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Dragonflymagic
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I do best answering questions that are related to careers, marriage, children, dating and other interpersonal matters.
advice
So for those of you who replied to my question about my depressed girlfriend, I realized when I saw your answers that I definitely hadn't given enough information. I'm not stupid, I am not trying to take care of her all on my own. In fact I have straight up told her that "this is hard on me and I cannot do this alone. We're going to find additional help for you" and we did. Trust me, I am very aware that she needs a series of professionals to help her out, and so is she. She has been seeing therapists and psychiatrists and counselors for years, and I'm pretty sure she's been on every type and every dosage of medication for her illness that there is. She does not encourage me to ditch school at all, in fact she was mad about it when I did. But that day, she'd told me that she might kill herself, so I kind of had to prioritize. I ditched CHOIR, you guys. It wasn't a huge deal. Her parents are not very good people, and they often accuse my girlfriend of being lazy when she struggles to get out of bed in the morning or they tell her that she inconveniences the family with her need for extra care. If anything, her parents (particularly her mother) tend to make things 100 times worse. They denied her of a day therapy program/support group thing and they don't really see mental illness as actual sickness, so they're no help. Also, I am EXTREMELY aware that she could kill herself, because she has tried to before. I was the one to talk her out of it. I realize that it's going to be excruciatingly painful for me if she does ever go through with it, but I love her unconditionally and I will stay by her side to support her while I can. I have a lot of faith in her, and I see that she still has hope. I'm not going to give up, especially when she needs me most. She can get better, and I know it will take a lot of time, but she deserves the world and I am going to try with every fiber of my being to make hers at least a little brighter every day. I guess that all I really need right now is some extra advice on how to deal with my emotions in this situation. I know I can't "fix her" or anything, but I can support her, and I'd like to do that in the best way that I possibly can. I'm sorry about any confusion. Thank you.
As you seem to be determined to stick by her no matter what, I assume that you have already determined that you possess the ability and capacity to follow through unconditionally. This is going to require putting all of her needs ahead of your own and is going to entail making an enormous sacrifice on your part with no certainty of ever receiving a reward and is contrary to most successful relationships where BOTH parties give and both receive.
So, my advice to you is to put all of your emotions in your back pocket so that you can assist your girlfriend with hers. Best wishes to you both.
I was married 5 years one child together I h aven't seen my .ex husband in a year and half. He's dated several girls since we split up he left because I confronted him about not paying the rent next I knew he was done walked away took our only vehicle. Etc. I ended up moving north and had to start my life over. During the marriage he stole from my father he's stole from my son he'd lie about taking my son to his baseball practices etc. don't get me wrong we have a ton of good memories with the bad. I miss him and I would take him back in a heart beat but why.. he has said he would do anything to
make things right
Dear I was married,
While I believe it's possible to build a bridge over bitter water, my experiences lead me to think that it's best to move forward rather than look back.
My advice to you is to keep all your options open but move very slowly with any plans that include your ex. You need a partner not a parasite. You need to be sure that any reconciliation will be an advantage to you and your son and not merely a replay of the first 5 years of your marriage.
Best wishes!
I am an 18-year-old female. I've been in a relationship for 6 months. earlier in the relationship my boyfriend was a big flirt with a lot of girls (I later found out about that). he ended up cheating on me and I found out about it. I decided to stay with him but I can't seem to move fully past it. I'm not sure what to do or think through all of this. what should I do?
I don't blame you a bit. If there was ever a deal breaker it's cheating. Not only is he a deceiver and a victimizer, he's taking all of the girls he's cheating with home and sharing any of the diseases and uncleanness they may have with you without your knowledge or consent.
Cheating is seldom a mistake--it's a choice. Simply put, "Once a cheater, always a cheater!" or maybe "Once a playa, always a playa!"
My advice to you is to tell him to hit the road. There's plenty of guys who will respect you enough not to jeopardize your health and trust.
Hi im using trigestril for a month now and im getting my periods for the third time.I also getting a brown discharge.I have also missed the pill twice.Should i consult a doctor?should i stop using it?it is healthy for me to bleed so many times in one month?
