about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

My mom's side of the family is catholic. ALL of them. My dad is episcopalian, but he's a scientist, so he believes in evolution and all that.
I am agnostic. I shunned the idea of Jesus very very long ago, and have been doubting the existence of god since about 5th grade.
I'm pretty much against organized religion... mostly because my beliefs don't really belong to any set group.

Anyway, i need to tell my parents about my religious views pretty soon, and i don't know how.

Any advice?

Hi there! I'm sorry it took a while for me to answer your question, but here's my answer.

As parents, your mother and father should understand that there's a possibility that you won't willingly follow one of their religions. They should know that you're not only exposed to what they teach you, but also to what the media says, the opinons of your friends, etc. Your parents need to understand that they are not your only influence.

Have you ever heard the saying, "You get what you give?" Well, it works in this situation: give respect, and you will receive it. As long as you don't disrespect their views, they shouldn't do such a thing to you.

If it's important to you, sit down and talk to them about it. Don't sugarcoat; Rather, be straightforward but nice. State that while you respect their religious views, you feel that not being nondenominational is more suited to you than having a religious affiliation.

Don't be afraid. I'm sure that your parents appreciate the fact that you are willing to communicate with them.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask me!
-Manders

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its kind of a strange question, but.. is there a such thing as long-term dysthmia? i cant find anything on it. i mean, if you're sadder for longer than 1-2 years does that mean its turned into depression?

Keep in mind that I'm no doctor; However, I'm going to tell you what I do know about depression. I'm an aspiring psychologist, so I like to educate myself with these kinds of things. Even so, I suggest that you see a licensed professional if you wish to receive a diagnosis and get treatment.
Now that I'm done with my disclaimer, on with the advice! :]

Yes, dysthymia is considered chronic, I believe.
And no, depression is not just sadness. Clinical depression actually involves a chemical imbalance in the brain. It isn't just feeling sad over something, like failing one test.
If one goes through an event that brings them severe emotional pain, they aren't necessarily clinically depressed (though they can be). A LOT of things can lead to depression, from traumatic experiences to diseases such as hepatitis.
However, if one is feeling sad for such a long period, I would suggest that they see a psychologist or psychiatrist. One of these can provide psychotherapy or medication (I've heard that a combination of both is most effective).
I know that psychotherapy can be done in cases of dysthymia, but I'm not sure if antidepressants are prescribed as much. Dysthymia isn't quite as severe as major depression.

Try doing more research. You spelled it wrong in your question: it's dysthymia. Try that and see if you get results.

Let me know if you have any more questions!
-Manders

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What are some good indie artist/bands? Like Albert Hammond Jr and Tegan & Sara. Thanks in advance.

A few I highly recommend are:

Tilly and the Wall
MGMT
Of Montreal
Rilo Kiley
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
Flowers Forever

Artists under the Team Love label are pretty good (A few bands I mentioned are from Team Love). For a list of artists and bands under that label, go to team-love.com. You won't regret it. =D

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
-Manders

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One guy that's in almost all my classes told me in 3rd period that he doesn't like me, straight up. I have no idea why he would even say that. We barely know each other, and I'm not but not bragging smart and I try to be a perfectionist but i'm not straight up, i just lay behind in like the shadows and am really quiet. He's really quiet too.

I'm sure that everyone probably hates some people for no reasons (we all admit this to ourselves) but it hurts so much that we don't even know each other at all and he just tells me that he doesn't like me. Worst of all, just straight up, face to face. And yes, he was serious.

I'm just so hurt and my esteem went down ten-folds. Is there anything i can do to make myself feel better or anything you can say that will help me feel better? i feel like the world hates me.

Live your life for YOURSELF. Don't live up to anybody's standards but your own.
What I mean is that you shouldn't live to make everyone in the world like you, especially ignorant people like the guy who claims not to like you when you barely know him.

