Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
Visitors: 29834
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a few weeks ago my parents went out to dinner or something. So they called my cousin to take care of me it was really cool because I love hanging out with him(my cousin is 25 and 13 by the way). So he got to my house then we hung out for a while then i told him that i had a crush on him he said that he kinda liked me too but that our age gap was too wide and that I'm just too young and I couldn't help but cry so I went to my room without saying another word and he followed me so we sat on my bed and I was still crying and he was hugging me and telling me that he's sorry . so I asked him if he would have sex with me and he said absolutely not so after a while I kept asking him and he finally said he would as long as I don't tell anyone and I said I wouldn't so we took our cloths off and he kissed me and laid me down on my bed I told him I have never had sex before and was a little scared and he reassured me that it was fine then he went down and kissed me then after a while we finally started to have sex and it hurt but then felt good then I think it's called an orgasm but that happened to both of us at the same time this he took his penis out of me and white started coming out then we talked for a bit longer then we got dressed then my parent's back home and he left but it's been a few weeks and i think i might be pregnant i don't what i should do and how i should tell him that this is happening. PS sorry if this was all over the place i had to write it in a hurry. (link)
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I think you should get a testing kit and see if you are pregnant. Repeat the test in a few weeks whatever the result. If you are pregnant you have to get the whole thing out in the open by speaking to your parents as soon as possible. Given your age and the nature of your relationship with the father it's more than likely you won't want to go any further with the pregnancy and have it terminated? Not for me to judge of course but I do believe that would be the best path for you and everyone else involved. If you are not pregnant count it as a lucky escape but I should end the sexual side of the relationship with him if I were you. Ok, you admit a crush on him but it's not a suitable match for lots of reasons is it sweetheart? If the two of you insist on having sex again then use condoms. Therer is no excuse for HIM exposing you to the risk of pregnancy in the way he did. I hope sincerely you are not pregnant. If you are not then your wisest decision would be to put the whole encounter down to experience, end the possibilty of it happening again and move on. X
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I have a dream where I am in a dark abyss like place, family, friends, people I know but hate, they all are there and 1 person I can't see (voice is unrecognizable too). They all say horrible things and hurt me, in others they die, and I die in some dreams too. The person I don't know is always in the dreams somewhere. I don't know what it means or what to do. Can someone help me with this? (link)
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Hi there! Vivid and disturbing dreams, especially if certain motifs seem to recur (happen more than once in separate dreams) can be traumatic. We recall them on waking (much of the time our dream activity is not recalled on waking). Main thing to remember is that the dream is really NOT a message from the spirit world, not a premonition, prediction or warning of things to come. True, dreams often carry coded 'meaning' but lets be perfectly clear. The 'meaning is not direct or literal in any way. Got that? You are NOT destined to be hurt and abused by people in a dark abyss, I promise. Basically your subconscious, sleeping mind keeps on motoring away, and lots of stuff we're thinking about in real life gets all caught up and 'presented' if you like in a scenario. A 'dreamscape'. The dreams are most vivid when there's something really playing on your mind. Usually something we haven't resolved (you have not yet 'worked it out and sorted it' to your satisfaction). Struggling with decisions and choices are a big offender too. Your mind is working on a 'conflict' (the two (or more) choices are mentally 'fighting with each other'). That dream activity is your subconscious mind forcing some issue(s) up to the surface, trying to force you to confront them and solve them. The images, people, situations and events will usually bear little direct resemblance to the ACTUAL issue. Like we said, they're all scambled, mashed-up and 'coded'. It is possible to investigate through dream analysis. For example, what does the dark abyss represent (stand for) to YOU? Is the dark pit a symbol of loneliness? Fear? Why are YOU scared of the idea of a dark pit? Fear of what might be lurking in it? Fear of not being able to get out? Is the unknown presence more scary than the people you know in the dream, or less scary? Are you relieved when the hurtful people 'die' and so stop being abusive? Sort of glad they're 'out of the way'? Savvy? You seeing how someone who's annoying you in real life leads you to you conveniently 'killing him off' in your dream? Do you find 'unknown' possibilities/threats more frightening than cases where you know exactly what you're up against(relates to the 'mystery voice' thing?)And so on? Your family are there, but I bet you anything they 'seem different' in some ways? Maybe kick a few ideas around? Try a bit of 'decoding'? You won't find an 'off the shelf' book or list of dream scenaria' and their meanings. The 'meaning' is unique to YOU and your real-life experiences and feelings. What we call your personal 'associations'. Like the way that if a christian person has a religious dream he/she will 'see' God/Jesus. A muslim or hindu will see different gods in their dream. An allah or a vishnu or some such? Fascinating subject, dreams aren't they? But DO keep in mind there's nothing supernatural or gohstly going down here. The scenario will not be realised in waking/conscious life mate. And you're not on the verge of a major psychiatric disorder for having vivid dreams either. Promise you.
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22/f
My boy friend and I have been dating for around 4 months now.. And we are in a long distance relationship. Things have been good between us since then.
I had some important exams last week, and my schedule was pretty crazy and I couldn't talk to him much... The communication was minimal.
After my exams ended,I feel things are not the same with us.
