I'm not here to tell you what to think or do, but to give you as much honest, accurate information as possible. If I don't know an answer to a specific question, I'll research it before replying. I won't sugarcoat things; my job is to tell it like it is.
I've got a particular interest in sexual health and sexuality. I know a lot about fertility and pregnancy - and firsthand now, as I've just had twins. I'm also an accredited sexual health worker.
Gender: Female
Occupation: Counsellor, writer, mother of twins.
Age: 31
Member Since: August 9, 2004
Answers: 1493
Last Update: November 5, 2009
Visitors: 173001
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Last night, my boyfriend of over 7 months broke up with me. I dont totally understand why. We were madly in love with each other. But now he has some feelings for this other girl. Our families loved each other;we did evrything together. I dont know what set him off. But last night at a big festival, he dumped me. He was kinda nice about it but i still sobbed. I dont understand how you can break something like that off. The thing is, I want him back. I know that the girl that he likes would never go out with him because she only likes him as a friend. How do I win him back? How can i descretely show him that he belongs with me.
Please guys, I love him so much and im hurting so much right now.
Thank you so much! (link)
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I can understand your feelings of hurt and confusion. After all, it sounds as if you were fully committed to the relationship - and happy.
The thing is, your boyfriend wasn't. He had feelings for someone else and decided to act on it. Whether or not this other girl wants to be with him, he has these feelings - and that's the bottom line.
He has probably been thinking about this for a long time, as if your families are close and you spent a lot of time together, he's risked upsetting people he cares for. It's obvious he cares about you and respects you as he tried to be kind while ending the relationship.
This might mean he would be open to a conversation about things. Your job is to be open and honest about your feelings; once you have shared that you want to be with him, the ball is in his court.
While you could manipulate or charm, it's not going to help you in the longterm.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Cry when you need to, be angry when you need to, love though it hurts. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about who you love and what you want from them, but whether you end up wit him or not - you will be in a better place for trying to be genuine about your needs.
Best of luck.
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I'm going shopping in Oxford Street, London for my birthday. I've read up on it and most say that the main problem is that it's incredibly crowded. I'm going on a Saturday, which is obviously the worst time of the week to go there. I've never been before so I'm kind of worried that it'll ruin the experience, is it really that bad? Does anyone have any tips? (link)
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It is crowded, but that can be what makes it such an experience. This is assuming you don't have problems with crowded places, or claustrophobia.
There are benches scattered around the area, so you can take breathers. Also, while some stores are packed, others are more reasonable. It would be very rare for it to be so crowded you had trouble moving through the crowd - this is more likely to happen as Christmas approaches.
Go into it with an open mind and a bottle of water, and enjoy yourself.
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Hi, I am a 21 year old Canadian female. I am curious about something that happens to me during making out and sex whether it be masturbating or with my partner.
For some reason after we are finished any of the above activities I always feel nausia afterwards. I usually wait awhile after eating to engage in these activities for fear that if I do eat to soon and become nausias afterwards that I may actually vomit and then feel bad. This has nothing to do with psychological affects I know, because I do not feel repulsed or anything at all and I have never been raped and oddly enough my partner has the same thing happen to him. Could it be a reaction to the adrenaline? I find I get dizzy if we turn around a lot but even if we don't turn a lot I still feel nausia after feeling that pleasure. We try to keep ourselves hydrated by drinking water inbetween our intimate times, but the nausia and occasional dizziness still occur everytime. What could it be and what can we do to stop it from happening? Is it common among couples or one partner to have these side effects? How does this happen? Is it just that we have weak stomachs?
Advice please.
Thank you. (link)
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I like to be really honest with people who ask for my advice, and my honest statement here is that I may not be the best person to ask. I have not heard of reoccuring nausea before, though I have heard of people feeling odd on random occasions.
I would guess this is some bodily reaction to the intensity of the experience, but it would probably be best to speak with a medical professional. They would be able to put your mind to rest, and also offer suggestions to help stop this nausea.
After all, you don't want to stop having sex because the after-effects are troubling you.
Sorry I couldn't be more help.
Best of luck.
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[16,f] So, in about 10 days I'm going to the gyno. I've never been and I really don't want to go. I know that part of the procedure is sticking metal instruments inside "there." Now, I'm not a virgin. I've only had sex a couple of times. My friend says that to judge what size instrument you need they ask if you're a virgin or not, and if not, they use larger instruments. I really don't want it to be any larger than it has to be. AT ALL. So my question is this, should I lie, and say I am? Or tell the truth? Or maybe just say I prefer a smaller one? Also, I know they question you about whether or not you are sexually active. Will they ask my mom to leave the room or what? Someone just please tell me what happens when you go and answer my questions. (link)
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I can understand your nerves.