What does he have to dislike? He doesn't know a thing about you! His disliking you isn't even reasonable, because he has nothing to back up his negative feelings. He's expressing what I call "empty hate," and that term pretty much speaks for itself.
You can't let these feelings of "empty hate" directed toward you bring you down. Why? Who he thinks you are and who you REALLY are are different. He's just ignorant, and you can't let ignorant people effect your self-esteem.

I'm not so much concerned about him as I am about you. I assume that you're pretty young (somewhere in the early or middle teenage years), and it helps to understand this now: You can't please everybody. There are a lot of people in this world. These people have different backgrounds, have different pet peeves, believe different things, etc. Sooner or later, you and another person are going to dislike each other. The world's diversity is a beautiful thing, though it can cause some trouble at times. You just have to take the good with the bad.

I'm sure you're an awesome person. Please don't let this negative guy bring you down. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
-Manders

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There's a guy from school who had a big crush on me. He knew absolutely nothing about me, and yet he still liked me. He used to keep talking to me and trying to get me to go on a date with him. After a while we started instant messaging on yahoo, and I got to know him a little better. At first I thought he was kind of cute, but I wasn't really that into him once I got to know him. I didn't want to lead him on, so finally I told him very nicely that I would just like to remain friends. He got mad at me! Now he's not talking to me at all. I told him we could still be friends, but he doesn't care. And it makes me wonder, was he even interested in me as a person or did he just want me to be his girlfriend? Anyway, now I feel bad about rejecting him (even though I did it very gently, I didn't diss him or anything) and I don't even think we're friends anymore. What should I do now?

Try not to feel bad for rejecting him. Put yourself in his shoes. Which would hurt worse: Being rejected up front, or being led on? I'm going to say that from personal experience, I know that being led on hurts a LOT more than being rejected from the get-go.
With rejection comes a chance to move on. He now has the chance to have a relationship with someone who he's more compatible with, and returns his feelings. That's better than him trying to win someone over who will never have romantic feelings towards him.

If you already tried talking to him about it, then you've done all you can do. Give it time, and if you're meant to be friends again, you will. Just trust that whatever happens will be in the best interests of the both of you in the long run.

You did the right thing, so try not to feel bad. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
-Manders

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*16 female

i've been going out with this one guy for about 5 months now. well hes a virgin and i'm not. we've been close to having sex a few times but he never has a condom. then one day we were talking about doing it and then he kind of chickened out. well i agreed with him we should wait a while. but then i got scared cause all my friends were having sex and they were all saying how they thought they might get pregnant. i didn't want that to happen if me and my boyfriend had sex so i told him i wanted to wait till college or maybe even out of college. and he was more then happy with that decision. but now i want to have sex with him and i've told him that. i want to have sex but i'm scared. he just says okay. i want to have sex with him soo bad. how can i get him in the mood for it again? please help

Well, first of all, it's good that you're aware of the repercussions of your actions: That having sex CAN lead to pregnancy. I know it's really cliche to say this, but some, if not most, teenagers think that nothing bad can happen to them, or that bad things happen to "everyone else." However, you know that that's definitely not true, which is good! I applaud you for that!

He may be a little iffy about it because he knows how scared you are. Is that a bad thing? Of course not! That means you have a guy who cares about you enough to not want you to do something you could possibly regret later. Your boyfriend respects you, which is vital in a good relationship.

What you need to do is talk to him, and express your concerns as well as your desires. Make it clear that while you do want to have sex with him, you're scared of the possibilities. Another thing to do is discuss the birth control options you have, such as condoms or the pill. Though keep in mind that neither one of these is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, and that they need to be used correctly to be effective at all.

Communication is key in any relationship, be it a friendship or a "coupling" (couldn't think of a better word for it, haha). You need to voice your feelings and ask him to do the same. Don't just make assumptions.