He has an exam on the 5th so I decided to give him some space like how he did when I had my exams.
Then we had this conversation :
Him : why do we hardly text these days?
Me : you have your exams coming up and I wanted to make sure that I give you space like how you did when I had my exams.
Him : I find it extremely odd that you are giving me space when I haven't even asked for it.
Me : I will not unless you ask for it.
After this conversation, things were okay with us and we spoke like how we used to previously..
But today, he didn't text me unless I did it first and asked him how his preparations were.. He said they were okay and I asked him if he had a busy day.. He said no... I was wondering why would wouldn't he text me if he wanted more communication?
Im confused .. Am I over reacting here??
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Hi there! It's difficult to give a definitive answer in cases like this. But it is possible to make some observations. I'd say you are more intuitive than he is. You instinctively seem to know when someone needs space? Before they actually scream and shout 'I need some space to clear my mind' etc? Girls are often (nearly always?) more intuitive than guys. There are sound reasons why but lets not get sidetracked right now (chat some other time if you like!). His reply was rather defensive/over confrontational I think? It's very typically male to take this line. Namely, I'm fine...I don't need space....or help. In a way it's admitting a weakness, which guys can be reluctant to do. Especially to a girlfriend. A guy is meant to be able to cope with it. Handle it. So it's possible his silence is him taking a breathing space? One he did not want to admit to needing? It seems the exam stress should be about over now. And you willl hopefully see a return to your more usual communication behaviour and patterns? I'm seeing a fairly common male versus female stress-management conflict here. Based on what you're telling me? How about 'playing it by ear' (as they say) for a bit now the immediate cause of the conflict is passing? See how things pan out? Feel free to inbox me any time as and when there's anything to add. We'll have another chat? Look at it with new info, and from a different angle? This is the best I got at the moment. Best wishes. X
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I'm 16/f. I have a boyfriend and I really do love him but I wouldn't go as far as sex for a long time because I want to be super mature about it and make sure he's the one I wanna lose my virginity to. Although, I want to go as far as third base with him. But I'm just wondering if it'll be awkward? What does it feel like? Will I reach an orgasm? I just want to be very educated! (link)
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You'll probably feel quite nervous however prepared you are. Get rid of unwanted pregnancy anxieties by thoroughlt discussing contraception well in advance. Have all you need to hand (ie condoms, more than just one would be a good idea) and know how it's used. It will probably feel a bit awkward in a way, becaus you are sharing intimacy with another person on a higher level. THE highest level. He's not only close, he'll be physically inside you. It may or may not feel a bit uncomfortable, or a little painful at first. Any pain is mainly due to involuntary muscle tensing, as they do when we are nervous. So try to stay as physically relaxed as possible, bit tricky when your imaginations doing cartwheels I know. But try the best you can. (It's natural to assume anything that causes any sort of even slight pain or discomfort must be damaging or wounding your body in some way....and panic. Having sex is of course NOT abusing or damaging your body. So DON'T panic!)Don't let him rush to penetrate you. Lot's of loving and kissing and touching before you attempt to start. You should feel nice and wet and, a nice hot and sort of tingly feeling down there. As you do when you're aroused. Reaching an orgasm will need you to be relaxed and confident about your body and your responses, basically about yourself...and him. It's going to be very difficult to reach this level first time. Also, it generally takes a woman longer to reach an orgasm than for a man to reach his climax. And he'll almost certainly be very excited and will probably climax quite quickly. So basically, don't worry if you don't 'cum' first time, or for a while. It takes practice for couples. It'll all happen for you before long I'm sure. But don't pile on the pressure by making it a means of judging how successful your first encounter (or first few) are. You don't seem to be rushing into things. Be aware it may not all go slick, smooth and polished first time. There might indeed be a few 'awkward moments. No worries.And neither of you will exactly be brimming over with confidence. Not just yet. But I'm sure you'll find it very enjoyable and it will really form a very strong bond between you. And you'll both feel pretty special. The finer points and the 'polish' all come as you get to know each other intimately over time. Best wishes. hope that answers a few of your queries? X
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by saying there's such thing as "male" or "female" behavior? You "feel" like a boy because a company, trying to make a profit, designated toys as "for boys" or "for girls"? I don't understand what's wrong with interpreting sex as gender.
And no, I'm totally against abuse against LGBT people, and also find the suicides heartbreaking, but when I see Laverne Cox, I see a man, not a woman, and I think it's ridiculous to say it's "an act of violence" for me to have that belief, supported by science.
One can get a boob job, but that doesn't make them any more of a woman, just like getting a mastectomy doesn't make one less of a woman. One can get prosthetic privates, but their DNA still reveals their true gender/sex. Sexuality is different. As of now, and possibly forever, there's no evidence of a "homosexual" or "bisexual" gene. But sex/gender is identifiable.
