I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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some people say its "gross" when guys havnt been circumsized.. but really is it that gross? its just a little piece of skin right? how much does it really effect things? thanks (link)
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These days more and more North American parents are not circumcising babies because modern medicine has found no reason other than cosmetic "so he looks like his father or other boys" reasons or religious reasons which are perfecly fine. It's said that the proceedure cause the baby too much pain as well.
This is a reversal of what happened in the 1970s early 80s when circumcision was usually the norm as it was believed that the procedure prevented certain diseases such as penile cancer which is rare. I've heard though that it can help prevent HIV and that may be true--not sure.
How much does it affect things? The foreskin protects the head of the penis from friction and cracking and keeps it moist. It also helps provide extra sensation during sex or so they say in males. Really, you cannot compare either being intact or not as no person is both ;)
Wikipedia has a great article on the history of circumcision that will answer a lot more of your questions better than I can. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision
I find most guys who are circumcised want to be intact and vice versa. It isn't gross when someone isn't circumcised. Regardless of being circumcised or not this is how the penis is meant to look intact versus cut. Both circumcised penises and non-circumcised are normal and very common.
Also, it is no harder to keep an intact penis clean than a circumcised one. All one has to do is be sure to pull back the foreskin from the head of the penis during bathing and that keeps infection away.
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this might get confusing. ive been dating the same guy for almost three years. i'm a junior in high school and he's a senior. him and i have gotten into fights where i cry a lot, which makes my parents like his less, but something bad happened to him monday night. his dad beat him and he left his house to go to wisconsin where his aunt lives. (his parents are divorced btw), but his mom won't let him go back to his dad's house, so he can't finish school here in IL if he can't find somewhere to stay here by this sunday. he would have to go to school at his moms house in indiana.
this is where the conflict comes in.. i'm trying to think of ways to convince my dad of letting him stay at our house at least for a little while. he'll be graduating in less than 3 months, and then going to college. my mom said if it were up to her, he'd be able to stay, but it's my dad that i'm worried about. so what are things i could say to convince my dad? he would not get in the way of any regular activity, he'd follow regular curfew rules, etc. someone help me!! (link)
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I would be honest with your father and tell him that your boyfriend's father wailed the s--t out of him and that he left to seek refuge with his aunt just for the weekend.
Tell him she cannot take care of him and would have to leave the state to live with his mother making it so he can no longer be with you or any of the friends and family he has known his entire life.
Tell him that your mother is open to the idea of letting him stay at your house with rules about sleeping quarters, curfews, and that you would not be having sex. Also tell him that your boyfriend would contribute (whatever he could) money for food and rent. That last part should have things leaning in your favor.
Ask your father to chat with your mother, the aunt and his mother about what is happening with the family situation and who legally has custody of him. Let the adults figure it out after you approach them and don't push. They'll be able to figure it out before Sunday.
One thing you might want to do is talk to your mother and the two of you approach your father at the same time. It would help a lot here and cut down the time for an answer as dad has to consult mom anyway. Might as well clue him in on what the two of you already know and just be honest and ask him.
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i've liked a guy named .. dan, scine i was in 2nd grade, we went out when i was in 4th through 5th grade. but then 6th through 8th [until now, im in 8th] grade, i was over him. and last weekend we hung out, flirted. he lives next store to me, so were on the same bus and today he sat with me and we listened to his ipod. my plams got all sweaty, and my plams never get sweaty. i was nervous about like what to say and stuff. i neverrr get nervous with other guys! i wanna like .. make a move on him. i dont know like how i should. how should i? how should i let him know i like him?
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It would seem you are not over him and likewise he may not be over you either. The best thing you have going for you is a friendship/relationship since the second grade. That's a lot of history between two people your age be them friends or lovers.
I think what you need to do is tell him "You know, Dan we've been friends half our lives already. We tried going out once but we just were not ready for it. I thought I was over you but I'm feeling a way I never thought I would feel about you again. We're older, and more mature. Do you want to give this another try like I would?"
If he says no than that's okay because guys definitely have a lot of respect for girls who are honest and come to them with something of this nature. He's bound to respect you and a friendship that has last that long will continue to flourish regardless of what happens after the revelation.
I think you have to go up to him and tell him without even thinking about it and let it out. You'll be glad you did as you will at least know what he thinks and how to deal with your feelings either way. It looks very, very good for you though considering your history.
