I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173014
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me and my boyfriend wanted to have sex he stuck it in for just a min i made him pull out and put a condon on is there a chance i could catch a std from him if he was only inside me for a few seconds before i made him wear a condom? (link)
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Is there a chance? Sure. Anytime his body comes into contact with your body, there's a chance.
Of course, he needs to be infected with an STD. If he is, it's helpful for you to know which one, as condoms do not protect against things like warts or herpes - they can affect areas of his genitals that are not covered by a condom.
The best thing to do is get tested, make sure you're okay, and then take precautions in the future. It would be ideal if your boyfriend was also willing to be tested. Knowing you are both healthy is a great way to avoid this type of worry in the future.
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I've been with my partner for 5 months now. We have sex on a regular basis. Im just concerned because when we start fooling around i get very aroused and am ready to go every time, but as things progress i seem to lose that and can never fully be satisfied. I've never had an orgasm, and am starting to think it is me. We have tried so many positions. I just dont know how to find "that thing" that will change this for me. (link)
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What are you doing when you start fooling around? If you can figure out what it is that gets you going, then perhaps you can do a bit more of it.
If, for example, whatever it is you do at the start of a session is something that you stop doing once you get going, that could be an issue.
Perhaps your partner (and yourself) are really comfortable fooling around, but not so comfortable having sex. Do you feel emotionally happy that you are currently having sex? Any doubts or stresses can make pleasure difficult. This can include worries about pregnancy or infection.
One thing that would probably help is if you figured out what you liked - without your boyfriend and the pressure of performing. Spend time time alone with yourself and try different touches; if you do this when you feel excited and have enough time, chances are you will have an orgasm. Many women find it easier to orgasm through masturbation than sex with a partner.
This is for a variety of reasons - but please note that many women have difficulties having orgasms from penetrative sex alone. Think outside the box - have him use his fingers, tongue, etc.
Once you know what works for you, you can educate him. Best of luck.
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i lost my vaginity 17 days ago and almost ever since i have been on my period what is up with me? (link)
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Was your period due at around the time you had sex?
This could be bleeding related to sex. Many girls will bleed for a couple of hours after having sex.
If this bleeding continues for an extended period of time (like yours has) or causes pain, a doctor needs to be consulted.
The best thing you can do for your body is see a doctor. You'll need to start seeing a gyno now that you have lost your virginity anyway, so hurry up and make an appointment.
Best of luck.
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me and my boyfreinds were foolinh around and he decided to finger me using ice cubes to get a better feeling, it kinda hurt a bit.but since he has did it i havnt stopped bleeding since and its really heavy and am worried?whats wrong? (link)
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You'll need to see a doctor. Heavy bleeding that hasn't stopped needs medical attention.
Perhaps a rough spot on the ice cube tore some skin, perhaps his fingernail did. Either way, you may need stitches or some medicine to prevent infection.
In future, let your body tell you what it likes. If you are feeling discomfort and pain, there's nothing wrong with asking him to stop. Exerimentation is there to find out what you like, so when you realize you dislike something, say so. It'll only help you both out.
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My boyfriend and i have been going out for about 3 months now. I am a virgin still but he has talked about having sex. well two days ago he put his penis in me and then pulled it right back out. Is there a possiblity i could be pregnant even if i didn't lose my virginity yet? (link)
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If your boyfriend's penis was in your vagina, then you aren't actually a virgin (if you measure virginity by penis-into-vagina terms).
And yes, there is a small chance you could be pregnant. Anytime a penis is erect it leaks a small amount of fluid called pre-cum. This is packed with thousands and thousands of sperm.
To be safe, make sure you use a condom each and every time you have sex - or come close to it. Agree this with your boyfriend when you're out of the bedroom, and that will make it easier to stick with your plans and not get carried away by the heat of the moment.
Best of luck.
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me and this guy had sex about on sunday and im scared that i might be pregnant. i havent got the mornign after pill. for the first couple of minutes that we had sex he had a condom on but then i said it wasalright if he took it off. he said that he pulled out but he was really close to my vagina. im not sure whether he did or not. then about 30 minutes later we had sex again and he didnt have a condom but this time he cummed on me. could i be pregnant and would i be able to tell this early? what should i do just in case i am? also how soon should i get the morning after pill? (link)
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Yes, there is a chance you could be pregnant. A penis leaks out pre-cum, a small amount of fluid packed with tens of thousands of sperm. You can get pregnant from pre-cum, even if the guy pulls out long before he cums.
