just one problem...
He never does cum inside me. NEVER!
I'm on birth control pills and he always insists on using a condom. I really want him to just do it though. It's almost like I have this weird craving for it. Every time we have sex I am thinking about it and how good it would feel. I have never had it done though so it isn't like I REALLY know it would feel good. It's a weird feeling I guess but I want it so bad.
I'm already on BC pills so it isn't like I'd get pregnant or something. How can I convince him to stop using condoms?
15&aLady (link)
|
Birth control pills, when used perfectly have a failure rate that works out to about 1 in 1,000 women getting pregnant a year. With typical use it's about 30 in 1,000, or 3 in 100. Without any contraceptives, it's about 6 out of 10 odds that you'll get pregnant. So the pill is way, way, way better than nothing, but not everything you need.
There's nothing in the world stopping you from being that unlucky 1 in 1,000 woman, even if you did everything completely right. Sometimes life just finds a way.
Your boyfriend is right at his age not to want to father a child. He would be irresponsible to put his reproductive choices into someone else's hands, the same as you would be if you were relying on him to take a pill and then doing nothing on your own to keep yourself safe. Right?
You as the female don't really feel anything when there's no condom. He'd feel the difference when he orgasmed, but you'd likely notice nothing out of the norm.
Think of someday wanting a child and how special it'll be to finally have condomless sex for the first time with that man you love. Because unless you want a kid, you really do need them. You wouldn't want a pregnancy in exchange for condomless sex, right? Because it's possible that's the trade you might be making.
|
|
To begin, I have never had sex. I have fooled around with my boyfriend but he's the only one I've ever been with. However, and I don't know if fooling around is the cause, I've had a yellowish creamy discharge problem. From what I can remember, it's been like this for maybe a year but I always thought it was normal so I never found a need to say anything. But from what I've been reading, it sounds like a problem. I don't go to the gynocologist so I really don't know what to do. Are there any medicines that I can buy at a store that would fix this? Any help is appreciated, thanks. 17/f (link)
|
Does it smell really bad? Is it a disturbing texture? Does it soak through your underwear?
Because if not, it may well just be normal everyday discharge. Every vagina secretes fluids daily. You don't say how old you are, but if you're in your early teens, then it just may be another notch of puberty working its magic in you.
If I were you, for peace of mind, go to your family doctor (You don't need a gyno for this) and have him or her take a look at you and answer your question. My guess is you're fine.
Don't buy any medications for yeast infections or anything of the sort. The vagina is not something to mess around with if it's fine.
|
I just started dating my boyfriend 2 months ago. He's a pretty good guy but he bought up sex nearly a week ago and about how he's horny a lot of times. I know he's trying to signal me to see if I'm ready to do it with him but I'm not.
The truth is, I don't want to have sex while I'm young. I'd rather wait until I'm married and ready for the responsibility. I probably sound absolutely retarded saying that in this day and age but god we're only 16 and I just couldn't handle if something went wrong and I got pregnant or...just something, you know?
Anyway, does he really care about me or do you think he's just after sex? Will he care if I tell him I don't ever plan to have sex with him unless get get married or something? Should I tell him that? I'm really confused and I'm afraid that dating him is a bad decision if he's already talking about this stuff 2 months into it, y'know? Gosh, I just need some advice on this...please help... (link)
|
Not wanting to have sex is your prerogative and 100% your choice. There is certainly a chance that he's not going to want to continue the relationship if he knows you're not going to sleep with him in the foreseeable future. And that's a common reason that couples break up: not being on the same page, wanting different things, differing sexual needs.
So I'd talk to him, let him know where he stands with you on the subject of sex and see what he does with this information. Or you could end it yourself if you think you and he want different things out of each other.
Not wanting to have sex at 16 is perfectly normal. You can wait however long you want, and if you're waiting for marriage, that's your choice. And it will be your boyfriends choices down the road whether they also want to wait or find someone more compatible with their interests, you know? This is something that ought to be discussed.
As for whether he cares about you or just wants sex, it's possible that either A. the answer is just sex or B. the answer is both. A guy who cares about you will wait quite some time. But expecting a teenage boy to wait till marriage (Years and years) if he's ready to have sex now... well... dollars to doughnuts, that's not going to happen. You're better off only dating casually at this stage of your life if you're not ready for physical intimacy.