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Theres this guy, Jake. I've known him for two years, but until this year we didn't really talk. Last year, he would say hi to me and all, which was nice because I was new, and we weren't really friends. This year, we started talking more because we had classes. We're kind of friends, I guess. But I developed a huge crush on him. And now he seems a little more distant. Like, he'll talk to me, and say something really sweet, and he seems like he's genuinely interested. But then I respond and he seems like he suddenly loses interest. Why!? (link)
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Perhaps he is just a sweet guy all around and just in his mind being friendly with you. He may not be in to you as more than a friend but that doesn't stop him from being a giant sweethear to you.
I think he's just not into you as anything more than a friend and isn't sure how not to hurt you. His disinterested response is likely what he hopes works to show you he's not interested in being with you as your partner.
The other problem that might be happening here is that he is a very shy type of person and inexperienced with girls. He might not know exactly what he wants either and whether he likes you more than a friend or not. These two scenarios that I just outlined are the two areas that are most likely the issue.
What you have to do is talk to him. Honesty is the only way of finding out the truth here. Tell him exactly how you feel and were hoping to start a relationship with him if he were interested.
Mention that regardless of what he tells you that the frienship will not fall apart. You need answers about this and well, he's the only one who has them. You have to ask him yourself so you'll know if you need to move on so you don't get hurt emotionally but can still be friends.
If you want something badly you have to go after it and this case go after him for the truth. Worst case scenario here is that he says he isn't interested. That happens and at least you know.
In that case you can look at it like this: There will be tons of guys in and out of your life while you're young and the right one will find you when you aren't necessarily looking for him.
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Right so I'm 17 years old. When I was 15 i went through some rough times and I turned to alcohol as a solution. It got pretty bad but i got over it eventually. Now I'm older i'm still having a rough time and I find that I keep going to alcohol as a solution.
As if thats not the worse of it, when i do drink I get absolutly wasted. Meaning i cry, i say embaressing things and I generally piss off my friends.
I'm terrified my friends are going to hate me for this. They drink, they've done it before. So many people have told me that they wont hate me for it, especially as its happened so often.
I just wish i could get over this paranoia that everyone hates me. its horrible.
I also want advice on what to do about this drink problem. Im more composed when I'm on drugs so I'm thinking of sticking to them rather than the drink as im less of a mess.
I just hate seeing my friends now. when i look them in the eye its almost like i can see them replaying the drunken night, even if they wernt. (link)
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Part of fixing a problem of this magnitude is admitting to yourself that you have one. Most addicts when this kind of thing takes hold of them may see it as a problem but cannot admit they need help all the time as they don't see it as bad as it is or as a non-addicted person is watching it occur.
You need to turn to your parents, friends and other adults you trust now and say "I need help, this is a severe problem and I'm tired of hurting myself and others i love." Get their support and then enter rehab for the drugs and alcohol and participate in a 12 step program like AA and Narcotics Anonymous and get a sponsor who will help you through this. If you want badly to be clean you can do this.
Turning to drugs over booze is not going to help your situation at all. It will be making it worse and perhaps with dangerous results too. It's not an alternative as it will only continue to push you deeper into dispair.
You need to ask for help and let the adults in your life guide you here through this problem. You've made the crucial first step here by seeing you have one now it's time to follow through and admit it to others and get some help. I wish you all the best. If you need further support with this hit my inbox and tell me about your progress.
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I feel like im a bad girlfriend sometimes.. guys, what do you REALLY really want in a girlfriendd.. besides the ones like dont cheat be loyal and all that... what realy impresses you or do you want?
-thankss (link)
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You are bound to get a lot of different perspectives on this. Besides loyalty I like someone who has a lot of maturity, a warped sense of humor, can be themselves and have goals that they want to attain in life.
I like someone who is either studying towards their career or someone who is already stable in one. Depending on age and when a person graduated college i want to see that they are independant finacially.
I also like a girl to be well-read, smart, educated, looks are secondary--a sunny personality is key as well as good manners and hygene which goes without saying. I also like girls who are compassionate towards everyone (animals, people) and non-judgmental and open-minded.
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i have never, ever had stage fright before in my life, and i have acted at least two shows a year. but this year, i tried out for two of my school's plays, and i was terribly nervous during each audition. I messed up so badly.