Anytime a penis is unprotected and in your vagina, there is a possibility for pregnancy. Anytime cum is near or in your vagina (like him cumming near your vagina), there is a chance of pregnancy.
The morning after pill is only effective if taken within 72 hours (3 days) of unprotected sex, though it is best to take it within 24 hours. It would not affect whether you got pregnant or not at this stage.
There is no way to tell if you are pregnant yet. If you have a regular period, wait and see if it comes - be aware that stress can cause it to be late or irregular. If it does not come, get a home pregnancy test. The sooner you know if you are pregnant, the more options that are open to you.
If your period does come, then use condoms every single time in the future. Your partner had one on, so regardless of what he may say he is obviously ready to wear a condom if he wants to have sex. Your health is a huge concern - are you ready for pregnancy scares, babies, infections? This kind of stress not only impacts your emotional and physical health, but can also cause huge problems in a relationship.
Play it safe - you can enjoy yourself and keep both of you protected.
Best of luck.
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how do you kno which hole to stick your penis in a girls vagina (link)
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There is only one hole that would work.
The hole for poop is fairly obvious. The hole where a girl pees from is too small for your penis to fit into. The vagina is between the two.
It's about an inch above where the poop hole is. If you're having trouble finding it, use your finger first. This will give you a chance to figure out where it is and what angle is best, as well as giving the girl a chance to get used to the sensation of something in her vagina.
Best of luck.
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can a girl get pregnant if a guy ejeaculates on her vagina? (link)
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If any of the semen gets into her vagina, there is a chance. There's also a chance of contracting a sexually transmitted infection if the guy has one.
To keep safe, use condoms - or have the guy ejaculate over a less-risky part of your body.
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I was wondering why everytime my boyfriend friends me it hurts really bad?? He can only put his finger in about half an inch and it feels like he is hitting something!!! Could that be my cherry??? (link)
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It's common for this to cause discomfort or even pain if you are unused to penetration. This is because the muscles inside the vagina are very strong - this is more likely the issue, rather than your cherry.
Things to help: if you are feeing tense or worried about pain, this is only more likely to make your muscles clench up. Try really taking your time kissing, etc in order to feel you really want this to happen. The more emotionally and physically ready you are, the more likely fingering is to be successful.
Next, if you aren't getting very lubricated, you might buy some water-based lubricant for your boyfriend to put on his finger. This will help him ease into your vagina - and make sure he goes slowly. Be sure to speak up and let him know the right speed and pressure.
Don't worry. Things will eventually work. The first few times are likely to be uncomfortable, and then feel better after that.
Best of luck.
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I'm a 15 year old girl with uneven breasts. One is an 36 A, and one's a 36 B. It's not really noticeable through clothes, and even with bathing suits and bras I can adjust it to look like they're pretty much even, but sometimes I go into break downs cause I just want them even, and it makes me worry that when I get old enough to have sex, my lover will reject me. The only thing is, is that I don't think we could afford cosmetic surgery without help from Health Care, and my mom says that Health Care wouldn't cover something like this, because my breasts aren't causing me pain physically. Also, even if I were to get cosmetic surgery, I heard that many times they remove the nipple, so you can't breastfeed! Number one, I want to have kids some day, and be able to breastfeed, and number two, that'd just contradict the whole cosmetic surgery, because then I'd be embarrassed about having only one, or no nipples! Please help!! Email me at lavenderwolfcub@yahoo.com please (link)
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Most women have uneven breasts. As you've said, it's barely even noticeable. Any future lover would probably be so excited to be with you the last thing they would be doing was comparing your breasts.
Surgery does not remove nipples, particularly in enhancement. A breast reduction will often remove the nipple during hte surgery and reattach it afterwards. Whatever the type of cosmetic surgery, you would end up with two nipples.
Still, your breasts are probably not finished growing. Many young women continue to develop up until around their 18th birthday.
