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Family, Youth and Mental Health CounsellorAge:
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July 13, 2006Answers:
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about
Hello All, I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.
I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)
I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.
advice
I've decided, at age 23 to finally go to college. I'm extremely interested in philosophy and religous studies. Problem is, I don't know if the grades I made in high school were good enough to be accepted into the philosophy program. It seems like I read somewhere (which I can't find now on the site anywhere) that the professors took that into account. Do they? Or do they look at your core class grades? Does it matter if you took AP classes in high school? I did take AP English, but thats it.I've been putting off school for so long, and now that I've found something I'd like to study, I'm afraid I won't be accepted and that I'm setting myself up for a big dissappointment. Is there anything I can do to increase my chances of being accepted? Thanks!
Hey there,
First of all you have made an awesome choice to return to school, I did the same thing at 23 and it was the best decsion because I was ready to be there.
At the age of 23 most colleges have a mature student department, this basically means that your highschool grades don't carry anywhere near as much weight. Also this means that they recognize that you are making a conscious choice to be in college and are not a fresh highschool grad going because it's what is expected. I found that I was taken more seriously and that my teachers tended to treat me more as an equal then a child. Also you have a much higher chance of being accepted beacause they set aside spaces for a certain amount of mature students.
I do live in Canada though so this may not be an option where ever you live.
im going to major in engineering. is it okay for me to take all the engineering classes before the general requirement classes (history, english, math, science)?
The university or college may have rules around this so check with them. As for whether it is a good idea or not I wouldn't do it, if you take all your engineering courses in the beginning and the requirments at the end you may be costing yourself valuable contacts, near graduation alot of firms have reps come in to talk to classes about their company and this is a great time to network. Also by taking all your engineering classes in the beginning it won't be as fresh in your mind when you start the interview process.
This is just my opinion and experience
Hope it helps
16f
my mom caught me mastubating and watching porn and now i'm crying and i'm mad and i don't know what to do.... i feel awful... i cant stop crying i think i'm gonna cut myself... dammit i dont know what else to do!!! please help me i'm not some emo kid but im considering killing myself...
Ok I see a few issues going on here, number one everyone masturbates even your mom! Anyone who says that they don't lies. I think also that your mom also would prefer that you maturbate then go out and have sex, if you show her that point of view she will probably not freak as much. I know its embarassing but you will get over it as will she.
The second issue is the cutting, since you mentioned that you feel like doing this you have probably done it before. As you may or may not know cutting releases endorphins which is why you feel better when you do it. It is now being recognized as an addiction, I think that if this is something you do on a regular or semi-regular basis that you need to talk to your doctor about it. Your doctor CANNOT tell your mom as that would break dr/patient confidentiality and he can tell you how best to deal with this problem.
Thirdly as for contemplating suicide that is probably due to being "mortally" embarassed, don't do anything rash and this feeling will pass we've all felt at one time or another in life that dying would be easier to facing this situation, a couple of years from now you will laugh at this situation as will your mom.
Good Luck and I hope this helps.
hey my name is ashley... and almost everyday afetr school i come home crying because i am always being made fun of because i smell... i have no reason to smell. whats going on, how do i get them to stop, what should i do about the smell?
Hey I have a bit of a different take on this, using perfume doesn't hide any smell that may be there it just mixes with the smell and you have a new smell that won't be pleasant either. You should look for the cause, first of all what do you eat? certain spices exit through your pores and create a bad odor if its not that then visit your doctor, this could be something medical and very easily fixed. If you are not eating properly and you have put your body in ketosis then this will cause you to smell as well.
I wish you the best of luck, and as for the bullies try to start fighting back by using their weaknesses against them and see how they like it.
Hope this helps
Every morning I wake up with deadly breath and a killer taste in my mouth. Even after I brush my teeth, it's still nasty. I don't know what else to do. Even when I brush my teeth before bed I have this problem. Any ideas on how to fight morning breath? (I had no idea what catagory to put this in!)
Hey there, usually the reason for really bad breath despite brushing is gum disease. I would suggest you visit your dentist (yes I know the dentist sucks!!!lol) if you do have gum disease he can work on your gums and repair this issue.
