Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84209
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at the art institutes, can you take two main courses? like i want to take photography and interior design, could i do that? also, do i have to take other subjects like social studies, math, english, science, ect.? or would i just take those two classes?
thanks! (link)
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If you have the time and the money and the energy, I am sure you can take two majors. They may discourage you, because they may think you will be taking on too much work. It is important for you to get good grades in the subjects you do take, so don't overwhelm yourself. As far as taking other courses....that will depend on what kind of degree you want to have when you graduate. If this is strictly and art school, at which you will gain a lot of knowledge in your chosen art field, but you won't have a "degree" when you graduate, just a certificate, then you won't have to take courses like math, english, science etc. But if it is a certified institutions and people graduate with BS or BA degrees, then you will have to take those courses also. Maybe not math and science, but definitly english and history. You will get specific answers to these questions when you talk with your college counselor.
Michele
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I'm a 23 year old woman. I'm graduating from college by Christmas.
In the future, I really would like to get married, and most people marry someone they met in high school or college. There's no one at my college that I've met that I can see a future with. How hard is it to find your soulmate when you're out of school? (link)
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Oh I think your chances are great. And actually, nationwide, most people meet their future spouses at work. Once you are working in your choosen career, you automatically have something in common with your co-workers. Your careers. And there is so much to talk about. Your college experience vs. their's. why you chose this career, etc, etc. One great way to ensure longevity in a relationship is the have many things in common. And if you are passionate about something, and find someone who is passionate about the same thing, you will both be very happy. Too many couples who married in high school, find out when they are in the 30's that the only thing they have in common is their marriage, (and maybe kids) but now they both have interests in other areas. They grow apart. I think your marriage will have a better chance of surviving. Some people don't find their "soul mate" until very late in life. YOu have everything to look forward to. So what will make you very attractive to the opposite sex is confidence. Good luck to you and congratulations on graduating from college.
Michele
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ok i'm 13 years old and ive always wanted to be an actress.i heard about those good will hunting guys and they wrote the script and they made alot of money. im going to try to write a movie,and i already have an idea of what its going to be about. its going to be about a girl and her mother dies and her father starts dating again shortly after, and the girl and the woman the dad is dating have to learn to get along and like each other. im going to write it but im afraid that my friends and family wont like it.
any advice? (link)
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That sounds like it would make a great movie. What do you mean that your friends and family won't like it. Do you mean that they are not supportive of you when you make statements about being an actress or writing a screne play? Is the screne play going to be loosely based on your family? And are you afraid that they won't like the way you portray them? If you keep the story up beat and funny, and if it has a happy ending, I don't see why they should be upset. But I think you should do it anyway. All the peopole you see on TV and in the movies, all had a burning desire, just like you do, to be involved in the movie business. And all of them had friends or family that made fun of them. But they couldn't forget what their real desire was. They never forgot. Many of them got involved with acting in High School. that is something you can do when the time comes. If you go to college and take theater classes, you will be able to write your own screen play or TV show and see it performed and be graded on it. Most of the actors and actresses you know have all had some schooling or training in acting and writing and theater. Good luck to you dear and don't let any one discourage you. If you write the play, you must be able to take "constructive critisim". Ideas and suggestions to make improvements and to make it better. But you have to know the difference. If someone you know family or friend is critical, (and not constructive) you can say something like: "Oh Sorry, I was looking for suggestions on how to make it better or improve it, I was not looking for citisism, I guess you don't know enough about writing screen plays to comment. I won't bother you again."
and let it go at that. Just show it to people who are going to encourage you dear. That is how you will succeed. And don't give up. Follow your dream.
Michele
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does anyone know is blockbuster hires underage persons? im 17 and looking for a summer job to pay for college. aslo any idea how much they would pay? and is there anything i should know about, like tips, if hired this would be my first job. thanks (link)
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I think 17 is old enough to work at blockbuster. After all there are is no dangerous equipment that you have to work with. They probably pay minimum wage, and since I don't know what State you live in, I can't tell you what that will be. You can look it up though, on the department of labor website for your state. They may require you to take a drug test. Many employers do that today.
