bigdogdaddy's advice column

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Q: I think I have a bad problem... Whenever I meet someone new or somewhat new.. I really can't get any good words to come out of my mouth like I want to...

My problem is that I have a boyfriend that I've been dating for about 2 weeks now. I find it really hard to talk to him.. He always has to bring the conversations up, and he's so open to me. The only time I'm comfortable talking to him openly is right after sex, honestly. I'm just afraid that he's going to leave me already because I seem like such a boring person who doesn't talk much. But really.. it just takes me a lot of time to get to the point where I'm that comfortable to talk freely.

Please help... Why can't I say what I want to? Is there something I can do to make me more comfortable around him? This happened with my ex too, I wasn't comfortable with him for a very long time... But I don't want this relationship to be like that one.

ok...this sounds silly but...yhey say practice makes perfect, right? well, conversation is no different.

try this: get a pic of your boy friend and tape it to your mirror...every moring have a conversation with him. seeing him will help you to relax so when you really do see him you won't freeze or go blank or sit like bump on a log...also, write down things you want to talk about before you meet him and keep it with you; when he is not looking simply remove it, find a question and fire away...

it takes practice and yes you are going to stumble and freeze up...it's normal, your normal.

if any thing, tell him how you feel, he may be able to help you also...best of luck....

Q:

Okay, first of all I'm sixteen.

Here is my question: My best friend who is a girl(I'm a guy) asked me a couple of Saturdays ago if I would ever date her. I said yeah sure. Then the Monday of that week she kissed me, and I liked it. We hung out on Wednesday and Friday that week and we kept kissing, Wednesday was probably the most intimate kissing though. And I don't know how I feel about her and I don't think she likes me. But I can't stop thinking of her kiss. It's pissing me off also how she is acting to it. She is being kind of mean to me and telling me she doesn't care anymore and that makes me feel bad. I just want to sort out my feelings because now she thinks I like her, and I honestly don't know because I'm confused. Plus her friend whom I dislike knows I "like" her. And I think my best friend told him. ._.; And I don't want this stupid thing to go further, But I don't want to lose her friendship. Please help.

then you need to sit down with the girl and spill your guts...tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may...like you, she is also confused and conflicted inside as well, and god willing will hear what you tell her.

you will find out in life, some women just like the attention and nothing more to it...life and love is unfair. the good news is, you two did nothing you both may regret later in life so i am proud of you for only 'kissing' and not going further...best of luck...

Q: To start off, I'm sixteen and my boyfriend is seventeen. We've been dating for eight months. Whenever I go over to his house he's ALWAYS playing call of duty hahaha. And sometimes he'll tell me to come over and I do thinking we're gonna hang out but he already has a friend over and they just play and I sit there for a litte bit till he kicks him out... Like okay?? Haha he'll just be like "oh hey, come here" he wont even look at me just keep on playing and pat his leg to get me to come sit on his lap. I've kind of discovered a little trick. If I sit on his lap and *oops* I put a hand on his dick he'll kick his friend out in a heart beat hahaha. I mean, he'll eventually do it anyway, after abotu twenty minutes but it's just annoying!! I don't wanna be a naggy girlfriend that shows up and commands he stops playing video games and gives me attention. I also don't wanna come off as a physco bitch to his friend, like I wanna be a "cool girlfriend" and it's not a big deal really... but still! Haha should I just keep the same strategy?? I feel kinda guilty seducing him to do what I want but I want my time with him!!

in a nut shell...men have one vein, that runs from their brains to their penis's...change the blood flow...change the man....get it?

Q: 17/f
seriously, this is probably the worse thing that ever happend to me, and if you laugh i understand =/ haha. i went to my friends house got drunk, came to my boyfriends house and he was also drinking with his friends in the backyard. we hooked up in his bed, and i was drunk so i fell asleep after cuddling for awhile. anyways he left to let me sleep and he calls me the next morning saying i wet his bed ! =X oh and weve been going out for almost a year by the way.. anyways.. no offence but italian families tell eachother everything, and he asked his mom how to clean off piss and said I peed and everythingg ... and worse off he couldnt clean it, and its an EXPENSIVE mattress (800) his mom told his sister, who (HATES ME CAUSE IM NOT "FASHIONABLE") and his sister told his dad. so i havent gone over his house since but hes came here. honestly how the hell do i go back to his house and deal with all of this..... jesusss help me; i dont even have a job to pay for it.

if that is your only problems i wish i was you....life is short m' dear and in ten years no one will remember who peed on who.....

