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March 14, 2004Answers:
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What's up? Well, I'm sure like each and every other advice columnist is that, we all enjoy giving advice . I like to keep things real and you'll find out how real when you ask me a question . I absolutely love helping people . Hollah at me sometimes !!! Oh, and yahoo me . Goodness sakes knows that I could do with the mail.
advice
there's this boy, whom I like alot- i'm going to call him jake. well today he came over, when my parent's weren't here, we didn't go outside but we were sitting on the bench& we started making out then he was leaving at ten, so I looked at my phone I was like twenty more minutes, then it started to get serious, like we would be kissing& for a few times he did would run his hand up my back& I was like if he tries to go under my bra or near my "private" area, i'm going to stop him, so he goes over my bra, like he was feeling them, just kinda touching? it wasn't bad& it was only for a few minutes. then we were kissing again& he stuck his hands down the back of my pants touching my butt, he would do that, then bring it out& then do that again, then he took his hand& he was playing w/ my "private" part's, like my panties were still in the way but he was playing with them over my panties& at the time I didn't care, I was like he still isn't in them, blah blah blah. & now that I think of it I feel horrible, weren't even dating& I let him do that, I feel so sick, like to my stomach& I feel like a whore, I already took a shower, he's the only guy I have done anything like this with, i've only even made out w/ one guy ever then him,& i'm fourteen, do you think i'm a whore?
Honey, you have nothing to feel ashamed of. You know, I felt the very same way about my make out session with all of my previous boyfriends, although they weren't as good as yours; you go girl. Anyways, you didn't do anything wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You must learn to live life with no regrets. And you must learn how important it is in life to make your mind up, to follow through, and look back upon your actions with no regrets whatsoever. It's difficult yes. Not everything is planned. But it all comes down to how you feel about yourself and if YOU feel that you crossed a boundary for yourself. I don't think you did anything whorish.But if you feel that you cross some of the boundaries that you set for yourself, then simply try harder not to do so the next time, if there's a next time. There's nothing wrong w/ kissing and touching. You're young and you're testing the waters, but don't test too much unless you're sure that you're ready to do so. Don't be so hard on yourself. And in Websters New Ideal Dictionary, the definition of the word whore is PROSTITUTE. No really it is, literally, in front of me right now, that's what it says. And you're not that, so take comfort in the fact that you're not a whore. Hope I was some help and bye.
me and my substitue teacher are really close friends. hes bout 40 and im 16. he is in the military and also does security at the mall and i visit him everday. he helps me with all my problems and is known around the city. all the kids love him. hes drivin me and my friends home a few times and he knows my mom. hes goin away to iraq soon and asked me if i wanted to go get chinese food on tuesday. weve been plannin this for a while and i have no problem with it. he knows i lvoe to drink and he jus recently asked me what kind of alcohol i want cz hes gunan get me some so i can dirnk. i kno its weird, but i am very close with him and he is leavin and i want to get suttin to eat. im jus wondering if i shood drink or not. i dont think he would everrrr try anything cz he knows my mom and is known around the town, and he busts drug dealers and works with the cops. please let me kno if u think i shood drink or not.
No, darling, I don't think you should drink anything. I don't think that your male friend would try and take advantage of you. However, if you really care about him, you wouldn't risk it. What if you were to get drunk, and being 16, your legal guardian was to find out? They'd be curious to know wouldn't they or some other adult. And what if you're seen. What if you're caught? Not only are you risking getting yourself into trouble but your 40 year old friend as well. He could go to jail. And if you care about him, or yourself b/c you never know how things really turn out to be about those that you think you know, then you wouldn't risk it at all. Either way, it's too risky and in the end, you both may get into trouble. It's not worth that. Besides, even if you don't get caught, you may have to deal with a terrible hangover, unless you can hold your alcohol really well. Bye and hope I was some help.
theres this guy that i've known for a week and a half. he has a girl friend but today he confessed he has a major crush on me. he's pretty cute and he's been going out with his girl friend for two weeks. he wants me to call him tonight. i kind of like him but i have to get to know him better. he thinks if we talk on the phone then ill get to know him better, i think talking online is good enough. normally i only talk on the phone to my aunts and uncles and my best friend if theres an emergency. he called me earlier but i didn't answer. now i feel bad and want to call him but i don't know what to say. what the heck should i say?
