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in love with therapist
Hey all, I have been with a therapist now for about three sessions(booked in because of my difficulties with men). I have come to really like him, in fact I feel a real bond with him. Three obvious problems-1)I have no idea if he feels the same(have NO reason to suppose so), 2)even if he did, it would be against professional protocol 3) I am fully aware that the feelings I am experiencing MIGHT be no more than what is commonly called "transference" ie the transfeering of feelings for an old boyfriend (or w/e) onto a therapist.
Taking that all into account,I am seriously considering asking him to go out with me when I am discharged. Does anyone think that this is acceptable behaviour, or is it frowned on in itself, as a symptom of instability?
P.S. I googled him and discovered that he was a member of SETI. (School of Extra Terrestial Intelligence). My self, I think it's weird, but if anyone else could shed light on this aspect, it would be much appreciated.
Thanks.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You know the reasons you should not do this already, but your feelings are powerful. You need to discuss this problem with your therapist in session the next time you go. He will help you deal with your feelings in the appropriate way. It is crucial to your therapy that you are completely honest and open to talking about your feelings for him, because it is likely that it is getting in the way of your total health. The SETI thing may be weird, but even more weird is your obsession with him, that you googled him! Talk to him, or switch therapists immediately. Do not trade in your wellness for a temporary attraction that will fade in time!
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Honey, this happens all the time! It's called 'transference' or something like that, and therapists are actually tought how to deal with patients thinking they are in love with them. I know exactly how you feel 'cos I've fallen for a therapist before, and had to leave her because of it. Maybe you should do the same?
And as for the SETI thing - that's totally wierd! Don't know what to say about that!
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Hiya. I'm currently training to be a therapist, so thought I'd answer your question.
Your feelings might be genuine or they might be transference; the point is that you are having them. If you felt able, it might be a good idea to talk honestly with your therapist about them.
With regards to whether your therapist would be willing to date you, I would say that it is probably against his ethical framework - even after you are no longer his client. Again, discuss this with your therapist when you feel comfortable. You might be surprised at how honest conversation about these feelings in therapy can really deepen your opportunity for growth.
I really have no comment on the SETI issue; different strokes for different folks. If you feel this might have an impact on your therapy, again, I would encourage you to mention it to him.
Best of luck!
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Under no circumstances should you pursue an amorous relationship with your therapist. It would be a serious breach of professional ethics for him to respond in any way except to terminate your sessions and recommend a different therapist.
That having been said, what you feel is perfectly normal. Your therapist is almost by defnition an intelligent, empathetic man who listens to you and does what he can to help. Those are fairly attractive qualities! You, on the other hand, are in a position of vulnerability and are trusting him to help. That is also attractive in many ways. It is precisely because of these sorts of inhenerent temptations that relationships between doctors and their patients are seriously frowned upon.
Here's where it gets difficult for you: your attraction to your therapist may be interfering with your ability to heal. It may be necessary for you to take the initiative change therapists, for your own good. In this way you can get over it if what you are dealing with is mere transferrence, and if it is in fact real, it makes it so you may be able to explore those feelings sometime later. Be aware, however, that your therapist may take the viewpoint that one may NEVER have a nonprofessional relationship with a former patient, no matter how much time has passed. If that's the case, you're just going to have to deal with it; don't ask or expect him to compromise his ethics. This doesn't mean you can't tell him about it, though; that is up to you.
By the way, SETI is SEARCH for ExtraTerrestrial Intelligence, and many intelligent, normal-minded people are interested in it.
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