However your boobs turn out, you'll always notice any 'flaws' more than other people will. After all, you've got them all the time and can inspect them closely. Partners will not be focused on weighing them and criticizing them - they will be excited to be touching you and pleasing you.
Everyone has bits of their body they dislike. But at the end of the day, this is your one body. Any difference in the size of your breasts will be more noticed by you than anyone else - and any of your friend will probably have the same problem.
Surgery isn't a good option unless your breasts are noticeably different. It's healthier for your body to let it be, and it's healthier for your mind if you take some time to focus on all the things you like about your body, including the good bits about your boobs.
Best of luck.
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Hi, my name is Jenny and I was wondering about something that happened when I was fooling around with a guy.
He started fingering me and it was going really well, but toward the end, I felt like I had to pee really badly! It was so bad that I asked him to stop and when I asked him he asked if i had to go to the bathroom! It was absolutely mortifying! But I was afraid I would pee on him if he continued!
I've heard that it's near impossible to pee when fully aroused, but I'm still worried about it, what can I do to stop this feeling?
Also, was it a total turn off for him? Like, did my having to pee make him want to stop?
Thanks. (link)
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Chances are this guy touched your G-Spot. A common feeling this causes is needing to pee. It's a normal response and does not mean you will actually pee.
Usually continued stimulation will stop this 'pee feeling', but if it remains uncomfortable you may decide this type of sex just isn't for you. However, it is very unlikely you could pee while aroused - despite how badly you felt you needed it. The added emotional discomfort of worrying about it could also have heightened the sensation.
Best tips? Realize this is part of how your body works. You're not a freak, and this is a normal response. You are not likely to pee. Once you've come to grips with the idea that this is all normal, you'll hopefully be able to relax and enjoy things a bit more!
As for how this guy felt, only he can say. Sex can be fumbling and awkward for everyone at points, and chances are this has not affected his opinion of you. After all, everyone needs to pee sometimes. At worst, he might have felt confused or that he wasn't doing something right - he is far more likely to be worried about his own performance than yours.
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im a 19/f and when my boyfriend and i are making out before foreplay i become easily aroused, and get lubricated. sometimes i feel like im too wet and get embarrased, it kills the mood because im wet before he even fingers me.. is this normal??! i dont even like being fingered soemtimes because of it. also- when he fingers me i always feel like i have to pee even if i pee right before foreplay? im always scared that im going to push out the pee when i squeeze my vaginal muscles.. please give me some advice on this (link)
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There's no such thing as being too wet. If anything, your boyfriend should be pleased that you get so excited when you are with him!
Lubricant helps your vagina cope with penetration and can make sex more pleasureable for you. Without enough wetness, you could become chafed or uncomfortable.
Most women get wet during foreplay, and many get very, very wet. It's normal.
The only way this could cause a problem is if it's stressing you out or making you feel anxious. Like you've said, it can kill the mood and stop you from having pleasure. In actual reality, your body is responding normally to being aroused and is actually functioning the way it's supposed to.
This feeling of needing to pee is also quite common. Your boyfriend could be stimulating your G-Spot; a feeling this can produce is needing to pee. Rest assured - it's very, very hard to pee when your body is aroused...even if you are trying. It's highly unlikely any pee would escape during foreplay. This is particularly true when you are squeezing your muscles, as this would stop the flow of pee.
Hope I helped!
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What does masturbate mean? And I love the feeling of sticking objects IN my vagina, is that wrong? I cant help it. Also does that effect my period? Because I havent started yet and im 13 and once i put a pen "in there" and I pushed to hard and I felt somthing like "pop or break" Help!! I'm sooo scared! :( (link)
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Masturbation is giving yourself sexual pleasure. This could be from touching your clitoris, fingering yourself, rubbing against pillows, or putting things inside your vagina.
The only real worry with using other things to penetrate you is their safety. You want to use things without sharp edges that could tear or irritate your sensitive skin. You also want to make sure things are clean, clean, clean.
This won't affect your period.
When you felt something 'pop or break', it could have been a variety of things. One of these would be the remainders of your hymen (sometimes called a 'cherry'). As long as this did not hurt you or cause bleeding, chances are you are fine.
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i am 15 and a guy and im nervious that my girlfriend might get pregnant ... can a girl get pregnant if the penis slips into the vagina and is taken out quickly? (link)
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Anytime semen comes into contact with the vagina there is a chance of pregnancy. Pre-cum (the fluid that comes out of your penis when it's hard) has sperm in it.