I don't want to seem harsh when I say this. However, you really don't want to find yourself or get yourself emotionally attached to a guy in a relationship. Why cause yourself the grief when I'd bet he hasn't even mentioned to you that he might break with his girl if she doesn't compare to what he thinks he can have with you? If he's making no effort, except for telling you that he has a huge crush on you, to give you the more active role that you're seeking in his life, then don't waste your time and energy there. He's taken and to me, it's like you're digging yourself in a hole that's too deep. Just be careful.
Unless you really want to be friends with him, although that's not what that sounded like. Anyway, you also said that talking online should be good enough to get to know him better. Also, arrange some dates to get to know him better b/c that too will help a lot. And also, it's not like you know he'll know that you deliberately didn't answer his phone call earlier. If he asks when you call him, or when he calls you again, just tell him you weren't home or something. I do it all the time to my guys and they go for it. Just don't make it big or complex; Keep it simple. And as far as what you should say, just say what you truly feel. Bye and hope I was some help.Just be careful with your heart.
Idk if this is in the right the topic thingy. but anywho...
My period is like normally 10-12 days long and some times like 14-16 days. It is horrible. I have asked my doctor and shes told me its because i am "new" to it. but i have had it for like 3-4 years. not extactly "new". but i have told her(my doctor) that i have passed out before because i am losing sooooo much blood. IDK what to do. no one will do anything about this.
(not even my mom who has the same problem and is on B.C. and won't let me use her B.C until the Doctor says its ok!)
WHAT DO I DO???????
I know exactly what you are going through because I have suffered the very same thing for five years now. First, I think you may need to talk to your mother telling her about a different doctor b/c this doctor may isn't seeing the danger signs and I can tell you them. Ten to twelve days even fourteen to sixteen days is too long for your cycle because your body is losing a lot of nutrients in the blood. Nutrients for vitamins which are very essential to the bloodstream and the body itself. So, it'll be hard for your body to maintain those nutrients, even when you aren't on your period. That's probably the reason why you're passing out, that's why I used to. They put me on the pill but I wasn't on it no longer than two months. That was just to regulate my cycle. Just because you take birth control for the period doesn't mean that you'll have to stay on birth control throughout your entire life. You just need to get a second opinion and make sure that you're not losing nutrients in your bloodstream, which is very essential to your present and future health. Hope I was some help. Bye.
My cousin is getting married this weekend. It's not a religious wedding. There is no official dress code, but the bride said to my sister that we should wear anything that makes us feel gorgeous and we can dance in.
I am wearing a navy dress that I think is dressy without being the kind of thing that you would only wear to a wedding (I might wear it to a very nice restrurant or a grown-up party). My younger sister (19) is worried about what she should wear. I was going to lend her a dress of mine in a similar style to the one I'm wearing, but it's black. Is this inappropriate for a wedding that doesn't have a dress code, but isn't totally casual? The only other dresses I could lend her are really formal, and I would be worried she'd be overdressed.
Thanks in advance.
The dress is good. Just don't wear black stockings, black shoes, or a black hat. Try and wear some gold or silver shoes. Alsok wear some jewelry and that will make the occasion worth it.
ok there is this kid that likes me, but i dont like him. he told me yesturday thru text and i couldnt write anything back. i dont want to tell him anything that will hurt him because i kno what it feels like to like someone who doesnt like you back. so how do i tell him, hurting him the least possible. thanks in advance!!!
First, to his face, you must sit him down and talk to him. Then you must tell him exactly what you've just written. I know, that's not any help. But thinking about it really isn't going to do anything about the situation, and your words are the truth. You can't help what you don't, in this case, feel for him. Its the truth, which your serving him in a compassionate way. The deliverance and the tone of your deliverance really shows that on some level, your concern of his feeling on a friend level shows that you care for him as a friend. Tell him that. It should make him feel better. Don't fret, you'll be fine.
A while ago (Nov 25th '06 to be exact...)I was at my sisters house. Shes 19, Im 14, and her boyfriend is 24. She decided that it would be super fun to get me drunk and it sounded like fun so i went along with it. And then her b/fs friend came over (call him John...) and he was nice and all. And then later when him and her bf were outside, she told me that 'John' wanted to make out with me...John was 20 years old...I was like...ew no hes old..but my sister insisted that it wasnt weird. So then later My sister and her bf went to sleep and it was just me and John...and i layed down on the couch and he was laying next to me and he asked "would it be wierd if i kissed you?" and i was like "yeah...i dont know" and he said "let me help you make up ur mind..." and he started kissing me and we started making out (im still drunk btw) and it got pretty intense and it realized how wierd it was (id never kissed, let alone made out, with anyone before...) so i got up and left. and ever since its been branded into my brain and im just haunted by it. BUT ANYWAY. Ever since, Ive been having dreams that i have older boyfriends and ive been attracted to older (18, 19, 20 y/o) guys and im just not sure what to do.