Good luck to you
Michele
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i hav a question, i am going to a community college for two years then i plan to transfer to a 4year college as a junior. do i need to get an associates degree before transfering?i want to be a lawyer, i don't know if this has anything to do with it. help please (link)
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No you don't actually have to get an "associates" degree. You would have to take all of the courses required to earn the "associates degree" within a certain field. About the only thing that would relate to eventually becoming a lawyer would be a degree as a paralegal. Which is great, except you may end up taking and paying for courses that you won't need to eventually become a lawyer. You have many years of school ahead of you in order to become a lawyer, so you don't want to waste time or money. A four year college will accept you even if you just do one semester at a community college. Speak with a counselor at the community college, tell her you wish to transfer to a four year college after two years, and that you intend to become a lawyer. she can tell you what courses you should take now at the community college. Also a four year college or university will scrutinize the courses you took at the community college, they will look at your grades and the course criteria. So work on getting good grades, and tell the Community College Counselor, that you want to MAKE SURE all the credits for the courses you will be taking will be transferable to a four year college or University. It will help if you know now, what four year college you plan to attend.
Good for you too, you are saving a ton of money by going to a community college first. Good luck you.
MIchele
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mmkay, me and my boyfriend have been talking about having sex and where pretty sure we're foing to. it'll be my first time so I got a couple of questions. Like I know it hurts so like if you have to compare how much it hurts what would it hurt like? also how efffective are condoms? What are my chances of getting pregnant? what should I know before I do this? I'm sorry, I'm just really confuesed. I really think I'm ready for this and I really actually want to.
someone please help! lots of awnsers please! Thank you so much!
(link)
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It doesn't hurt a lot, breaking the hymen I mean, and there could be alittle blood, but otherwise, it should be OK. Unless he is really big, and you are really tight. It wouldn't hurt to have some lubricant handy, like KY Jelly. There is always a chance that you will get pregnant. Only abstinence is 100% safe. But I know that is not always an option. I hope your boyfriend knows how to use a condom, and can get it on properly. That can be difficult if it is the first time. He has to be sure he gets the right size, and no I don't know how boys know what size they are. If it comes off, after he has had an orgasm, or if it breaks, while he is in you, and he has had an orgasm, you can get pregnant.
I see that you are just 13 years old. If you find any of this difficult to discuss with your boyfriend, or awkward, that I would say that you two are NOT ready. You really shouldbe on birth control pills before you have sex. With sex comes great responsibility. You could end up getting pregnant. What will you both do if that happens. You need to discuss that also. YOu are the one who will have the BIG burden of telling your parent(s). He could get off scott free. I hope he is about your age too If he is three years older than you, or if he is 18 or over, he will be arrested and will go to jail and will be branded as a sex offender for the rest of his life. That is the law and it won't matter that you or even your parents don't want him to get arrested. That is the law. You both really need more information before you go down this road. I think it would be a good idea to wait longer. If you two don't end up together, you will be sad that you lost your viginity to someone that you are not going to spend the rest of your life with. YOu may think that the two of you are going to do that now, so waiting longer will just make you more sure of that. Why not take it month by month. See what happens. Wait a little longer and then get more and more information. Then see if there is a planned parenthood place in your city, so you can get information on birth control. And he can get information on condoms and how to use the properly. You can add a spermacide too, that will help more. What if the condom does break, you can get the "morning after pill". so you won't get pregnant. It's just in case. But do you know where to get them? If you are not mature enough to take these steps, then you are not ready for sex. So you decide. And I hope you decide to wait
Michele
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Is there any hair removal product, such as nair, I can use to remove my bikini line hair or maybe all of it? Im afraid to use Nair because I don't know if its made to remove pubic hair. Ive tried shaving and I really just don't like to do it because it hurts and then next day there are red bumps and small jagged hairs. Does anyone know of such a product? (link)
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Yes you can use nair in that area, just be careful NOT to get any on the inside of your vagina where the mucus membranes are, that will burn. You will have to let it grow out a little, before you can try the nair. 1/2 inch or so.