I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to stay calm?
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I have been a community theatre actor, have done a lot of public speaking as wel as speaking on community cable acess about community projects I did as an actor.
I think when it comes to acting and acing your audition while not being completely taken over by fright is this: Before starting or ending a scene think of where your character just was, what were they doing before your entrance and what will they do after exiting the stage and what their life and day is like outisde of the time they appear on stage.
Create your character's entire world inside of your head and stay focused only on that and the part of the script you need to bring to life during the audition and emotions you need to get across.
What I also like to do is this: At the audition pick one person to look at and think in your head that this person needs to hear the information that you have to say as it will change their world and affect them.
Then spend the entire time focused on what you are doing and getting a positive reaction out of them or making them laugh etc as the script calls for.
I also picture the idea of them all in their underwear too. But the bottom line is that it's one person in that audience that you need focus on and just talk and act for them. Become totally emersed in your character's world, atittude, life etc and just disolve into that and ignore everything in your world and the "I hope I get this part" or allow yourself to think anything else but what your character would.
If you get off track get back on by remembering what i said above. Also, you know what else works like a charm? You need to understand that everyone going up for the audition has the same fear as you.
The only difference is you won't let it affect you and that directors know actors are nervous. Just go and do your thing and have fun as that's what it is all about. Le thte chips fall where they may.
If you don't get a certain role don't worry as the right part always picks the right actor. You might get a role of a lifetime nobody else did. Stay positive. You'll do it!
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Sorry if this is under the wrong category.
This Thursday, I am getting my tonsils out at the ENT. I'm so scared though. Everyone is telling me that it hurts to bad afterwards and a bunch of other bad things. I can't even sleep because I'm so scared that something will go wrong. If I'm like this now, I'm going to be even worse the day of the surgery.
Does anyone know of something I can do before the surgery to help me relax about this? Or if you have had your tonsils out, what did you feel like afterwards and what all happened?
Thank you in advance. (link)
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You need to know that the doctors and everyone involved in this operation have gone to medical school for years and they routinely do this operation several times a day, week etc and that you are in good hands with people who deeply care about your welfare as that's the business they are in.
What you ought to do is talk to your doctor again with your parents present and tell him or here what your real fears are about this and then have them give you more answers that will help you feel a little bit better about this.
It's perfectly natural to feel scared about this and if you didn't feel at least a little scared I would wonder what was wrong with you. The number one thing you need to do is relax. I can sense from your letter that your biggest fear is of death. That simply will not happen here and precautions are always in place in any operation to never allow for that. Perhaps you ought to tell your parents and doctor that this is what is eating at you.
As far as the operation itself once they put an IV in and knock you out you'll have no recollection of anything and will wake up in a nice room with a hopsital bed. The IV does hurt like hell in my opinion (just being honest) but once it's in everything is fine.
You can expect your throat to feel very sore and that's why they give you jello and icecream for a while. Quite common especially the first day or two after is vomiting as th drugs they do administer to knock you out has that effect for a while afterwards according to a cousin who recently underwent the procedure.
I saw how well she was taken care of. Bottom line: talk to your folks and your doctor once more before surgery and get those fears and concerns out into the open for reassurance and peace of mind.
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my bff just told me she had sex for her first time when she was 10 and shes still havin sex alot shes only 13 she says not to tell anyone or else she'll be grounded for life (link)
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I agree that your friend is in way, way over her head here and something bad could happen with pregnancy (as she develops) or being taken severely advantage of.
You learned really early in life that there are some secrets you have or those you know that you simply do not keep because someone can get hurt. This is one you need to tell an adult you trust about.
If your friend gets upset don't worry as in the end she will learn that you did the best thing for her and were a true friend. My only concern here is whether or not she's full of BS and making things up. I hope that that could be the case. You know her better than I do so you can guage.
Once you tell an adult this secret breathe a ssigh of relief and let the adults deal with it on their own. Let the chips fall where they may but know that by doing the right thing and telling an adult may save your friend a lot of bad experiences and misery later on.
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1)How can you tell yourself to let go and not be so worked up over not being able to finish your sch work on time?
I force myself to understand every single impt point and if I fail to do it, I scold myself for being slow. Don't tell me to ask my teachers because it all boils down to me having to concentrate hard while reading through my text.
