mollyschroeder's advice column

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Q: How the hell do i get myself to parties?!?! i have been to parties before but i want to go to different parties with different people.like(as cheesey as the sounds) "cool" people. I know i fit in. its just, because i act completely different in school than i act outside of school. I have always been like that. I get good grades and am nice to teachers and am sooo not rebelious in school but when im outside of school....
What do I do?

You need to make yourself known to the people that are throwing the parties. Act cool around them and they will accept you as one of them. It may not be you, but it works. it's your choice.

Q: \So there's this guy. I don't have any feelings for him at all, honestly. He's just really nice to me and we could be friends. But there's something he does that really annoys/confuses me. I want to know what he thinks of me.

During class, he's always calling my name and like whenever I'm in the hallway and he's behind me, he catches up to me just to talk to me. Sometimes he even ignores his friends for me.

Sometimes I ignore him but he insists on talking to me. And like usually when we talk I think he's fun and easy to talk to. He also does this to another girl in my class, Sarah. He is closer to Sarah than he is to me. He has a grlfriend too, Mimi.

Okay so here is the problem. I don't mind that he has a girlfriend and a girl friend that he's close to. I don't have feelings for this guy. If it matters, I used to have a crush on him and I told him after I got over it. It didn't affect him, so I don't think that's important.

But the problem is sometimes when we talk I think he's really annoying because he brings up Mimi and Sarah, right? And he's like, "You know, Mimi is so perfect. She's so frikking cute."
Like, literally, out of nowhere. We aren't talking about relationships, crushes, or who we prefer or ANYTHING. We could be talking about a movie or a celebrity or something funny that happened in class that has nothing related to Mimi or Sarah and all of a sudden he goes, "Sarah is so pretty and cute. So cute." It's like, why are you telling me this?

Whenever this happens, I pretend I don't mind and go, "Yeah, she is adorable!" and then like get quiet because I don't know what else to say.

To be honest, I find it insulting that he brings up girls in my conversations. I know he doesn't talk about me that way to Sarah or Mimi. I don't mind if he does, but, c'mon guys, you wouldn't like it if your girl friend (just a friend) talks to you constantly about other guys.

So should I stop talking to him? It's getting on ym nerves. He's nice and all, but is he disrespecting me? What do you, a guy, think is on his mind when he does this? Maybe I'm overthinking it??

He thinks of you as a bestfriend, one that he can tell them anything. even about relationships.

Q: Alright, so I'm making a treasure hunt for my boyfriend who has a thing about pirates haha. But I need help thinking of clues and whatnot. Here are some ideas I have: first, I have a glass bottle that I'll put some sort of map in. I also was thinking I could work in a picture puzzle, a piece of brick that he gave me when we first started dating (haha, inside joke), candy kisses, something else pirate related, something video game, or pokemon related, a key, a bleach bottle (another inside joke), and finally a smore because it's leading him to my fire pit. So, does anyone have any ideas how I could make clues out of any of those items? Any input is greatly appreciated, Thanks!

use the map in the bottle as the first clue, hide it where you keep your glasses and ask him to go get you a drink and that there is a special glass that you want that is different from the rest. Use the map to tell him where the next clue is. the next clue is could be the brick. if he's smart he'll go to the next clue, its location will be at a place that is similar to the place where he gave you the brick. that is where the third clue will be located. the third clue are the "Wii cooking" video game (if you don't have it, use a piece of paper with the title on it), the candy kisses, and the pokemon "torchic" which is a FIRE type pokemon, and if you put it all together it will lead him to the fireplace because torchic is a FIRE pokemon, the candy kisses indicates chocolate, and the "wii cooking" indicates you will be making food.

before you do all this, keep telling him that you are craving a smore. this treasure hunt should be fun, he'll have to remember back when you started dating, listen to you, and be smart. :) have fun

Q: i have been with my boyfriend for 6 months, and i was wondering, if you were going to get a present from your girlfriend, would you want a photoalbum?

Guys, please answer truthfuly. And girls, id like past experiences or stuff. Thank you so much. Im so nervous he wont like it =[

if he likes you he'll like anything you give him. a photoalbum is something that he can put pictures in so he can glance back on the happy memories later on. go for it

Q: Guys, please explain to me why after hooking up interest is lost so quickly. Is there a way to bring that interest back? Why after hooking up with a woman too quickly, men usually lose interest completely? What goes through your minds the next day after that quickly? This has happened to me time and time again! I hook up with a guy that I really like and who seems to like me and then he stops talking to me, won't answer his phone, won't reply to my emails anymore, etc. What do guys think after they hook-up with a girl that makes them not want to see/talk to her again? It makes me feel like trash.

After a hookup, a guy loses interest because of two things. He has you and the "hunt is over" or that he has needs or desires that you aren't giving him. Ask him what he wants, but don't exceed you morals (don't do something you don't want to do).

