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January 16, 2006Answers:
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I'm a 877 year old (reformed) demon who can furnish the brand of advice only a 877 year old (reformed) demon can dispense.
advice
ok so i'm sorry if this is long but for you guys 2 understand you need sum background info. I want guys and grls 2 answer this question please.
First of all i'm 14/f and in 8th grade. I like this guy alot at my skool. We are friends and talk 24/7 on IM. We have 2 classes with eachother band and L.A. When we go on band trips he askes me 2 sit by him on the bus, he's been asking me who I like lately and sumtimes i c him looking at me. Plus he is so nice 2 me and says things that make me feel good about myself. Seems like he likes me right? Wrong. So I found out who he likes and he says that that is true. Plus another sucky thing for me is that the girl he likes, likes him back! How much worse could this get? I was devistated. I keep talking 2 him and he does the same things. Are these things signs? Or do I just like him alot and I want them 2 mean sumthing they dont? Any way i'm just really confused. I need 2 know how 2 make this guy like me. I REALLY REALLY like him and I really want him 2 like me back. I really need help please. I know there r hundreds of these kinda questions but i don't know i just need you 2 answer this one please.
much luv xoxoxoox,
marsbars
Please note that short of brainwashing and indoctrination, you cannot MAKE somebody like you. It's a process that requires time, patience, and a sparkling personality on your part (because, really now, if he likes you for, say, being an easy lay, does he *really* like you for who you are? Or is it for the sex?)
Having said that, this potential boyfriend of your sounds confused, indecisive, and lost - i.e. he's a typical teenager. If you want to be in a relationship with little drama, find a guy who's not as ambiguous as the fellow you're currently trying to win over. Consider the fact that even if you *do* somehow end up with him, you'll always have to be wary of the possibility that his eyes may be wandering toward this other girl and she may be actively trying to steal him from you.
Naturally, you needn't take any of this lying down. You may adopt a variety of courses to rid yourself of "competitors", but one thing you must be cognizant of is that there's a limit to how much you can do. Sometimes you can save yourself a lot of frustration by dumping the willy-nillying clod for greener pastures.
In any case, the best way to approach this matter is to ask him outright. Yes, it can be terrifying, but if you don't ask, you'll never know. You can also forget about getting a straight answer from him out of his own accord. He'll probably continue to play you like a violin either because he's an attention whore or he's so confused that he thinks he can have the both of you.
Your answer, therefore, is to ask him directly.
I'm feeling really bad about something. Well about 4 months ago a married man that I had feelings for gave me a computer. We never had an affair but came close. He gave me his old computer because he was moving with his wife to another province and said he just wanted to get rid of it. I excepted it but felt guilty about excepting such an extravagant gift. He knew I didnt have much money and I think he also gave it to me because he felt bad for moving away from me.
Well anyways, I havent told any of my friends or family. I have the computer hidden in the bedroom of my appartment. I put it in the bedroom because my friends never go in it, they usually just hang out in my kithen or living room. They all still think that I've been going to the library to check and send emails. Since he gave me the computer, I got the internet hooked up. I never said anything to my friends or family because I knew I'd be bombarded with questions, and wanting to know why a married man would give me such an extravagant gift.
Should I tell them or just keep it a secret?
signed,
guilty
Your friend is simply a kind hearted and generous individual. There's no need for you to delve too deeply into his alleged intentions. Use the computer and reserve the trip to the local library for paper based reading materials!
My math 10 teacher has been acting really strange around me. He came up to me the other day and said "my wife's maiden name is the same as yours". He also said I reminded him of his wife when she was younger, and said it in a kind of romantic (yuck) way. Another time he caught me and my friend writing notes, and then he came up to me, tried to read the note, and then said "oh it's a love letter to me". Another girl heard and thought he was joking, because she said "I highly doupt that sir". But I know he was being serious. I always catch him staring at me. One day he heard me say the F word. He told me to stay behind after class. Instead of giving me crap, he said "I'm really suprised at you, but I'm just going to give you a warning". He was talking seductively. I know he was enjoying having me all alone.
It feels really gross and wrong of him. I am only 15. He's like old enough to be my father. What should I do, and is he being inappropriate or am i overreacting?
