Gender:
FemaleLocation:
CanadaOccupation:
Family, Youth and Mental Health CounsellorAge:
31Member Since:
July 13, 2006Answers:
410Last Update:
October 16, 2007Visitors:
33085Main Categories:
Families
General Sex Questions
Mental health
View All
about
Hello All, I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.
I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)
I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.
advice
I love kids and I want to have my own kids some day. But the thing is, my number one fear in the WORLD even over death is child labor. I read in a magazine, "On a scale of 1-5, labor is a 10." I know there are drugs you can take, but people still tell me you can feel the pain. My mom said when I was born it didnt hurt, but I dont trust her because I think she was trying to make me feel better. And what about the needle they put in your spine? Ugh, the whole thing sounds TERRIFYING. Help!
Hey, I just gave birth a couple of months ago. Anyone who tells you it doesn't hurt is a big fat liar lol... I had the epidural, because I am not a hero and having me in super extreme pain and upset isn't good for the baby either (this was my rationalization since I originally wanted to go natural), but whether or not you go the natural or drug route is a decsion to make closer to having a baby.
When your mom tells you it doesn't hurt she is not lying. Women have a natural chemical release as soon as they give birth that actually makes them forget the intensity of the pain not that there was pain but just how bad it was. If we didn't the human race would have died out a long time ago ha ha.
I was also terrified I tried to convince my doctor to do a c-section (where they take the baby out by making an incision in your abdoman) also now called "too posh to push" when done by choice, she basically laughed at me and told me to suck it up.
I would not worry about it now, for all you know medicine could change and have created something for painless labour! The older you get the more the desire to have a child outweighs the fear of pain.
Hope this helped
Can having surgery affect your period? cause i just had my appendix out, and now my periods all weird. This never happens, so i'm kinda worried!
Its very likely that the surgery has affected your period. Your body was traumatized, any change to your body could cause a 'chain-reaction' in your body, one thing leads to another... When you go to the doctor for follow-up I would mention it to him and see what he says. Also if you are in your teens even if you have always been regular due to your constant hormonal changes your time could change. By the way if you have started hanging out daily or almost all the time with a female friend, your cycle could change to hers, sounds really odd I know but you can look it up it happens when women work together alot or live together etc...
Hope this helps.
okay so anways to keep acne off your face for good thats not expensive♥
Hey I don't know your age, but many women (including myself) found / find that once they go on the pill that acne is no longer a problem as it evens out hormone levels. I am NOT telling you to go on the pill, I am just giving you an option that may work for you.
Hope this helps.
I really wanna look good in my clothes and wear designer stuff but it's expensive and I was wondering where I could get clothes that look like designer. but i don't wanna be called a loser for wearing knock-offs and stuff. please help me find some good shops.
I am not sure where you live, but in most big cities there are consignment shops where rich people take their clothes to sell. You can often find really good deals on designer clothes. Often some stuff is really expensive but you can get deals. Also check out second hand stores, I have found stuff like a chanel business suit for $15.00! Also keep in mind that many designer clothes are in like size 2-4 which I KNOW would never fit ME!! So keep an open mind as if you are bigger then a size 4.
Hope this helps.
i want a bra that doesnt give me any padding, but i dont want a sports bra. wut kind should i get?
Hey,
Well I too hate padding in a bra, I have found over the years to look in a department store at the bras that are often "Fancy" tend to have less padding but also less selection in size. So it is a catch 22. I find I have the most luck in Walmart believe it or not it really is a matter of searching high, low and in between!
Good Luck
If you want to move to another country, would you find a house and a job in the area, or a job and a house in the area? Why?
Thank you.
Hey,
I think it depends on where you want to move. I wanted to live in Ireland (I am from Canada) so I found a job in my field there that would sponser me. If you want to move countries and you don't have citizenship to work there then you need to find the job first so that you know where to look for a house. If you need any more help on how to find a job in a specific country let me know I can give you some tips, also let me know the field in which you work.