I want to forget whaat happened but i also want an older guy..is that wierd/???
Of course, it's natural that it feels weird, even to this day. You, I can tell, are morally inclined and you have principals that you stick by. That's good. You probably feel that you did something that was wrong, and it makes you slightly embarrassed, uncomfortable, and awkward to reminisce about it. In fact, I'd bet that you don't like to even remember this. You don't feel that it was wrong, or guilt intensely, but it's probably there, just a little tiny bit exceeding slight. Also, it's probably weird b/c you probably haven't kissed a lot before then. And, I believe you probably liked the kiss you had with the 20 year old fellah. It's nothing wrong with enjoying a kiss, and yes, there was a 6 year difference, but its not like you had sex with him. You did what you did, it's done, it's over with, and there's nothing you can do about that now. Subconsciously, you both made a decision, and when it comes to kissing and sex, it's important that once you make those decisions that you stick with them for that very reason. You've kissed him, there's nothing you can do about that, and you enjoyed it. That's not a crime. You can like guys that are older, just consider the law, the boundaries that you are willing or UNWILLING TO CROSS,and the coveted boundaries that MAY Want to be EXPLORED by one party or the other. It's weird, awkward , and that's natural. But that's the way it is and there's nothing you can do about that. It's done, and no ones going to burn you at the stake for it. Just be careful.
i like this guy at school and we've kind of talked here and there, but i really like him alot but i dont know how he feels about me, should i go and talk to him or be clueless the rest of the year?
First, I believe you need to firmly establish what you want out of this guy. Do you want to like him and have him as yours, or do you want to like him thinking that he's safely and securely out of reach for you, making you safe? Establish what you want out/from this guy in a relationship form friendship, boyfriend, etc. However, from the way you sound, it sounds like you want a relationship with this guy. All I can tell you is that you will really be able to tell HOW MUCH you Really WANT this guy, if you were to tell him your feelings. Also, you'd suprisingly be able to learn a lot about yourself that you never knew yourself. If you're not intending to tell him how you feel, then it's a waste of time and setting yourself up to get hurt. You can never tell if someone likes you or not through casual talk or talk in general, trust me I was in your situation and I confronted my guy thinking his signs were positive,but he just wanted to be friends. Hopefully your charms are more powerful than mine. I still think you should go for it so you really know where you stand. Don't ever let the fear of rejection stop you, you see what you want, go get it, be a go gettah! Hope I was some help.
ok i write alot of poems about my good/bad life experiences and i read them to my friends. all of the friends that i have read them to say that i should get them published. im not trying to be cocky but i do think that my poems are good too. my question is who could i send my poems into so that they can get published, or even looked at by a professional? also i am 14f if that helps. lol thanks in advance
XOXO
There's this site
http://www.poetry.com
It's really good. You enter contests, you get your own page of poetry, and you get opportunities to be published, and TO WIN MONEY. If you're really good, they'll offer you an Editors Choice award or some awards given that you have to purchase in order to receive. It's an honor.
Hope i WAS SOME HELP. GOOD LUCK.
i want to have sex with my boyfriend. but he is a couple years older then me and definitely way more experienced then i am. i am afraid that if i have sex with him then thats all our relationship will be about. and i dont want that. so should i just wait to have sex with him?
From all that you have said and told us, you want to have sex with your boyfriend. Nevertheless, it seems as if you really don't trust him. If you truly trusted him, then you wouldn't ponder the possibility of your relationship ending up to be all about sex. I'm glad that you don't want that. But to truly decide if you want to have sex with this guy, you have to find out how you feel about this guy. Will he stay with you in a relationship with sex, or will he only stay in a relationship with sex? From what you know, do you think he is the type to allow a relationship to become all about sex? You have to find these things out and KNOW them for CERTAIN, AND IT WILL TAKE TIME TO DEFINE THEM. I think that you need to think and analyze his character from your viewpoint only. Darling, don't rush yourself, you have all the time in the world. And you can see what kind of guy he truly is if he doesn't support your decision to wait further. Don't rush yourself and analyze your b/f to find out if you think he'll allow a relationship to be based totally on sex.
what does sex with no strings attached mean? and please don't give me a link...