Trans issues have really been public this year, in 2014, and I support people's happiness, but these contradictions have just been plaguing my mind... (link)
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I think you have to draw a definite line here between genteic sexual IDENTITY (unambiguous, deterministic and non-negotiable) and sexual ORIENTATION (none of the above and merely a 'lifestyle choice'). We will NOT identify a 'gay gene' since genes are the transferrable blue-print, or code for life. The coding is refined over time, mutations or changes if you prefer which are beneficial to a species are retained. Those which are not are evolutionary 'dead ends' and are self-eliminating. Naturally any gene which tended to drive a species towards asexuality or homosexuality could only result in the extinction of that species. Evolution is not conscious or following any sort of 'plan' itself of course. But genes are totally 'selfish' and determined to propagate by making 'copies' of themselves and to adapt to give the species every possible advantage. Look at the work of one Prof. Richard Dawkins, especially 'The Selfish Gene'. He's a bit of an intellectual 'hero' of mine and I'm nicking his stuff shamelessly here! I'm seeing ideas and comments in what you have written that suggest you might be on a similar wavelength and find his work interesting too? It's certainly interesting that one piece of coding we HAVE retained concerns altruism and the knowledge that us humans function best as societies. And thus sexual orientation other than heterosexuality certainly does NOT make the individuals any sort of 'outcasts'. Ok, there are some homophobic gay-hating trolls out there...but mostly we're fine about sexual orientation. In effect we are and always will be born in a gender-box marked either male or female. We did not choose it and cannot actually change it. The transgender box is a man-made product of free will. It has no model or prototype in genetics.
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Recently me and my girlfriend have been fooling around via FaceTime(waiting till marriage) . She will start bouncing and rocking her hips it's so sexy it gets me there but fior her not so much. What happens is she gets stimulate and be totally into ready to bust and everything and you can tell by the way she moans . But when it's time to reach the peak she just can't do it. We have tried numerous times. The more we tried the more upset and frustrated she becomes. I don't know what to do also im a chick so it isn't even like I have a dick or anything and I don't touch myself . But I can get there but she can't idk wt to tell her. She is a virgin to so I really don't know what to do. She said she has never came before.
Please help me I'm tired of seeing my baby cry her eyes out it breaks my heart more then you understand. So many please please please give advice (link)
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Hi there! Can see it's a bit awkward. You are, and she isn't as you might say. OK, I can see that she might well feel rather frustrated. But try all you can to keep her from getting really upset and crying about it. I think it's fair to say that the main difference between guys and girls is that it's extremely rare for us to masturbate, for instance and stop before we reach a climax. You girls are capable of enjoying it (and the mutual pleasuring you're enjoying with your girlfriend of course)without actually reaching an orgasm every time. You're more capable of having a satisfying and enjoyable time without cumming, could we say? It sounds as though she's enjoying it. Have you tried laying down on your back, keeping one leg flat and raising the other, bending at the knee until your leg makes an angle of about 45 degrees (or half-way if you like). It should be quite easy for her to position herself such that your thigh is between her legs. Then let her rub, press, squeeze against you, and basically just 'do her thing'. No pressure, tell her to take all the time she needs. Don't rush her. Let her control the action completely. You might try complimenting her. Tell he she looks good, feels good and so on to give her lots of positive reassurance. But stay a bit passive, meaning let HER find what really feels good. When she gets to that 'ready to bust' point you mention a a few encouraging words should help. But remember that it's 'her show' at this point. Don't try to take charge yourself. You're getting there ok, remember. You're helping HER enjoy the experience and share the enjoyment. It's a good idea to 'take turns' as it were, so that she you can concentrate on pleasing her. Think about 'getting it going together' when she's happy and comfortable with reaching her own climax. If it doesn't happen don't let her get stressed and upset. Maybe just give her a smile and say "you weren't quite there that time baby, but it felt good anyway, didn't it?' Or similar. Let it go, and try again next time. Don't compare performances. Don't say anything to lower her confidencee. Don't think that it's because she's not as 'into you' as you're into her. Just keep pouring out loving thoughts and make her feel as special as you can, any and every time you can. Fact is, it's extremely rare for a woman to be PHYSICALLY incapable of reaching an orgasm. The 'block' if you like is virtually always psychological. I'd say you are totally confident about 'letting go' completely in front of her. But she's having a bit of a problem being this free and letting it all go herself. So you're coming off, and she isn't just yet. I sincerley doubt it's a problem of technique, or attraction. She's just got to feel totally confident and comfortable about coming-off in front of you. The emotional/psychological side of orgasms is more significant for women than it is for guys. I'm sure she'll get there before long. Best wishes to both of you. And for goodness sake try to stop her crying her eyes out over it in the meantime. It'll just 'click' when the time's right. X + X.
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can a 14yrs old impregnates a 14yrs old girl (link)
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I hope you're asking in advance and not after the event? In most cases, yes. It's not only possible but highly likely. If the girl is having periods (more often the case than not) and the boy is ejaculating (aka cumming, spurting etc) that's everything you need and neither age of consent laws, being your 'first time' or anything else will make any difference. If you've already had un-protected sex (no condom or any other birth-control method) then it's wise for the girl to get a pregnancy test kit from a chemist and find out. If she isn't, or if you're asking in advance (you have not actually had penetrative sex yet) then you really MUST sort out effective contraception. Meaning get some condoms and make sure you use them properly. Every time you have sex. Condoms are extremely effective at preventing pregnancy when used properly. Keep in mind that it has to be securely 'on' before you penetrate her at all, and it has to stay on until you have finished (you have ejaculated, aka 'cum') and have removed your penis from her. Otherwise they are of little protection. That's not a big ask, is it? Easy in fact. Might be worth pointing out that it is only penetrative sex (your penis inside her vagina) that will lead to pregnancy. Any other form of love-play such handjobs, fingering or oral sex (even if you ejaculate in her mouth, and even if she swallows some/all of it) is safe as far as pregnancy is concerned. Some guys and girls ask questions relating to this subject, so I'll include it in my answer. Don't take any chances. It's too easy at this age to think that you're not 'properly having sex'. You're just 'fooling around' and that she's 'too young to have babies and stuff'. Or you can't get her pregnant until she's older. But that's about as wrong as it gets.