When I study, I expect absolute silence. I get very agitated when any of my family members talk or listen to music. When they switch on the tv, I tell them to lower the volume. I know I am capable of blocking out those noises but I CAN'T SEEM TO DO IT NOW! Somebody help! Tell me the obvious, whatever just help me!
P.s don't tell me to switch on the radio or listen to classical music. It doesn't help while I'm studying. (link)
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Your problem with focusing may not be your fault at all. How long has this been going on for? If you have spent your entire school career not being able to focus, complete work on time, and are distracted repeatedly by any little noise and cannot block things out you have likely have a problem that can be easily fixed.
You should talk to your parents and teacher about this and tell them exactly what you told us and the severity of it. The next thing you and they should do with you is set up through your school a test for a learning difficulty. You might have a mild form of ADD or other learning difficulty affecting your ability to focus and perform.
You need to understand that when it comes to writing and homework that the best thing you can do learning problem or not is to develop a study schedule with breaks in between where you can do something else and then go back to it.
For example try spending 30 minutes working on one subject and then break for 15 minutes and find another piece of homework to do and cycle through things Like that until they are done. Your teachers also know strategies you can employ here to help yourself in this area.
I do think it vital to get tested for a learning problem as a lot of the signs you describe here seem to go along with mild ADD to other learning problems. You should rule this out at least and be truthful with your parents and your teachers about how bad the issue is.
There's no need to feel embarassed about this as the adults in your life are there to help make things easier not harder for you. Your grades will improve and perhaps other areas of your life as well if you tell the truth to your family and educators.
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How do you deal with someone who thinks that everytime you question them on something they are doing they think you are criticizing them when you arent? (link)
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Nobody likes someone over their shoulder or near them telling them what they are doing wrong when he or she feels that they know what they are doing, how to do it or have done it thousands of times.
The best thing for you to do is get out of the habit of telling people how they should be doing something or that they are doing it wrong unless they ask for your assistance. Let them do things on their own. If you see them struggling it's okay then to say to them "it might help if you tried it this way because it's easier."
This way they see you as helpful rather than critical of their every movement. Think about it for a moment here and put yourself in their shoes. I guess you can understand how they must feel even if you meant well. It's impossible to do anything with someone telling them they're doing it all wrong.
Let them try to solve things on their own and than offer help. Things will go smoothly that way.
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everytime i shave my legs they burn for the rest of the day and start to get red dots all over them its horrible because it happens ALL THE TIME. any advice? (link)
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I cannot say for sure why your legs are burning and dots have broken out just from shaving. I have a hunch you might have just started using a new lotion or shaving cream that has an ingrediant in it that you are allergic to.
This would explain the red dots, burning and blotches each time you use the product on your legs. It's not razor burn or anything that normally happens shaving your legs in my opinion.
What you should do is go to the drugstore with the lotion and shaving cream and speak to the pharmacist about the situation and see if they can help you sort of pinpoint a possible ingrediant in it that you are alergenic to.
This problem may be as simple as switching to a brand of cream and or lotion that does not disagree with you. If it stops the problem is over .
If it continues you should see your doctor to try and find out what is causing the problem. Although I'm a guy, I know from experience what it is like to have red dots, blotches, burning and irritation from using a shaving cream I was alergenic to. It's worth trying to rule out.
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how bad does it hurt the first time for a woman? (link)
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This question doesn't have a standard answer as each woman or girl experiences their first sexual experience differently. Some have pain during penetration especially if their hymen is being stretched for the first time or from friction from thrusting into the vaginat if a woman is not properly lubricated.
Tension and fear can also lead to pain as muscles are too tightened. There's really not much way of gauging how much sex hurts a woman for the first time as everyone has their own unique experience with it and different tolerances towards pain.
One person may have a low threshold for pain while another person who engaged in the same sexual acts may not feel pain or be bothered by anything. The key here is to make sure your vagina is well lubricated to alllow for intercourse and lessen the chance of pain or discomfort.
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Okay, my sister will be turning 13 soon and I want to throw her a party. Any ideas about what to do and what not? Also she can't decide if she just wants money or if you wants clothes and games or what not. Any help and ideas are loved! Also her birthday is March 24th. Her likes are: Singing, ancing, music, pink retro, and dressing up. (link)
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Hi,
Like the last poster stated buying her clothes is the simply the wrong idea. At 13-years-old she is still growing and likely to have a growth spurt any time soon. What you buy her today may not fit her a month or two down the road.