It means having sex w/ a person, who afterwards, does not attempt to engage you emotionally in a relationship, remind you of the incident, mention the incident, or even approach you. Mostly people who do this do meet each other, in other circumstances they really are close friends/mere acquaintances. That's what the term means and I really don't suggest it. Think of the episode of Degrassi where Manni was drunk and showed everything for the camera, and asked that freak to keep it on the low. Yes, she provoked him, and he revealed everything(and you're talking about sex not stripping so switch the situations please) using it all to his advantage. Sometimes, not all the time, does things like this happen. Why leave it to chance, of course not saying that you are thinking of having sex w/ no strings attached. Anyway, bye, hope I was some help.
well, i had my first makeout yesterday under a bridge. this isnt something i would normally do because usually i am prude. i kinda feel slutish even though it was only like a 20 second makeout, is that normal? should i feel like that? and are you supposed to swallow during it because the first time me and my boyfriend did it, i swallowed and it made a really weird sound and i dont know if i wasnt supposed to but i dont it just felt weird. and then his friend told me that he said i was good for my first time. is there and do's and don'ts about making out? im just really scared i did something wrong
thanks in advance!
On everyone's first makeout, nothing is ever perfect. I'm a virgin and I've made out with three to four of my boyfriends, and I've done something that's made me insecure and conscious of what I'm doing. In the end, all you have to do is to know that when you make your mind up to do something, you stick with it. Even if you haven't really thought about it rationally. It's over, it's done. That's it. No one can judge you b/c everyone has even worse skeletons in their closet. Nothing to feel ashamed of and I bet you the boy even loves you more for it. Trust me, no matter how bad you think you were, they always will love you more for it or for trying at least. I'm very proudful, so if it's coming from me, then this is probably the best it gets. Hope I was help. Later...
I like this boy.. a lot. And last weekend he said to me "there's something there but im still not over my ex" meaning he feels a spark but is still stuck on his ex gf who by the way was a complete and total B**** about breaking up with him and already has a new boyfriend!! and I respected what he said, and now, he says hes gonna call me and never does and doesnt talk to me nemore what should I do?? should i let him go, play hard to get?? fight for him?? what?!
please and thanks
To be on the safe side, you probably should confront him again. Try and talk to him casually. Ask, how you've been, what you've been up to. Also, try to in a casual way ask like," have you thought everything through. About what you want to be between us?" It's perfectly alright to go and ask him. If he bullshits you, then let him go. I know its easier said than done, but I'm going through this right now and lucky I wasn't in too deep, or it would've been hard for me. Don't be afraid to convey your emotions, you're doing this for you to be true to yourself which matters above all. You'll be surprised about how much you learn of yourself after this, and this only doesn't refer to courage.
if a guy and a girl have been going out for over a year and havent had sex is it really wrong?
and
if i dont will he go off and sleep with someone else? do guys do that?
If you and a guy have been going out for a year, then it's not wrong that you have not had sex. It's about whether you or he are ready to have sex, it's whether you two are comfortable with the thought of sex within your relationship. It's really about can your relationship handle sex, and if you two really want to go through with it. I don't know what you want to do, and I don't know what you b/f wants to do. That's for you to find out. You may know where you stand on this issue. Wherever you stand, make sure that it's known to him. And if he doesn't respect where you stand, then that's his problem not yours, and you may want to reconsider being in a relationship w/ a guy who doesn't respect your beliefs/principles or etc. I think that after a year, you two may need to be talking about sex and where you stand. And if you've started, then that's great.
If you don't want to have sex(and that's if he does want you to go through and do it), then try to explain it to him, although you shouldn't have to do so. Just b/c you won't sleep w/ him doesn't mean that he'll sleep w/ someone else. You know your man and what he will and won't do. If you're worried, talk to him about it and show good faith. But most importantly, don't feel forced to put his needs before your own in order to maintain a relationship, which is a two-way street. Your needs, desires, principles/beliefs, should come before anything, including this relationship. Otherwise you're sacrificing yourself for him. It's your choice, all of this. Listen to your heart. I hope I was some help. Good day to you.
