|
humorist-workshop
perfect.. but..
my bfs great and everything.. but he's really uptight and religious. =/
sometimes i want to talk "kinky" but he never wants to, and thus i feel awful and guilty for wanting to at all and begin to hate myself. =/ i mean, we usually talk romantic.. but i thought it'd be fun for a change. i'm not sex-obsessed at all or anything.
we have a close to perfect relationship, but he thinks anything sexual should be saved for marriage. i'm cool with that, but don't see the harm in talking about it for fun. but he says repeatedly he likes "modest, moral" girls.. i'm not really like that at all, but i find myself pretending to be like that just so i seem better to him. i start to think its immoral for a girl to want to talk sexy.
what can i do about my situation? i try and respect his beliefs, but i dunno. =/ i feel guilty all the time for not being a better person for him. i just thought being open with each other would be a good thing. is it really bad to want to talk about that?
thanks for your help~
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I don't think you should feel guilty. You're both teenagers and your hormones are raging and all that, its normal. Hey, maybe you make him feel like a goody-goody. However, your making it seem like its easy for him to restrain. I'm not a particularly religous person now, but I tried to be once, and the pressure from the church, my family and religous friends was extremely hard to handle. The reason it bothers him so much when you start talking dirty may be because it turns him on and that scares him because he is trying to be "moral". You are probably making it very difficult for him. If you really want to make it work, try to cool it with the kinkiness. If he's as religous as you say he is, if it comes down to it, he'll choose his faith over you. He might already know that you're not as moral as you think he'd like you to be, so don't pretend. You are human. But being immoral and trying to get someone else in on it are two very different things. When you start crossing that line with him, not only is it insensitive, it can become offensive. I think you are 100% right about having an open, honest relationship, there is no other kind to have. You should definetely be able to talk to him about sex. Ask him to tell you if just talking about it is too much for him. If so, he may have a problem as well. And I stress, don't feel guilty about not being a better person. I'm sure you're a great person and thats why he likes you so much. Maybe he can help you with some of your issues. Maybe you can help him open up, stop being so uptight, and not be so afraid of everyday things like sex. You're not likely to change his mind about abstinence, but you'll at least be able to talk to each other about it ( he'll feel much more comfortable talking to you if he knows you're not going to start teasing him) when you're having a hard time keeping your hands off each other.
Shade
]
I agree wholeheartedly with DangerWrench. However, I can sympathize. I often find myself changing little things about myself to appease my boyfriends, but it's not a conscious decision. If you EVER change, you need to change for yourself, not for him.
Being open with one another IS a good thing. I'm sorry, but you do not have a close to perfect relationsip if you can't talk about anything and everything. If he's uncomfortable with that, and with doing or saying things in front of you, something's not right.
I suggest you discuss this with him - I know he says he thinks it should be saved for marriage, and I suppose that's respectable.
BUT, you're changing yourself into someone and something you're not just to be a better person for him.
Think about this.
Is this really what you want? Do you really want to censor yourself because your boyfriend isn't comfortable with anything sexual?
As DangerWrench said, you're basically lying to him. You're playing a character.
I think you should spend some time without him and do a little thinking about what's going on.
I imagine you care about him quite a bit, but is he willing to change for you like you're changing for him?
Relationships are about compromise, and you BOTH have to be willing to give it a shot.
It is most ceretainly not bad to want to talk about that. Your boyfriend needs to realize that talking about it isn't the same thing as doing it.
Sex can be saved for marriage, and that's respectable. But you need to be comfortable talking about that kind of stuff anyway. He needs to loosen up, you need to stop trying to be his perfect girl, and you two need to talk.
Good luck
-Siren =)
]
...
You stated: "he says repeatedly he likes "modest, moral" girls.. i'm not really like that at all, but i find myself pretending to be like that just so i seem better to him."
Do NOT pretend to be something you are not. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to him.
Frankly, it's lying. You are lying to him about the kind of girl you are. Lying to him about something this important to him is definitely not "respecting his beliefs".
Tell him the truth. Let him decide for himself if he's ok with that or not, but tell him the truth!
]
More Questions: |