You would also need her exact waist size and meaurements to pick something ou otherwise, you run the risk of it not fitting let alone possiblly disliking of what you bought her. If she enjoys games, clothes, movies get her a gift-card for her favorite clothing store and the nearest movie theatre.
Speaking of movie theatres many of them offer group rates or their own in house birthday party services. Just let them know she's 13 and not a kid and wants to be treated like a teenager so they don't go all Disney with the decor of the room where cake is eaten and gifts exchanged. The birthday kid always picks the movie.
She may also like indoor laser tag, paint-ball, or indoor go-karting which is all the rage here with teens. You could also hold your own party and play trivia games on pop culture such as Scene It or a murder mystery game where all the guests are implicated in a murder and have to wear costumes and solve the crime.
If she loves singing and dancing check out what drama or parks and recreation courses are available for kids/teens interested in music, singing, dancing or theater exist. You and your family might be able to purchase a spot for her in a special program or camp.
I'm sure you will find the perfect gift, throw a great party and give your sister a great birthday in the end. I hope these suggestions help to inspire you creatively.
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ok so me and one of my bestfriends went to a basketball game last night and we were gunna meet two of my other friends there. and when we went to the bathroom they were saying stuff like omg there so annoying and stuff like that about us. and when we tried to find them they started like hiding from us and stuff. then they came up and was like whats your problem and being really rude. so we just kinda ignored them and left the game. now they're really mad at us but i really didnt do anything wrong. i've been bestfriends with them for a really long time. and i dont know if i should apologize because i dont think they are and i cant live without them. i dont know what to do. =[ (link)
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If people make these kinds of remarks about you behind your back they certainly are not your real friends. They are the ones with the problem here and not you and your pal.
You have nothing at all to apologize over having done nothing wrong but minding your own business when you happened to overhear them. The biggest mistake you made was leaving the game after they got in your face. Let them be mad and take this as an opportunity to move on.
Trust me, you don't need them to thrive socially as people will be attracted to you for who you are. I KNOW that you absolutely must confront them even if you don't want to before dropping them completely.
It's rather easy as only say "If you wondered why we left the basketball game suddenly last night we overheard your nasty comments last night. You might want to use a little tact next time you are in public as you never know who could be listening.
Let them be the ones to apologize and recognize the mistake they made. They are the foolish and immature ones in the situation. Don't worry about retribution either as they'll be too embarassed after you tell them off in the subtle way I mentioned above.
Just say that and walk away before they can utter a word. If they start saying something no matter how negative as you leave let it roll off your back like a drop of water and utter the words "save your breath." That's the correct way to handle this as once you show they have no power to mess with you they'll all of a sudden move along.
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My sister is already 18 years old. My parents don't let her do anything at all. They think that if she leaves that she will have sex and end up getting pregnant. That's what they always think. Everywhere she goes like if she asks to go to go to her friends house or hang out with her friends they say no. This morning they started arguing because my sister wanted to go out. I hate it when they argue. So I went and told them to stop thinking bad thoughts my sister is really not what they think. I know her more then they do. So she hit me like really badly. She said that if I say something else she will break my mouth. She is really agressive. She said that I have changed. But that's not true I haven't she has, ever since she started working. I need advice. I can't talk to her she is so agressive. And she holds grudges. (link)
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Your sister is so scared of your parents that it's sickening and leading her to lash out physically at you because she deeply fears what they might do to her if the secret of their emotional abuse and controlling her every movement comes to light by you telling someone the truth or encouraging her to say something.
The fact is your sister is 18-years-old now and legally considered an adult. She can come and go as she pleases, be sexually active, socialize as much as she wants and they cannot do anything more than argue with her about it unless they are hitting her.
Your parents fail to realize they have emotionally, physically and developmentally scarred your sister rather than "protect her" Your family is in dire need of professional help here.
Your sister likely does not make the kind of money to live on her own and must reside with your parents still and live under their roof. What needs to heppen is either you or your sister break the silence about what has been happening for years to a trusted adult be it a teacher, family member, family friend, guidance counsellor about what is going on at home.
