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Tough...
This is going to be super long...
Me and my boyfriend of about 7 and a half months broke up at the beginning of the week because he's leaving for a 9 month missions trip to Africa in 2 months. We were taking it way too seriously emotionally, contsantly disagreeing on things and just generally not doing too well. The breakup was mutual because even though we agreed the decision sucked, it is what's best for both of us right now. We resolved to be friends until he returned from Africa and try being together again when he gets back. So I turned around my claddagh ring (an Irish promise ring that kind of shows what your status is in relationships, I got one from him for Valentine's Da), put everything he ever gave me (cards, roses and other flowers that were now dead, poems and a few other things) away where I couldn't see them and basically cried until it was time for me to get up to go to work the next day. The next day I felt just kind of numb inside. Two days later he called me and then came over for a few hours to just hang out. We were having a great time, laughing and acting like the kids that we keep forgetting we are, like we used to. But the whole time I kept getting those painful stabs of missing him and I had to keep reminding myself that we weren't together anymore and that I couldn't randomly kiss him anymore. Everytime we've said goodbye since the breakup he kisses my cheek or my forehead or my neck and it hurts even more. There will be those moments where I'll catch him staring at me or vice versa and we both know what the other one is feeling and thinking, still even then. Since we've broken up we've hung out two or three times and the whole idea of being best friends again is going really really well. I have no problem with it at all I guess I just need help with getting used to it. Anybody have any suggestions?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, hmm...you know who I am...or at least I hope you know who I am.
Surround yourself with friends. And tell yourself that when he comes back, you can be together again. 9 months may seem like forever, but once he is gone, it will go by pretty quickly. Even though you think its obvious that he knows how you still feel, let him know anyways.
Now if you do know who I am, you know that I suck at giving relationship advice, and now you can see that I suck even more at having to type it out. Theres a lot Im thinking about saying, but Im afraid that if I type it out, you may take it the wrong way and get mad or something.
So if you are who I think you are, talk to me on AIM, or call me if you need me.
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Ever hear the saying "time heals all wounds"? This is true for your situation. It may be really hard now, and it will be hard for a while, but it will get better. If it is painful for you when you hang out with him, maybe you should take a break from that for a while. It's just a feeling I have, but if he's still kissing you goodbye, even if it's everywhere but your mouth, he still has feelings for you. 9 months is a long time, but maybe it's a good thing for you. The time apart will help you realize where you want the relationship to go when he gets back. You will both have matured a bit, and realized more who you are as individuals, instead of who you are as a couple. All I can tell you is that you should do what your heart is telling you. Maybe you should talk to him again about it before he leaves, or you'll have to wait 9 months to say what's on your mind. If you can sense that he still has feelings for you, and if you have feelings for him, you need to sort them out before he leaves the continent. As to what to do to get used to being just friends with him, maybe hang out in a group, instead of alone. There will be more distractions to keep you from thinking about how it used to be all the time. Go to a movie, and get distracted with that. Or just do something really fun, like go-karts or something. And if it is painful to you when he kisses you, ask him not to do it anymore, and tell him why. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you.
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First off wow I feel so bad for your situation. The best advice I have for you is maybe for the first week or two have a phone / email friendship just to let things settle and let your soul heal a little. If you need to see him then unfortunately it's going to hurt but keep reminding yourself that this time next year you 2 will be together hopefully building a future. You did the right thing by putting away all the reminders, and don't forget that however hard it is keep your eyes open and let fate bring you whomever you need to be with whether that is him or someone new.
Hope this helps, Good Luck
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It's really hard when you like someone and then all of the sudden you have to be just friends. The best thing I can say is that Its going to hurt for a while but eventually everything will fall into its place, and just enjoy being a best friend with him! Sorry thats the best I've got!
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