Waxing is faster, but if you don't know what you are doing, you can pull a layer of skin off and that hurts for a long time. Even with waxing, you have to let the hair grow to 1/2 inch or so.
Good luck to you
Michele
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see this guy i have always talked online b/c thats how it is,has gotten grounded from the computer.
and i cant talk to him on the phone because it would be:
1)too akward
2)he always has the phone line busy
how else can i get to him [without giving him a letter]
(link)
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All you can do is be patient and wait until his parents allow him to use the computer again. I am sure they won't ground him from the computer for the summer. When he shows up again, tell him you missed talking to him on-line.
Michele
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My face is ALWAYS red. My dermatalogist said I don't have rosatia. And it's not the sun either. What can I do to get rid of the redness?! :[ (link)
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Another great product that is supposed to calm the skin, is Plantidote by Origins. It is not cheap, cost about $65 to $75 dollars. But I have had good results with it. I am an esthetician, so I am familliar with many products, and while I can't see you, I know that this product works not only on rosacea, it also works on redness and inflammation for other reasons too. Good luck. I hope you find the solution.
Michele
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13/f
My little sister always gets the attention and love! I'm serious! My sister does something, I get blamed for it! Everytime my parents leave me and my sister alone, my sister actually bites me! Then when my parents get home, they bring something for my sister, but not me! Then I tell them what my sister did, but they say, "Honey, you know your sister would never do that." Then, my sister tells my parents that I bit her and punched her. I get in trouble! I need advice on how to control my stupid sister! If it helps, my sister is going to be 11 in 2 weeks. (link)
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Do you have a camera phone. Can you take a picture of her mis behaving while your folks are away. Can you record her talking to you, and saying nasty things and treatening you? Do you have a recorder, or can you borrow one? Wait until your parents are away and turn it on and hide it. It won't be long before she comes along and starts harassing you. Since she got away with it before, I am sure that she will try again.
This really sucks, and it is too bad that you are in the middle of this. Since you are already the brat, and she's the princess...why not say to your parents that "hey, it's a parents job to treat all (or both) of their children equally, no matter how hard it is." EVen if they respond negatively at first, you will put a thought in their head and maybe they will be more careful in the future. You will make them feel guilty and parents hate to feel guilty.
Hope this helps
Michele
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what are the lumps under my arms? some people have flat armpits. (link)
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The lumps under your arms are lymph-nodes. Every one has them. They are also some located in our groin area. You shouldn't be able to feel them though. Unless you are very very skinny. Or they may be enlarged. If they are enlarged that is a sign of illness.If you have a virus they could be enlarged, lymph node can also carry cancer throughout the body. Often when women are diagnosed with breast cancer, the cancer in the breast, along with some extra tissue and along with the lymph nodes under the arm closest to the affected breast are all removed. Are they sore at all? Do you feel well overall? Have you been diagnosed with Mono, that virus would increase the size of your lymph nodes. I don't want to scare you, but it is always good make sure. I am glad that you asked about it. Now, perhaps you should discuss this with your parent, and maybe see a doctor.
Michele
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what's the difference between 256/64kbps and 1500/256kbps internet? i mean is the 1500/256kbps more faster than the other? because im using bigpond internet and i want to know which ones faster becuase currently MY INTERNET IS SO SLOW (AT DOWNLOADING STUFF). GOSH!! can someone please help!!! - please tell me (again) what's the difference between 256/64kbps and 1500/256kbps?
THANKS GUYS! (link)
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The KBPS with the larger numbers will give you more speed. It increases the amount of broadband that is availale to you. You definitly want a lot of broadband if you are downloading. It should cost you more too, but it is worth it.