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Do you think this food is worth the added cost? I wan't to do the best for my puppy but I don't know if she would even care. What do you think? (link)
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While cats are notoriously picky eaters dogs tend to wolf down whatever you put in front of them. Long as there's plenty of it most seem happy! I'm not aware of the food you mention. Try reading the package and maybe look up a fact sheet from the maker on the internet. Look at what nutritional benefits they claim. Compare the nutritional info against some rival foods. If it checks out and the more costly food does indeed seem to offer more healthy benefits, (and of course if she doesn't seem to actually dislike the food for some reason) then go for it. They're the same as us really I guess. There are healthier diets, less healthy foods and junk-food. Eating good food regularly is a sound idea. Bright eyes, glossy coat and lots of energy are sure signs your dog's eating well.
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I'm a teenage female...I masterbate but I never actually reach an orgamsim how should I masterbate (link)
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Hi there. Sounds like you know what to do (masterbating is basically handling and touching yourself intimatley for enjoyment) but not quite 'getting there'? It can be quite difficult to reach an orgasm. You really have to find a technique (which spot, what sort of speed and pressure, for how long etc) that works for YOU. Us guys always reach a climax when we masturbate as a rule, but ask most women and they might wll say they don't orgasm every time, or always even want to. You're not really 'failing' if you don't. But it is a very pleasurable sensation and I'm sure you want to 'cum' and see how it feels? So what might help? You're more likely to climax if you feel generally horny when you do it, rather than just picking a random time (maybe when you're not feeling that horny anyway?). It involves really letting go, so to speak. So it'll help if you know you won't be disturbed (the though of someone popping up when you're about to cum will put a brake on your mood). Being nice and comfortable and relaxed helps too. So an ideal time might be when you are alone at home, in bed? Pop the latch on your door if there are people aboutthe house? Your mind is in a way your biggest 'sex organ' and indulging in some sexy fantasy thoughts is a very big help. Anything that you like. Move star, celeb or a guy you know and really fancy...anyone. On a tropical island, a slick hotel...let your mind build up a proper fantasy scenario. It's YOUR fantasy! Technique is a tough one. The whole area is sensitive and different things work for different ladies. Strictly speaking your clitoris is the 'most' sensitive and most likely to get you there. It's mostly 'outside' as you might say, and at the top. Quite rapid little circular motions, pressing quite firmly with your fingertip will usually stimulate it well when you feel that your climax is coming. You're quite right when you say 'reach' and not 'have' an orgasm. It is something you reach. As you pleasure yourself and get more and more aroused it feels like a tension (good tension, like waiting for something nice to happen, not bad stressy tension!) builds up and the key is to build it up and up until it's all suddenly released. The muscles 'down there' sort of tense and release repeatedly in spasms and your mind gets overcome with really strong and enjoyable 'feel good' sensations. Job done...you've enjoyed an orgasm! Sometimes a girl might think she's 'failed' when all that really has happened is that she hasn't gone on long enough? So work at it. Maybe set a time limit of around 30 mins and if you haven't got there by then stop and try again another time. Otherwise you might make yourself a bit sore rather than sexy and also a bit of stress will come in if you feel like nothing much is happenning despite your best efforts. This won't help. When something really promising seems to about to happen, go with whatever you're doing and don't change it. Go with it and let go. Sometimes saying out loud "I'm coming" or something similar can really affirm and reinforce your intent at that time. Positive thinking mate. Just like saying you'll never get there will make you less likely to, but in reverse. Hope there might be a few things to think about in my reply. It's a case of a little bit of experimenting, some trial and error. It's a very powerful, pleasurable and life-affirming thing to enjoy an orgasm and you're quite right to want to. Don't get stressed if there seems to be a more error than results at first. I'm sure you'll get there pretty soon, and have lots of fun trying in the meantime. Best wishes for 2015. X
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I'm 19, I work full time during the week. I'm starting to do things I would have never thought of doing a year ago. About two months after my girlfriend and I broke up, I went online to find an escort, I met her and payed $140 for it. It was right after work at her hotel room. I felt so horrible afterwards, what a way to lose my virginity. Then I started going to parties at my friend's house, nothing crazy, a little drinking, making new friends etc. I meet this cute girl, we talk and text a bit for a few days. At the next party she's very seductive, then she tells me that she does services and has clients. It was so tempting so I did it, I snuck her into my house and it was $110. This time felt even worse because I kinda got to know her a little bit before. I don't know what I'm doing. Last week I drank so much I blacked out and threw up everywhere. Is it