The doctor will ask if you are sexually active, but this is not to judge what size instrument to use. She'll know that from looking at you - some women are naturally larger or smaller, and chances are she would be gentle whether you were a virgin or not.
It's a good idea to have a conversation with your mom before you go to the doctor's. You can say you would prefer her to wait in the lounge area, as you will be half naked and in a compromising position.
You can also phone your doctor ahead of time to express your wish that the exam be done alone, and this can get him/her on your side with regards to your mother.
It's very, very important to tell your gyno the truth about sexual activity. This will let her know if there's a chance you'll need STD tests, as well as informing any advice she may offer about birth control or safe sex. If you're honest about your circumstances, you will receive better health care.
Remember, you can always tell your doctor that this is your first gyno exam and you are feeling nervous - you can even ask her to talk you through each step of the exam.
Things that will probably happen:
1. A conversation about your sexual activity.
2. She'll ask when your last period was.
3. She'll ask why you have made the appointment.
4. A cervical smear. This means she will insert a well-lubricated instrument called a speculum into your vagina. She will then swab a bit of cotton over your cervix. This should not hurt or be uncomfortable, though you may feel awkward.
5. She may insert one or two finger inside your vagina, and then push down on your tummy with her other hand to check for various problems.
6. A breast exam.
While it seems scary at first, there should be no physical pain. If you feel discomfort, let your doctor know.
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can you have or get a genital wart if your not sexually active? (link)
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Genital warts are passed by skin-to-skin contact. This means that you touch someone's bare skin, and they happen to be infected with warts.
A note: genital warts can be inside a vagina, or hidden behind the scrotum. They can be difficult to see. However, the body will generally heal itself in a matter of weaks - a doctor can also give you a topical lotion to help speed things along.
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When I guy says he has blue balls, does that mean he is about to cum or that he already has?
Also, is it possible to get pregnant if a guy cums during dry sex? (both wearing clothes and undies/boxers)
Thanks! (link)
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Blue balls are the result of a guy not cuming; guys may use them as an excuse for why they 'have' to cum, but in reality they are not painful and do not last for long.
If a guy cums during dry sex, there is a chance of pregnancy if his semen touches your vagina. This could happen if it leaked through all of your clothes, or if he touched himself and then touched you.
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If she had all the same beliefs as you, would you vote for her? Tell me Why?
I Need this for a project, thanks. (link)
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If a female candidate held views or exhibited behaviours that matched my own set of values, then her gender would certainly not put me off voting for her.
If anything, I might be MORE likely to vote for her. As a woman, she would have experienced discrimination based on her gender - this would hopefully make her more empathetic to less advantaged social groups (and my own views leak in...!).
I'd also be impressed that a woman managed to maintain her political position in a male-dominated sphere - for a woman to be nominated, she would have to be truly exceptional.
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my relationships dont last, but my new bf for once is.. the love of my life. How can i try to make it last?
or any tips?
P.s. i always break up with them, why.. i dont know, would there be any reasons why? Is it possible that im a slut? (link)
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Most relationships end. If this weren't the case, everyone would end up being with their first boyfriend/girlfriend for life.
Chances are you'll date many people throughout your teens and twenties; this is normal.
One thing you could do is take some time to reflect on your past relationships. Do you see any patterns there, or did things not work out for individual reasons?
Patterns might indicate things you need to be careful of in this new relationship. For example, if you always feel the guy isn't giving you enough time - that might be the case, but it also might be that you have some problems around wanting more than people are willing to give.
I don't think you're a slut; no one would. I wish you the very best of luck in this relationship. Things that always help - honesty, talking about any problems, and reflecting about your feelings regularly.
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i've never had sex... so i don't know why i'm freaking out. but i'm fifteen and terrified that some random sperm may have seeped into me or something, though that's not very likely, i'm just PARANOID. plus, i had a cold, and now my body aches and im freezing, but i think i just have a virus. i'm just scared because i didn't get my period this month. and as nasty as it sounds, i'm sure my brother is having sex with his girlfriend, and i masturbate with my hands, so. terrified. i've been having my period for a little over two years, and it's not really regular. i miss a month sometimes, or for instance it will come on the 22nd of june, skip a month, come on the 5th of july, come the 19th of august. who knows. but i'm totally freaking out. sorry, sorry, sorry for seeming so immature. but mostly i need reassurance that this isn't possible... i haven't been throwing up or anything. just. ugh. help? (link)
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It sounds as if your period is already really irregular. While this can make it harder to keep track of, it also offers a pretty handy explanation as to why you are mising your period. Stress will also have an impact on your period, and it seems like you are definitely stressed.