Personally, if I were placed in your situation, I wouldn't have sex with him. Your intuition is telling you something by giving you that doubt you have; Don't ignore that inner voice.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
-Manders

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have any of you been in the situation where you have a really great guy friend and you laugh and have fun with them and you can be yourself around them? and you love to be around them and hangout? just talk about random stuff and but stupid with eachother and not mind to be the real you? then you get to thinking 'maybe i like him' or 'maybe i want to be with him' but then you think about kissing him and stuff and you just dont see yourself doing it? like, you think about it and your like 'no i dont see myself kissing him' or something? and it just seems wierd? well, thats the situation im in. he told me he likes me and everything and he wants to be with me and stuff. and hes asked me out. and i said 'lets wait and see, let me think about it' or something like that. the thing is, i think i waited too long. he has a girlfriend now. but he says he still likes me, and is waiting for me. help!

i need advice. what should i do? dont say 'go with what feels right' or something. have any of you been in this situation before? if so, then did you two get together and what happened with the relationship?

I've been in a similar situation before, so I definitely feel your pain and confusion.
To be honest with you, I don't think that you're truly attracted to him, especially since you said that you couldn't imagine kissing him.

Did you start to question your feelings for him after he revealed his feelings to you? If so, do you think that you might just like the attention he gives you? It's possible.
Also, if you started questioning your feelings for him after he asked you out, you could be trying to convince yourself that you like him to get rid of the guilt that comes with breaking the heart of a good friend.
Or maybe you're bored with the friendship and want to try something new. There really are a lot of possiblities here!

If you can't figure out your feelings soon, let him know that you're confused and need more time. If he doesn't know this, he could jump to conclusions. Don't leave him hanging.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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im a little confused about guys.
like how come their so obsessed about sex and everything?
im really curious and help would be nice :]
sorry if this is so stupid.

Not all guys are obsessed with sex, as the people below me stated. It's all a matter of hormones, testosterone levels, and personality. Also, it has been scientifically proven that males mature slower than females do.

In the teenage years, hormones are more active than ever (for girls, too). Guys and girls are going through different changes at different times, which is why it's so hard for females to understand the mystery that is the male. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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16 f
this might be long but i need help please help. ok so i had a boyfriend who i really loved. and i know he loved me too. there were jsut moments when you know you can feel it. we were fine and all but then i broke up with him because he was acting different liek he wasnt the same we lasted 10 months. so i asked for a break. during that break i missed him so much and he always said he missed me too. we would always talk and such. but then i decided that i wnated him back. so i tried to talk to him and he told me that i dont deserve him and i said why? and he said if i knew all of the bad things that he did to me then i would neevr want to hear from him again. so i told him tell me. and he said tht he doesnt want to hurt me but that he needs to tell me to get it off his back. he said that he cheated on me. those 8 months out of 10. i thought i was going to die when he said that to me. he also told me that he had sex with 2 girls and that while we were at themall and i went to the abthroom he saw one of his exs and hang out with them. he told me he loves me, and i was the only girl that he loved but that he couldnt take me back becuase after what he did things would never be the same. he says hes really sorry and that he does love me. he sid i showed him what real love is and that he messed up things badly and i shouldnt be with him. he said i too good for him. but after everything he said to me i still miss him. why? how can i get hurt and still miss him? what should i do now? any comments advice? thanks! for the help i really do appreciate it!

In the beginning, you thought that your (now ex) boyfriend was this amazing guy who would do nothing to hurt you, no matter what the circumstances.
The key word in that statement is THOUGHT. You thought he was a great boyfriend, and you thought wrong. Anyone who cheats on their significant other isn't a great partner, no matter how sweet or wonderful he/she may seem to be.
What I'm trying to say is that you are in love with and miss the man you thought he was, not his true self.
Even if you got back with him, the relationship would be horrible. Everytime he goes out with his friends, you'll wonder if he's going to see the girl he cheated on you with again. If he cheated on you for eight months, he could easily do it again as he must be pretty sly if he kept it from you for that long. Rekindling your romance will do nothing but hurt you.

Have a girl's night with your closest friends. Don't keep all your deepest feelings inside; Let them out. Know that it's okay to cry, and that it's okay to do so on the shoulder of someone you trust.