Q: I have been married one year. My husband doesnt work and doesnt look for a job. Ever since we have gotten together I have noticed a huge change in my 3 year old sons behavior. he doesnt listen to anyone he acts up a lot. yells at everyone. My husband doesnt help me with the kids, house work anything. I am only 19 years old. I have two children. I am orignally from ohio but i moved to missouri two years ago with my father. I have no family here other than my father. I want to move back to ohio. but dont want to leave my father. I have been trying yo get my husband to help and look for a job since october. everytime i talk to him about it he helps for a day or so and then everything goes back to the way it was. I am miserable and feel my son deserves better. Sometimes i feel guilty that i plan on leaving my husband any advice??

in a nut shell; i was moved by your note/question. You are nineteen and lost and you probably feel you are drownding....yes?

In short, no one changes unless they want to change, and no ammount of coaxing, pressuring, yelling or making love is going to change that fact...

you need to focus your concern on your children' they are your top priority, period. The reason the boy acts up is most likely due to lack of attention from 'dad', so he acts out to be heard and seen...this will pass i promise. However, your woes over hubby will not...

there is a recession on i realize that, and depending on what kind of back ground/education/training he has had may factor in to his dilemia....

how does he feel about the millitary? seriously. It would help him to provide for his wife and children, both, all of which are his responsibility...

please feel free to contact me for more help; as i said, i was moved by your note and truly want to help, no strings or b.s. attatched...

ok...just revcieved ur reply, thanks...u may want to jump ship. he is not seeing the big picture is he? a few months for a life time of supporting his wife and kids??? i feel for u and want to help...take care

Q: I had sex over 3o times and still havent had an orgasm. Why is that?

sadly but truly..men need to be shown, told, pointed to the spots that please you...great lovers are not born they are taught and learn....practioce makes poerfect but i hope to god you use protection....

Q: Okay so I'm a girl and I sweat a LOT. I don't even wear shirts with sleeves because I'm afraid of getting pit stains.

What's a good antiperspirant that will take care of this?

hmmm there are various ways to got about soling this problem without leaving you in the pits...

first, if able, go see your doctor; this is not uncommon for women or men.

the second idea would be to use something with nitrate or baking soda; it sounds silly but is a good temporary fix.

also, easiest is they have plenty of over-the-counter remedies in deodarants...if you can not find one strong enough use a men's non-scented type..

bottom line...don't sweat it!!! we are only human!!!

Q: I was on vacation, and I met this amazing guy. He lives about 20 minutes away from me, and we met four days ago. I ended up bonding with him over our taste in music, and we got along so well and had so much in common that I felt like I've known him for years. He put his number in my phone, and the reason I found this significant is because another girl gave him her number and he tactfully denied her. He told me to text him to let him know what my number was, so I did. He didn't have good service, so his phone was off when I sent the text.

The thing is, he never texted me back. I just don't understand how a guy could give me all the signs that he's into me (he said I was pretty, and he took pictures of himself on my phone "so that I wouldn't forget him," and he carved a stick for me and told me to "keep it forever," and he put his name in my phone as "___(his name)___ is awesome x3", which i believe the "x3" to be a heart, but i don't want to boldly assume this.)
and completely ignore me the next minute.

Even though he ignored my text, I added him on facebook and myspace when I got home from vacation, and he accepted my requests but didn't send me any messages or anything...which continued to leave me confused.

He's at skateboarding camp for a week right now, and I'm going crazy because I can't stop thinking about him and whether or not he is even remotely interested in me.

It normally wouldn't be that big of a deal if a guy was acting "hot and cold" like this, but I really feel like this guy is special. I felt like we had a connection while we were hanging out on vacation. We talked a lot about hanging out again in the future, so I'm not sure why he doesn't want to keep the communication going.

What do I do?!?!

chock it up to experience...live and learn....i am sure you are a fantastic woman, with many great qualities and you deserve the best...unfortunately, skate-boy is not it.

if i met a woman who knocked me off my feet, as in your case, i too woujld make very attempt to contact her to learn more and share more...but, if she is not willing to make the effort, then i am not going to waste my time and beating myself up for something i had nothing to do with...either should you...

your prince will come on another horse; this guy sounds like he came in on a donkey...best of luck, dont give up...

Q: where can i find fresh figs and jackfruit in supermarkets? do they even sell them? i only see dried/jam figs and dried/canned jackfruit

for fresh figs and fresh jack fruit skip your supermarket altogether...try either farmer's markets in your area or even better a food specialty store...good luck

Q: I'm getting a tatto on my foot on Friday. It wont be my first, and I'm getting a quote with stars around it.