If you have had no contact with sperm, then you are not pregnant. 'Sperm,' in this instance, means fresh semen from a male - perhaps him ejaculating on you, or you touching yourself after directly touching a boy.
Sperm does not live in the air for long. If your brother has had sex in your house and you accidentally sit/stand/touch in that location hours later, you have nothing to worry about pregnancy-wise.
Take a deep breath, relax, and perhaps read up a bit on sexual health. Best of luck!
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I need my breast to be firmer by the end of october. Can someone PLEASE give me some advice` (link)
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Nothing is actually going to make your breasts firmer; when it comes to boobs, you have what you have.
Things that will help - make sure you are wearing a supportive bra that fits correctly. This will help prevent sagging in future.
You can also use lotion rich in Vitamin E to promote your skin's elasticity.
These things might help a bit, but as I said before, breasts sort of are what they are. I'm assuming you've got some sort of special occasion in October.
If it's an occasion for clothes, there are fantastic bras that can flatter your form in low cut or tight tops. If it's a 'different' sort of occasion, realize that other people probably are not as harsh about your body as you are. If you relax and enjoy what you've got, life will be more satifying in every way.
Best of luck.
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Hey all, I have been with a therapist now for about three sessions(booked in because of my difficulties with men). I have come to really like him, in fact I feel a real bond with him. Three obvious problems-1)I have no idea if he feels the same(have NO reason to suppose so), 2)even if he did, it would be against professional protocol 3) I am fully aware that the feelings I am experiencing MIGHT be no more than what is commonly called "transference" ie the transfeering of feelings for an old boyfriend (or w/e) onto a therapist.
Taking that all into account,I am seriously considering asking him to go out with me when I am discharged. Does anyone think that this is acceptable behaviour, or is it frowned on in itself, as a symptom of instability?
P.S. I googled him and discovered that he was a member of SETI. (School of Extra Terrestial Intelligence). My self, I think it's weird, but if anyone else could shed light on this aspect, it would be much appreciated.
Thanks. (link)
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Hiya. I'm currently training to be a therapist, so thought I'd answer your question.
Your feelings might be genuine or they might be transference; the point is that you are having them. If you felt able, it might be a good idea to talk honestly with your therapist about them.
With regards to whether your therapist would be willing to date you, I would say that it is probably against his ethical framework - even after you are no longer his client. Again, discuss this with your therapist when you feel comfortable. You might be surprised at how honest conversation about these feelings in therapy can really deepen your opportunity for growth.
I really have no comment on the SETI issue; different strokes for different folks. If you feel this might have an impact on your therapy, again, I would encourage you to mention it to him.
Best of luck!
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Hi, I am a 21 year old Canadian female. If you remember the last question about my friend who couldn't get her bfs penis into her. She went and bought some sex toys and she is using them to try and penetrate herself. The first time she used a vibrator with no batteries and worked her way in, but there was quite a bit of blood. The second time she used her bullet(vibrating ball) on every part of her vagina getting herself nice and relaxed then she used the vibrator along with it and she still found lots of blood that seems to come out while penetrating. How long does it take to penetrate? Is all this blood a bad thing or does it mean that her cherry isn't fully popped. How will she know when it is? She is very worried. Advice please?
Thank you. (link)
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If a lot of blood is coming out of her vagina, repeatedly, then she really does need to see a doctor. There are medical conditions which affect a small number of people, making penetration difficult.
She should make an appointment to see her gyno, who can offer her more info and advice.
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i need to know if this is nomal or not.
in the area around my vagina there is a lot of extra skin and i don't think it looks good. iv never done anything with a guy because im scared that hes going to be grossed out or something. obviously i dont look t oher girls..but i just think that i look weird...so any clues? (link)
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Every vagina looks like this.
Basically, it's not just a Barbie-smooth area with a hole.
You should have the two 'lips' you can see - these are called your labia majora. Inside of these are a smaller pair of lips - your labis minora. It is common if one of these hangs slightly lower than your outside lips.
This means there is a lot of flesh in the area; don't worry, it's supposed to be there and you're perfectly normal.
Vaginas all have these fleshy bits, and in addition they might vary in relation to colours, shapes, sizes, etc. It's like your own individual masterpiece....so enjoy it.
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My boyfriend and I have been having sex only for a few weeks now. He's been enjoying it very much and it doesn't take him long to 'cum'. I see no pleasure in it at all. It doesn't hurt any longer, it's just...blah. Why is this happening? Is this on my part or his? I was a virgin before him and I thought sex was supposed to be amazing when you're in love! (link)
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If your boyfriend is orgasming quickly, this could play a big part in why you are not enjoying yourself.
