First I want to tell you that if you wear make up at all, try to get some make-up remover. One bottle lasts a long time and its so much better for your skin, especially the sensitive skin around your eyes. I really like the make-up remover "wipes" type and I just buy the cheap, generic Equate kind at Wal-mart.

With that said, I'm really bad for forgetting to replace them when I run out. I usually use a little bit of facial moisturizer (or any lotion really, doesn't matter, you're not rubbing it in). Just put it on and wipe it off with a cottonball, kleenex or dark washcloth. But be careful not to get the lotion in your eyes! It burns! May not be as safe as baby oil, but I hate getting oil on my hands.

Shade

I really feel you. It is so hard for me to study. Here's what ended up working for me: I'd go into a quiet room and shut the door. Obviously, you don't want the television or radio on. Other things that distracted me that you may not have thought of were screensavers on my computer, the telephone ringing (I suggest being in a room without a phone, or just taking it off the hook for awhile), my pets wanting attention, birds, cars, and other noises outside ( keep your windows down for studying), and even oscillating fans.
If I had some chapters to read, I'd read them out loud. It really helps you focus and if you lose your train of thought, just go back and read it again. You'll be able to tell when the information sinks in.
In class, try sitting at the front of the classroom. That way you won't have much more to look at and pay attention to than what's directly in front of you. Your professor.
Finally, I know you're a guy and this idea might not thrill you, but my mind spins a lot too, and I found that journaling helps. If you're not comfortable writing on paper, try typing in Word. You can put a password on the document so no one else can access it, or just delete it when you're done. If I were you I'd keep it. When you see all that you've written, it'll reinforce the idea that everything that was in your mind causing it to spin is out, and that you should be able to think clearly now.
I know if I take the time to sit down and write about the things that are on my mind, its like I can let those things rest until the next time I write, which allows me to focus more on the things I need to be doing during the day.

If nothing seems to help, you might have some form of ADD (Attention Defecit Disorder), which I'm sure you've heard of. Try doing an internet search and see if you're experiencing any of the symptoms. If so, talk to your doctor.


Shade

PS> Vitamins you can take, such as Gingko Biloba, have been known to help with concentration. You can get them over-the-counter, I don't think they have any real side-effects, but of course, its best to ask your doctor before you start taking them.

I think you've tried nice. You've let her know its annoying. Since she did admit to you that its a habit, I don't think you should feel obligated to reply more than once in a day. If she thinks you're upset with her, tell her in a serious tone that you'd really appreciate it if she would stop saying "Hi" all day long. There's no need to be hateful, but don't try to be gentle by laughing, or joking about it anymore. It'll probably hurt her feelings, but if you want the hi's to stop, someone has to step up. Why not you? You'll be everyone's hero! She'll more than likely retract from you for a few days, but she can't be mad, because you weren't mean about it. She'll get over it. And she'll stop saying "hi."

Shade

Shade

I had your dilemma. To shave or not to shave the thick blonde hair on my arms. I'd heard that once you shaved your arms the hair would grow back coarse and dark. So, I shaved a small area first. Of course, all hair will grow back prickly, because you cut it bluntly with your razor. Naturally, a single strand of hair thins to a point. This blunt edge is sometimes the reason hair looks darker as well. The hair on my arms, unlike my legs, didn't grow back darker or coarser. I now shave my arms completely and let me tell you, as soon as I did it for the first time, I felt so much more feminine.
If your skin is extremely sensitive, don't use a depilatory cream (Nair or Veet). Your best bet is to use at least a triple bladed, good quality women's razor with shaving cream. The first time, just like your first time shaving your legs, you may need to go through more than one razor. There may be a couple of infected hairs at first, no way around it, but the skin on my arms just got used to being shaved I guess, and that stopped happening.
To help prevent infected hairs and dry skin on your arms and legs, don't ever EVER use anyone else's razor. Not your Momma's, not your sister's, your friends, boyfriend's- NO ONE. Also, only use a new razor about 4 or 5 times at the max before throwing it out.
Waxing hurts and its terrible for your skin. I don't care how vitamin packed or edible it is.