Go for the 1500/256 kbps
Michele
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i cut. i'll plain out say it. i've been off and on it for about 2 years. I also burn myself when i cant take it anymore. my mom thinks that i dont cut anymore.the only reason i did it before was because of my step dad. he used to abuse me when i was younger and my mom did nothing to stop him because she thought Me and my sister were lying.i got a councilor that i cant see anymore and my parents dont bother to get me another one. my dad picks my sister over me all the time so im falling through the cracks and cutting more and deeper.what should i do? (link)
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I am sorry that you have to go through this. This is NOT what a family is supposed to be like. I believe that you cut and burn because feeling pain is better than feeling "nothing". Which is what you are left with when your mother, the person you are supposed to be able to trust, doesn't believe you when you tell her that your stepdad was abusing you. She didn't want to hear it, because she didn't want to be alone. It was more important for her to have that abuser in the house rather than protect you. It is no wonder that you hurt yourself. This is probably just the tip of the iceburg, both of your parents sound like they are selfish people who don't deserve to have kids. Kids need to be raised by loving patient adults, who put the kids needs before their own. I don't know if your therapist told you that, but she/he should have. I am sorry that you cannot go to the therapist any more. Is there someone in school you can talk to?
I can only give you hope. Some day you are going to be a grown man, and what your parents do with their lives, or have done with their lives will not matter.It will be your turn to decide how you are going to live your life. What values will you have, what commitments will you make and keep. Are you going to do the same thing to your kids? YOu need to break this cycle. The best promise you can make to yourself is to not grow up to be like them. The best thing you can do for yourself is to GET AN EDUCATION so that you can leave there as soon as you turn 18. You'll need some money and a way to support yourself so you can leave. You can create a life for yourself no matter what your parents have done to hurt you. Many kids have done it. NO it is not easy, but it is possible.
And this I can guarantee you, once you become successful, your parents will want you in their lives, and then the power will be with you.
I am sorry,that the time is going to go slow, but IT WILL PASS. And you can be ready to start your own life, or you can spend the rest of your life looking for love and acceptance from people who are incapable of giving it. Don't let this be your legacy. You can do this.
Some day you'll hold your own baby son in your arms, and you'll cry (maybe inside) and wonder, how could anyone be so mean to such a helpless and trusting being? Promise your child that you will never do to them, what your parents have done to you. I will pray for you, and I hope you can find the strength to do this. You will be stronger for it. If by chance you live near a library, there is a new book out that you might like, (if anything I said above gives you hope) The name of the book is "Bad Childhood.....Good Life" And it is by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Her early books helped me tremendously. I couldn't afford therapy either, but I was smart enough, like you, to know that I needed it. I have been where you are. today I have two teenage boys, and we are very close and they are happy and emotionally healthy and cherished by me.
Michele
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The other day there was a Black Panther rally in Dallas, not one affiliated with the New Black Panther Party, is that legal?
They were yelling racial slurs at my brother, he and his co-workers were setting up pavilions for them and they were all caucasian. (link)
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Well I can tell you that every city in the US requires a PERMIT for an organization to hold a rally. So the group, had to obtain a permit, and when they did that, they had to give the reason for their rally to the City/Town. So the rally itself was not illegal. In this country we have the freedom to belong to the organzations who share our values and beliefs. While it was inappropriate for the group to yell racial slurs at your brother, it was not illegal.(We have freedom of speech in this country.) Now if your brother and his co-workers had decided to take offense and hit someone, and a fight broke out, that would have been against the law, and some people, and most likely people from both sides would have been arrested. It is a testament to your brother that he was smart enough to realize that prejudice is based in ingnorace. He was smart to ignore them. It would certainly to OK to complain to the city/town about the incident so that the group is unable to get a permit to hold a rally again. That is the best way to deal with people like that.