Hope this helps, good luck
okay me and my boyfreind have been going out for about 4 months and i really like him.at around the second month i told him i was a little uncomfortable with him telling me he loves because i know he didnt meen it because where to young to know what love is.(where both 13).well last night he told me he needed to tell me something and i was like ok and he started off by saying do you remember that time you told me i was to young to know the meaning of love is and i was like yes and then he said well i love you and ive never felt this feeling befor and i love you with all my heart and i want to spend the rest of my life with you.and then he asked me is my heart beating really fast and i was like no and then he said because mine is beacause i was afraid to tell you that i love you. at this point to tell you the truth i was a little scared because i think he was really telling the truth.dont get me wrong i like him alot but i dont think i love especially not as much as he seems to love me.im just so confused on what to do.i really dont want to brake his heart and tell him that i dont feel the same way.should i just end it befor it gets way to serious?please help me.i badly need some advice,
Wow this guy sounds really intense. If you don't feel the same then you need to tell him and you should tell him that he is making you really uncomfortable by saying this stuff to you, if he continues then I would end it. It is not fair to him or you if you guys are in different places. You are right however that 13 is way to young to be announcing things like he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
I do have a question as well, whats his home life like? Are his parents loving and caring? Maybe he is latching on this severely because he does not feel loved or wanted anywhere else?
Hope this helps
my armpit's been hurting my mom says its caus I slept wrong
HELP!!!!!
There are glands in your armpit and ongoing pain could be a sign of a virus. Also it could be that you are allergic to your deoderant.
Ok well me and my mom have not been getting along at all lately. i mean she drinks constantly and i cant talk to someone when they are drunk. plus i dont want to go to that schoool. i really want to move in with my father. but i dont no what to tell her. for like a couple weeks now shes been threatnig to send me there and when i say i wanna go there supossedly "a problem"
How do i tell her i wanna live with my dad without making her feel bad? is she gunna feel bad no matter what?
i will rate high!!!!thanks in advance...
Chances are no matter what your mom will be hurt / angry, you should look for a group in your area called alateen it is for children of alcoholics to help deal with the issues and to get support. Living with an alcoholic is no place for you talk to your dad and then break the news, know that you are doing the smart thing that is healthiest for you maybe this will also provide the wake up call your mom needs to get help. Right now you need to remember that she is the parent and you need to be cared for properly by a sober adult.
Hope this helps. Good luck
My bff has not started her period and won't be starting it until another 2 years or so, (thats the expected time because her mom had her period at the age of 15)Anyways she is 12 going on 13, she as well as I are being pressured into sex by people from our school, from girls as well as guys saying its feels good e.t.c.,But i'm waiting til i'm married. She wants to have sex with her boyfriend and she said she won't get pregnant because she doesn't have her period yet.And I have been told you can only get pregnant if you have your period. Is that true? Can she avoid pregnancy since she don't have her period?I'm sorry this is long its just she's only 12 and I don't want her to get pregnant.Please help!Any advice or ideas would help!!
I think everyone else has pretty much answered the pregnancy question, I just wanted to let you know about the psychological damage that having sex this young will have on her for the rest of her life, it sounds like she is not ready and is being pressured to have sex. You should have a serious talk with her and if she says she will do it even though she is not sure or that its because she is being pressured I think you should talk to her mom, or an adult at school maybe like a counselor who can't repeat what she is told. This is serious 12 is way to young and it is something she will always regret.
Ok my mom and brother argue all the time and my brother hates my mom alot and my mom never did anything to him, she just doesn't let him get away with anything, and my brother get's so mad and breaks things, and all the fighting makes everyone sad and upset, and every weekend my mom goes out with her friends and doesn't come home until morning, how can i get are family to get along.................Please Heeeeeeeeeeelp.
I see this every day with my work what you need to realize that as hard as this is your mom needs to bring your family together. You are the kid not the parent if the situation is getting worse and worse talk to another adult you trust in my honest opinion your brother needs to seek help to deal with his anger issues, he is taking it out on your mom because he knows that she will always love him no matter what he does. He may need to live somewhere else for a little while for him to get the help he needs, I think the best thing you can do is try talking to your mom and tell her how worried and scared you are of his temper if she does not take action talk to another adult you should not have this much stress and pressure, if you ever need to vent or need more advice please feel free to contact me.