normal for guys my age to pay for sex? I feel like it's a thing that older married men do. And to know that to society I would be considered a "John" I feel superficial and shallow. There's one side of me that feels so wrong, and another side tries to justify it. I'm starting to question so many things. It's starting to feel like there really is no right and wrong, and that we're too scared to face it. It's like the only reason I think it's wrong is because I know the people around me look down upon it, and we're raised to think that way. If there were nobody around to say it's wrong, would it still be wrong. I just don't feel like the same person anymore. My family and my job would never guess that I'm doing this. What do I do man? I was going to parties to kind of avoid that ironically. I freaking run into a prostitute in person. And she was like my age. I remember like if I were in high school I would like girls and talk to them, now I have no idea if they're a prostitute or doing drugs and stuff. It makes me question what normal is. And it's like you can't win. If you're too sexual, you're a pervert, but if you're not sexual enough, you're a pussy. One person says I'm too emotional and sensitive, another person says I'm cold and have no feelings. It's really confusing and I'm starting to doubt and hate myself. (link)
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Sounds like you are indeed going through a bit of an identity crisis. It happens. Sometimes events are triggers and do indeed lead us down paths we perhaps could not see ourselves on? And since we see as we feel then we question not only ourselves but those around us. Fact is, whatever people say life is simply NOT a straight path for us to go down in a measured, constant way. We deviate, meander, go round and round in circles at times. Sometimes the path we seem to have left, we never return to. Our we return to it somewhat changed and altered by our experiences. Don't beat yourself up about visiting a escorts. It doesn't make you a John, a loser. Many men use escorts. Wealthy men, successful men, married men, single men who want to stay single men. Men who are lonely, or men who are busy and surrounded by commitments and associates every day. It is generally not something you discuss with work colleagues or family. There is a stigma associated with 'paying for sex' but it's in your mind. Listen to a guy who's lived a while. There will be moments when you feel bad about. And wonder what the escort must think of you. Truth is, they don't really think anything much about you during or after the encounter. Good or bad. There likley to appreciate a client who treats them nicely, like human beings. Is friendly and not abusive. Open. Clean and well-groomed. Agree what will and will not take place. Higher paid escorts work by choice. They can refuse clients, or particular services at will. You are not an arsehole exploiting anyone if you use an escort. I guess what I'm saying is don't be down on yourself. Don't hate and despise yourself. Don't despise sex-workers. Don't judge yourself against some theoretical ideal. Not your own ideal, and certainly not other peoples. I think you probably are a little over-sensitive, yes. Unfeeling and cold, no. The encounter is, and always will be "shallow and superficial". That does not mean YOU are. Or she is either. In many ways you are NOT "the same peson anymore" and you never will be. You're a little bit wiser. You've seen a bit more of the big picture. You've seen into yourself. What you are capable of. Seen how everything we do makes us who and what we are. You're not a worse man than before. In many ways you're a better one. We continue to change and develop and grow as individuals all our lives. You're fine.
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So recently my cousin came to stay with us for a while and we weren't as close at first but we became like best friends now he is 26 and I am 14(girl) a couple weeks ago he kissed me on the lips. I didn't think anything of it because I thought it was an accident. But now he started rubbing my thighs and back really slowly and kind of sexually then he wanted to kiss me but this time longer. I kissed him anyway because I didn't know what to do. I feel really guilty and dirty afterwards but he seems to be his normal self. Is this ok? Or should I tell someone ? (link)
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Quite honestly, if ANY guy (related or not) is touching you and doing things you think are unwelcome and unpleasant, and if you're feeling dirty and guilty afterwards it is WRONG. End of story. It's not OK on any level. Possibly you might tell him yourself that he is NOT to touch you and kiss you like this because you really don't like it. And stress that if he does you WILL tell your parents. If this seems a bit of a big ask and you can't face approaching him yourself then don't try. Speak just to your parents about it. Either way it really has to stop. It's not an age thing alone. If you were 24 it would still be unacceptable. Alternatively, if you want to kiss and cuddle with a boyfriend now, that's fine. It's all about a thing called consent (meaning you want it) and your rights. You'll probably feel a bit awkward when you start, but be strong and see it through and go and have a chat with mum right now sweetheart. X
ps. As a tip, you might open the conversation with your mum by asking the question "If a man touches and kisses a woman when she doesn't want him to do it, it's wrong isn't it?". That should reallyget her attention. Then let the details all come out. I promise you she will NOT be mad at you. She will very probably look and sound a bit (or a lot) stressed, but it's not YOU she'll be mad at.