Hope this helps
I have been married for almost 20 yrs and we have 2 teenagers. I was 21 when we married, at 22 I was a mom(this may sound crazy but I know he got me pregnant on purpose). He is very affectionate to me especial in front of people. My husband is an alcoholic and that has always been the source of our arguments and my anger towards him. Of course the next day he would always apologize and say he loves me more than anything. Around 13yrs ago I believe he had been unfaithful but he adamantly denies it. About 3 yrs. ago I was suspicious of his activity on the internet(always clicking off pages when I walked into the room). I got a program to track this activity and found that he was sending intimate pictures of me to porn sites and exchanging them with others. This for me was the ultimate betrayal,disgust and I was totally embarrassed. At the time I didn't confront him with what I knew, but I did tell him our kids were getting porn pop ups. I destroyed the photos and the program.After that, I promised myself that if he ever screwed up again that I would leave him. 1 1/2 yrs ago we sold our home and he moved out of state to start a new business, I followed with children when they finished school yr. The busin. was not going as expected, I think it was more work than he thought it would be. With me pressuring him to get a job, he went searching only to find mediocre jobs. A family member got him a great paying job back home and off he went. I went to visit him with children and dog for the holidays and had a great time, when I left to drive back (15 hr.drive) I would call every few hrs just to let him know we were ok. After 10pm I didn't call until I got home (4am) called his cell and it was turned off, called my mom told her were got back safely. I asked "how could you turn your phone off knowing your wife and children were driving thru the night" and he just said "sorry I always turn my phone off at night"....Well he screwed up again! So now I'm angry, I was now responsible for selling off everything from the busin.,which I ran some great sales and fortunately brought in a lot of money because even though he was making a lot of money he was also spending it(at bars). I started thinking about how unhappy I was in our marriage. I struggled with the idea of divorce because of the children and the rest of our families. I finally confronted him with everything and the fact that I wasn't happy and I didn't think I loved him anymore. With that, he flew down and begged for forgiveness, promised he would change and do anything I wanted him to do. Our families were shocked at what I said to him, everyone thought we had the perfect marriage. Of course they ran to his side feeling sorry for him, not knowing the whole story( cheating, porn site,mental abuse). During all this, my brother died suddenly from cancer...Because I have been so distraught over losing my brother, losing over $100,000. in a failed busin. and the strain of living apart from my husband for months a a time, I agreed to take him back and try to save our marriage. We took a vow almost 20 yrs. ago and morally feel that I should try. Its been over 4 mons. and I'm very depressed, still very angry with him, feeling like I again gave up on myself for everyone else's sake and out of fear of being on my own financially.
I am I disrespecting myself or being dramatic?
Mz.R.
First your family has put you in a bad position. They are not the ones living in this situation day by day. He keeps promising to change but has he followed through? Has he sought help for his alcoholism? Is he being more fiscally responsible? As someone who works with youth and families on a daily basis I see how sometimes the best thing for a family is divorce. At the end of the day only you can make this decision but having a mother who is angry and depressed is not good for your children, nor is seeing you unhappy.
In your vows he also promised to take care of you if he isn't holding up his end of the bargain then why should hold up yours?
If you are intent on trying to make this work have you thought of marriage counselling, at least if you make that effort your family will know that you have tried everything to save your marriage.
Hope this helps, Good Luck to you...BE STRONG
I am from India. Me and she were madly in love. the relationship continued deeply for about 8 months. There were there were occassions when she was angry with me. But, I was always nice to her and declared my unconditional love. We were very close to getting married. Then it happened ... Her mother has convinced her not to marry me due to my financial situation and my family responsibilities. She still talks to me and listens to me when I say "I love you". But, she tells me that she only wants to be friends with me and nothing more. Was I too nice to her that she got bored? Will I ever get her back? Will she marry me?
In my opinion if she was deeply in love with you then her mother could not have talked her out of marrying you. It sounds like you are her "safety net" or someone she knows she can turn to when she needs to but she will always be looking for someone better to come along. You deserve someone who loves you the way you love her, don't settle for anything less then devotion from a partner.
I know it will be hard but letting her go may be the best thing for you, maybe it will open the doors of opportunity for you to meet your true soul mate.
Good Luck, I hope this helps.
soo i've had my period since the beginning of july and i still have it! this is not the first time. i got it 3 years ago, so it's not like it could still be irregular. i'm scared to go to a gynocologist (sp?) - does any one have any idea whats wrong with me? and waht i could do? thanks so much.
