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friend told me I had issues, not were not speaking
I am so mad. I just got into an argument with a friend. It all started when I told her that I wouldn't date a man who already had children. I told her this because I wanted to have children of my own someday, and that from my parents divorce I learned that dating other people who had kids was a recipe for disaster, especially if the kids didnt like you.
Well then she told me that I had issues!! I told her it was a personal choice and that why would I want to date a man who already had kids if I wanted my own. She is a stepmum and was judging me, that's what go me so mad. I told her it was fine for her to be a stepmom but it wasnt for everyone, and that she had no right judging me. NOw she's not speaking to me.
What should I do? I had every right to defend myself.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I think it's totally ok to not want to date guys with kids. The amazing thing is that it's you and you can choose whoever you want to date for whatever reason. For instance, I like tall, curly haired guys. And that's ok.
The thing is though.. she's saying you have issues because she feels like you insulted her. You said you'd never do what she did, so she has to defend herself. She probably thought you were out of line while you thought she was out of line. I think the best thing to do in this situation is to just apologize and put it behind you. It's not that you did anything wrong (cause personally I don't want to date guys with kids either- I don't need the extra baggage), but when it comes down to it your friendship/ feelings should be more important than a silly arguement.
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You *do* have every right to your own opinions (as should we all). However, the way you presented your views may have been construed by your friend as being presumptious, judgmental (from her point of view) perhaps or even hostile. The best course of action you can take is to give your friend a ring over the telephone and offer a heart felt apology for the little exchange between the both of you. Do not, however, attempt to place blame anywhere. Nothing kills an apology faster than finger pointing. Let her know that what you meant was that in most cases, marrying a man (or woman) with children can prove to be a challenge and it is not a proposition that you'd like to consider. Perhaps you may wish to praise her for her steadfastness and adaptability in her role as a stepmum as a way to lay the ground work for a reconciliation? Remember that a little flattery never hurt anybody.
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well, it *was* a bit insensitive of you to say that if you knew she was a stepmom, and it wasn't exctly mature of her to say you have issues, but she said it because she felt insulted. Apologize and say that both of you are being silly, and that you value your friendship too much to let something like this come between you.
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It really is a personal choice. She shouldn't get mad because you expressed your opinion. Your experience if different than yours was.
It IS possible that she took your comments to much to heart. She may have thought you were saying she was stupid or something because she is a stepmother.
I think you should let her know that there is nothing WRONG with dating a man with children, it just isn't something you yourself would want to do. Not at this point in your life anyway.
Other than that, there isn't much more you can say. Hopefully she will get over it soon. :)
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