14/f
Sometimes I get so miserable i cry forever. I talk to myself about a bunch or stuff. Sometimes people do stuff that annoys me but on another day I wouldn't care. Its not "that time of month". I cry for no reason sometimes. I get mad or sad for no reason either. I've been crying a lot lately for no reason. Small things are making me cry like for example if my mom tells me my boyfriend cant come over i'll start bawling my eyes out. Im not sure what it is. When Im mad i throw things, scream, kick, anything i can to release my anger (not body abuse). Im not sure if im just a miserable girl or if it's something else. Does anyone have any ideas? And has anyone else expirenced this or is expierencing it now? Please help me...Oh and this has been going on since September...if that helps :\
You're not the only person to experience this b/c I have. Once when I was thirteen, which continued to my early fourteen. I don't know what to say. All I know is that "that" particular period of my life wasn't good, I was weak from all of the things going on in my life. It was justlike a burden and w/ this burden I always had anger to bear. Until one day I sat down and I decided that I wanted to make something else of my life more than anger. It seemed like everyday was a bad day for me. I decided to make slow, minor adjustments to my life. To do what made me happy, but didn't hurt anyone else in the process. With each case, contributing circumstances vary. However, I truly do think that this may be an issue that's bothering you. Perhaps issues, and whatever it is you need to dig deep and find them. Work through them. Motivation is the key. Find that motivation it can be your boyfriend, your goals/dreams whatever. Just find it, use it, if you're not satisfied w/ the state that you're in at the moment. I hope I was some help. Good day to you.
Okay I like this guy and he is so sweet! I want him to know but I also don't want to. Do you think it would be best if he found out? He is a real nice guy though. I have a feeling if I don't go for him then someone else will take him. He might have a feeling that I like him since I stare alot and he looks back. And when he walks by my friend starts talking like oh don't you want to go that way now? Like in mushy way. So what do you think I should do? Any advice would be awesome!
Just tell him. If you really want him, then you'll definitely know the right time to go and get him. Act on your instincts, which no advice columnists can tell you or do for you. It's better to act on something you want, rather than always second-guessing what could have been. Don't let something like your friendship with the guy stop you. Like I said, it all comes down to how MUCH you want him. AND if you REALLY WANTED HIM, THEN YOU'D DEFINITELY GO AND GET HIM. If you decide to, then good luck and good night. Sleep tight...
what does pot go for these days?
First, I don't care what rating you'll give me for this. WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT TO POST ON ADVICENATORS? If you wanted to know that, you probably could've used a search engine. Pot is a really bad thing to do , as you know. I just hope you know what you're doing and next time, think.
I really love my boyfriend, but there is one thing that is really getting me angry! I used this product that like waxes "down there" in different shapes. I guess it makes it more fun for you and your partner. He liked it and now i'm frustrated. He refuses to do anything sexual with me unless I wax down there in like a shape. It's so dumb!! Like as soon as he sees I didn't do that he's groans and says "nevermind." I thought it was a thing I can do everys so often, cause it's annoing to do. I feel like saying "you can't freakin have sex with my just cause there isn't a freakin heart or triangle?!" What should I do?
Confront him, ask him what his deal is. Don't try and figure him out. Let him tell you the problem and you two either reach a compromise or you two find a solution (possibly try and talk through it). First, you should think about what response you really want from him. Therefore to get the desired response, you need to KNOW exactly how you're going to confront him. He's your man, you know the good and bad ways to or not to approach him. Consider everything, tell him your feelings. And don't forget to LISTEN. Just tell him what you feel. Just make him listen and understand. Hope I was some help, lovely night to you.
if a boy bothers you a lot but in a fun way does that mean he likes you as a gf or just a friend
Inferences are dangerous, they can get you really caught up into a guy. The only way to know for certain is to get the truth directly from him, that is if you're seeking the truth. But if you're not, (and I'm not trying to be mean or anything)WHY DID YOU POST THIS QUESTION? Good day to you. And always be careful with your heart!
OK well this a total girl question..
I am 13 and I still dont have my period
is that abnormal??
And what are some "signs" that
might tell me if it is coming?
thanks for the help...
signed,
Confused*&*Curious
It's perfectly early for some girls not to get their period at 13. You're still young and I remember when I used to be eager just like you. And I'd give anything to be like you, without one. Oh, the pain. Well, it's sometiming. Anyway, don't be in such a rush to grow up. With growing up comes things like your menstrual cycle. Trust me, it'll come to you when your body is ready for it. You're a female, so obviously you're going to get one and you're still incredibly young. Wait be patient.It's coming. Bye.