I strongly suggest you do a test shave on your arm like I did, to be positive your hair won't grow back in all black and pubie! I'm sure it'll be fine and you'll be glad you did it. Just remember you have to keep up with shaving your arms more than your legs because they're exposed more often. Whats funny about it is that no one really notices our thick or stubbly hair on our arms because its blonde. Nobody noticed or cared that my arms were hairy so, don't think you're weird if you decide to keep your hair.
I shave my arms for my peace of mind, because it makes me feel better about the way I look. No one knows that I do it, but I wouldn't care to tell them if they asked because I don't think its weird.

Shade

People are ignorant. I don't know why they (especially boys) joke like that about rape. Sadly, its not the only serious issue that gets the occassional, inappropriate chuckle. I've never been raped, therefore, I DO NOT understand how you feel. Neither do A, M, or B. They just couldn't and you know that. M and B are nievely assuming that rape hasn't happened to anyone they know, and that there is no possible way they could be offending anyone by saying those things. "A" thinks you reacted the way you did because you wanted attention. Maybe you do, honey. Thats okay. I think you need attention. Something awful happened to you and you can't hide it and pretend like it didn't. You need to talk to someone about it. If you're parents don't know, they should. Whether or not it was someone you knew, a complete stranger in an alley, or you were just drunk at a party, if you said no, it was rape. Your parents love you and you'll feel loads better if you tell them. "A" might eventually tell her parents, who'll tell your parents anyway, so just tell them. You need to be checked out by a doctor, of course. I'm sure its eating you up inside and I know you want to handle it and move on, but you're not going to be able to by trying to forget and then lashing out at people who don't understand. Its not something you should be ashamed of. Telling your story might help other girls like you. Speaking out puts you above what happened, it keeps what happened from pulling you down. If you've never read the book "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson, pick it up. Your school or local library should have it. Be strong and help yourself so others can help you.

Shade

You are not being selfish. Thats not the right word for it.
When I was in 8th grade, Randi was my absolute best friend. We hung out at school all day and we lived right down the road from one another, so if one of us didn't go to the other one's house, we would call each other every night. Just to talk about boys we liked and every individual thing that happened to us throughout the day. We told each other our deepest, darkest secrets. We were sister friends.Then, we started high school and didn't have any classes together. We still talked after school, but she got busy with sports and wasn't home a lot. Then one day, I realized she'd just dropped me. She'd started hanging out with girls from the volleyball team and stopped calling me. I found out she'd told some of my secrets. It hurt because I had become dependent upon her. I needed to be able to call her everyday and tell her what happened with this guy, that teacher, or my Mom, and get her advice. I didn't think I could trust anyone like I'd trusted her. I didn't think I'd ever have another friend like her.
The thing is, even the closest of friends grow apart. I had more close friends, that were more like me and I never let myself lean so hard on them. Randi and I eventually started hanging out again, but we were never as close as we were in 8th grade. She'd become this Jessica Simpson dumb blonde and I couldn't be around it, it made me too nauseous.
Don't call your friend again. If she doesn't call you back, just let your friendship with her go. It was great while it lasted, now, you've grown apart. Maybe she'll call every few months or so to see how you're doing and you'll catch up and then, because you kept in semi-touch you can be better friends again later in life. But you have other friends, right? Keep in mind that no one has to immediately take her place. If you need someone to confide in, but don't quite trust your other friends enough yet, try keeping a journal. They've gotten me through a lot. I still keep them, though mine are half writing/half art.
Try to be more sure of yourself and the things you like to do and make you happy. She wasn't your backbone. Be your own best friend for awhile.