Dear Confused and Irritated,
It would be wise to consult your physician. They can determine exactly what's going on and perhaps prescribe a different medication.
My advice is for you to do this sooner, rather than later.
Today was the anniversary of John Belushi's death and ever since I saw some Saturday Night Live documentary recently, I haven't been able to get him out of my mind. Him and Phil Hartman both for some reason.
Belushi died in 1982, before I was born, so I never got to watch him before his death. Hartman died in 1998, when I was 10 almost 11 years old, so I'd seen him around a bit before his death. I'm a big Mike Myers fan and the two of them were in a lot of shows together.
I bought one of Hartman's shows online last week and would've bought one of John's too if the one I wanted had been on Amazon Prime and if I'd known which other one would be good. I got Hartman's show on Tuesday and haven't been able to stop watching it because it's so d--- funny. It's Saturday Night Live: The Best of Phil Hartman BTW and I wanted the Best of John Belushi. It makes me regret not buying John's show as well.
Can somebody recommend a good John Belushi movie to me?
There was never a bad John Belushi movie. My person favorite is Animal House and I think a lot of people would agree with me. Here is a link to all of his movies: http://www.imdb.com/list/ls000742526/ There's an enormous amount of his work on U-Tube too.
How bad is it to cheat on a test?
Cheating in school is a form of self-deception. We go to school to learn. We cheat ourselves when we coast on the efforts and scholarship of someone else.
Cheaters never win and winners never cheat!
so i got a detention for mucking around in the kitchen at school and I dont know how to tell my parents. i was given a detention slip and one of them has to sign it but i don't know how to give it to them without them getting really mad or shouting at me, because i've been really good all year. PLZ HELP ;-;-;-;
The thing about real life is, when you do something stupid, it normally costs you. In the movies, the heroes can make as many mistakes as they like. It doesn't matter what they do, because everything works out in the end. They'll beat the bad guys and put things right and everything ends up cool. In real life, vacuum cleaners kill spiders. If you cross a busy road without looking, you get whacked by a car. If you fall from a tree, you break some bones. Real life can be nasty and cruel. It doesn't care about heroes and happy endings and the way things should be. In real life, bad things happen. People die. Fights are lost. Evil often wins. I just wanted to make that clear before I begin.
You really have no options, You're going to have to give the detention slip to your parents. My advice to you is just do it. Don't try and explain your reasons for "mucking around in the kitchen at school." It would only make things worse. Just say "I'm sorry. It won't happen again" and then lower your chin and take it like a man. The worst of it will be over fairly quickly.
There's a lesson here and it's best expressed by Baretta of the old TV series: "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."
It isn't convenient for me to go to the gym & I am having trouble sticking to a workout routine. I thought maybe it would be easier to stick to a video guide? Looking for suggestions. Workouts that don't exceed around 30 minutes? Is that possible?
I believe that you would be best served by checking out "My Home Personal Trainer." They offer unlimited, free, online personal training programs and you'll be able to schedule your workouts to fit your schedule. They have their own training videos and lot's of other things you will find useful. http://www.myhomepersonaltrainer.com/
25 female
I have a date Friday night with this guy I met that goes to my school . He is 21 and one of his friends is going wiih us because neither one of us can drive so he will be doing the driving . The date will be at Burger King . I Know not very fancy for a first date but its fine with me but I dont know what to wear to wear. I am also a little concerned becauase I dont know his friend anf i wanted to know if it would be rude to turn down the rife offer and have my cousin to drop me off?
Dear I have a date,
I don't blame you for being concerned. In order to enjoy the date you need to feel safe and secure.
My advice to you is to either provide your own transportation or suggest an alternative destination.
Hey everyone im going to college soon and I want to have a little (preferably alot lol) of change in my pocket. I was wondering if anyone knew of legit ways to make money at home. I'm aiming towards surveys...but the few I've tried require me to pay them or they take too much time for too little or nothing (ex: a 25 min survey only got me 0.50) I'm interested in other options. if it helps I use my smartphone and I also have a laptop. Any suggestions are well appreciated thank you in advance!