Some ideas: make sure you take a lot of time to kiss and touch BEFORE having sex. Give yourself time to get excited.
If something feels better than other things, don't be afraid to tell your boyfriend. You deserve to enjoy yourself as much as he is.
Try different positions. Keep in mind that many women cannot have orgasms from penetrative sex alone - other positions can allow him to touch your clitoris at the same time.
If penetrative sex isn't doing it, have your boyfriend touch you or perform oral sex on you.
Sex is a two way process. You have to take responsibility for speaking up for your likes and dislikes. Sex also takes practice. It isn't an automatic 'feel good' thing for everyone. Guys are more straightforward in their needs than girls, so educate yourself and then educate him!
Masturbation is a good way to discover what you like.
Best of luck.
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I think i have a huge stomach, I'm not pregnant or anything, but I keep doing crunches, situps and pushups everynight but am not seeing much of an improvement. How long will it take to see results if I'm doing it everynight??????? (link)
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Crunches and sit-ups build muscle in the stomach region, which will actually make it larger.
You need to take a realistic view of your body - chances are your stomach is in proportion with the rest of you. If you're a bit larger all around, then healthy eating and a more general exercise plan would be a great way to get more fit.
Please keep in mind that in physically mature girls/women, it is common to have a slight stomach pooch.
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Female, 14.
My bf4l, Kaitlenn was a lesbian for quite sometime, she told me to tell everyone, cause she wanted everyone to know. Then all the sudden she decided she was straight again and she got into beer and stuff and had sex with some pothead that she knows from another school. Well, I told people, cause it sounded to me like a scheme to prove she was straight again. Now shes mucho pissed at me and is "plotting revenge" How do I make sure I don't go down, and get her to realize I'm truly sorry. (link)
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It sounds to me like you've been placed in a confusing position. First your friend wants you to take the responsibility for telling people about her sexuality, and then she gets angry when do.
The best policy is probably to never share friend's sexual exploits with other people - whether they are gay OR straight.
You should also apologize to your friend, and say that in order to avoid things like this in the future, you want to empower her to tell people about herself.
This is a polite way of saying, 'I'm not telling people you are gay/straight/whatever. Why should I? It's your life.'
Best of luck.
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I'm so confused about masturbation. Is it right or wrong? I keep getting these urges and I'm scared to masturbate because I'm afraid it's wrong for me to do because I'm afraid my mom might get mad and tell me not to, but I can't control my hormones! I can't even sleep because of my hormones. What should I do? (link)
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Masturbation is normal and healthy. There is nothing wrong with it.
It is a good way to explore your likes and dislikes, as well as to use your pent-up sexual energy.
Your mother does not need to know you masturbate; it's a private thing. Shut your bedroom door, or do it when you are sure no one can walk in on you.
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Can you get pregnant if he cum`s in you & right after you clean yourself off. Could there be a chance that I can get pregnant after having sex twice. (link)
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Yep. If a boy cums in you, then he has deposited hundreds of thousands of sperm into your vagina. There is no safe or effective way to 'clean' the inside of your vagina to rid yourself of all the sperm.
Even if he does not cum, pre-cum can get you pregnant. This is the small amount of fluid every erect penis has - this alone has thousands of sperm in it, more than enough to get someone pregnant.
The other consideration is sexually transmitted infections.
To play safe, use a condom AND a second form of birth control (the pill, etc).
Best of luck.
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My boyfriend has another girlfriend and I known this from the start it piss`s me off but I love him to much to leave him and stuff but his bestfriend/cousin said I have to make him like me more then her. But I just don`t know how to do that. What should I wear, what should I say and do. got any advise please help me out :[ (link)
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Unfortunately, none of us can 'make' someone else like us. And ultimately, why would we want to change ourselves in order to manipulate someone else's feelings?
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who likes you for exactly who you are - no changes needed.
Whle I understand the frustration of your situation, it might help you to try to take a step back and look at this objectively. He's dating two girls at the same time - which you could conclude means that he is not interested in an exclusive relationship with either of you.
You should value yourself enough to not put up with this situation. And if YOU don't value you, who will?
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Ok So I'm a guy, who has had many girlfriends, but for some reason I find lots of guys attractive. I also like to watch gay porn....why is this??? (link)
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You could be gay or bisexual. Or, you could be a straight guy with an open mind.
If you are primarily attracted to guys, then you could be gay. Many gay people are in straight relationships before they come out, as society leads people to expect they need to be in a straight relationship.
If you are attracted to both guys and girls, you could be bisexual. This means you could have a happy relationship with either a male or a female.
Only time and your gut instincts will clarify your sexuality, but whatever happens, you are normal and okay.
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