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How do I explain that a dog can help me
Hi Everybody,
So I am 19 years old and recently my mother and younger brother moved away, and I moved into my fathers house. As well as my boyfriend of 3 years even more recently moved away. I now live with my older brother, younger sister, step mom and father. I cannot be upstairs for long periods of time because I have some issues with my sister and I get very mad and irritated with her because she does not know what an inside voice is. Anyways, my mother and I are very close, and she is truly my bestfriend. And ever since everyone moved away I feel very lonely. I have never had many friends, so I basically sit in my room and do homework, and go to work, and go to college. I get very anxious not having anyone to talk too, and I have a strong desire to get a dog. I feel as though a dog could lift my spirits and save me from becoming depressed. The problem is, my step mom and sister have 4 cats 1 small dog and 1 guinea pig. I was close with my mother dog but she obviously moved away with my mother, and I just want to feel wanted. I know that having a pet that I could love and would love me back, and keep me company would fix my problem, but how on earth am I supposed to convince them? They know I want a dog, but they don't realize that I need a dog.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
A dog can really help one from entering depression. When I was depressed, my dog is the only thing that kept me going, and I probably would have killed myself if not for my dog. If you want to convince them, prove you are ready and will fulfill the responsibility. If they find you responsible, they may be find with a small dog.
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If you want a pet of your own, you need to be able to take full responsibility for him/her. Too many people at your age who get a pet find they can't afford the food and keeping up with shots not to mention taking the dog to vet if it becomes ill or hurt. And there is no guarantee that the dog will bond with you when there are other people in the household. Animals can be just like people and have their preferances too and no matter their own sex, only are drawn to and bond with humans of a certain sex. You need to be able to walk the dog and allow it to go outside. Would you be jealous if another family member showed the dog attention or the dog seemed to like them better? What of the times you are in school and at work, that must be a full day + away from the dog so there's very little time you're around to let the dog out to pee at the very least. And it would not be fair to an animal to lock it up all day in your bedroom until you get home. If your intentions are good, thats nice but in reality they don't work out that way and care of your dog will at times fall to other family members whether they like it or not or they may need to take on full responsibility of its care just so you can have it around to keep you company for the handful of hours you're at home and awake. When my kids were small, the family dog we got was from a pair of college girls who thought they'd have time for the dog and he was still an older pup when we got him. It's a nice idea but unrealistic, even if you promised them to take care of it all on your own. Then it's their house, not yours so it's their say whether to allow another dog in or not. The pay off for you in having a companion for those few hours of day versus any hassle it might cause them won't necessarily help them see it as worth the trouble. Usually if cats were there first and a dog is brought in, the cats will let the dog know its place and scratch and attack it to defend their personal space. If all is clear for you to get a dog, either a puppy who can be trained by the cats as to who rules the place or adopting a grown dog from a shelter who is known to have lived with cats previously is a good bet. And I just remembered, if a pup, there's potty training that needs to be done and you need to be around to take care of that. A dog won't know that he's supposed to hold it all in all day until you are home for a few hours in the evening.
All of that is your uphill battle against getting the okay to have a dog. If you mean for them to purchase a dog for the family just so it can be your pet, I know what I'd tell my kids who are a bit older than you, 'sorry hon. I know you want a dog but you'll have to wait until you're out of school, working fulltime and can afford your own place and the care of the dog.' Perhaps your parents don't care one way or the other. All you can do is ask.
Now, the question you did not ask: Is there any way I can find human friends for companionship?
Yes, I agree pets make wonderful companions but they can never take the place of needed interaction between two humans. I know pets become family members, but that is like expecting an infant who can't talk to fulfill your needs for meaning conversation with another...it ain't gonna happen. Unlike an infant who grows up and can later talk, your dog never will. It can show you love, learn your moods and know when you need attention but it isn't all about you. The same in boy/girl relationships. It can't be just one partner needing all the attention and the other not getting any of their needs met. A guy will walk away from a relationship or a girlfriend will leave if its all one sided and your not there when they need you. A dog can't walk away, its dependant on you. Sometimes, that is the reason a pet dog seems more of an answer than learning how to make friends. I'm not saying this is why the boyfriend left, just trying to make a point.