Shade

I don't think you should feel guilty. You're both teenagers and your hormones are raging and all that, its normal. Hey, maybe you make him feel like a goody-goody. However, your making it seem like its easy for him to restrain. I'm not a particularly religous person now, but I tried to be once, and the pressure from the church, my family and religous friends was extremely hard to handle. The reason it bothers him so much when you start talking dirty may be because it turns him on and that scares him because he is trying to be "moral". You are probably making it very difficult for him. If you really want to make it work, try to cool it with the kinkiness. If he's as religous as you say he is, if it comes down to it, he'll choose his faith over you. He might already know that you're not as moral as you think he'd like you to be, so don't pretend. You are human. But being immoral and trying to get someone else in on it are two very different things. When you start crossing that line with him, not only is it insensitive, it can become offensive. I think you are 100% right about having an open, honest relationship, there is no other kind to have. You should definetely be able to talk to him about sex. Ask him to tell you if just talking about it is too much for him. If so, he may have a problem as well. And I stress, don't feel guilty about not being a better person. I'm sure you're a great person and thats why he likes you so much. Maybe he can help you with some of your issues. Maybe you can help him open up, stop being so uptight, and not be so afraid of everyday things like sex. You're not likely to change his mind about abstinence, but you'll at least be able to talk to each other about it ( he'll feel much more comfortable talking to you if he knows you're not going to start teasing him) when you're having a hard time keeping your hands off each other.

Shade

If you really like Charlie, don't involve any one else. This is not between you, Susan, Freddy and Charlie, its between you and Charlie.
I'm guessing you're older than 8th grade, but I think this true story of my life applies to your situation no matter how old you are.

Once, I told my friend "Alexa" that I really liked our friend "Vincent". Everyone had seen us in the halls flirting and laughing with each other. We were the talk of the 8th grade. One day before lunch, Alexa tells me, "Guess what? You're going out with Vincent!" (going out, in eight grade only meant we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, there was no actual "going out", you know) She'd taken it upon herself to ask him out for me. I'd involved her. Anyway, I'm in shock, because I'd liked him for FOREVER. At that point I didn't care that she hadn't asked me about it first. By the time I got to the cafeteria, everyone knew and everyone was talking to me and looking at us. Vincent was THE catch. Then, before I even get to talk to him, Alexa came up to me again and said: "I'm sorry, he changed his mind." It all happened so fast, I didn't really get upset about it until later that day, in the halls, when he completely ignored me. I was devastated.
On top of that, I found out Alexa had been harboring feelings for him the whole time and THEY started talking the next week.

Try to talk to Charlie yourself. My guess is, he knows you like him now, because Susan told Freddy and Freddy,in turn, told his buddy Charlie. While your friends mean well, I'm sure Susan is no Alexa, this is about you, Charlie and the possibility of having more than a friendship with him. If you want him to know something, tell him yourself.

Beware of catty girls who want to "help you" get a certain guy, only to sabotage you by saying mean or embarassing things to him behind your back, ala the movie "Mean Girls".

Good luck with Chuck.

Shade

Hi Rachel. When I was 13, I was the typical, smart-ass, moody, half-monster teenager. As in, we actually had to sit sown as a family and discuss my attitude. I was driving my mother insane. Eventually though, I became whole human again and my mother and I had a great relationship. Until I got to be about 17/18. We started arguing all the time over everything. Not just how late I could stay out or who I could date, it was everything. I'm sure we argued over laundry at some point! This time it wasn't just me. My mother was completely freaking out because I had grown up. I had a job and I paid for my own clothes, make-up, food, art supplies, everything I did, I paid for. Big decisions were starting to come my way and it would drive her crazy that she couldn't make them for me, especially if my choice wasn't the one she would've made. She was losing control over me. I saw her and my little sister go through the same thing. Try not to take the bait if she tries to start an argument. Speak calmly to her if you have a disagreement about something. Tell her you respect and appreciate her advice and opinions. Show her how mature you really are by letting the small things roll off your back.

Shade

How can you stop being nervous? Good question. My suggestion (because I think you really want him to kiss you in those places otherwise you wouldn't be asking for advice) is to just take it extremely slow. Guys get excited quickly, as I'm sure you already know, so tell him to just slow down. If you decide you're really not ready for him to do that, stop him. He might get aggrivated (or start flat out begging), but don't let him intimidate you. I'm sure he's a good guy and he'll understand. If he pressures you all the time though, you should start to consider finding a new boyfriend who will treat you with respect.