Michele
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I was wondering if the weight loss pill hoodia gordonii really works and if it's really worth the money. I was also wondering if it's a safe pill and if it's safe for 15-16 year olds to take it. (link)
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I can tell you that the pill does work, but you have to know the amount of Hoodia in the pill you want to buy. Some only have 200mg. others more. The one I took that did work had 750mg. They are all about the same cost. very expensive, I know.
How they work is that the Hoodia kills you appetite. You just really don't get hungry. You can look at food, and it's like your stomach is full, and you have no desire to eat.
Hoodia is also a stimulant. You will feel more energy and maybe a little jittery, like from caffine. I would say that it is safe for you as long as you don't have any heart conditions.
I don't think you need to follow the directions, some recommend you take them 1 hour before each meal. I took them only in the AM, and found that was enough. If I took them before dinner, I couldn't sleep. Be careful as some formulas have other ingredients that can increase the effects. I don't remember the name of the one that I used, but I found it on the internet. Hoodia Burn, or something like that. Just read the label and make sure you get 500 mg or more of Hoodia in each capsul. Good luck.
PS> when I stopped taking it, I put the weight back on. (oh well)
Michele
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ok so, for the past few days ive been having these HORRIBLE cramps. like cramps you get when youre on your period but im not on mine....and i wont be any time soon. also you know that feeling you get when you have to pee? i've started having that feeling almost all the time even when i dont have to pee. so does anyone know what might be wronnnng? i really dont want to go to the doctor. please help (link)
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Well it could be a few different things, and you may have to go to the doctor anyway.
Is there any chance that you could be pregnant? Any chance, the only way you couldn't is if you haven't had any relations for three months or more. If you have it could be an ectopic pregnancy. the egg is fertilized in your tubes, instead of in your uterus, and it is very painfull and you can have the urge to pee a lot.
OR it could be a cyst on your ovary,(and this is very common) they are also very painful, and sometimes an ovary will need to be removed, but often it can be controlled with birth control pills.
Or it could be a bladder infection, which could cause cramps and painful urniation and urinating often. But very little comes out, and you have to urge to go contantly. This is also common.
andyou will need to get on anti-biotics to prevent this from getting worse.
NONE OF THESE will get better on their own. You need to go to a walk in medical clinic. they will take blood and urine first to see how high your white blood count is. It it is high, they will prescribe anti-biotice. IF not, they may also check to see if you are pregnant, which they can do with the urine, and then the'll most likely diagnose a tubular pregnancy. If they rule out both of those they will do an internal exam to see if it is your ovary and if it has a cyst on it. Or they may examin your ovaries via an ultra sound. Painless and no internal exam requried.
Please go to the doctor, today
Michele
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well in a few weeks the final harry potter book will come out. ive been reading harry potter since 3rd grade and i love those books! im so excited i can hardly wait!! but theres one thing im not looking forward to. a lot of my friends arent allowed to read it. their parents think its evil and written by the devil or something. ever since i started reading them, i would get remarks from my friends or their parents. "your parents let you read THAT?" in 4th grade i had a friend who wasnt allowed to play with me anymore after her parents saw me reading harry potter. well now im 13 and i dont really care. there is NOTHING wrong with those books, theyre fiction, they dont turn people into witches, and they show that good is good and evil is bad. but i just want to know what i should say if someone gives me some remark. i dont want to be rude, i just want people to know those books are not evil and im not a bad person for reading them.
(link)
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To most of the world, the books are just fiction and great fun. They have provided years of entertainment and have prompted many children to read. it is a good thing. You might say to these kids or parents something like this:
Oh I love to read and the more I read the smarter I get, and being smart helps me to know the difference between fact and fiction which is what these books are FICTION.