Serious relationships (the kind you'll have as you get older) tend to include sex. It's a very natural desire. So until you're ready to consider a sex life, don't enter serious relationships. It'll be easier on you.
|
18/f
the first time i tried to have sex with my boyfriend i was so tight that it didnt work. this was in february. we tried a few times after that and it went in but i had to make him stop. anyways, a couple of those times i bled after. i also bleed sometimes after he fingers me. it still hurts when we try to have sex and today was the first day we were actually able to do it for longer than like a minute but it starting hurting and i was worried i would start bleeding on him. is it weird that its still bleeding? could my cherry only be sort of popped? like its not popped all the way and thats why it still hurts/bleeds every time? is this normal?? i dont want to bleed while were having sex. thats so awkward! help! (link)
|
It is a little concerning that you're still bleeding and that it's causing you pain. There are a couple of possibilities.
1. Vaginismus. This is psychosomatic, basically an involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles, often due to expecting pain. Like a reflex where you're bracing yourself for pain and of course that makes it worse. You could try lubricant (seriously, this is many women's best friend) and taking things very slow and see if that helps.
2. It *could* be an STD. Have you been using condoms? Unusual pain and bleeding is a symptom of chlamydia, which is easily treated and curable.
3. It's possible that you had an unusually thick hymen... but if you're not having any trouble inserting tampons (Are you?) I would discount that possibility.
Make an appointment with your doctor. Get screened for STDs to rule that out (Now that you're sexually active, you're going to need regular pelvic exams anyway), and if you're clean and clear, try the lubricant. Lots of women are not able to naturally lubricate enough to make sex easy and pleasurable, so they all rely on lube. It's cheap and easily available at any drugstore.
If I were a betting woman, I'd put my money on lube being the answer.
|
18-f
I have sex every now and then maybe once every two months. Every time we have sex it hurts like hell and i can't seem to get past the pain to start off with..so i never end up enjoying myself. Does it hurt everytime because we do not do it enough or is it some other random reason. I just want to be able to enjoy myself with my Boyfriend. (link)
|
My first advice is lubricant. Lots of women are too dry to have good sex without it. There are ancient remedies to make lubricant, in fact. It's a dilemma women have faced since the dawn of time.
Second, more foreplay. Ask for more of what you enjoy, and that ought to relax you into it.
Third, believe the two things above will work, because after so much painful sex, you may be psyching yourself up and bracing yourself for pain. That means tense muscles, and that leads to more pain.
If this doesn't work (but I bet it will), make an appointment with your doctor to discuss your options.
|
|
can you still get CHLAMYDIA even if you have safe sex? (link)
| |
Yes, I'm afraid so. Your risk goes way, way down, but it doesn't disappear completely. Make sure you get yourself tested regularly and avoid having sex with someone you suspect has an STD.
|
|
whenever me and my boyfriend have sex it never seems to last very long. My boyfriend always seems to go offf after a minute or two and its never long enough for me to enjoy it. Is there anything we can do to make him last longer? (link)
| |
He could masturbate 30-60 minutes before you have sex. That should give him an extra boost of time. Also, ask him to go slower. See if that helps.
|
|
i was wondering .. i seem to cum really fast no matter if im masturbauting or having sex. I see guys on pornos lasting so long. How do some guys last longer than other guys? im 17 m btw (link)
|
Never believe a thing you see in porn. Everything is orchestrated, body parts are fake, and nothing about the interaction is natural. So disregard what you've seen completely.
If you can go 7-10 minutes, you're normal. If you're not there yet, you just need practice. While having sex, if you think you're going to ejaculate, pause and take a breather. You'll eventually learn to build some endurance.
And most women I've talked to don't want intercourse to go on for 30, 40 minutes, not unless after the first 20 minutes they get to read a magazine.
|
Hi im 18 years old... and im sexual active with my boyfriend for over 5 months... well to get to the point, I always have wet spots on my underwear and i shower twice a day and I clean myself down there very well... I don't know what that is and it has a funny odor to it.... do I have an infection or something? Please help and let me know!
Thanks. (link)
|
You're fine. So many young women think their vagina is the smelliest, wettest thing out there and there's something wrong. There isn't. Wetness is good. It's a natural lubrication. You don't want to get rid of it so drastically. And the funny odour is you. Every woman has a scent. It's all a part of the attraction process of mammals.
I'm not sure what you mean by cleaning "very well", but I hope you know that all you need is water when dealing with the mucous membrane inside your vagina (Soap can be used around the exterior). Soap will only irritate your bodily tissue and push bacteria further up, disturbing your vaginal flora, which will actually cause infection, which will lead to, you guessed it, bad odour and gunk.