P.S. If there is no adult that you feel safe talking to look for your local child welfare office and ask them for help this is there job and they know how to best handle any situation.
Which one is better? I'd like a decent response, so no one word answers or just saying the name. Say why. Also, which one is less likely to give you a virus. Thanks :D...
Hey I have tried both and hated both mostly because I got viruses. I now use Morpheus it is free as well although you can upgrade to a paid membership and since I have been using it (over 3 months) I have gotten no viruses nor any spyware!
Just my opinion, hope it helps.
This is going to be super long...
Me and my boyfriend of about 7 and a half months broke up at the beginning of the week because he's leaving for a 9 month missions trip to Africa in 2 months. We were taking it way too seriously emotionally, contsantly disagreeing on things and just generally not doing too well. The breakup was mutual because even though we agreed the decision sucked, it is what's best for both of us right now. We resolved to be friends until he returned from Africa and try being together again when he gets back. So I turned around my claddagh ring (an Irish promise ring that kind of shows what your status is in relationships, I got one from him for Valentine's Da), put everything he ever gave me (cards, roses and other flowers that were now dead, poems and a few other things) away where I couldn't see them and basically cried until it was time for me to get up to go to work the next day. The next day I felt just kind of numb inside. Two days later he called me and then came over for a few hours to just hang out. We were having a great time, laughing and acting like the kids that we keep forgetting we are, like we used to. But the whole time I kept getting those painful stabs of missing him and I had to keep reminding myself that we weren't together anymore and that I couldn't randomly kiss him anymore. Everytime we've said goodbye since the breakup he kisses my cheek or my forehead or my neck and it hurts even more. There will be those moments where I'll catch him staring at me or vice versa and we both know what the other one is feeling and thinking, still even then. Since we've broken up we've hung out two or three times and the whole idea of being best friends again is going really really well. I have no problem with it at all I guess I just need help with getting used to it. Anybody have any suggestions?
First off wow I feel so bad for your situation. The best advice I have for you is maybe for the first week or two have a phone / email friendship just to let things settle and let your soul heal a little. If you need to see him then unfortunately it's going to hurt but keep reminding yourself that this time next year you 2 will be together hopefully building a future. You did the right thing by putting away all the reminders, and don't forget that however hard it is keep your eyes open and let fate bring you whomever you need to be with whether that is him or someone new.
Hope this helps, Good Luck
if you suck a guys penis who is a virgin could you get a std??
Ok number one the risk is very low if it exists at all. As a person who teaches youth about aids awareness I need to clarify that it is almost impossible to contract aids through oral sex, the amount of factors that would have to come into play i.e. you have a cut in your mouth and when he ejaculates it infects the cut. Through swallowing semen again the amount of semen you would have to swallow and that would have to survive the acids in your stomach is astronomical. SO from now on please practice safe sex there is a reason there are flavoured condoms!!!
Good Luck
ok well i have a program called 'imesh' and well you can download music and videos on it .. it is super protected and cealed so you cant copy any songs on a cd "awwww" anyway.. i hate using limewire...because it skips songs when i go on another page and then goes crazy.. so thats why i love imesh.. though you have to pay after a certain time.... i clicked download to downlaod a song but it says my time has expired....soooo.... i couldnt donwload anymore....so in order to continue to download i have to pay.. thats what i think it bothering it because in the 'start' window it has 'imesh' and its icon .. i click it .. then the timer comoes up right next to the arrow.. then it goes away .. i have been wanting it to come up for so long.. and i miss my music...these rainy days suck and i need something to do..... so can anyone help me on how to open it??? (and dont suggest windows media plaer because it doesnt go loud enough and the videos go crazy and freeze up) pleazzzz help!!!!!!
I use Morpheus, it has a good selection is free although you can buy a membership and it has music, movies, videos etc... After trying limewire, Kaaza, realplayer I found I liked this one the best, it may be worth it for you to check it out. Oh and I have never gotten a virus or any spyware.
