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reassurance on my third sexual 'partner', whos also my best friend
I lost my virginity to a guy, Guy A, i was with for a year. we broke up about 7 months ago & i don't regret him being my first.
After we broke up, I went out with this guy, Guy B, who basically pushed sex on me.. he was a virgin, and lost it to me as well. I went along with it because i figured after the first time having sex, its no big deal about who you do it with next. But we lasted probably 2 months and i regret it, me being the one he lost it to. we despise each other now and wish he wouldve waited for somebody else.
so for the last five to seven months, this other guy, Guy C, has always been there for me & made his way to be my best friend. weve been together for 3 months romantically, and he wants to lose it to me. We are so amazingly attached at the hip that i would normally think it's not a big deal.
But i made a mistake with Guy B, and I can't do that with Guy C who has treated me like the most important person in his life, which i am and vice versa.
I just sort of feel like crap. Guy C makes me feel a way ive never felt before, but he'd be my 3rd 'partner', sexually, while i already made a mistake with my 2nd. I dont want to make the same mistake again. he tells me it wont be a mistake, which i do understand but at the same time theres something in the back of my head that just feels bad, you know? I don't want him to just be my third, and i'm his first but he may regret me. should i just talk to him a bit more? ..
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I think you need to evaluate your feelings about sex in general. You seem upset that you have already had two partners and this guy would potentially be your third. As far as numbers go, your worth is not determined by your sexual history.
Pay attention to how you feel. Do you want to? Or do you not want to? Does it feel right? Or does it feel like it's too soon? Are you declining because you're having guilt over choosing your second partner?
Really get to the bottom of how you feel and why, because this numbers worry you have is misplaced. When the love and respect and affection between two people is real, the sex is beautiful. You can't dilute the experience when it's the right person because you've once slept with the wrong person. You almost sound like you consider yourself damaged goods or something similar. You're not.
My advice to you is to let go of "my third" business and start evaluating him as a man, as a person, and yourself as a woman worthy of a healthy sex life of your choosing with a man of your choosing.
This man may or may not be right for you. I don't know. But you can sort that out if you're willing to accept bad sexual partnerships sometimes occur and it is only something that happened *to* you, not something that defines you.
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Yes. Talk to him more. If you aren't completely ready to have sex with him, don't. Nothing says you HAVE to right now, or even soon. Wait until the doubts you have go away, THAT is when you'll be ready.
--Jack
(18/m)
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