Hey you should really visit a doctor, I know it sucks and is embarassing but its important. As for the length of time you have had your period the only time I have ever heard of this is when a friend of mine had fibroids on her ovaries. These are like small NON cancerous tumours that once you visit the doctor can be dealt with really quickly. If you put it off and they grow eventually they could need surgery. This is worse case scenerio so I don't want to panic you!! Also 5 days is the average period while 2 weeks is long 10 -12 days is average for some women, all women have different length cycles.
can u have sex if you have cold sores without kissing but just having sex? and can someone describe a cold sore because i'm becoming worried of what is on my mouth. Before there was some kind of pimple on the corner of my lips so i popped it, which was maybe a month ago or so. then somewhere last week i got this red mark and bumps on my lips but i've been using abreva and i'm not sure if it actually worked. i really need an answer. please someone..give me an answer. after the cold sores can you also kiss a person? since cold sores i heard will always be there.? thank you to those who took the time to read this and answering it..
Hey, Yes you can have sex just no kissing cause you will give the coldsore to your partner. A coldsore is just like the previous answer says a big red pimple that gets scabby and is painful.
A coldscore does go away but you will always have the virus that causes it and it will come back especially if you are under stress. It is the same virus as Herpes so if you have an active one and give your boyfriend a blowjob he could get herpes. If you visit your doctor there are medicines that he can perscribe to lessen outbreaks and make a coldsore go away more quickly. Unfortunatley there is no cure though.
Hope this helps.
i need to lose weight but i dont want to invole any one and i would like to keep it fairly private from my friends and family. any suggestions? they would be LOVED
Hey
I know exactly how you feel about keeping it private, I did the same thing so I wouldn't get hounded and asked constantly how much weight I lost. What I did is to follow the "GI" diet. You can look it up online, basically instead of eating 3 meals a day you eat six times a day, 3 meals 3 snacks. The snacks are healthy like yogurt, fruit etc.. the meals are smaller portions not tiny but smaller, the great thing about this diet is that there is nothing you are not allowed, if its someones birthday have a piece of cake just not a huge one.
Make sure you drink tons of water and exercise, walking and swimming are the best. You could also do crunches and pushups in your room without anyone finding out. I found that since I was eating the same food as the family they didn't question my habits and when I started losing weight my family just assumed that I was losing my babyfat!
Good Luck
ok so, i want to get my haircut but i'm not sure if it will look good. i have dirtyblonde hair and its very thick and wavy so i normally straiten it. since its really thick, i want to get it thinned, but not too thin just thinned out so its not as thick. i have an ovalish shaped head, and my nose is kinda big, well its not very big, but its not small so i want to cut my hair in a way that will make my nose seem less big in some way lol. someone mentioned that side bangs will help draw the attention away from my nose. is that true? what kind of style should i cut my hair that will look good? thanks for the help =]
Hey side bangs are a good idea, most hairdressers have special sissors that thin out the hair layers could work too it depends on the look you want. I have super thick hair and I get it thinned when I get my hair done. Also and as a grown women of 31 trust me on this, one of the best things you can do is find a hairdresser who a. you can trust COMPLETELY and who b. knows their job, and keeps on top of new things in the industry. Your hair is literally your "crowning glory" and by finding a good hairdresser she/he will ensure you look good always. I mean look at Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson who are they always hanging out with??? their HAIRDRESSERS!!! Talk to your friends, family and try a few different people, you'll know you have a good one when you can tell them to make you look good and they do!