Good luck to you dear
Michele
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I'm gonna be a freshman in college and I have a philosophy class....what do you usually do and study in that class? (link)
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Philosphy is sort of the study of how we should live. How we should behave. Ethics and Etiquette. SO many people try to explain it. But philosphers are known for doing it best. The best known philosphers are Socrates, Plato and Aristotle.They are famous Greek Philosphers. Every Society has their own philosphers. There is Eastern Philosphy (Confucious) and Western Philosphy, and Indian Philosophy, etc, etc.
There is a great new book out, and it is sort of a funny book on philosphy. It is called
Plato and a Platapus Walked Into a Bar, Sub title, Understanding Philosphy through jokes.
by Cathcart and Klein. YOu might want to pick it up over the summer and read it before you take your class. IT could give you a head start and be pleasant reading. Some philosphers are pretty boring.
Good luck to you and congratulations on going to college.
Michele
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16/m
i was wondering something I heard about. I got some spermicide condoms with nonoxynol-9 and I was wondering if they often irritate women? I just want to make sure my girlfriend is comfortable during and after sex. What do you guys think? Should i go get diffrent ones? (link)
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Well, I'm not a guy, but I can tell you that it is NOT supposed to be irritating. And it is a good idea to use the condoms with the spermacide. She may be allerigic to it though. And the only way to find out is to try them. If she has very sensitive skin, that could be a problem. Some women can't even have their mates used condoms because they are allergic to latex. So good luck.
Michele
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ok so almost 2 years ago i started talking to this boy was friends he dated my best friend at the time a little while after they broke up we started "talking" then he asked me out one night like 2 days later he broke up with me he told me at the time it was cause he needed time to talk to me more and stuff turns out he was drunk well we "talked" for about a month dont see how he could be drunk that whole time well after we stoped talking he dated a few of my friend for some months then the summer came we got friends like good friend he was gonna ask me out then asked someone else out then they broke up he was gonna ask me out asked one else out then they broke up and i was so close then he thought i liked his friend asked someone else out and he hated me for a while then we got back friends when they broke up and we was kewl for a while but only friends then out of no where he would be mean and that went on for a while then not to long ago we got back friends and things were going great and then he found another girl and now he says mean things about me i told him to leave me alone so i can get over him but hes the only one i think ill ever want and idk what to do i know this is long but please someone give me advice. (link)
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We women, we are soooo stupid. We always think we can change someone. Our hearts always go out to he guy who acts pitiful and wants us to feel sorry for him. And we do, and we believe that our love can save him, that we love him unconditionally and if he would only love us back. I am sorry to tell you honey that it doesn't work that way. There are so many of us who wish that it did. We girls have to learn to read a guys "actions" and forget what he says. He'll say things that will gain him the attention he wants, but his actions prove exactly how he feels about you. YOu are the rebound girl. And when he has burned all his bridges, when the girls he prefers are turned off by his bad behavior, his drinking and his selfishness....then he'll turn to you. And you'll be there, because you have been waiting for him to committ to you all these years.
You'll be so happy. And I guarantee, that the years you spend with this man/boy will end up being the worst years of your life.
It is SO wonderful to be in love with someone who loves you back, just as much. Who treats you like you are special. Who cherishes you and would never do anything to hurt you. It is hard to find that kind of relationship when you are very young. BOys just don't think that way. They think with their pants (you know what I mean) But when they get older, luckily, most of them mature and are ready for a long term relationship. You are a good person who shows compassion for other people. You are not selfish. But you will spend the rest of your life and have many broken hearts of you continue to care about boys/men who do not put you first. You deserve better than that. Learn to recognize the signs of selfish behavior in men and avoid them. Learn to appreciate the boys who think you are special. When you grow up get married and start a family, you need a man who will stay by your side, not leave you to do all the work, while he continues to play the field.
And here's a clue to you. Boys who play the field, have no self-confidence. Even if they act loud and confident. Each new girls makes them feel important, but it doesn't last. Because it is not the person you are with that makes you important. It is what is inside of you. I know this sounds corny, but the fact is that this hasn't changed for 1,000 years or more.
GOod luck to you honey.
Michele
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