17/f Usuaully i give advice but i don't know what to do. For the past week I haven't been eating anything lately. Maybe 1-2 small meals a day. I have been skipping meals, but I'm not purposely trying to it's just I'm not hungry and I don't want to eat if i'm not hungry. Like a week ago, I ate breakfast really early in the morning and then went out for the day shopping, i didn't eat lunch and i always eat 3 meals a day, anyways i got really shakey and hungry but i know skipping one meal wont hurt anything. I got home ate like a small tv dinner. After I didn't eat anything for the rest of the night. I woke up and was starving so i ate some cereal. then like 20 minutes later my stomach was growling! everything i ate that day was digesting so fast! i lost like 5 pounds in one week. I mean I'm also overweight and i want to diet but i don`t want to starve myself but don't want to eat if i'm hungry. do you think my stomach shrank and my stomach gets full fast and digest faster? what do you think it is? and what should i do about it? sorry so long! thanks.
Hey well first off even if you you are not hungry make sure you are eating at least a piece of fruit (this provides sugar) 4-6 times a day, this will ensure that you won't feel "shaky" or dizzy if you are feeling shaky or "off" drink a can of coke this will provide your body with instant sugar and carbs. Your body is going through changes now most probably and your body is needing different things, in actuality the human body is not designed to eat three meals a day but rather 6 times a day you should eat small meals. As a person who is overweight as well believe it or not the truth is it is easier to initally drop weight then it is for a thin person. I agree that eating when your not hungry doesn't make sense but when you do feel famished just insure you are eating healthy foods, this will give your body the nutrients it needs and you will find that you will drop weight.
Try the 6 times a day "meals" by this I mean small things not actual huge meals it might be what your body is asking for. If you continue to have no appetite go see your doctor as there may be something wrong.
Hope this helps and good luck.
Well back in september me and this dood BOB started going out. which made me real happy cus i liked him ALOT for a few years now. everything was good until one day he randomly dumped me for no reason he told my best friend to tell me it was over cus he felt like it. that was the only reason. It really hurt me. we didnt talk for 2 months. and we started going back out again in febuary. i guess things were decent. then over time i started seeing problems with him and then one day he randomly ditched me and would not talk to me for like 2 weeks (we live like 4 houses away from eachother and both have fones, so theres no rreason) and when ever id call him hes always busy with this slutty chick and his little friends. and the time that we ever did spend together, he was always high, and because he was high, he didnt listen to me, or understand, or focus and he would be such an ass.
So i called him and told him what i just told you and said we need to break up he said Ok iwas sorta thinking that too. and yet again didnt give me a reason on why he wanted to , or why he blew me off for two weeks. But for somereason, i still really like him. i feel like im over him, then i suddenly reallllly miss him. and im wondering if hes worth missing. I realllly loved him. he was the most greatest thing i had, until he started being so lame. I did like him, but i know i dont ned that kind of person in my life, some one whose always high and ditching me and breaks up with out a reason. i dont know if hes worth my compassion..?
Ok I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you are a teen, I would suggest you get out now. You don't want to start on a cycle of dating losers, also no one deserves to be treated the way you were, he sounds like a user and an abuser.
You are worth dating a guy who not only treats you with respect but realizes that he has a true gift in dating you.
So theres this guuy, lets call him "rick".(( we are both 13)so he always does this thing with me where he will start flirting like he likes me, then when i start liking him, he ignores me completley like he doesnt care anymore. well anyways this has happened about 3 times already. hes not even going to my school next year, so i was trying to forget about him. then he just starts texting me like saying "hey sexy" and stuff like tht. then i flirt back and after awhile its like he gets bored or somthing and just stops tlking without saying anything at all. i have no idea whats up. its like one day he likes me, the next he doesnt even care. i have no idea what to do. what happens if he does it again? should i flirt back or just ignore him? and im afraid to ask him upfront cuz i dont wanna like make it seem like i care too much or turn it into a big deal. what do i do!?!?!
This is a classic case of him wanting something he can't have, what I mean is that he only wants you when you are don't want him and are a challange. My suggestion would be to simply ignore him from now on, no matter if he texts you or not, if you run into him then be polite but distant. As you said he is going to a new school next year so whats the point in pursuing anything and if you do pursue him in the end he will just end up hurting you because he won't want someone who he already can date.