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I'm 22 and I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now I want more than anything to be with him. But for a while now I've been losing serious feelings for him( 8 months) and I've been trying so hard to get everything back . He's absolutely perfect he doesn't get mad at me when we fight and he doesn't stress out about anything . I've been starting to flirt seriously with a guy at work and I always feel so guilty about it but I started losing feeling for him way before this. I just feel so bad because he's so amazing and I don't want to hurt him but I not only love him but his family means the world to me as well the problem is if I break it off with him he would move hours away from me to live this his family and right now he lives with me. I'm just at a total loss. I feel like if I don't stay with him I'll be making a huge mistake but ive been stressing myself out for months. (link)
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Cold answer? It'e the 'New Relationship Energy' people talk about. When we "fall in love" our bodies produce raised quantities of the transmitter oxytocin. It's a 'bonding' hormone and it makes us concentrate on one individual person in ecxclusion to all others. Biologically it was meant to keep the couples focus on each other and keep them together long enough to have and raise a child and get it through it's initial stages where it is very 'needy' of two parents. 18 months to two and a half years after the big increase your oxytocin levels return to normal. You do NOT necessarily stop loving the other person, but the nature of your feelings DO alter. For a start the 'tunnel vision' fades away and you will start to become aware of other people and other interests more acutely again. It's the point where a 'new' (less exciting perhaps, but more established and committed) kind of love takes over. If it doesn't take over, it's not there. Sorry. Take a look at things armed with this knowledge, maybe? Does he still look like 'the one' or is the relationship outgrown and basically 'all played out'. It's something couples face, though not always knowing what you know now. In effect, not every penny fits the slot and if it doesn't look like fitting it's possibly time to move on.
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(late teens female.)So I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a year and 2 months. We love and care for each other very much.
So we've done some exploring (no sex or oral) but we like to sext as a way to just let it out, and we come up with different situations etc.so my boyfriend really likes dragons. Which was okay, he likes dragons just like he likes music. No big deal.
But recently... he's asked if i'd like to pretend to be dragons and we do it. Or if he and i could please different dragons... I love him to death but this makes me feel uncomfortable. He says they don't turn him on UNLESS he thinks about them doing sexual acts... IS this a fetish? I thought it was just a horny teenage boy who finds anything doing it giving him the ability to get hard. I'm not sure.
I need help!! This makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable and now he's upset and... I need answers. Please! (This is not a laughing matter right now so please answer respectfully...) Thank you (link)
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Yes it is a fetish. And anything can be a fetish. There's no right or wrong, no weird or 'normal' types of fetish. It's impossible to say for sure. He might have this fetish for all his adult life. Which he could indulge with girls who share it, are willing to share it and don't find it puts them off to the point that they break-up. Or he will have to NOT indulge if the relationship is more important. BUT. And it's a BIG BUT...since you say you are not sharing a sexual relationship yet, and enjoy exploring and discussing 'sexy' subjects via text I'm very inclined to believe that he's discussing sexual encounters with/between mythical creatures because it's somewhat easier than personalising things in a very direct manner (ie. discussing the subject of sex between him and yourself). We can very easily substitute the dragon in discussions of whether they could 'please each other' with the question of whether YOU TWO will be able to please each other. I'm sure you can see where I'm at with this? If you find YOU can make this substituion and the dynamic of the conversation seems entirely sensible and strangely 'the same'if you do, then it will pretty much seal the issue. And when or if you both feel ready to take things further sexually the (apparent) interest in the sexual behaviour of dragons will quckly vanish. And you might be wise not to mention the subject to him again, or you'll likely make him squirm with embarrassment! Now I'm NOT suggesting you go speeding-up your relationship to get him 'off' dragons having sex by rushing into YOU having sex, mate. I'll be quite clear about that! That goes along at the rate YOU are happy and comfortable with. Nuff said?? But I hope you might see that it's very unlikely that he will have you dressing up and pretending to be a dragon when you make love. Very unlikely indeed. Meantime, when he discusses sex re. 'Dragons' have a little knowing smile to yourself and think "It's sex between us he's being curious and perhaps a little anxious about" and don't make a big issue of it. You might even work out a few things YOU want to question and disguise them as non-personal 'dragons' and throw into the chat? You might get a little insight into him by doing this. Savvy? You're OK. It's a sound question, nothing to laugh about. Hope you find a little light in my (equally serious) reply? Best wishes. XX
ps. This might sound like a load of psychobabble, but think about this. If a female celebrity was publicly cheated-on by her partner did you used to find that you and your girl-friends might have been split over it? Some saying "He's a rat...she should dump him". Some saying "She should give him another chance because they're in love and everything". It's the same 'projection' idea as we've been talking about and it's actually telling you far more about their personal relationship views and opinions than it is about Mr and Mrs Celebrity. It IS easier to de-personalise an issue. Think about it??