Dear college student,
My advice is to use you phone to stay in touch and use your laptop as a study aid. It's very difficult and time consuming to earn money on the internet.
In order to earn enough money to make the effort worthwhile, you should do as many others, including myself, did and find a job or jobs that will fit into your college schedule. When I was an undergraduate, I delivered newspapers in the early morning, worked in the university bookshop after classes and delivered pizza on the weekends. There's usually a bulletin board somewhere with lodging and employment opportunities posted and you can just also drop in at businesses where you believe a student might be welcome to apply.
Even with 3 jobs, I still found time to maintain a 3.8 GPA and maintain a limited but enjoyable social life and I had the coin to support it.
Sometimes it seems like I'm not needed. Why should I stick around if I'm not needed? Apparently I'm annoying, why should I speak if I'm annoying? I don't see a reason to go on, maybe I don't need a reason. Maybe I just just go, a lot of people think I should go and maybe I should listen to them. I mean like, if someone loves me, they wouldn't tell me anything to hurt me. They told me to go and I think I should listen to them.
Dear why should I stick around,
They key to the answer is contained in your question, where you write "Sometimes it seems like I'm not needed." You may not realize it right now but the way you're feeling will change. While I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, I care about you and want to help.
Suicide is such an extreme act. It's final. There's no going back. My advice to you is when you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute or whatever you can manage. There's no deadline and no one is actually pushing you to act on these thoughts immediately. Wait. Wait and put some distance between your suicidal thoughts.
Many people who feel as badly as you are feeling now manage to survive these feelings. Take hope in this. You are going to live through these feelings, no matter how much self loathing, hopelessness, or isolation you are currently experiencing. Just give yourself the time needed and don't try to go it alone.
If you are unable to think of solutions other than suicide, it's not that other solutions don't exist but rather that you are currently unable to see them. The intense emotional pain that you're experiencing right now can distort your thinking so it becomes harder to see possible solutions to problems or to connect with those who can offer support. Please reach out to someone. Do it now. Call 1-800-273-TALK in the U.S. or visit IASP: http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres to find a helpline in your country or at least, talk to someone you trust and let them know how bad things are.
Remember, that while it may seem as if these suicidal thoughts and feelings will never end, it's never a permanent condition. You WILL feel better again.
I want you to know that I'll be praying for you daily.
Ok, so my parents are really strict when it comes to anything. Clothes, boys, even friends. Other teens have even asked me why my parents are so strict and that mine are way worse. They even have me homeschooled for that reason. I do go to church, but maybe four times a month, and my parents won't let me just hook up with some guy at the mall. They say he has to be a certain age, a certain religion, everything. I'm not around teens much, so I don't know how to flirt or get a guy to ask me out. I can talk to guys, but it makes me nervous. I wouldn't even know if he has a girlfriend or not, or how to handle rejection. Surprisingly, I found a guy that lives up to my parents expectations, but I don't know how to get him to ask me out. And I'm too shy when it comes to flirting. I'm a 16 year old girl and never had a boyfriend or first kiss, so it's really important to me. I know I'm not ugly, fat, or mean, I just don't know how to do this! Please tell me what to do🙏
Dear love shy,
I'm not going to address your parents strictness or anything else about their mode of parenting you. As long as you live in their home and accept their provision, you should be willing accept their rules. Soon enough, you'll be making your own decisions.
I'm am going to give you a tip on how to proceed with the guy you found that not only meets your parents requirements but also is interesting enough to you that you want to pursue his friendship.
The best way to do this is to find a reason for him to visit with you in your home that would include your parents in the activity. Perhaps an invitation to dinner with a movie or game.
Start with a conversation with your parents. Simply say, "I've met someone who I think you would like and enjoy meeting. Would you help me prepare a nice dinner which I could invite him to share with us?"
Next, say something like this to your friend: "We're having a really nice (special) dinner on -------. I'd love it if you would join us.
At that time he'll either say yes, no or I'll have to check. He'll also realize that you have an interest in him. It's nothing to fear dear.