You'll pull through this, I promise.

Good luck, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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Theres this boy how's friend said he wants to go out with me what sould I do. I dont really know him that well?

Don't shut this boy out yet! You should get to know him to see if he's boyfriend material. Get his AIM screenname, MySpace, or Facebook and start talking to him a little more often to find out what he's like and what his interests are. If he seems to be a good guy, you can ask him to see a movie with you. (You can bring your friend along if that makes you more comfortable.)
If you're not into him and he asks you out, don't feel obligated to give in. Just let him know that you want to be friends and nothing more. If he's a nice guy, he should understand and leave it at that.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another in my inbox!
-Manders

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I've been looking to buy a record player for a while now, with no long. Where could i buy one, portable or not, for a reasonable price. And one that works ! I don't have an eBay account, and would prefer not to order one online. Thanks !

I collect records, and I found my record player at a garage sale, believe it or not. It was for a reasonable price, if I can remember correctly (as I got it a while back).
The only problem with garage sales is that they're usually on Saturday mornings, and if you are serious about getting a record player, you're going to have to get up early.
You can also look through your local newspaper and see if there's an ad for any.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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this song has been stuck in my head and i only know some of the lyrics.."i try to be perfect but nothing is worth it" and i have no idea who sings it or what the song is called....

The song is called "Pieces" and it's by Sum 41. =]

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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i have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months, and no that doesn't seem long but we've been best friends and sometimes more for two years so we're pretty close. the entire time we were friends he was really in love with me he would write letters and tell me i was the only one for him. it has been this way all the way up until a month ago. i still think he's in love with me but i really think he takes me for granted. Now he blows me off and says "you won't break up with me c'mon" or lies to me. when he lies i get mad at him and once we broke up and he was a mess, i love him so i took him back and a week later his attitude wa sback.

i don't know if i did something or what because one minute he's head over heals for me in love the next it just seems like he's dating me for show.

my sweet guy turned into a jerk, i don't want to break up i just want things to be back to normal what should i do? if your telling me to talk to him what should i say becaus ei've talked to him time and time again!

16 f

You've talked to him plenty of times, you say. But remember when you were little and your mother would tell you that actions speak louder than words? Well, that saying holds true here; You tell your boyfriend time and time again that his behavior is unacceptable, and yet you permit it. He knows that you'll talk, but you won't act (and if you do, you'll feel bad and take him back).

One day, sit him down while you two are alone. Explain to him exactly how you feel, without yelling or becoming irrational. You don't deserve to be blown off and taken for granted; Tell him that. Say that if he wants a relationship with you, he needs to hold his own. But if he doesn't, you need to act on your promise and dump him. You don't deserve to be treated like that; It only succeeds in making you miserable.

Understand that you loved who he was, and not who he is now. Who he was is gone, and if he still treats you badly (even after you talk to him), he's never coming back. You deserve happiness, and this guy can't give you that.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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15/f/Australia

Like, I know you drop the weight and stuff, and I was just wondering what else happens. I remember someone saying what happened but I forgot. Don't worry I'm not even thinking about only eating it, I'm just curious.

Now, I'm no doctor, but obviously, one who eats only a certain food or food group would (more likely than not) suffer from malnutrition. (I'm not talking about the sugary food group at the top of the pyramid, though.) Also, one would be deprived of almost all vitamins, since celery really doesn't have much to it. As a result, he or she would suffer from the deficiency of many vitamins. They all have their own symptoms, of course. For instance, Vitamins C and E play a big role in your immune system, and deprivation of either of those can weaken your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness.
Also, celery doesn't have many calories. Calories are what give you energy, and without them, you'll probably be fatigued and exhausted all the time.

Celery might be a healthy snack, but to lose weight and not suffer health issues, one needs to eat a balanced diet.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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I deleted my playlist on itunes along with my sisters and my dads playlists! Is there ANYWAY i can get them back!??? i hope there is because im gonna be in so much trouble!