Approach your school counselor on this issue. If the actions you've described are accurate, this could lead to extremely inappropriate and criminal situations. You need to tell somebody. Do not delay.
I've had a close friend for 3 years now, for two of those years we have been roommates. We are both 20-year-old females.
My friend Megan used to be the most empathic person I ever met, she was always the first to notice if you were upset or unhappy. She was very quick and caring, but in the last few months she has completely changed.
She doesn't listen to what anyone else says, she only waits for her chance to talk, and then she says things that make it quite clear she didn't listen to you at all. She is completely ignorant of other people's feelings, you can't get her off the phone or out of your room even by being down right rude to her. She just doesn't clue in at all. Where she used to be sympathetic and very clever she is now sluggish and annoying.
It's not just socially either. Today in class she said the exact same thing as the person five seconds before her did, even after it was pointed out she didn't notice and she is having a lot of trouble following a sequence. When we do projects together or play cards she has to be told every step individually and is constantly forgetting or ignoring rules or instructions. She doesn't seem to do it because she is bored and she doesn't take offence at being corrected, she is just that out of it.
This is NOT like the girl I first met at all and it's been going on for at least 3 months now, getting progressively worse. We thought she might just be tired and that winter break would rejuvenate her. All of her close friends (about four of us) have noticed it independently now and are getting really worried.
She doesn't do drugs. There have been no major life changes, no breakups or anything. This seemed to come out of nowhere. She is so out of it we aren't even sure how to start talking about it. We think an 'intervention' might make her feel accused. Does anyone have any idea what we can say or do to help her?
Do not discout the possibility of drug abuse just yet. It could be the case. Her actions could be indicative of a number of potential problems: drugs being one, psychological issues being another, or perhaps even a neurological disorder.
Take note of the symptoms and seek out a health specialist. Perhaps such an individual will be able to shed more light on this curious matter.
If a friend is doing idiotic things that are endangering her health, how far must you go to stop them before it becomes "nagging"? Urge them to change their ways once? Twice? Get other friends and gang up on them? In the opinions of the great Advicenators, when do such actions go past the point of being helpful and instead become merely annoying and likely to irritate the person you're trying to help?
Sometimes in order to act in the best interests of somebody else you'll need to be naggy and annoying. You might lose a friend this way, but if you succeed in pulling her away from whatever dangerous conduct she's involved in, you could very well save her life. If she recognises what you've done for her, she'll thank you. If she remains oblivious to the fact that you pulled her back from the brink, then there's nothing much you can do. Stage an intervention if the situation warrants for it. A problem that cannot be resolved by one person may require the participation of others.
At the end of it all, ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing. If it's for the sake of your friend's well being, then the possibility of losing her companionship is irrelevant because success may result in a live saved.
I am so mad. I just got into an argument with a friend. It all started when I told her that I wouldn't date a man who already had children. I told her this because I wanted to have children of my own someday, and that from my parents divorce I learned that dating other people who had kids was a recipe for disaster, especially if the kids didnt like you.
Well then she told me that I had issues!! I told her it was a personal choice and that why would I want to date a man who already had kids if I wanted my own. She is a stepmum and was judging me, that's what go me so mad. I told her it was fine for her to be a stepmom but it wasnt for everyone, and that she had no right judging me. NOw she's not speaking to me.
What should I do? I had every right to defend myself.
You *do* have every right to your own opinions (as should we all). However, the way you presented your views may have been construed by your friend as being presumptious, judgmental (from her point of view) perhaps or even hostile. The best course of action you can take is to give your friend a ring over the telephone and offer a heart felt apology for the little exchange between the both of you. Do not, however, attempt to place blame anywhere. Nothing kills an apology faster than finger pointing. Let her know that what you meant was that in most cases, marrying a man (or woman) with children can prove to be a challenge and it is not a proposition that you'd like to consider. Perhaps you may wish to praise her for her steadfastness and adaptability in her role as a stepmum as a way to lay the ground work for a reconciliation? Remember that a little flattery never hurt anybody.
In a nutshell, I hate my stepdad. Well, HATE is a strong word, so let's just say I highly dislike him.
