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Should I let this wealthy man help me with my life if...?
I'm dating a man who is somewhat wealthy, I'm not sure exactly how wealthy he is but he's in a financial class much higher than my own but I don't think he's like a millionaire.
He really wants to help me with my life and he really wants us to have a solid relationship where we see each other often.
I've grown from lower class (as a child) to middle class (as an adult working and handling my own bills) but it's still very hard sometimes to pay all the bills and because I had a rich best friend growing up I now have a taste for expensive things and sometimes I get really depressed that I can't afford them.
It would make a world of difference to live a better life with him and I think I'd really enjoy it but I don't want to rely on him and then have things not work out a few months later and not have anywhere to go.
He lives in a different town than I do about 4 hours away (there and back) and he would want me to come live with him. I mean I can always get a job down there but with the economy in America the way it is that might be difficult.
Currently I split an apartment in my town with two friends and I just got a new job but it's nothing amazing compared to what he might help me get in his town. With the job I just took I'm going to be working more than full time and might not even have time to see him and that scares me too because I don't want to lose him.
I'm scared to give up what I have here but then again I don't have much here. I have my own car which is a good 2012 hybrid. The apartment can be taken care of by my roommates. I don't have anything else so it's more just the fear of the unknown than anything.
Should I take a risk and agree to let him help me get on my feet in his much bigger city?
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Since he's expecting you to live with him he presumably realises that this will mean leaving your job. So have a good chat. Point this out. You feel a bit worried that you're just going to turn-up on his doorstep without a job, or even the offer of one just yet. You could legitimately ask if that's ok? Will we be able to manage alright until you get sorted? If you mean is it a good idea to up-sticks and leave your home and job to pursue a relationship with him, that's tougher. Yes, if it doesn't work out you might end up left high and dry and wish you'd stayed put. Of course, no relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee. Makes no odds whether they're rich or poor. Being somewhat secure financially (by the sound of it) then you have a good chance of avoiding clashes and arguments about money (more precisely the lack of it!) and frustration arising from having to do without things you both want. There's no sure way to say if in a year you'll be madly in love and settled, or you will have gone your own ways. Afraid there never is. It sounds like he's mentioned 'pulling a few strings' to find you a good job? Discuss that too. Basically, do you feel this guy is good news? Is he generous with you? Does he give freely and without drawing attention to the fact that he's rather well-off? Or does he continually remind you of the fact? You might want to look at things like this. You can be wealthy...and a patronising, miserly character. Or a good guy who happens to have a bit of cash. Hope he's the latter. Try taking the cash out of the equation as much as possible and look at his character. You sound a little guilty at wanting security and nice things? You shouldn't be. Don't we all? And if he seems the sort who takes nice things and security pretty much for granted, AND wants to freely share it/them with you...I reckon you've got quite a catch! Have a good xmas. X
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It's always scary facing the unknown. But do you love each other? Being in a relationship should be about a partnership. I understand being independent but there's nothing wrong with getting help. If he is serious about the relationship (and so are you) he isn't helping you, he's loving you. There's nothing wrong with wanting better or the finer things at times. There's nothing wrong with moving aslong as its for the right reasons. Talk about it more with him. I don't know how long you stay when you visit,but maybe you can stay on your off days and see what it's like to live with him. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. I hope everything thing works out.
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He maybe kind in his works but usually people dont give something like this without the expectation of getting something back in return. ((your a woman hes a man connect the dots here)) if you havent already and are ok with that.
Asking you to move up root and move 4 hours away is a tall order for anyone no matter who's idea it was. Im a home grown san diegian, and have never lived anywhere else my whole live. Now be that as it may for ME at least even the thought of my husband getting a new job far away would be a hugeeee challenge for me. your getting used to a new city, new people, learning the lay of the land, and trying to figure things out for yourself all at the same time! especially if everyone you know and love is where you currently are now. ((i know the whole "well you can drive down on the weekends and see whoever")) but its just not the same.
Are you REALLY so unhappy with your current life with your roomies that you would want to risk what you DO have now for this? Is your relationship with this man THAT secure that you feel once you get there and get settled that nothing will happen that could "compromise" the relationship/friendship?
From all accounts, to me he sounds like a sugar daddy and while those are good, they dont last forever and eventually things could go down a road you didnt anticipate.
lots to think over, just make sure you put away enough money for YOU so that if things dont work out between you two, that youll be able to move back to where you are now (if thats where you wanna be) and youll still be ok for a while until you can get resettled.
maybe agree to go up there and "visit" for an extended stay before you really make up your mind. ; )
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I wish I knew the ages of you and this man for the way you have written this it sounds like this man is somewhat of a Sugar Daddy. I don't think that is what you are looking for.
On the other hand the only fear here is that of the unknown. If you're young and single you should not let the this fear paralyze you. If he is willing to help relocate you and get you established in a new town then you have nothing to lose if things do not work out. I'm sure you will make new friends. If he has helped you get a new job and made you financially self sufficient then you have nothing to lose.
Based on what you have written I really can't give you a really good reason to say yes or no to this man. My advice is you take a good hard look at what you have and what he is offering. If the worst was to happen and you two do not work out with the exception of being in a new town, if you would be no worse off then than you are today. I would say put the fears aside and go for it.
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