As a mom, if you complained you had trouble making friends, have no one and want a dog for a companion, I would not think first if a dog is the answer, a mom would wonder what is happening with you that at 19 you still have trouble making friends and I would focus my attention on helping you figure something out in that area. Perhaps you are just shy, that can be overcome. I used to be shy as a kid. Perhaps it is something more serious, such as a social disorder which a Dr. may need to diagnose so you can learn how to work with it and still get what you want out of life. You are normal as far as wanting to be wanted and needed. All humans do. I think pets as companions are great if a person is older and already has no problem making friends but a mom gets a dog when all her kids have finally left home so the house doesnt seem so empty, or for the elderly who aren't strong enough to get out and about much anymore to socialize and so a small pet works for them. For a young healthy teen/college age person who feels that a dog is the only way she won't fall into depression indicates there is something not right that can't be solved by getting a dog. there are plenty of people who suffer depression on a regular basis for whom having a pet did not make their depression go away, only proper Dr. care and medication can. If your depression is very recent like the last couple months and no episodes of it before, it likely is linked to all the changes in your life. No one likes change. Change is very upsetting to human emotions. But it is a part of life to learn to deal with unexpected changes, to be flexible and not fall apart when we need to move through change successfully. I have an ex husband for whom this was difficult. He'd freak out and worry and get depressed and it always fell to me to be the adult and handle whatever emergency came up or unexpected outcomes to whatever. It's tough on some people to pick up the slack for someone like that. It wasn't until late in life when I finally divorced him that I had discovered he had mental illness. Nothing severe that anyone in society could pick up on but once at home where he could unwind and be himself, that's where he lost it most often. Not saying you have a mental issue either. But there is such as thing as some people who struggle harder than others with how to normally socialize. Its a common disorder, you don;t need medication for but just the knowledge of what you are dealing with for life. Otherwise, you have a very lonely life ahead if trying to wing it by yourself with out seeing a counselor to see if there is something more you can do to make friends. What if your car battery dies and you are stranded. With a friend you can call for help, your dog just can't help you. Your parents aren't always going to be around. If you feel that all you need is a boyfriend or husband and no one else. Maybe it might work but if you were laying all your expectations on one person to fulfill all your needs, it can be very hard on a person. There's a chance that if this partner has their own friends, buddies and you don't feel comfortable or its just guy time, you may not want to allow the guy to have time to see anyone but you. It can smother a partner so you end up losing him. I still think you should find out what you can learn about yourself and see if anything needs to be worked on. If not, then a pet will not be the bandaid solution for you and not address the real issues.
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That's kinda tough. I would say that simply you just have been feeling the need to have a companion. Because everyone moving has taken a toll on you.even tho everyone has their own pet already, you would just prefer one of your own ,if not a dog maybe a guinea pig. (You could say that it could keep the other company. Which it is proven they are happier with other guinea pigs around)
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Want and need are very, very, different things; however they disguise themselves so similarly that it's hard for people to tell the difference. Especially people that aren't the ones with the desire for what they want, or in your case need.
I am not familiar with your family so it would be hard for me to give you any solid advice on how you can convince them to let you get a dog. Chances are if you use stress from college life as a reason, they will backfire by saying something along the lines of, "If you are stressed with college, being responsible for a dog will be even harder." If this is the case, tell them about library dogs.
They have been proven to encourage a confident consumption of books, and dogs are proven to be an attractive companion whilst reading or studying- helping students of all ages. This method of dog therapy is quite weird to many, but proven to work. Thus- a dog would actually help you with your studying and college work.
Dogs are capable of understanding up to 250 words and gestures, as well as emotions. While this may be a weird and seemingly pointless thing to say to your parents in order to convince them to get you a dog, it will prove that dogs are capable of understanding people on an emotional level, thus helping you emotionally with issues that you can't talk to your parents about.(the average dog is as intelligent as a two year old child, and can count up to five).
Now, these next things I am going to list don't have anything to do with dogs- but are successful tips on how to get what you want.
1.) Repeat something back to people, for example if somebody said "I like dogs but," you say back to them, "You like dogs?" This shows assertiveness and makes people feel obligated to do what the other person wants.
2.) Ask for more than you really want. For example, say you really want a small yorkie- ask for a golden retriever. When they say no, then ask for a yorkie. Because they said no the first time and the second thing you asked for was less than the original thing you asked, they often feel bad and say yes.
3.) Mirror body language, this subconsciously makes the person think they agree with what you are saying.
4.) Ask for a small favor before you ask for what you really want, since they said yes the first time they will automatically (in most cases) agree, because it makes them feel superior and as though you are reliant of them.
5.) Have other's around you agree with what you are saying, the person who does not agree often then agree's simply because everybody else is agreeing, and they think it must be right.
All of those have been proven scientifically to work in 70% of situations.
For any more advice make sure to favorite my column and I will be sure to answer you in any ways possible. I hope that it all works out for you and you get your dog in the end!
~Kenzieanonymous
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