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Love shy
Ok, so my parents are really strict when it comes to anything. Clothes, boys, even friends. Other teens have even asked me why my parents are so strict and that mine are way worse. They even have me homeschooled for that reason. I do go to church, but maybe four times a month, and my parents won't let me just hook up with some guy at the mall. They say he has to be a certain age, a certain religion, everything. I'm not around teens much, so I don't know how to flirt or get a guy to ask me out. I can talk to guys, but it makes me nervous. I wouldn't even know if he has a girlfriend or not, or how to handle rejection. Surprisingly, I found a guy that lives up to my parents expectations, but I don't know how to get him to ask me out. And I'm too shy when it comes to flirting. I'm a 16 year old girl and never had a boyfriend or first kiss, so it's really important to me. I know I'm not ugly, fat, or mean, I just don't know how to do this! Please tell me what to do🙏
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I used to be immersed in the church as a parent and can understand why your parents have these strict rules. They are doing the best they know how and believe that what they are told and taught at church is the only way to guarantee their children have a chance of staying pure and following a Godly path. The reason I had rules when the kids were younger, was because I loved them and thought I was doing the ultimate best. By their teen years, I had left the church and decided I had been blindly believing everything the church taught without checking things out for myself. As a result when from the pulpit I heard to never let my kids have anything to do with the Harry Potter books as it was evil and you''re letting the devil into your life with that, I told the kids that those books were off limits. When one teacher was going to go through the book reading aloud to class every day, I told the teacher I wanted my child to sit out during that time as I didn't want her exposed to that book. The poor child had to sit out in the hall outside the class for the duration of the reading portion and read her own book. I now feel badly about it, knowing better. Just remember, church and christianity is part of your parents path in life. As their child, it is yours to go along with until you reach 18 and can be considered an adult. It is true you've been robbed of learning how to socialize with peers not to mention how to flirt etc. When you reach 18, you will need to self teach, read books on normal social behavior, on dating do's and don'ts, etc. Unfortunately in trying to protect you and keep you safe, your parents have done you a great disservice, leaving you totally unprepared for adult life and knowing how to navigate it. Since I switched to a more open minded spiritual path by time the kids were teens, they had it a bit easier. Lots of stuff all teens have to learn by experience even if their parents are open minded, so don't worry, other than having been sheltered, you can still catch up, but do so wisely, self teaching, not doing all the things they said not to like no drinking or whatever. If you get to 21 and want to sip a wine, then do so but don't have it to excess where you are drunk. By being sheltered, you are now open to falling for all the tricks of guys who aren't in love but in lust with you and are up to no good. Again, you'll need to study and learn what those things are. When you're at college, just cus its a Christian college if so, doesn't make it safe. I know college christian female friends who told me of supposed christian guys who tried to touch her in private places and he got upset with her when she didn't let him. Your parents cant be around to protect you after you leave home. You'll just need to make some good friend who are decent people who weren't raised in a sheltered life, and let them know that you were sheltered and have no clue how to go about anything.
For now, the advice of the other advicegiver is good, talk to the parents and try for inviting him to your home for some event.
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Dear love shy,
I'm not going to address your parents strictness or anything else about their mode of parenting you. As long as you live in their home and accept their provision, you should be willing accept their rules. Soon enough, you'll be making your own decisions.
I'm am going to give you a tip on how to proceed with the guy you found that not only meets your parents requirements but also is interesting enough to you that you want to pursue his friendship.
The best way to do this is to find a reason for him to visit with you in your home that would include your parents in the activity. Perhaps an invitation to dinner with a movie or game.
Start with a conversation with your parents. Simply say, "I've met someone who I think you would like and enjoy meeting. Would you help me prepare a nice dinner which I could invite him to share with us?"
Next, say something like this to your friend: "We're having a really nice (special) dinner on -------. I'd love it if you would join us.
At that time he'll either say yes, no or I'll have to check. He'll also realize that you have an interest in him. It's nothing to fear dear.
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Being home schooled you have missed the learning the social interactions that come with going to a public or private school. Social integration is a very important part of life as it also teaches you not only respect for other people but the rules one needs to know to be safe when out in the public areas of life.
Flirting and getting a boy to ask you out, sexual interaction is all part of growing up and comes with practice. As you grow especially during your teenage years you learn this by dating and going to social events and parties. You have missed this.
I'm sure your parents have their reasons for raising you as they are. For me to say to you that they are wrong would be wrong of me. They are though doing you a great disservice by not allowing you to bloom in the environment you will someday have to live and work in.
What I can suggest to you is to ask your parents to allow you to join some social clubs they may approve of. I'm fairly certain your church has a some form of teen clubs, be they Bible study or other types of clubs sanctioned by the church for the teenagers of the church.
These clubs are generally coed but well chaperoned by the church and the adult membership of the church. Because of this parents such as yours are willing to allow their children to attend events these clubs offer.
Even if you are reluctant to do so I suggest you do as you will gain the insight into what you have missed by not attending a more public school. You will have the opportunity to flirt and to meet boys your parents will most likely approve of.
You don't have to marry any of these boys but at least you will learn how to protect yourself when with a boy when you go off to college.
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