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I daydream a lot and I did a little research and I am not sure if it is a maladaptive daydreaming. I think it becoming a problem because I don't like pain. However, when I have a painful experience I create a scenario in my head. The scenario is even more painful but I am in control of what happens. During these daydream I get emotional because they are very painful experience but it worse than the pain I am going through. It my way to escape and process my emotion. I can cry without dealing with my actually emotionally pain. (link)
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Hi there. You sound to me as though you understand the process and that you are perfectly in control so you've pretty much answered your own question. It is indeed a not uncommon psychological mechanism we use to 'process' our own anguish. It's really the motive force driving tragedy in literature and all the performing arts, and of course film and TV since the early 20th century. We vicariously 'put ourselves through' the pain and anguish of the characters in the fictional scenario in order to understand our own emotions better. We 'feel it' but in a controlled way, without the full-on and gut-wrenching misery of experiencing it personally. Tragedy is such a common motif, always has been since the first Greek (the inventors of theatre) tragedies. This is primarily why we have, and continue to indulge it. It's a very good and effective way of processing personal anguish and strong emotions indeed. A proper 'safety valve' if you like and an experience we also learn from. I guess many people 'do it' and find it liberating and that it satisfies some internal need, without ever analysing it and researching it the way you have. While some may watch a tragic film or play, read a tragic novel or watch/listen to one of those emotionally-charged Italian operas maybe, you appear to be creating your own fantasy scenaria to process your real world emotional turbulence? Not everybody has the creative ability to do this of course. You clearly have. The fact that the tragic and dramatic events are rather 'amplified' in your 'daydreams' is no problem. The events in tragic fiction are often likewise 'supercharged'. You sound fine to me. An imaginative and creative sort, who feels deeply and is managing their emotions in a sound way. Maybe at some stage in your life you might want to channel it, and have a go at writing a short story or something? Replies a bit late, sorry been occupied. Hope you enjoyed xmas and best wishes for 2015.
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I'm dating a man who is somewhat wealthy, I'm not sure exactly how wealthy he is but he's in a financial class much higher than my own but I don't think he's like a millionaire.
He really wants to help me with my life and he really wants us to have a solid relationship where we see each other often.
I've grown from lower class (as a child) to middle class (as an adult working and handling my own bills) but it's still very hard sometimes to pay all the bills and because I had a rich best friend growing up I now have a taste for expensive things and sometimes I get really depressed that I can't afford them.
It would make a world of difference to live a better life with him and I think I'd really enjoy it but I don't want to rely on him and then have things not work out a few months later and not have anywhere to go.
He lives in a different town than I do about 4 hours away (there and back) and he would want me to come live with him. I mean I can always get a job down there but with the economy in America the way it is that might be difficult.
Currently I split an apartment in my town with two friends and I just got a new job but it's nothing amazing compared to what he might help me get in his town. With the job I just took I'm going to be working more than full time and might not even have time to see him and that scares me too because I don't want to lose him.
I'm scared to give up what I have here but then again I don't have much here. I have my own car which is a good 2012 hybrid. The apartment can be taken care of by my roommates. I don't have anything else so it's more just the fear of the unknown than anything.
Should I take a risk and agree to let him help me get on my feet in his much bigger city?
(link)
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Since he's expecting you to live with him he presumably realises that this will mean leaving your job. So have a good chat. Point this out. You feel a bit worried that you're just going to turn-up on his doorstep without a job, or even the offer of one just yet. You could legitimately ask if that's ok? Will we be able to manage alright until you get sorted? If you mean is it a good idea to up-sticks and leave your home and job to pursue a relationship with him, that's tougher. Yes, if it doesn't work out you might end up left high and dry and wish you'd stayed put. Of course, no relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee. Makes no odds whether they're rich or poor. Being somewhat secure financially (by the sound of it) then you have a good chance of avoiding clashes and arguments about money (more precisely the lack of it!) and frustration arising from having to do without things you both want. There's no sure way to say if in a year you'll be madly in love and settled, or you will have gone your own ways. Afraid there never is. It sounds like he's mentioned 'pulling a few strings' to find you a good job? Discuss that too. Basically, do you feel this guy is good news? Is he generous with you? Does he give freely and without drawing attention to the fact that he's rather well-off? Or does he continually remind you of the fact? You might want to look at things like this. You can be wealthy...and a patronising, miserly character. Or a good guy who happens to have a bit of cash. Hope he's the latter. Try taking the cash out of the equation as much as possible and look at his character. You sound a little guilty at wanting security and nice things? You shouldn't be. Don't we all? And if he seems the sort who takes nice things and security pretty much for granted, AND wants to freely share it/them with you...I reckon you've got quite a catch! Have a good xmas. X
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hey remember me? well if u don't am zat girl who asked you for help coz of trouble being in love with a boy but couldn't say any thing, who said zat we talk by e-mail but not in person and zat he was shy....... anyways we had our first dance on a party that we celebrated in class as he held my hand and took me to the dance floor when i tought he was gonna say hi to me, how great huh... we talk more now in person but the funniest thing is that now we don't talk by e-mail even if both online i don't know wat we have but i don't deny we have a strong chemistry its amazing, i can't even study thinking about him n seeing if he goes offline or not, i think am going to marry him as every body said, so what do u advice me to do coz am totally lost??? (link)
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Hi girl! You ain't lost...your found! I know these days people seem obsessed about communicating via electronic media. Social networking. Who likes me on Facebook...who's saying what about me...and so on. That's fine. But this chemistry you're talking about. You can't really give it out and feel it on a mobile smartphone or typing on a laptop can you mate? I'm sure holding hands, and feeling him close against you dancing felt about a million times better than any old email or posting a photo on some website, eh? And that's really the way it should be, isn't it? "Talking in person" seems a bit of an alien concept to a lot of younger guys and girls these days I reckon? But how about when your eyes meet, and he mirrors your smile right back at ya...and you notice all those little fleeting expressions and body movements? Would you swap that for an online connection? No chance! Congratulations. You sound pretty crazy about him. Sounds like he feels it too. Go for it. In person. Forget the rest. It's just electronic smoke and mirrors. Have a great Christmas and let's hope he's the one. And the New Year's the best yet for you two as well. XXX
ps.I know you're all loved-up but don't ignore all your studies. He'll want a bright girl who's going somewhere with her life. One he's well proud of...will he not??