This means there is a chance your girlfriend could have beeb pregnant. However, there is a whole host of issues to consider, and her chances of being pregnant are probably minimal.
To be on the safe side, buy a pack of condoms! If you don't want to have sex and this was an accident, perhaps try using hands instead of having your naked genitals near each other.
Best of luck.
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i feel very frusterated and my lower back seems to have a lot of tension i am also questioning everything i do my faith sexuality so on and so on i do not want to feel this way what is wrong with me? why am i getting this feeling? has anyone else had it? please help me i have been feeling like this on and off since april. (link)
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Questioning things means that you are trying to make sense of yourself and understand yourself better. This is a good thing in the long run, though right now it might be painful or confusing.
What questioning allows you to do is think about your values, experiences, and personality - this means that when you come to a decision or realization about yourself, it is the correct one.
For example, many people are born into a faith system and just stick to it their whole lives without questioning anything. Is this real faith? I would argue that having doubts, exploring, and then coming to an understanding will lead you to a more genuine and honest place.
Faith and sexuality are two huge issues that deserve some time to be explored.
This tension and confusion could be affecting your back, or it could be something else. Try to think back and remember if there was a specific day it began hurting, or if you did anything that might have caused it to get strained.
With regards to your back tension and all of your confusion, you need to figure out a way to help yourself cope. This could be talking to friends, journalling, taking jogs in the evening, painting, taking bubble baths - whatever it is that gives you an opportunity to relax.
Best of luck.
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today when i was still waking up i had the idea of me and one of my guy friends giving each othe blow jobs and it didn't seem so bad but and the idea keeps occuring to me what does this mean i am 110% straight and extremely homophobic please help i dont understand after i mastrubate the idea seems pretty gross but then it just comes back to me again help thanks (link)
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Homophobia doesn't help anyone, least of all you. It makes you worried about these fantasies, when in reality they could just be a good way to get your engine revving.
There is also a possibility that you are bisexual or gay - both of which are absolutely fine - and any extreme dislike of homosexuality is only going to make accepting yourself more difficult.
In the meantime, try not to beat yourself up. Fantasies are common, and many people think about things that they wouldn't try in real life. Take it for what it is, an enjoyable mental picture, and try to relax a little.
Best of luck.
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hey i have really bad cramps and their getting worse. i take alive or ibuprofen but there not working anymore and midol has never worked for me not even the maximum strength....should i get birth control pills? (link)
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You've got two good routes to go down here, and both start with getting good medical advice. From there, you can try homeopathic 'cures' for bad cramps.
These include avoiding salt just before your period, going for a walk every day, using a heating pad on your tummy, and a variety of herbs that can help your body cope.
Your other option is medication. Your doctor might be able to prescribe particularly strong painkillers, inform you about birth control and possible side affects, etc. They will probably also check to see the possible reasons for these increasingly bad cramps.
They could be normal for you, or they could signify a condition that might be treatable.
Either way, have a chat with your doctor. It might also help to keep a log of what you're eating and if anything particularly noteable happens in the month - and which days you get cramps. You might find a link.
Best of luck.
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this is most likely the wrong category but whatever i was just wondering can you be gay if you dont want to. (link)
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Yes, just as you can be white if you don't want to. People are born with their sexuality, and society makes it difficult for people who may be gay to accept themselves.
This doesn't change their sexuality, though, and it can often take time for them to be comfortable and accepting of themselves. This is normal, though also painful and confusing.
Is there anyone you feel you can trust to talk to about this? If not, there are lots of informative websites out there that can address your concerns about sexuality. If you don't want others using your computer to possibly see where you've been looking, remember to clear your history.
Best of luck.