If you do develop a yeast infection, you'll know it. A little wetness like you describe is normal and expected.
|
17/f boyfriend is 17/m. i forget when, but my boyfriend and i had an intense make out session [with ALL of our clothes on] and i somehow ended up on top of him grinding or whatever you would call it but not like intense grinding where its like rough..you know? okay well anyways, im not on birth control because it can cause cancer so my mom wont put me on it, and he wasnt wearing a condom but he did cum. i was ontop of him where he cummed. there was a spot on his pants that was wet [i dont remember how wet or how big or if it got on me] but it was there. so i got off of him. and i have been freaking out that im pregnant because i have not gotten my period this month, and i usually get it at the end of the month, but now im not? and its almost the end of the month. i am seriously freaking out. i cannot be pregnant like this wouldnt be fair so i researched the topic alot and found basically the same information on each one that said..
Q: We had sex with our clothes on, could I be pregnant?
A: No. If you had sex in your jeans, shorts, underwear or bathing suit, there's no way you can be pregnant. Sperm can't swim through clothes and continue traveling into the vagina. Sperm can only swim in liquids--like semen and vaginal fluid.
but i didnt have sex. thats the thing. and i did have underwear AND jeans on and he had boxers and his jeans [plus our shirts and stuff]. im seriously bugging out. i am such a good girl, i hate myself, i dont know what came over me. and i talked to him about it and told him that if i am pregnant, i am getting an abortion and he doesnt believe in that. and i will be forced to break up with him and ill never be able to leave the house again. and please dont tell me to take a test. thank you. please help me. my back hurts from time to time, my boobs have hurt for like a weekish now and thats it. i dont have my regular period symptoms like feeling wetness in my vagina or a lot of discharge or cramps... and i am freaking out. i cry every day, its horrible. thank you for taking the time to read this. (link)
|
You are not pregnant. There is no way in God's green earth that it would even be possible. Sperm does not swim through clothes.
Also, what kind of cancer is your mom concerned about you getting? There is no conclusive evidence that states the pill CAUSES cancer, though studies have shown there's a correlation between the pill and reducing ovarian cancer.
Make a doctor's appointment and have a chit chat about safe contraception. You need and deserve accurate information. Whoever has been responsible for your sex ed (your parents/school) have so far let you down.
And also, stress can make your period late.
|
me and my best friend have been best friends for about 7 years. For all of that time, whenever we went out together we would be asked if we do threesomes. We always laughed it off, we've never kissed and we're not bi but we're not opposed to kissing, not in a romantic way. I don't know how to describe it. Anyway she's been dating her boyfriend for almost a year and he's one of her best friends and before they were dating we all joked around about a threesome. Then I met my boyfriend and we've been dating for over a year now and he knows about my previous threesome offers and he obviously enjoyed the thought of it but would never ask for one.
To the point. Me and my best friend were talking about our boyfriends birthdays coming up and she just blurted out "we should just all have sex in the same bed." And we both looked at each other for a minute, waiting for a response and then we agreed on it and she told her boyfriend and he of course was down for it. I'm hesitant to ask/tell my bf about it because I'm not sure if she was 100% serious. We agreed that it wouldn't be a swapping partner type of threesome but we would stay with out partner with some mild girl on girl.
My question is, how do I bring this up with her again without it being awkward? It wouldn't be happening until late June maybe July but I'm the type of person who likes to plan. Also, I wouldn't even know how to start this, how to break the ice. Somehow I have no concern that it'll effect my relationship with any of the people involved, the guys might be weird afterward but me and my best friend have pretty much seen each other naked anyway. Are there any websites to help with this that aren't porn? lol thanks (link)
|
Make sure you're all agreeing to the same thing and be prepared to revoke the offer if it turns out what everyone else wants is something you're not comfortable with.
Also know your relationship with both your BF and your best friend will change forever. That's just a natural outcome of doing something this out of the box together. You have no basis for understanding how it might change your life. You may become uncomfortable with your bf and your best friend being in each other's company again, with them having seen each other naked in a sexual situation. You may feel embarrassed around her boyfriend afterwards.
Also be prepared for either your boyfriends to become jealous all of a sudden (men don't like other men seeing their GFs naked) or the reverse, asking to do it again. You will have no control in how it plays out.
Just make sure you're going into this with your eyes wide open. And though it's fashionable these days, keep it quiet between you, don't videotape it or take pictures.
|
|