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Unsupporting Friend--PLEASE HELP!!
My friend (we will call her "A") A is one of two people who know about my rape(s) she is my best friend in the whole world and i love her to death! and yesturday i was walking to the bus with a and we were "making fun" of this guys (we will call him "B") B because he follows everyone then his friend ("M"-who im cool with) M came up and started talking. then hes like "B get out of the way Sam is going to rape me. and i got really offended because i hate it when people joke about that. then (B rides my bus) on the bus B was like, "sam dont rape me bla bla bla" and i was like, "Shut the F**K up this isnt somthing you joke about people actuauly get rapped" and he kept laughing and i kept swearing and it made me so mad then my friend A called me and i told her the story (she goes out a different way then me so she didnt hear anything) and she was like "well sam if you dont want people to know that you were rapped then dont attract attention to yourself" that made me so mad, she is supposed to understand but she didnt so i hung up on her...did i over-react?
**PLEASE HELP IM SOO SORRY ITS LONG**
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People are ignorant. I don't know why they (especially boys) joke like that about rape. Sadly, its not the only serious issue that gets the occassional, inappropriate chuckle. I've never been raped, therefore, I DO NOT understand how you feel. Neither do A, M, or B. They just couldn't and you know that. M and B are nievely assuming that rape hasn't happened to anyone they know, and that there is no possible way they could be offending anyone by saying those things. "A" thinks you reacted the way you did because you wanted attention. Maybe you do, honey. Thats okay. I think you need attention. Something awful happened to you and you can't hide it and pretend like it didn't. You need to talk to someone about it. If you're parents don't know, they should. Whether or not it was someone you knew, a complete stranger in an alley, or you were just drunk at a party, if you said no, it was rape. Your parents love you and you'll feel loads better if you tell them. "A" might eventually tell her parents, who'll tell your parents anyway, so just tell them. You need to be checked out by a doctor, of course. I'm sure its eating you up inside and I know you want to handle it and move on, but you're not going to be able to by trying to forget and then lashing out at people who don't understand. Its not something you should be ashamed of. Telling your story might help other girls like you. Speaking out puts you above what happened, it keeps what happened from pulling you down. If you've never read the book "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson, pick it up. Your school or local library should have it. Be strong and help yourself so others can help you.
Shade
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Hi
No, you didn't over-react. One thing you have to keep in mind is that unless you've been through rape (which I have), you cannot truly understand how someone who has been through it feels.
You're friend "A" probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings like that...in her mind she is trying to protect you from other people finding out. I think you need to talk to her.
As for people joking about rape....I hear ya...it drives me crazy too. Just the other day, I was at a party, and I overheard two people joking about it. I actually said something...kinda like what you did. Most times I just let it slide, because like it or not, people are going to always joke about it. It's not right, but some people are just insensitive, and others probably don't mean any harm by it.
Try to keep your head up, and just walk away from discussions like that. If you keep getting really defensive over it, people may start to ask questions.
It doesn't matter to me that people know....it's part of my life, but at your age and the fact that you are still in school, it's probably best to keep it under wraps for now. The last thing you need is harrassment by cruel teenagers.
Good luck, and take care.
Brenda
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Many people don't understand what it's like to be raped until it happens to them. They don't take it seriously. Sometimes they get nervous because they don't know how to deal with it, and they say stupid or inappropriate things.
Something very similar happened to me, so I do know how it feels. I almost lost my best friend for good over the issue.
You did NOT over-react. But if you aren't getting counseling and treatment to deal with your experience, you should. It will help you to cope with this sort of thing.
If you ARE getting treatment, then talk to your counselor about all this.
Incidentally, your reaction, while perfectly understandable, does show that you're still in a lot of pain; that's a clear sign that you DO need help.
Here's the number of the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1(800)656-HOPE. They're open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They're confidential and free. They will NOT make you talk to the police or do anything else that you don't want to do.
Good luck!
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