My mother met him about 5 years ago, and they got married a year later. He was nice to me and my sister during their courtship, but since he married my mom he's turned into an ass. Well he's really mean to me and my sister. Neither of us has a bf so he says to our faces that were lesbians. When I had my 25th birthday he told me in front of my mother that I must be a dyke because all of his daughters were married by my age. He always compares us to his daughters who are all married.
My sister has a weight problem and he calls her fat and a slug. He convinced my mother to kick her out of the house while she was still in college. My sister is a good person, she's quiet and studies to get good grades but he tells my mom that she deserves to be kicked out on the street. I think he wants my mom all to himself. He even told me once that he was "sick of me always coming around". I live in another town and maybe visit my mom once every two weeks, so I don't know what he's talking about. On Xmas day when I went to visit them I even heard him yelling at my mom! He was calling her a "stubborn woman" because she asked him to help cut up the turkey. Every one else can see this guys a jerk except for my mother.What can I do? I've already told my mom that she shouldnt have married him but she's in love with him and doesnt want to listen.
I'll rate 5s!
Your mother is a grown woman and can make decisions on her own accord, regardless of how unfortunate those choices may be. What you must do as a precaution, however, is to keep an eye on your Mum to ensure that she's not on the receiving end of appalling emotional or, God forbid, physical abuse from this tyrant. Have a sincere chat with your mother, just the two of you. Take her out to lunch and have a calm exchange. Don't make accusations. Instead, ask your mother to recall, if possible, everything your step father had ever said about you and your sister and afford her the opportunity to reflect on it.
The wisest course of action to take, however, would be to seek professional counselling. I highly doubt that many of us here will be to able to grant you the assistance and the answers that you seek.
Good luck on this.
okay so theres this guy i like and i dont think he knows i like him or knows who i am. we never really talk but every time i see him it seems like hes looking at me and smiles at me and if im talking to my friend (shes friends with him) he will come over and say hi to her which he never does when im not around...i want to know if he really might like me or if its wishful thinking?
Ask him out. A simple answer for a simple question. Sometimes you need to take the initiative and make the first move. Sure, you can resort to elaborate schemes and posturing, but why take the long, hard road when you can just reach your destination directly?
Okay so apparently i've known this guy since before i was born! Our moms are best of friends even after "his" family got uprooted and moved far away. Our families stopped seeing eachother for a while. We just started getting together more and in the past 6 months, we've seen eachother 2 times. I am 13 and he's 14 almost 15. I have feelings for him, and no way is it lust. He's not even that attactive, but his personality makes him so much hotter. The last time we met, he was trying to convince me about something (i was too busy day dreaming to listen to what it was. Something about cornbeef) my face got hot and i turned away and laughed my head off. So did he. I think I'm such a dope! I can't even look a guy in the eye without laughing!! I acted myself and everything! Is this hopeless? I mean he IS almost 2 years older than me. He's 5.2 I'm 4.11. He's immature for his age.
Sometimes you just *click* with a person and there's no explanation for it. That you find yourself drawn to him in spite of him not being "that attractive" could be a sign that there may be something there worth pursuing; something that goes beyond mere physical factors and those kinds of relationships are often more solidly constructed than those that depend purely on physical attraction. If you feel that you need more time to "test the waters" so to speak, then by all means take as much as you'd like.
In many cases it's actually better to let things flow naturally than to "force" yourself into a position where you feel compelled to date somebody just because you think that it's "the right time" to do so. All in all, if being around him makes you feel good about yourself and he feels the same way, then I'd say go for it.
im mad at 2 of my friends and i have them in 3 out of my 4 classes tomorrow and i have lunch with one of them. i really dont want to talk to them im really upset and im not forgiving them or talking to them how can i avoid them for tomorrow? i dont want them to bug me asking me questions but i dont know what to do plz help!
Letting problems fester within you will only make things worse, you know. Among friends, most problems aren't unsurmountable. If you must tactfully avoid them tomorrow, see if you can eat elsewhere and make up a plausible excuse (e.g. I had to meet with another friend to discuss a class project). Be pleasant about it though. The absolute worst thing you can do is burn bridges right now. You never know when you may need help from these friends you aren't willing forgive.