Shade

I went through this exact same thing when I first started dating. I'd go ahead and order something at the restaraunt my date had taken me to, but I'd make sure it was something that could be eaten without embarassment. Like a salad. Or a baked potato. I was terrified of huge burgers that fell apart as soon as you lifted them off the plate, melted cheese that would stretch, Snicker bars. Sometimes I wouldn't eat at all, I'd just talk the entire time, then say something like, "Oooh, look, you're already finished and I've barely even started. I guess we'd better go though, if we want to make the movie." It didn't take very long for me to realize that I was disappointing them when I wouldn't order what I really wanted. They wanted me to be comfortable with them and have a good time and honestly, they don't care if food ends up all over you. I mean, don't be a pig, but just eat like you normally would. I started getting my dates to take me to my favorite restaraunt at that time ( try that), a local roadhouse. I'd order a rack of ribs and fries and have fun. There was a big difference.

When I was in high school, I was an "art kid". I wasn't Miss Popularity, but I was within the cool sphere. What I witnessed, as someone who rarely conformed to what or who was in or out, is something that proves my point. My freshmen/ sophomore year, everybody was thug. All the cool white boys were running around with the few black kids in our school, dressing like them, talking like them. I remember seeing my friend Cody with his baggy pants, untied shoes, and heavy chain with a No Limit Soldiers pendant. I picked it up off his chest and laughed at him. I was disappointed in him for being so fake. My junior/senior year the trend had changed. Now all my "cool" friends were cowboys and farmers and the black boys got dropped. Suddenly all the unpopular farmers sons in our school got noticed. They were given nick names like "Wild Bill" and went out with the cheerleaders. The quarterback drove someone's tractor to school. It was insanity.It was also hilarious. I knew I wasn't a thug or a cowgirl nor had I ever been, and I wasn't going to pretend... There's nothing wrong with individuality. Love that you're not "effortlessly" BORING like those girls. The same goes for those guys. They only wear or do what they think they're supposed to as the "cool kids". Those boys ran off with those girls because thats what they were supposed to do. The one that didn't probably has more confidence than all of them and you put together. He's cool because he does what he wants to do.
They can't be all the same, and yet they pretend to be. In that way you could really feel sorry for them. Its not being who you are, its being happy with who you are. Stop letting them make you feel inferior because you're different. Thats really what keeps you from being "cool".

Shade

Your friend has issues. It WAS wrong of her to blame you for her attempted suicide, there is something else going on with her. It may be her home life, her grades, peer pressure, perhaps even a chemical imbalance, maybe mental illness runs in her family. Maybe she was trying to get attention and accidentally took it too far. Whatever it was, although your argument I'm sure upset her that day, it wasn't the reason she decided to take herself out. Don't feel guilty. Apparently, she's doing better, because she acknowledged that she was wrong to blame you.
As far as the secret goes, think twice before telling anyone something you don't want anyone else to know. For that matter think twice before letting someone else tell you a secret, because they are oh-so-tempting to tell. I'm sure no one's ever said to you "Okay, I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to say anything because I told her I wouldn't," right? Of course they have.
I would forgive her, because its silly to hold grudges when the problem with her (big mouth) is easily solved. Don't tell her any more secrets! If she begs you to tell her something, just make a joke out of it and say something like: "You know I love you, but girl, you have a big mouth!" and laugh. Goodtimes. She needs great friends like you.

I think it all depends on how much you care about your relationship with K. This is going to hurt her. Regardless of whether or not you talk to her about it first. She's probably still carrying a torch for G, the guy that broke her heart, and when she finds out about this, she'll know she shouldn't be upset, that she doesn't really have a right to be upset, but she will be. She'll be jealous and she'll feel left out. If you don't care about any of that, then I say go. Have an absolute blast.