My 12 year old son has been bullied by a boy in our neighborhood for several years now. My son has a lot of friends, but of course all his friends are around his age and scared of the bully.
The bully (Gary) is 15. A few years ago my husband and I talked to Gary's parents, because he stole a toy from my son on the school bus. Gary claimed not to have the toy, and his parents protected him--and said we were in the wrong. This only child is perfect according to them. I have given up on going to the parents. The attitude of the police is "boys will be boys" (we live in a small town).
I caught Gary in the act a couple of weeks ago. He jumped on, and broke a ramp that my son and his friends built for their bikes. I told him he was acting like a 6 year old, and that someday someone bigger and meaner will come along and "take him out". He rode off on his bike in a hurry! However now he harasses my son about telling "Mommy". Last night he threw big rocks at my son's bike, causing some damage to paint. Apparently it even makes things worse if I interfear. Usually I do leave it to my son to settle disagreements, but this boy has crossed the line.
My 21 year old son, is 6'4, 240 lbs but If I use him to intimidate the 15 year old, this would be no different than a 15 year old picking on a 12 year old. Although...I doubt Gary has paid much attention to big brother. He'd probably be scared of him, we all know Gary is a coward in disguise.
My son does not want to walk away, because this means he would have to leave his other friends behind, plus he wants to "look tough" Any tips on dealing with a neighborhood bully?
As a child and Youth worker for 12 years I have seen my fair share, well more then my fair share, of bullies. Usually with bullies the bullying is just the tip of the iceburg they are often involved in borderline illegal activities, trouble at school etc... Also he had to learn this behavior somewhere, looking at the reaction of the parents I would assume that it is the father. Seeing as the parents believe there child is perfect I would video tape incidents involving their son, I would then offer to show it to them prior to showing it to a lawyer because their son is causing mental anguish, or before you show the police. The courts take bullying very seriously especially since Colombine.
Good Luck to you, I hope this helps.
First, thanks for reading this. I've been dating a 40 yr old man, Chris, for a couple of weeks, and we get along really well, I like him a lot, and he feels the same way. Last week, I met a guy online, Jon, who is 26, much closer to my age of 22. Jon and I have an amazing connection, he's everything I ever wanted in a man, except that he smokes...and he lives two hours away. I'm having trouble deciding which relationship to pursue. Should I drop Chris and see where things go with Jon, even if I'd only see him once or twice a week, or forget about Jon and keep seeing Chris, who lives in my town? I'm so confused, and I really need help! Do you have any suggestions on what I should do to decide? Thanks!
Hey there,
Ok I am just going to throw this out there and I hope you see it as just me looking at the situation from a different view point. Why do you have to chose right now? I mean you have only been dating Chris for a couple of weeks and you just met Jon why not see them both casually for a couple of weeks? That way at least you would have a clearer picture of the situation and a better understanding of which guy better meets your needs.
It's just a thought I am throwing out there, best of luck!
By the way someone said that internet dating doesn't work well that is how I met my husband he is my true soulmate and we have an awesome marriage, so it does work sometimes...Never give up hope or settle for less then your dream man!
So anyway I have a gay uncle.He lives by him self he has been living with his mom untill a month ago.When she went to a nurseing home.He lives a block away.He comes over to walk my dog every single day.Goes swimming in my pool.But the worst part is he walks in my house.when me and my family are asleep and when me and my family aren't home .Plus he yells at me for stupid stuff like not taking out the trash.Should I go off on him for yelling at me and walking in my house when im asleep or not home.
Hey I wouldn't "go off" on him, I would however if this continues much longer talk to my parents about it. The are the adults and one of them is his brother / sister they need to tell him in a kind way that while they appreciate all he does he needs to call before just popping over unless it is pre-arranged. Also he needs to be told by your parents that they are in charge of telling you what to do and when to do it and if you need consequences (I wouldn't recommend yelling though) it is their job as your parents to do that. Yes he is probably lonely and at a loss for what to do but there need to be clear bounderies established so that everyones space is sacred.