Q: My 5 year long relationship has come to an end, and now I'm scared that I won't be able to find anybody else that would want me.

I suppose the bigger problem is that I have a hard time trusting in people, and yet I need somebody to love me. I just don't know what I'm going to do.

How do I meet good guys and show them I'm interested (assuming I find a decent guy in the beginning)? I'm so lost and scared that this is the end for me and guys. Any advice on how to get over this bump in the road?

Take your time in finding a new boyfriend, and don't worry you will meet that special someone one day, you just have to keep your eyes open for him and don't rush into a relationship, that could lead to a bad relationship. Good luck! :)

Q: im ALWAYS comparing myself to my boyfriends ex girlfriends.. its bugs me so much cause one of the girls has huge boobs and she lets em all hang out and i have like none.. why do i do this? how do i stop helpp =[

You are special in your own special way, NO ONE can compare to you EXACTLY the same way. Think about that when you start comparing yourself to you boyfriends ex girlfriends.

Q: so my boyfriend and i have been together for about 3 years and we have lived together for a long time now too. so today i came home from work and went on his computer and for some reason started browsing through his internet history. i realized that he had been looking at tons of porn sights and had especially clicked on manyyy pictures of hott girls around my age that they took of themselves. i dont mind if he watches porn or things like that.. i think that is normal all guys do that.. but there were so many pictures of girls my age- not pornos, just pictures of them naked... is this weird? or am i overreacting and this is normal? i dont want to bring it up and make a big deal of it if it is just guys looking at girls.. i dont know. what do you think?

Guys looking at porn is normal. If he looks at girls around your age, then i think that he finds you attractive and he can't hold his sexual urges, so he looks at porn to fulfill these urges. If it bothers you then talk to him, but remember he won't be too happy you were snooping around on his computer.

Q: well im 19 yrs old and im pregnat im probably like 2 months my boyfriend doesnt want anything to do with me or the baby i talked to his mom and she said she would support me. i kno i could just abort and get ir over with it but im against abortion idk what to do.

Don't abort the baby. Life is a precious gift and you shouldn't throw it away. Things may get hard, but you'll find a way to get through it. Try watching "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" on ABC FAMILY. The girl in that show is going through the same exact thing as you are going through now. She decided to keep the baby and she is getting along fine, and so will you.

Q: So when you go visit a gyno and get checked out, and he finds something out, for example, you having a disease or something ? Do they tell your parents ? Or do they keep it a secret ?

Thanks in Advance !

If you don't want them to tell anyone, they won't as long as you tell them that. Everything you talk about with them is completely between you and them, unless said otherwise.

Q: I'm 17/f going into senior year, and really, really stressed, embarassed, sad, disappointed, intimidated, and scared to death. This summer I took on this job that is only 3 days a week but enough to make me go crazy. So, my boss is this crazy, compulsive foreign woman (not that that matters, just giving you a picture). I am absolutely scared to death of her. The jobis at an office and it involves a lot of paperwork. If you make one minor mistake, she'll scream at you, and I mean really scream. Sometimes, I tend to be a very nervous person. I get really jumpy and I'm not very good at working when I'm nervous or under pressure. Things also get to me really easily and I get upset. Lately, I've been very, VERY careful at work to not make even the most minute mistake. The past few times at work, though, she's screamed at me. She's done it in front of my other co-workers who are also around my age. They don't get yelled at because they've been working for a while and are used to the job. And I've really, really been trying. Omg it's soooo soooo embarassing. When I can sense she's about to erupt, I get this terrified hot feeling inside my gut. When she's done yelling at me, I wanna crawl into a ball and die. I always feel like the stupidest person in the world when I'm there and I know the co-workers think I am too. I feel like I'm "that person" who always gets yelled at and I don't want to be. It lowers my self-esteem tenfold. And then afterwards, when I'm sitting at home trying to enjoy my summer, I start thinking about it and it depresses me. Thinking about the place and that woman just scares me to death sometimes. Imagine having extreme embrassment, disappointment, low-self esteem, and fear all rolled into one. I cannot quit because my parents are making me work this summer. I'm trying to find another job but I've been applying to a lot of places and jobs are really hard to get now, i don't think I'll find anything. And plus, I don't wanna just give up. And if you're thinking I should talk to the woman about how I feel, it's out of the question. I'd get fired, she has no sensitivity whatsoever and I would be too scared anyway. Should I be so upset by this? Do you think I'm just overreacting? This is another story but lately, things I would normally just be nervous or anxious about are almost terrifying me. This job is making it worse. I used to be really excited about growing up and going into the real world but now I'm getting pretty scared. I was watching my baby videos the other day and just burst into tears at the fact that I had such a loving, carefree life back then and now it's just the opposite and I can never go back to that again. But, anyway sorry to go kind of off topic. Just please tell me something, anything to make me cheer up. I need it. Thank you

-Jess

I would continue the job search. Find a job to replace the one you have. I too have had a boss that yells a lot over everything. sometimes it made me explode right in front of her face. Bosses don't really have a right to scream at you continuously. If your boss has a boss, try talking to him/her about the situation or talk to your parents and they could tell her off. Or, ask your co-workers what they did when they first got the job. they could help you get through the summer. Good luck.