I was this font for my quote, but I have no idea what it's called.
I wot change it, because it's a magical looking font, and the quote I want is kind-of magical.

Does anyone know this font?
http://tinypic.com/r/1zbwgup/4

why not try 'it was the best of times, it was the worst of times'? it looks celtic

Q: Alright, this might be confusing but bare with me.
Tomorrow my ex-boyfriend wants to hook up(like have a reunion, as he calls it...). Mean while, two of his best friends are bugging me about hooking up with them. Now, my ex isnt expecting to have sex, but his other two friends are. My ex doesnt know his friends are asking me to have sex with them, because if hes knew then hed hate them(because hes very possessive of me...) Meanwhile, if i hook up with my ex, some people(friends included) could potentionally be upset with me. PLUS i might start liking my ex again, which i dont want to like to happen. But i have trouble saying no. Like i dont really want to have sex with my ex's two friends, but i can't say no. And if i say no to my ex, he would probably stop talking to me...and thatd hurt me alot because i love talking to him. Thing is i do want to have sex. But with his friends? And hook up with my ex? I dont know what to do...all i know is that if i end up hooking up with all of them, I'd feel like a hoe...help me pleaseeeee

you need to say no and if they respect you as a woman, as a person then fine, if not, you dont really need them in your life....want attention? buy a dog...want a reputation that is not good...listen to the boys....

Q: I was born in USA. so were the parents. I'm part scottish but that side has been in USA for a long time. My last name is scottish aswell. So if I want to go to scotland, would I need a passport? I wouldn't see why if I'm part scottish. Just curious, it looks interesting over there. Do I?

sadly but truly, your ;last name has no effect on goverment and traveling...it onloy matters that you are american...you will need a passport and maybe even a visa as well, depedning on country...as a general rule, i would get both to make sure i dont get stuck in an airport somewhere and find out too late....contact the scottish embassy in your state/city and ask or go on line and find out...even better, book a flight through a travel agaent whop can really tell you what is going on over there, and if it is even safe to travel there....Scotland is wonderfdul and fun and has such a rich history(aside from the drinking and pubs and wool and sheep)....

Q: Okay so i am an average teenage girl! And i like this guy alot but it's like he don't. I want to tell him so badd that i like him but i am on the shy side. I dont like getting rejected because i feel as if there saying i aint good enough or ugly. I wanna know how i can tell if he likes me or like how i can tell him how i feel without things getting akward and not me coming on strong. I just dont know what all to do or say!? So any good advise would help me alot.!

ok average teenage girl;

write a letter to him and give it to him...tell him how you feel and explain why you feel as you do...be bold but be realisitic...tell him to let you down easy if that is the case...good luck..you are worth the effort

Q: You know the show "we got married"? where can I find videos like this that are English sub-titled?

I really want to watch more but my English is better than my Korean (I am Japanese.)

Thanks!

ko-nee-she-wa....hello, how r you?
i will tutor u in basic english if you would like...drop me a line and let me know ok? i can teach and you can teach about your culture...deal?

Q: i've been watching shark week and i saw on there that to attract a shark you have to have an open wound and the shark smells the blood. i was wondering if you were swimming, and started your period, could it attract a shark?

chances are probably not...however, if your splashing around,making waves, etc...then yes you might be a light snack for the fish!

Q: So I went shopping at bloomingdales the other day and I got a new bloomingdales personal shopper. My old one got transfered off to a different store and as sad as I was, my new one is TOTALLY freaking gorgeous, delicious, and BLAH. I was actually taken aback by his handsomeness. Oh god, I sound like a such a creeper! But anyways, so he was totally helpful and super friendly with me and I ended up picking out a great dress! He made lots of small talk with me (asking me questions, etc) and smiling at me... so as he's checking out my dress... he gives me his PERSONAL phone number! As in his CELL PHONE number!!! He said that if I needed anything, I should call him. I don't know if he was suggesting that he likes me but I'm definitely into him! I'm tempted to call him and ask him to this party I'm going to but the thing is... he's fresh out of college and I'm just starting college. What do you think I should do? Is he too old for me?

he is doing a job...if the plumber was hot would you want him too? he could report you for sexual harrassment and that not good at all..let it go...