I'm sure you have a recycle bin on your computer. I know you do if you have a PC, but I'm not sure about MACs.
If you deleted anything on your computer, it will go in there where you can completely delete it or restore it.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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So im a 15/f. I havent had my first kiss yet! Not to sound cocky like at all, but Im cute! I know afew people who like me, and I'm sure wouldnt mind hooking up. So my question is, should I keep waiting for that special person/time for my first kiss? Or should I just hook up with someone and get it over with. I mean no offence but im so kiss horny! lol I want to hook up with someone so bad, but I also dont want to ruin something potentially special you know? Is your first kiss really that big of a deal? THANKS!!

Believe me, kissing a guy you have no feelings for sucks the fun out of it. Your first kiss should be an experience shared with someone you really like, not someone you barely know.
If you hook-up with some random guy, you'll only regret it in the end, and more likely than not, you won't consider it your first "real" kiss.
You don't get the butterflies and the "fireworks" (I know, I'm getting cheesy, but you know what I mean!) when you kiss someone you don't particularly care about.

Your time will come, and it will most likely be better than if you had rushed it. Have patience, and you will be rewarded.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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Does anyone know the song on the i pod commercial????

I assume you're talking about the most recent one. If I'm correct, it's called "Flathead" and it's by the Fratellis.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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hi there.
well here's the thing.
i like this guy, and earlier tonight i found out that he probably likes someboday else. i'm so depressed. i really liked this guy. it seems that everyone i like never likes me back. for once i'd like for the guy i like to like me back. i feel horrible. please help.

First of all, I'm sure that you are an amazing person, with a lot of great things in her future. Don't judge your self-worth based on the opinions of others, whether it's a guy or a girl. You really have to learn to love and accept yourself before you even think about getting in a relationship with someone else.

Are you sure you're giving the guys you like subtle hints to show that you like them? If that's the case, the guy could like you, but just get discouraged because he isn't getting any closure from you. That's a definite possibility.

As for this certain guy... why don't you ask him yourself who he likes? If you heard that from someone else, you never know if his feelings changed or if the person is just plain lying. So you could ask him in casual conversation and see what the real deal is.

If the guy doesn't like you, it's his loss. Just know and remember that you may suffer now, but you'll be so much happier once you meet someone who makes you feel special and who will return your feelings. I know you'll find someone; It may not be now, but he will come.

Keep your options open as well. You may end up dating someone totally unexpected. You never know!

Don't lose hope and don't lower your expectations and standards.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another in my inbox!
-Manders

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my ex-girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago and i still kinda like her, she still hangs out with me and i really don't know what to do. she's also been hanging out with my "best" friend a lot even gone over to his house a few times. I'm confused and don't know what to do
-the likely lad

First of all, just because she hangs out with your friend doesn't mean she actually likes him, so don't jump to that conclusion. I'm sure you have girl friends that you hang out with that you don't have feelings for, so she can have guy friends that she doesn't like, too. You don't like every girl you come in contact with, and she doesn't like every guy she comes in contact with.

Anyway, the fact that she still hangs out with you shows that she still wants to be friends and still cares about you as a friend. Were you two friends before? If so, that's probably the case. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, by any means. It's just that sometimes, it's easier and more fun being friends than being more.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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I have been working with this guy that i really really like but i think he likes me a little bit i dont relly nknow. I want his nu,mber really badly but dont know how to ask him beacuse im pretty fridgid around guys. How do i ask for his number?

Are you at the point to where you talk to him on a regular basis? If you do, then you could ask, "Hey, do you want to see a movie with me and my friends this weekend?" or something like that, and if he says yes, then you could ask for his number so you could call to give him the time and place. It wouldn't seem weird; the guy should be flattered that you want to include him in your plans.
Don't worry too much. Asking a guy for his number could lead to so much more, and you'll never know if you don't try. Take the chance!

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave another in my inbox!
-Manders

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