Q: This might be long, sorry.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 3 years now. He's really a great guy, comes from a wonderful family, works really hard in college, etc. He's probably the best guy out there. He's really perfect. I don't have anything bad at all to say about him.

Well, I've been cheating on my boyfriend for about a year or year and a half now. All the cheating has been with the same guy so I'm not like a whore or something. My boyfriend has NO idea that I've been seeing this other guy on the side.

Anyway, the problem is that I'm pregnant. I don't want to lose my boyfriend though!

Now, maybe you are asking, "Well, how do you KNOW it isn't your boyfriend's baby? Why not wait until you give birth and then have the baby paternity tested?" Well, because my boyfriend and I had decided to stay virgins until our wedding night. Yeah, in three years we haven't had any sort of sexual relationship. Yes, he thinks I'm a virgin just like him.

I REALLY love my boyfriend though! I want to marry him! I mean, I just feel like I'm totally in the wrong, but I know I'm not. If I tell him about cheating on him and stuff he's going to think I'm a whore. How can I like feel better about this?

First of all, don't get an abortion. Life is a precious gift and if you became pregnant, that means you were meant to have a baby. I would tell your boyfriend what happened. Now i know you think that might make things worse, but telling him now will have a lot less consequences instead of keeping it a secret until you have the baby. Let him be angry now instead a lot angrier later. If he really loves you and you say you're sorry, he'll forgive you and you'll get past this. Having a baby is a gift, not a curse. Good luck with everything.

Q: hii guyss. well i just finished getting my period and today i had sex and iwas on top and when i got off my boyfriend said the condom fell off and it was in me. then i had sex for about like 2 minutes without a condom but he already finished before and he wasnt hardd.. so i wanna know is it bad the condom fell off ( i took it out like 10 seconds after) andd with the no condom is that bad? i know there is always a chance no matter what i do but i just wanted to know how worried i should be and if i should take the plan b pill or other wise known as the morning after pill..
thanks guys!

Yes, you should take the plan b pill. unless you want to get pregnant. it doesn't matter how long the condom has been in there, it doesn't take much for a chance of pregnancy. hope all goes well :)

Q: My boyfriend (24m) is having some problems with depression. He's on medication for it, but medication alone isn't a solution. I urged him to seek out counseling, and he actually listened to me.
He had one session and told me that he was incredibly frustrated and angry and didn't want to do it anymore. I convinced him to try again.
I've tried to explain to him that counseling helps because it allows the individual (or couple, or family) to speak with an outside, objective person, someone who isn't involved in the situation. The objectivity helps because the therapist's opinions and suggestions are unbiased and (usually) knowledgeable, and focus on finding the best solution to help the individual with the problem at hand. The purpose of talking is to address the turmoil going on so that the individual can understand it, and then move on from it, instead of suppressing it and allowing it to fester and cause further psychological distress and/or physical problems.
I have to point out that I'm not a professional therapist. I'm not even a psychology major (I'm doing a post-bacc degree), but I have a solid understanding of the concept, and he knows this. He's very resistant, and I feel like everything I say makes it worse, and makes him want to go even less.
I know I can't control him, nor do I want to, but I really really want him to go at least a couple of times.

What can I say to help persuade him to open up to his psychologist and give talk therapy a real shot?

Tell him that not talking about his problems will lead to even more depression and it will cause him to become even more frustrated and if it becomes bad enough he may eventually push you away. Guys don't like to talk about their feelings, but sometimes they have to. Tell him that if it gets bad enough he could end up pushing you away. He will try harder to keep you with him.

Q: So I was in this relationship with this guy.
He was perfect, but we ended it.
We barely saw each other.
The day we broke up, he went to his friend's house,
because he was upset.
His friend, who is a girl, confessed her feelings for him, which continued with him asking her out.
They had sex that night, as well.
I don't believe in pre-marital sex,
yet, he does.
very, very much so.
Anyways, we got into another right because
he kept saying how amazing she was compared to me,
and blah blah blah.
So we stopped talking.
On my birthday, he texted me.
And we became friends, again.
We talk on the phone every night, since then.
Later the next day,
his girlfriend broke up with him.
She wanted to be single for the summer.
(What a hoe, right?)
He was pretty upset,
so while we were talking that night,
he was venting.
He told me he loves me, but doesn't want me.
And he doesn't love her, but wants her.
I'm still in love with him, and he knows.
But, What should I do?
I'm so confused.
HELP.