Good Luck
a few nights ago i was with a friend and two older boys (3 years) weve hung out before, and this guy pressured me into haveing sex with him but i wouldnt. i dont like im or anything its just a hookup. the thing is im a virgin and hes not and then i was drunk a few nights ago and ended up doing something im starting to really regret. sex. i lost my virginity to someone i dont even like he made it seem like it wasnt a big deal and everyones had it so i just gave in. at first i was okay with it but now im starting to think.. what am i going to telll my next boyfriend? or my friends? i dont know if i should just forget about this whole thing and say im a virgin. im just getting upset and i dont know who to turn to and im not going to a councelor or anything. i guessi just need some moral support.. thank you
and no we did not use a condom, we were in a hot tub and he swore to me that he would pull out before, but we didnt even get that far into it i think. plus hs going off to college and hates kids. so im pretty sure im safe. please help thank you
Well first of all I would suggest that you get checked by a doctor, as long as you are over 14 it is against the law for the doctor to tell ANYONE anything about your visit. It is important because if he pressured you then it is likely that he has pressured girls in the past and you never know what he could have. He sounds like a total scumbag.
A trick I use with alot of my clients is to have them write down their feelings, what happened etc.. and then rip it up and throw it in the FIB (f*** it bucket) believe it or not it helps.
Also if people ask it really isn't anyones business as a woman of 31 I honestly can say that I don't think any boyfriend has ever asked me how I lost it, my husband doen't even know, and as for my girlfriends I just tell them its not something I am comfortable discussing end of story.
This was a horrible thing and you did not deserve it, this guy is scum and hopefully he gets poison ivy in a really "personal" place!!
I hope this helped.
Hey yall. Well, I'm 14/f and I'm not so good on the whole introduicng yourself thing. If anybody could tell me the good way to introduce myself to someone, what to say, and what topics to talk about in a conversation so that I don't sound stupid would be great. I really want to make good friends this summer, but I just need the right start. Thanks!
Hey I often have to introduce to new people and as someone who can be shy I have found the best way is to introduce my self and then to crack a joke or make a funny comment about whatever we are doing, or the weather anything really. People tend to love humour and people who are funny.
Hope this helps and Good Luck
Hi! Im 15 and i have an interview for a job working with jewelry. And i have never had a job or have been interviewed before, im so nervious! So a couple questions:
1) What kind of questions are they going to ask me? I'm feeling negative because i have never had a job or Experience, which is important right?
2) I dont have fancy clothes. Just jeans and shirts, you know..what should i do?
3) I was at OzzFest all day today so i'm beet red on my face. What should i do about that?
and last..
4) I have a lip and nose piercing. Should i take them out, and then after the interview ask about the facial piercing policy?
Thanks so much this will determine if i get a job or not, which i really need to help afford school and other things. Thanks again.
Congrats on the interview, obviously your application looked good. First I agree with most everyone else, no jeans, khakis or a skirt are good. Also make sure you take out the piercings. I would NOT ask at the interview about the piercings, wait until you get the job because anything you say during or after the interview will be taken into account as to whether or not you are the best candidate.
Most interviewers use standard questions with few diviations. First know how to answer "Why do you want to work here" and telling them that you need the money is not a good answer. I usually go for the answer about how I have always had an interest in Jewellery and I feel that by working here I will not only gain valuable experience but every day will be a learning experience. Also mention how you like working with the public if your job is in retail.
Also know the answer to what will you bring to the company, a good answer is usually something like enthusiasm, a fresh perspective and a willingness to learn.
I hope these help if you need any more help just ask, also don't be nervous the more nervous you are the more silly things you tend to blurt out!
GOOD LUCK
im 14. i REALLY REALLY need money and i never get asked to babysit and personally i dont even like babysitting. is there any real jobs i could get? and i dont mean walking dogs or anything like that i mean a job with hours. oh and if anyone knows any place that hires 14 year olds thatd be great!
Hey
When I was 13.5 I got a job at Mcdonalds. My parents had to sign a waiver and I had to pass all my classes at school but they did hire me. This was many years ago (I am 31 now) but it doesn't hurt to try. Also I don't know where you live but here in Canada there are tons of youth centres that specialize in helping young people find jobs. Its often landscaping or that kind of manual labour but they all pay minimum 8.50/hour.
Hope this helped. Good Luck
This is probably going to be very long, so thanks in advance for reading all the way through it. I'm 22, my Mom and Dad are both 42. My mother has always been the sensible, more mature, (sometimes overbearing) one, while my Dad has basically never grown up. They divorced when I was 5, and have both since remarried twice. My dad just got re-married tonight actually. To a 35 year old woman named Carla.