Wait a few days and see if you feel any different and then act accordingly.
15 - Female
Okay, so, there is this guy I like a lot. I care for him a lot, I would do anything for him just about. We're pretty good friends, we keep in touch and whatnot -he lives a little bit away and he doesn't go to the same school as me-. One of the problems is, he's a really busy guy, he's got a job, school, and things he's been working on outside of school. I just want to spend time with him. It's kind of hard to be in a relationship with someone who lives a bit away, I know.. but yeah. He seems to enjoy my company as well and he tells me he wants to come down, but he has to go to work and stuff like that. We've talked about being in a relationship before, and he told me that he didn't want to be in one because he doesn't want his heartbroken again and he's too busy for a relationship... soo..
..Sorry that's all kinda jumbled. But yeah. Does anybody have any good ideas on places guys like to go with girls when they're just friends? Places that will keep them entertained and not have their brains wandering?
Aaaaaaannd... do you think we should stay friends? Is there anything I could do to make him want me more?
When a guy says he's too busy for a relationship, nine times out of ten he's either not interested or he actually *is* too busy for a relationship. Most guys don't bother beating around the bush on this sort of thing.
If you just want to hang out with him as a friend, perhaps you two can go out for a cup of coffee or a snack. Lunch is good too. It's non-committal and doesn't have any undertones like dinner.
You can't MAKE him want you more, by the way. At this point in time, yes, you should just remain friends. You don't need to discount the possibility of there being something more in the future, but just don't place *too* much hope on it. But hey, things change, right?
hi my name is jess i recently broke up with my b.f tony and wel he went to a party like a week after we broke up and hooked up with a friend of mine. i still like him and i cried when i heard what happened. i cnt take it anymore. how can i get over him. please help me ill rate 5's
--jess
For god's sake, don't give out good ratings for just ANY bits of advice.
In any case, getting over an ex can be difficult. Hell, it usually is. There's no quick way to about doing so, unfortunately, especially when your friend is now dating him. Quite frankly, that was a pretty rotten thing he did by going out with your friend right after the two of you broke up. Furthermore, your "friend" is equally as insensitive to the situation.
In all honesty, you need to distance yourself from him. It may be hard, but you'll need to build up your emotional fortitude and be strong about it. You may wish to re-examine your friendship with this so-called "friend" of yours.
Ok... im 13/f and i weigh 170lbs yes i know im fat... but ive been losing a lot of weight.. but all my friends are tiny and i feel so selfconcence(SP) around them and like i feel like they talk about my weight when im not around(but i know they dont) i just feel like really fat... is there anyway that i cant just be not selfconcense around them and i can just be me without feeling fat.... im already on a really good diet so you dont have to tell me to get on a diet.. i need mental help on this 1 ... :'(
You do NOT need to subject yourself to diets at the age of 13. You're still growing and things will change very rapidly as you approach your late teens. However, if you want to give yourself a little "push" and develop good habits for the rest of your life, perhaps you can learn how to eat well and engage in regular exercise? If you're realistic in your expectations, it's actually pretty easy to start and maintain.
Firstly, weight loss is a gradual process. There is no fast way to burn the fat. Furthermore, losing weight is only half of the battle, as you must also strive to KEEP it off. This is where adopting good eating habits and partaking in regular physical activity is important. There are plenty of diets out there that claim help you lose 6-10lbs a week (or something equally outrageous), but in truth, most people lose about 1-2lbs a week. Sometimes it may seem like you're losing more (and that's great for motivation!) but the added poundage is simply water.
Secondly, eating well can be hard, especially if you're at the mercy of your parents when it comes to food. If you come from a family that LOVES great tasting, but fat-filled cuisine, you can mitigate the effects of consuming too many calories in one sitting either by exercising even more WHILE eating the same quantity of food or you may cut down on the portions. Also, make sure you cut out or minimise the use of foods like butter. Try to stick to fresh fruits and vegetables and lean meats.