It sounds like he only went to this other girl for sex. That girl used him for sex, which explains her breaking it off immediately when summer started. He likes you for your personality and he likes the other girl for her looks. Personality is more important than looks. He needs to be reminded that you're better for him than the other girl. Start out with that and see where it leads to.

Q: I have this one friend, he comes off as a player, I guess you can say. He hits on pretty much any girl that comes his way.
But him and me have been good friends for a while. And I think I like him. Yeah. Not a good choice.
But I'm not sure if he likes me back.
He calls me pretty much everyday.
He wants to hang out whenever we can.
He calls me 'sexy'
But when he says 'I love you' I think he just means it, as if we're just friends.
"I'm just kidding, I love you" would be something he would say.
Any advice on what I should do next? Or where I stand?
Thanks =DD

When a guy hits on almost any girl that passes by, it normally means that he is trying to find a girlfriend. Try telling him you like him and if i'm right, he'll want to be your boyfriend.

Q: I don't have a boyfriend, I like this guy named Jimmy my friend and I met him at the pool. He was talking to us he was nice,and flirty. He talked to me first so i thought he liked me but, he told this other girl that he was hanging with (she was hanging with us two) that he thought my friend was cute. So..he likes her, and we are friends on My space now(he added me) he asked me if she liked me, i said no because she has a boy friend. So i don't know what to do. I really want a boyfriend, but i can't find one. My friend told me that i should stop looking the right guy will find me when the time is right. So ...ugg i don't know what to do. help??

In order to find a boyfriend you need to keep going to public outings or social events. As far as the guy from the pool, if you like him you should tell him you like him. Since the girl he likes is already taken, he could like you too. It never hurts to ask.

Q: Kay, so my boyfriend openly talks about girls he thinks are hot, and it sort of makes me feel awkward.

I wouldn't mind if he put it another way (e.g. 'I think *this girl* is pretty' or 'I think this girl is attractive) but he says it along the lines of "*THIS GIRL* IS SO GOD DAMN HOT" and it makes me feel awkward. He'll just bring it up too when it had nothing to do with the conversation...

e.g. I mentioned to him how I was always scared to bring home boyfriends because of my sister's good looks. He then said something along the lines of 'Oh she sounds hot' when he asked for a description of her. He also randomly went on about how "god damn hot" his friend's sister is... and just before I mentioned I lost my keys and he went on about how Alicia Keys is 'hot'...

Am I being out of line? I don't mind if he thinks other girls are attractive, just because he's with me doesn't mean feelings for others change. But I think he could either just discuss it with friends, or word it better when discussing it with me.

I'm sort of sensitive to this stuff, because my ex boyfriend did this, but ten times worse (he would constantly bring how much he wanted sex with other girls and that sort of stuff into it as well) so I feel as if I may be scarred from that experience, but it's taught me to deal with this stuff early on.

first, you should tell him how this makes you feel. he should respect your feelings and listen to you. maybe he does this to see how much you care. he needs to know that you do care, and that you care about him. and if he doesn't care about how you feel about him saying other girls are hot, then he is NOT the right guy for you.

Q: Is it weird if I get emotional when I (18/f) or my boyfriend (22/m) say I love you? I can say it without getting emotional most of the time, but sometimes if I really get to thinking about it, and what it means to me I sometimes cry. Not a huge blubbery cry but I definitely tear up for a couple minutes. Is this weird lol? Or is it just because I honestly mean it?

no, it is not weird to get emotional. in fact it makes guys want to comfort you. if you start crying, them it seems to me that you really, and i mean really mean it. this guy must be really special to you. he is lucky to have a girlfriend that cherishes him so much. to me, your story sounds beautiful!

Q: ok so i have been friends and a little more than friends with this girl. for like 7 to 8 years. we have talked about dating but for some odd reason things always get in the way... right now i am in college and i see her on the weekends. which is great but its not enough time to spend with her and build a solid boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. i was offered a management position at a very well known company but the problem is that she doesn't want me to take it because then we wont see each other at all!!! a part of me wants to take the job but then the other part of me is saying that she means way too much to me to not see her... tell me what would you do if you were in my situation???

I would tell her that i cared for her very much and if you feel this way, that i love her. you should think about what is best for you. if you do take the job, ask her to wait for you. if she really likes you, she will wait. stay in contact (over the phone or e-mail) whatever works for you. don't forget about her if she does decide to wait for you. and if you fall for someone else, tell her that it is over, but let her down easy. obstacles may come in relationships, you need to find a way to get around them or through them.

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Anyone can ask me anything and i will answer your question honestly and without judging you. I love giving advice and i hope to be a counselor one day. :)