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Ok..my names emily and i'm a freshman...this past school year me and two other of my friends were at one of their houses. We had been talking to two of these really cute senior boys in our physical science class. They called us because they thought we were hott one night and asked us what we were doing. We told them we were about to get into the hot tub and so they said they were going to come over. We didn't think they would but they showed up. (bringing a very cute friend i had seen around but never talked to.) somehow we ended up on a trampoline making out. Well a couple months went by and i thought nothing of it. Until someone told me this guy had liked me. I didn't believe it at first until he told me one day that he did. We had to keep it a secret for about 3 months because he had a REALLY bad past relationship with this girl a while back and the police were involved.(she was crazy) so his mom didn't want him dating anybody. ESPECIALLY a freshman. So then when he finally told her...we were getting very intimate and close and he would do things like bring teddy bears to my house when i wasn't home and come to my window one night to say he loved me and surprise me. And whenever we hung out he would always say that we were getting married and all of these very romantic deep thoughtful things. Well the school year ended and we were two weeks into summer and he hadn't called me or hung out with me. He ended up calling me and telling me that he didn't want me to be held down when he went to college and stuff like that..(he said it in a very mean and unthoughtful way) and everyone told me that it could never last and he would NEVER ask me out. He told me that by the time he graduated we would be going out. THis guy is my life and i thought i was his but i guess eveybody was right. HOw do i deal with all of this pain and hurt? What actions should i take to make it better? Revenge or should i just let it go? My friends said i should leave all the stuff he gave me on his front porch and just leave it at that but it just seems to me like he wouldn't care. He hasn't even called me once since he told me this and it's been three days..it's like he wants to just forget everything we had and move on, but i'm not ready to move on. What should i do to make him miss me?
~hurt and confused (link)
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Wow, this sounds painful. Really caring about someone and thinking they feel the same way means that when they decide to end the relationship, it is intensely confusing and difficult.
Basically, it sounds as if this boy possibly didn't mean all of the nice things he said and did. After all, he has dismissed them (and you) without a backwards look. While this isn't an easy thing to think about, it might help you realize that the relationship perhaps wasn't everything it was cracked up to be.
Unfortunately, I don't think you can make him miss you. In fact, I don't think anyone can make anyone else feel something. Maybe he does miss you already. Perhaps he's confused. Or maybe he realizes that him being away at college does mean things wouldn't work between the two of you, so he decided to end things now. Whatever the case, this is over.
It might make you feel better to do some sort of symbolic act. Maybe you can have a (safe) bonfire and burn his notes or presents? Or write him a letter that really, really expresses how you feel, and then get rid of that.
He's done a terrible, hurtful thing. While you may want to react and get back at him, all that does is prolong YOUR stress, pain, and anger.
Get rid of his stuff, and then talk more with your friends. Spend time really caring for yourself - pamper yourself, play sports, write in a journal, whatever makes you feel better. It's important to express your emotions rather than keep them inside.
Once you heal and move on, hopefully you'll find someone who is genuine and looking for a real relationship. Think about the red flags from this relationship - him keeping you a secret, not asking you out, etc - and try to avoid them in the future. You sound like a sincere and caring girl, and I'm sure you'll find someone who truly appreciates that in time.
Best of luck.
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well i'm 14 and i know that this probly sounds stuped but my b/f which is 17 and me desided that our relshonship is really stronge and that we could go farther than we have been well we desided that he could finger me and i would give him a hand job but this we did in water i was woundering if i could get pregent b/c i saw stuff come out of his penis and even though it did not go in my vagina the stuff csme really close i was wondering if some how it could have got inside of me and i could get pregnet?
please help me i'm really really scard.
and if i am prgent how can i tell my mom and dad? (link)
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What sort of water were you in? If it was chloronated, like a swimming pool or hot tub, then the chemicals probably killed any sperm.
It's important to think carefully about what you want in the future. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to get carried away - if you make choices beforehand, you're more likely to follow through.
This means thinking about any sexual activities. Keeping his semen (the stuff you saw come out of his penis) away from your vagina will help prevent pregnancy. If he has had sex before, keeping it away from any body openings (including cuts and wounds) will help reduce the chance of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.
Decide now how you want to protect yourself, and how far you feel comfortable going. Discuss this with your boyfriend and let him know that you are concerned about your health and just want to take care of yourself. Chances are he's not ready to be a father yet and will be supportive.
In the meantime, wait for your period. You don't need to worry now about telling your parents, as it's not likely you are pregnant. However, think about this scared, panic feeling before you do take any risks which could lead to an unplanned pregnancy. It's possible to enjoy your body AND keep yourself safe.
Best of luck.
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