Whatever you do, DO NOT starve yourself. For one thing, starvation "diets" are counter-productive. Your metabolism will automatically slow down if you provide it with less fuel over the course of a day (i.e. food). A slower metabolism means less fat burned, which equals less weight lost. You'll also want to stay away from greasy fastfood like McDonalds, KFC and the like. Not only are those varieties of food filled with fat, they're also extremely high sources of sodium, which, over time, can lead to many, many health related problems.
In addition, starvation may lead to fast results, but keep in mind that you can't keep yourself on the verge of starvation for the rest of your life. As soon as you BREAK from that cycle, you'll likely gorge yourself with food and gain back all those pounds you thought you had lost for good. Then the cycle begins all over again. You can't win like this.
Thirdly, exercise is a must. I'm happy to inform you that you don't need to do the equivalent of the Boston Marathon every day to lose weight. A mere 20-30 minutes of physical activity every day coupled with sensible eating habits is good enough to shed the fat and keep it off. You can either walk or jog or even bike. Make sure, however, that whatever you're engaged in is intense enough to result in *some* perspiration. Walking very, very slowly for half an hour won't help that much if your aim is slim down. I would also suggest resistance training, but at your age you needn't worry about it.
Fourthly, resist the temptation of being pushed into extreme diets. Bitchy teenage girls who think they're pretty and slim are NOT qualified nutritionists. In fact, the ones who feel the need to call others fat probably cry themselves to sleep every night thinking that they're not good enough or too "bulky" to be attractive. Unless you want to buy yourself a one way ticket to Anorexia-ville or Bulimia-burg, I'd STRONGLY suggest that you ignore media portrayals of the definition of "thin". Magazine photographs are edited in computer programmes, you know. Have you seen some of those actresses on real life television? If what they say about TV is true (that it adds 10 pounds) then I have to say that many actresses in Hollywood are probably walking, dessicated corpses.
Finally, ignore the peer pressure and don't always think that people talk about you behind your back. Your life is yours to lead and the only opinions that matter come from those who matter to YOU. It may be difficult at times to ignore hostile people, but if you keep your focus on the fact that the teen years are only *a* part of life and not, contrary to popular belief by many teens, a *major* portion of it, you'll find that your adolescence will be a great deal more enjoyable.
If you need anything else, feel free to ask another question.
i was just wondering what people think of glasses. do you find them nerdy or attractive? i have to wear glasses fullo time and i am wondering if contacts are the way to go or should i wear glasses but i dont want to seem like a four eyes freak. any inputs are appreciated.
Sporting well designed eyewear is often a positive addition to one's facial features. On the other hand, "coke bottle" glasses are a no-no. It all depends on your prescription. Sometimes contact lenses simply aren't viable. Pay a visit to your optometrist to resolve the prescription issue and then go to your local eyewear specialist for the latest designs and such.
Will taking a lot of multivitamins help me lose weight? Or will it make me gain weight?
Only a sensible diet and regular exercise will result in weight loss. If that is your aim, consider jogging or walking for at least 20-30 minutes a day whilst maintaining a respectable distance from anything that is high in calories and fat. This means fast food by the way which, in my opinion, is absolute POISON if you have healthier alternatives at hand.
If you want to gain weight (e.g. bulking if you're a weightlifter) by building more muscle, you'll need a well balanced weight training regimen and a diet that packs in more calories that you need on a daily basis. Keep it protein heavy, minimise the carbs, and work in plenty of vegetables. You may wish to consider using Google for more specifics.
If you merely wish to gain weight because you think you're too skinny, don't just eat until you get sick. No, no. Not the way to go. Build muscle instead and use THAT instead of fat to pad out your frame.
ok, im asking the guys on this one bc i want a guys point of view but the girls can answer this one if they want. well there's this guy and i liek him alot. he flirts with me all the time but he has a girlfriend. he'll like put his arm around me and stuff some days and then some days he completely ignores me and im so sick and tired of this and i just wanna know what hes doing and ugh im just really hurt!! please let me know thx guys
WHAT? He's scum! He's moving in on you in spite of the fact that he already has a girlfriend. If you're a fool and fall for his advances, you can bet that the next time around YOU'LL be the girl who's going to be jilted for another "interest".
Stay away!