I went t0 the doctors and she said I had herpes she just looked at me and gave me meds but never did a real test on me.I have herpes. I gave it to this guy and now he's going to prosecute me. I have a two year old and I can't go to jail. I was raped perviously by another guy and was embarresed.I don't know who the guy was. I didn't know I had an out break. I take meds everyday. So does he have a case? I asked the doctor if it was illegal for me to not tell anyone she said no. I dunno if this is true. HE now has herpes. What do I do.
Dear I gave him herpes,
When you know that you have herpes, it's only OK to have sex, as long as your partner understands and accepts the risk.
In many states, its considered a misdemeanor and may get you jail time, a fine and or both if you engage in sexual activity knowing that you have the virus and don't inform your partner.
However, if he prosecutes or brings a civil suit and he says you knowingly gave him the virus, he'll need to have proof which could come from records from your medical doctor, such as a blood test, prescriptions for the infections, proof of outbreaks or proof that you knew by telling someone else and they could be a witness.
Okay. 1) I have EDS type 3 makes it hard for me to lose weight because of my loose joints. Hard to exercise. 2) I'm 5'8" 3) I weigh 210 4) I was doing the Atkins diet for 2 months. I lose about 20 lbs.
I am well portioned and instead of looking like I weigh that much, I look about 150.
I've been hitting the gym 3 days a week since January.
I have lots of muscle in my legs, and some in my arms...
My mom says; "Muscle weighs more than fat." "Muscle is smaller than fat." "If you build muscle you'll be smaller."
I don't want to be a freaking whale my entire life!!! Okay.. So this is the problem.
Muscle is smaller than fat, yet it weighs more. So if I go to the gym and get smaller, yet I STILL WEIGH THE SAME... how can I change it so I weigh less..
I don't know what to do and I'm not going back to my anorexic behavior.
"But you're too fat to have an eating disorder."
I don't care. I just want to be thin.
Dear I weigh a lot...
It appears that you have an effective exercise program in place already which leaves only to establish an effective diet plan for yourself.
As a vegetarian myself, I would suggest that you look at the flexarian diet. It focuses on on five basic food groups: protein (mostly tofu, beans, lentils, etc.), dairy, fruits and veggies, whole grains, as well as sugar and spices. Each day, you're supposed to follow a 3-4-5 plan: 300 calories for breakfast, 400 for lunch, 500 for dinner, plus two 150-calorie snacks. However, if you have a craving for a burger or even a steak every so often, you're free to chow down. Check it out: http://fitnesswatch-md.com/best-diets/flexitarian-diet/
I was invited to a big back woods party that I really want to go to because I've been stressed. However, it's on the same night that I usually spend with my boyfriend and the person throwing the party doesn't like my boyfriend. The owner of the property has no problem with him. I don't want to let my boyfriend down, but, I also need some fun. What should I do? Please help asap! Female 19
Dear invited,
In my view, you have these options:
1. Attend the party alone and upset your boyfriend.
2. Spend the night with your boyfriend and sacrifice.
3. Go the party with your boyfriend and risk a confrontation.
4. Discuss the situation with your boyfriend and let him suggest a solution.
5. Discuss the situation with the party host and follow his suggestion.
Personally, I have been very miserable all of my life. I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember. I moved from New York to Florida when I was five years old. It was very traumatic for me. I have tried to commit suicide, but I just ended up in a mental institution. I do see a psychiatrist, but she does not help me. In fact, I only see her for the medication. I am absolutely miserable right now, especially with my job. I decided that I will no longer give any types of hints about suicide because I don't want to end up in a mental institution again. That did nothing to help me. I am going through preparations (getting my house ready, cleaning, trying to pay off bills).
Dear Suicide preparations,
It's apparent that the anxiety and depression related to your condition has driven you to despair. However, before you take this final and irrevocable act that you're planning, I want you to know that it's not the right solution. There's absolutely no way for you to do it without creating a horrible mess that will devastate those who love and care for you. It's neither an honorable or a courageous act.