I know you're looking for a subtle way to approach this guy, but honestly, the best way for you to avoid repetitive humiliation is to just go up to him and start talking. He won't be expecting it, and it will immediately give you the upper hand. Meaning, he'll feel less confident because you appraoched him first, and will more likely make an idiot out of himself before you do. Warning: Be careful with this, don't come on too strong. Keep it short, casual and fun. Through friendly conversation, you might find out that he's a complete ahole, and will be glad you didn't allow yourself to waste anymore time being nervous around him.

My parents were divorced when I was 5. I didn't have the option to choose then, if I had, undoubtedly I would have chosen my mother, and later on, at about your age, when I desperately wanted to leave her, my father wouldn't have me. I think there's a reason you've been living with your mother. I'm not saying your dad is like my dad, already he sounds better. But if you did decide to go and live with your father, don't be surprised if he doesn't take you places as often anymore. Or if he isn't able to give you that spending cash you mentioned. Not only will he be taking on more responsibility for your actions and behavior, but also, he'll be taking on the responsibility of housing, feeding, and clothing you. I'm sure your Mom would help, but child support from either parent is never all you need. Not to mention rearranging his routine around getting you to school and or extracurricular activities. Maybe your Dad would love for you to move in. Maybe you are bothering your Mom (I doubt it). I've had several step parents in my experience, some good, some bad. Your stepmother sounds like borderline bad. Dealing with her could become more difficult once you come in to her life full-time and change everything. On the other hand, maybe she's always wanted a daughter. Ok, here's why I think you should stick it out with mumsy: 1) You will miss your friends- forget all that "I'll be popular because everyone will want to know the new girl" crap. No. You'll still be a freshmen. If you end up having to move anyway, at least it was out of your control and you weren't fake about it. 2) You WILL miss your sisters- sure they can be annoying, no doubt. But c'mon, the 4 year old is at that age where you can make her believe or say anything! They, especially the older one, would be heartbroken if you left.
3) You will definetely miss your Mom. Your dad might be more leniant, but sometimes that can hurt. Suppose you just told your Dad you were going out with this guy. He says ok, have a great time. No questions about who he is or where you're going. Its great at first but then you start wondering, does he care who he is or where we're going? Why doesn't he? He's probably not that bad, and if he were, its not really his fault. He didn't have to raise you. His parenting skills aren't as fine tuned as your mother's. But perhaps he helped raise your stepson, you say. Its still nothing like raising a daughter. Your stepmom, although nice and a good listener, may not be as objective as your mother would be if you asked her for advice, for fear of hurting your feelings or making you mad. The same might go for yor Pop.
4) Eating right should have nothing to do with where you live. Ask your Mom to pick up a few things at the grocery store. Get salads at your fast food restaraunts. Make better choices. You can do that anywhere.
5) If you want extra cash, do some chores for your grandparents. Or babysit. You can think of something...

Its an EXTREMELY difficult decision and I'm sure you're worried about hurting one of them. Trust me, just FYI, it would hurt yor Ma more. Talk to her about how you're feeling left out and unnoticed. Tell her you might need some therapy. That should get her attention.
If you still think you want to go stay with your Dad, I urge you to stay a couple of weeks, a month, maybe the whole summer with them first. If alls well and you feel more comfortable there than you ever did with your Mom, pack it up and move on in. You deserve to be happy. Just like everyone else.

Hi, I'm Shade. I'm an artist, living in sin in a small town, hopping from job to job, and recieving no support from my family. I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder when I was 18. I've suffered through many, many, many bouts of depression, panic attacks and just plain fun ole' anxiety. Since I left my Mom's house years ago, I've lived a lot of places and met a lot of strange, horrible, and beautiful individuals. I've learned a lot about people in general and I'd have to say I'm a good judge of character.
As mentioned earlier, I'm "the artist currently known as starving". I do some oil and watercolor, but mostly acrylic painting, also some clay and metal sculpture. I appreciate all kinds of art and love to talk about it. I like to read, mostly twisted, weird fiction or memoirs about drugs and the fellow insane. I love all types of music, mostly rock, and doing anything outdoors, all my animals, horror movies, and mexican food...I drive an old, crappy, loud car that embarasses me and I just left my job at the art gallery, so as of right now, I am unemployed, livin' off my man.

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