More background: my Dad has been partying since he was 15, its why his first two marriages didn't work out. He's an alcoholic (not the abusive to anyone else kind, but the kind who drinks maybe 40-45 beers a day and really depends on it to manage his mood, stress, etc.- its sad) and still has the same old buddies he grew up with who are drunks as well. He's not completely pathetic, he's held a good job for 25 years, never puts anyone in danger, and never drank around me until I was 19.
After him letting me down again and again and not talking to him for sometimes months at a time, I chose to just accept him for what he is, I love him, and want him to be a part of my life. He's my dad.
Carla is really sweet and fun. She acts young for her age, which can be annoying but, we all have a good time together.They just moved into a house out in the sticks which I thought would be a great place to have my Annual Halloween party (its the biggest party I throw), I don't have anywhere else to have it this year. My Dad, Carla and my Dad's old buddy Leroy want to be there and party with us. I feel weird and guilty about the idea. Because I actually think that my friends and my Dad and Carla, all of us would have a blast. Even Leroy's a great time. But, I mean, we've been out to dinner and had drinks before, but I've never partied with them. Do some kids do this? Or is it just weird and thats it? Is it just redneck? Or is every situation different with fathers and daughters?
They're totally cool with as many people as I want to invite, we can get as wild as we want. They have a pool table and room to dance and I know Carla will love helping me get everything ready.
I know he's not winning parenting awards here. I also know that I'm an adult, maybe I should just take advantage of it, I'm starting school in January and will have to buckle down, so. But then, maybe I'm encouraging him to drink and continue to party like he's young. I really do want him to quit drinking like he does. Am I being a hypocrite, or is it his problem? Like, I look at him as more of a friend than a father. He never really fathers me anymore. You know what I mean? What do you guys think? Help. I'm guilting myself to death. Thanks.
Hey
Ok I am now 31 when I was 20 my parents divorced. They also both left their jobs of being ministers. Soon after my mom, who I have always been close to, was very lonely and hurt (my dad cheated on her) so I took her with me to the bar one night with all my friends. At first it was really really weird, but as time wore on it became alot more comfortable. (And I am in no way shape or form a redneck!!! lol)
I think you need to go into this accepting that you may be uncomfortable in the beginning. Also you should probably make a "deal" with yourself that whatever happens at the party stays at the party. Don't throw things that happen in your dads face when he is sober just have a great time and enjoy your friends. You are now embarking on an adult relationship things will change and sometimes for the better, sometimes not. You now no longer need a full on parent as you did when you were young. Your dad obviously loves you alot if he never drank around you until you were 19 that probably took alot of effort on his part.
Hope I helped you, good luck.
okay, seriously.. i must be an insomniac. it's 5:27 am and i cant sleep, i cleaned my whole room, bathroom and kicthen to give me something to do, and im hyper as ever still, for the past 2 months i have not been able to sleep, and when i do sleep i sleep to much, what is rong with me? am i going insane???
Hey there, I am an adult and have had the same issue for over 15 years. I have visited sleep clinics and tried every trick out there. Basically I find I cycle I sleep well for 3-4 months then I will be hit with insomnia for a month or so where I can't fall asleep and if I fall asleep I can sleep for 14 hours at a shot. There are many tricks you can try the ones previously suggested are great, also what works well is having a bath right before bed and using a sleep mask to block out all light. Also if I have something where I need to be well rested I sometimes take a benedryl I AM NOT RECOMENDING THIS!!! I am just saying that for me it helps sometimes. (Benedryl is the same drug that is in over the counter sleep medications)
Hope this helps
hi im 15/f and my boyfriend 16/m andi are gonna have sex but i wanna kno is there a way i can make my down there smell better for him so it wont be all ew for him plzz help i rate high!
Hey, your vagina should not smell bad, if it does then you may need to use a douche, these are bought in most pharmacy's and are not that expensive. I would not suggest using it too often though as it could raise the risk of getting an infection or PID.
Don't forget to be safe! Good Luck
Can the pill cause you to lose appetite or gain weight?? thanks!
The pill may cause some weight gain but it may not. Also not only is it one of the, if not the best method of birth control but it also gets lessons outbreaks of pimples and in many women lessens cramps.