Q: Ok, so my mum stopped smoking "trees" for a few months. She hasn't been doing it. She is going for a new job. She said she would not smoke even after the test. She took the test. Tonight It is late and I walk past the hall, a breeze rolls through, I cought a scent of "Trees". So I go to the back room, It gets stronger. She is not holding anything but I see the "thing" in the ash tray. I felt like saying something but acted as if I didn't notice. Now I'm really angry, she talked all this krap about how shw wouldn't start again. Now I hope when she gets this job, that she doesn't spend money on it. If she does I'll throw it out when she isn't around. I don't see any reason for me to get in trouble. Her last job she spent money on the same thing and it pisses me the Fu** off when I do well in school. And when I barely get Sh** for christmas they say, "Oh it's the economy", Bullshit theyr'e too busy burning money. I have poor friends whohave more than me. What should I do? and if possible can anyone tell me the average amount of money wasted on "trees" & "snow"? What can I do? I feel like mad now.

sadly, it will not stop until she is ready, if she ever will be, and there is nothing you can do about it...if both of them are doing things then it just reinforces the fact..let's find out the cause of whyy they feel theyneed the crap to begin with, and go from there...drugs, trees, flowers, fish...theyare all crutches, nothing more. they will not make her smarter, sexier, better or anything...they do not all it smoking genius for a reason...

worry less about the cost and the inner workings and find out why she needs to use it to begin with...

Q: Okay, my boyfriend gets back in 1 month and hes always saying (this was his last email)
"I miss you so much i cant stand it here! their annoying me! i try to talk to you and then ten seconds later their saying 'cmon lets go!'. Im sorry i am not emailing alot but, Its their fault! i cant say no to Mom, you know why. Ugh..Baby wait till i get back, itll be so soon, (DESPITE THE FACT IT FEELS LIKE A FUGGIN DECADE!)
I love you, Ill see you, Bye baby"
Okay so he misses me. I get that. I miss him too!
I need some NEW ideas on what i should do to kiss him next time because, quite honestly i think ive done everything.
I wont have sex with him, unless i marry him, and he knows it. He said he will wait. So dont tell me to have sex with him.
Ive done the whole, Making out on the bed, and the floor, and the tables, and sitting on him and teasing him and shirts Have come off more than once. Skirts have been pulled up and..You see where im going with this? i think you do..
I need an idea! Thank You!

what has he done to please you? why are you the one doing all the work and putting forth al;l this effort? he should be happy just to be with you and leave it at that....

Q:
why would a self described happily married woman,who recently had a child, flirt constantly and tease a single guy that she has known for a long time,,then complain to him constantly about her husband,hint at having sex with him,then refuse? Then,when the guy refuses all contact with her,she wants to pull him back in again? What sort of malady and neurosis is this?

there are several factors at work here, none good, and none with a positive out come.

The bottom line seems to be a driving need for attention; compliments, lasting glances, etc. she thrives on it. Apparently, if she is married then her marriage is failing; shje has either worn the guy out emotionally, constantly needing reassurance or constantly needing to be told how wonderful she is on a minute to minute basis...or, the spark has fizzled and aside from a child they have nothing in common anymore and she is looking for an outlet...i.e., you.

do not be suckered in by her; you are a link in a long line of chains from her life...her teasing is a way of validating her own self worth by second hand information; i.e. she asks you if she looks hot, or if you want her physically...

if you want it to stop, simply say "I do not see you or want you in that way"...see what happens...you'll either never be bothered by her again or she will respect you as a person but do not hold your breath on that..

ask her what the longest relationship she has ever had lasted, and more so why did it end..

Q: long story short: me & my bf have been dating for about 2 weeks now. i've caught him once talking about how he wants to get back together with his gf and today i caught him a 2nd time. i broke it off but half of me still has feelings for him while the other half despises him. should i stay or should i go? he kept apologizing and said he'd never do it again and i don't know if i can believe that. thanks so much guys

i think you know the answer already but let's review the facts as you presented them...

1) this is not the first time it has happened.

2) half oif you says run and dont look back

3) you want validation for your choices by people you dont even know....

here is my take...

1) if it happenes once, it will happen again. why? because we teach people how tol treat us...by letting him back in your life after first mess up, he has said to himself, ok, i can do this because she let's me do this....

2) you are corretin feeling you should stop the bleeding, cut the relationship now before you get really involved, i.e., a baby comes into picture then you will more then likely be the other woman and not the wife or girlfriend....not good.

3) you seem to lack confidence which is sad because you may feel you need him to make your life whole, whgich is simply not the case at all...you need somoene whol will respect you, accept you, not control you or be unfaithful. bottom line, iut is about respect and from what he has shown, he is lacking that with you.

run and dont look back....thank me later

bio

i majored in psychology for several years so am pretty good with human nature, relationships, etc and i love to help people. Sometimes it just clicks when an answer is given, maybe worded a different way and u figure it out...drop me a question, leave a note, i'd like to hear from you...take care, and thank you for asking.