While OCD, at present, has no cure, getting substantial relief from OCD is possible with treatments that are available today. Mental hospitals and psychiatrists, no matter how credentialed, are of little help because they may lack the proper training to diagnose and treat OCD. Only a qualified cognitive behavior therapist can provide effective treatment. Before committing to treatment with any therapist, it’s critical to ask questions to help determine if he or she is competent to administer CBT for OCD. The benefits of medication have not been shown to be as great as those of Cognitive Behavior Therapy. CBT in conjunction with medication is the most effective treatment known today.
My advice to you is to postpone your final solution preparation and examine the possibility of finding a more effective solution for your condition. I suggest that you begin by visiting the OCD Resource Center of Florida: http://www.ocdhope.com/
I want you to know that I'll be praying for you daily.
So there's this guy at my work that I like, and we've been texting each other back and forth pretty often. Before reading week ended, I gave him this gift card to a sushi restaurant and he said we should go, and asked me to go to dinner! He picked me up and dropped me off home but didn't make any move. All throughout dinner it was really nice, it never felt awkward , but I just couldn't read him. Fast forward a few days, I texted him a "so do you know what I was craving today ?! Crepes ! Haha When are you free ? We should go out sometime !" And he replied "Haha I had some on my birthday! But I'm still down for crepes! We should go after exams are done! We can celebrate all of the A's we got haha" . Does it seem like he's interested in me ?? There were other instances where we were talking about soccer and I said I would watch him play over the summer and he said that he'll score a goal for me, or the time when he said he'll buy me green tea kit kat when he goes to Japan cause it's my favourite, or like how he'll teach me ukulele because I'm teaching him violin .... Like does it seem like he just thinks of me as a friend or more ?
Dear Did I get friend zoned,
From the information you provide, it seems, at this point, he's, at least, interested in exploring the possibilities with you so, if you really like him, it would be appropriate for you to play your "A" game.
To directly answer your question, I don't believe that that men and women can ever be 'just friends' unless the man is gay, finds the woman repulsive or has another woman much higher on his ladder.
What would cause chronic pain from head to toe
There are other possibilities but fibromyalgia pain has no boundaries and can cause chronic pain from head to toe. If you are the one experiencing the pain, I'd suggest you consult your physician for a proper diagnosis and treatment.
So I was adopted by my grandma. My mom was in my life, though. Basically my mom and my grandma both raised me. Anyway, I'm 24 and I'm living in my own townhouse with my boyfriend in a completely different county. When I lived at home, I paid the bills and helped any way I could, because I lived in the house. However, now I have my own bills I need to pay. My grandma called me constantly asking for money to pay her such-in-such bill because she couldn't afford to pay it. I refused her once, and she would always bring up the fact she adopted me and that she raised me and that I owed her for it. Then, I end up having to go to court FOR her because the old landlord sued her and she refused to go. I'm now having to pay this debt to him because I was the one who showed up. Now, again, I'm having to go to court because of something she won't pay and won't go to. I tell her that I shouldn't have to go, and she, once again, brings up the fact that she raised me and that I owe her for it. It makes me feel so horrible. I didn't ask to be born, why does she keep doing this to me? And not only that, but it is getting me and my boyfriend into HUGE fights. What can I do about this?
In my way of thinking, a parent owes it to their children to raise them. In turn, the children owe it to their own children. Obligation passes down the line and not up. Things done for the elders are out of love and kindness, not obligation. Setting limits on what you can do doesn't mean there is less love and kindness. It just means that you also have to live your own life.
Does anyone have any methods of getting rid of old acne scars? I've been using dark spot correctors for a long time and it doesn't seem to help. I even use sunscreen whenever I go out to prevent it from darkening. I've tried a lot of home methods like lemon juice, etc. but nothing works. I have brown skin so they're highly noticeable even under my makeup. I try not to use thickening makeup too to prevent new pimples from coming but it seems like such a tight balance that I have to maintain.
Aspirin mixed with honey will rid you of your acne scars. The salicylic acid in aspirin does wonders and its gritty texture gives you perfect exfoliation. Take a couple of tbsp of honey, 2-3 aspirin and a few drops of water.
Put the aspirins in a few drops of water till they get dissolved into it and form a paste. Don’t use too much water as you need a gritty texture for exfoliation. Add the honey to the paste and mix. Apply on your scars for 15-20 minutes, then wash it off.