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Okay, so my friend is anorexic but she completely opened up yesterday. She told me that being skinny is perfection and that she wants to be a skeleton. I explained to her that this is just anorexia talking but she told me things like: "dont you dare help me","I will never forgive you", "i know what i am doing" and "if you help me you will trigger me more". I know that this is not my friend talking and i don't care if she never forgives me. I will do anything to save her life. Her body is really skinny right now. There are bones everywhere and it makes me so sad. She also told me that she would rather die than gain more weight. When she said that, i decided to get help but i don't know how. Should i go to a teacher? And if yes, what do I tell him? Please give me as much detail as possible! (link)
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It's good that she has opened-up and talked to you. But I'm afraid that the comments she is expressing and that you are relating to us here signify a condition that a good old heart-to-heart with a good friend is simply not going to help on it's own. Believing she is in control is a sure sign that she is NOT. Far from it. You've noticed a significant physical deterioration, too far beyond being slim. And you've also noted that her skeleton/perfection comments are likewise far beyond the (acceptable) self-image aspirations of a normally adjusted person. That it is indeed "the anorexia talking". However much you feel that requests from a good friend for non-intervention should be respected you SHOULD SPEAK to a teacher and/or any competent adult you are referred to as a result. Mention a severe visible physical deterioration, and that she is talking about her body and her attitude to it in a really disturbing and frightening way. In a way that you know is all wrong, and dangerous. Arrange a confidential and private meeting with this teacher as soon as possible. And stress that you need to see some positive action agreed and set in motion at the end of the meeting. If he appears in any way reluctant to take you seriously, ask to speak to year or school heads of department AND anyone appointed as guidance or welfare counsellors/mentors at your school. Your friend is not a lost cause, not beyond help by any means. You've set this in motion, by noticing something is wrong, and with your cha. Now you have to have the confidence and bravery to see it through. Get busy, soon as possible! XX
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I keep hearing from so many people that something should be done about the way prisoners are treated. That they get raped, beat up, treated badly by guard, self harm etc. My question is who cares? These people committed crimes. If they didn't want to go to prison. they shouldn't have committed crimes in the first place. Prison should be a bad place, so they don't want to go back. I don't know why so many people try to make us feel bad for them. I bet if one fo those criminals committed a crime against their family they would feel different (link)
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The answer might depend on how we view penal servitude. Is it punishment? Is it to keep the offender away from society and limit their opportunities to threaten or endanger that society? Or should it aim to rehabilitate and educate the offender? Does a crime entail the criminal effectively foresaking something of his human rights? Or are these rights unalienable, crime or no crime? Personally I believe imprisonment SHOULD be an experience which offenders are extremely reluctant to risk again, meaning it should be tough. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime. Many would disagree. It's a personal choice. The time for mitigation and consideration should be at the trial and sentencing phase in my opinion. Guilty, with no mitigating circumstances should incur a significant punitive experience for the offender.
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okay, so, Christmas is coming soon, and I don't have any idea what to give to my little brother. I can't afford to buy anything right now due certain circumstances. i know he really loves Pokemon, but I don't got any idea what to give to him. I was planning on just painting some related to Pokemon on a canvas... since its what I'm best at, and also get him something related to a Pokemon, but i don't know what.
someone please help me. !!! (link)
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I reckon if you could turn out some good and totally original oil or acrylic on canvas artwork (which isn't a a common or trivial skill) that would be the coolest gift I could hope for and it would lick anything mass-produced and commercially available. I know that when we produce artwork ourselves, to our own agenda (applied arts, cg or photographic media) it can be hard to be objective. Sometimes we over-rate ourselves, other times we become so familiar with our own work we get sort of 'sick of the sight of it' and under-rate it. If other people, especially those with nothing to lose or gain from offering an opinion, think it's good...it's good! If it's generally regarded that you've 'got it' then go for the personal artwork I'd say. Any help?
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Hi! I have a Nikon camera & have been using ViewNX2 for a few years,hen i uploaded the programi chose Italian as my language,but now i want to chang it to English (im teaching my little sister to use it & she doesnt speak Italian).So can i do this or do i have to upload it again? Please help,all of my photos are there and theyre my life,i dont want to do something wrong and mess it all up,im not very good with computers.Thanks! (link)
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Hi there. I use and have used loads of Nikon software over the years and I'm sure the language is only selectable at the install stage. The stuff on discs with dslr's and film scanners etc always have several complete installers in all the available languages all included. You can choose the right one. Any downloads I get from Nikon, my browser sends me to the uk site and I always get an English language version. There are no prefs or options in any of the Nikon software I have installed now that allow a language switch, I've had a look. Capture NX2 (which includes the viewer) is the closest I have to NikonView running now. I imagine it's not easy to change the whole language a program runs in? A case of sourcing the right installer then? Always found Nikon very helpful so get in touch.
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