HEy!! Well, I'm having my birthday party Jan. 27. ThErE'll be mostly girls though, probably only 2 guys (onE is gay and onE has a gf, so kEEp that in mind). I alrEady know thE timE and EvErything, but I was wondEring what kind of stuff wE could do, bEsidEs sit around. LikE, what kind of gamEs and things. And what should I do to dEcoratE? Don't say Spin thE bottlE or any kind of gamEs likE that. What kind of food and drinks should I havE?? I'm sorry, but I'm rEally bad at party planning. I want to havE a REALLY GOOD party, and I don't know what to do! PlEasE hElp!!!
xoxo MEEEEE
Firstly, Happy 17th Birthday in advance.
Secondly, since I'm guessing that most of you will be in your mid-teens, I'd suggest that perhaps you might want to move *away* from throwing a traditional house party. Those kinds of parties can be fun, but it will also be messy and not everybody will stick around to help you clean up at the end of the event.
With the above in mind, if money is not a problem, perhaps you might want to consider holding your party at a restaurant? Something appropriate to your age group and suitable for the event, of course (i.e. no fast food places and such). With sufficient planning, you can book a nice avenue for the celebration and furthermore, the restaurant may even provide a cake. Following that you might want to head back to your house for light snacks, video games, and what not. The mess will be minimal and the food and beverages will be taken of by the other people.
How old Should a child be when they start dating?
Well, it would depend on how you define your own set of values. As some have already mentioned in their columns, *actual* dating should probably commence in the 13-15 age bracket. With dating comes the possibility underage sex. Recognise that it's impossible to keep track of your children 24/7 and they WILL attempt to rebel. After all, it's the "teen" thing to do, as many parents are already well aware of that through personal or peer experience. The best you can do is to educate your children and make it clear that you TRUST them to base their decisions on sound judgment.
Point out in excruciating detail the consequences of impulsive actions that result in teen pregnancies, sexually transmitted disease, social/academic/career setbacks from having to be a young mother, etc. Introduce appropriate literature if desired. DO, however, get the point across that sex is a very serious matter that must not be approached in a frivolous fashion.
Ok well I've liked this boy for some time now. Like 6 years. I just dont know what to do I think he likes me but not sure. We were best friend but we both went to new schools this year and well we kind of arnt that close anymore. I still get that butterfly feeling in my stomach everytime he calls me or I see him but I just dont know what to do. I'm way to chicken to tell him I like him or to ask him our so dont even think about telling me to do that. Also I dont have anyfriend that are close to him to tell him. I just dont know what to do so please help me!!! I rate 5 for good answers!!!
He's probably as shy as you are. Tell you what, the best way to deal with this is to ask him out for something that's not *exactly* a date, but is more than just a short "Hi there! Bye there!" greet session. How about you go out for coffee? You know, to "catch up". If not coffee maybe bobba/bubble tea? Or whatever the devil people drink for fun nowadays? Oh, alcohol is not a good idea. Sure, they call it "liquid courage" for a reason, but too much of it and you'll probably tell him more than he needs to hear.
At the end of the day if you don't tell him and he doesn't tell you, then nobody wins. What's the worst that can happen? He says "no". Sure, it might *seem* devastating, but in time you'll learn that rejection, terrible as it may be at the time of occurance, is a part of life. After all, nobody can win ALL the time.
So I play basketball and so does my "best" friend Sarah. Well, halfway through the season my coach decided to make her swinger to varsity (she plays both varsity and JV) and I stayed on JV. I was happy for her but ever since she got put up she's been treating me horribly. Like, whenever I try to talk to her or hang out with her she completely blows me off and she told me before she got swinger that she wouldn't act that way cause 2 of our other teamates are acting the same way. I want to be her friend and I'm happy she made varsity but how do I tell her she's acting the same way she said she wouldn't?
Have a friendly chat with her. If she still insists on being a tard and you no longer want to be around someone with an artifically inflated ego, feel free to point out to her that in the grand scheme of things, being a "swinger" means diddly squat. The odds of that actually amounting to SOMETHING are stacked against her and an unfortunate injury can quickly deflate her dreams of basketball celebrityship.
All in all, do what's best for you and remember that if you try everything in your power to make something right and it still goes wrong, it's not your fault. Often the blame lies with the other party.