Your parents and sister will then get the help they need and your sister might be able to live with a friend, family member etc and develop into a strong adult. You know what you have to do dispite your sister having hit you.
You can just tell that she's needing help and doesn't know what to do about this. Her agressiveness, anger, grudges, and change in personality are all part and parcel of the problems she faces at home.
If she hits you hard again defend yourself or at the very least get her off of you some how. If bruises are left or you think she assualted you no matter your relationship to her you can have her charged with assualt. I think things will get better over time for her and yourself when you finally tell someone the truth.
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as quick as i can... I want to go out with a boy in my class but i cant get the corage to ask him out. i dont even knwo how i should ask him out. and i dont even know if he likes me. should i go for it? how? HELP (link)
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You never mentioned how well you knew him or if at all outside of class. I'll have to assume in my answer that you know whether or not he's single.
The best thing for you to do is approach him and tell him that you and some friends are going to see Hannibal Rising or whatever movie you want on Friday or Saturday night and ask if he would like to come with you.
In the event you are having a party and that works better to invite him to it try that. If he seems disinterested in the idea then you know he's just not in to you and asking him out would not be a good idea.
Asking him to a party or movie with friends saves your bacon here if people in your class are gossips or rumor mongers who want to make you miserable over someone rejecting you for asking them out.
I think you need to have a friendship with the guy first and see if you are compatable there. Once you establish that you can just ask him honestly would he ever consider going out with you. Always use the truth with guys and just blurt out what you feel and forget about it.
If he says no it's no big deal as there are tons of guys that will be entering your life in the long run. He could say yes as well. Just be honest and ask him as it's the only way to get what you want. We cannot read minds ;)
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Hello, I'm getting a needle at school (Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis [whooping cough]) and I have a horrible fear about it. Last time I had one (grade 7) I cried by eyes out and in the end I was sick in bed for 7 days after the needle so I do not have a good record of them. Please give me some hints and tips on how to control this Pobia :) (link)
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Don't do it then. Yo do not have to take this or any other shot if you do not want to do so.
All you need to do is go to your town or city's health office branch and fill out a form giving your religious exemption form taking shots or doing anything else that is medical related through the school.
The form stays on your permanent record and nobody can force this on you or they would be breaking the law. If the shots made you sick before don't bother with them again. I hope you see this note before the scheduled date of the shots.
If you cannot get the form in time simple tell them you are not getting the shot for religious reasons and they cannot force you to. If they so much as tried you could walk out and go home as they would get in big s--t for trying it. You have a choice here, I would exercise this one.
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ok so i like this girl in my spanish class. we occasionally talk and when we do we talk for a long time. she flirts with me through myspace and stuff. i talk to her on the phone from time to time but other than that we dont rele talk to each other much in spanish. she said she wants to take me to the mall this weekend so i plan on going. how can i impress her and try to ensure that she likes me. and when would be a good time to ask her out? please help. thanks. i rate high for advice (link)
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You are certainly doing fine considering she asked you to the mall and made the critical first move that sterotypically (usually) is the guy's job.
I recommend that you do nothing (including trying to impress her or make her laugh) than be natural and the person you always have been. That is who she likes and is impressed by. She will be turned off otherwise and may back away from you thinking you not to be mature or the person she thought she knew and liked.
Let her lead with everything including making decisions such as what movie to see, where to eat etc. Most importantly she MUST lead with the conversation and not you. Keep personal things about yourself and your interests completely out of the conversation unless she brings things up.
Be sure reveal very little about yourself on a first date as she's not wanting your entire life story in 30 seconds. I mention this as guys and girls always make this big mistake and find themselves never invited out on a date or otherwise again with the person.
NEVER discuss past relationships with other girls as you can bet that she will consult them next to size you up further and vice-versa she knows you will do the same. It's a trap not to walk into. The best thing and most important thing to do is pepper her questions about herself, her interests etc. That will help your cause.
At the end of the day tell her you appreciated spending time with her and getting to know her better. Tell her that there is an event, movie etc and or a new video game, DVD you think she'd enjoy that you would like to ask her to or over next weekend and will touch base in e-mail once you know what's happening.
That shows her you are interested in her but does not tell her you want to date her just yet so that she doesn't turn you down and run off to her friends. If a second get-together happens (which is will I'm sure) just turn to her when things are quiet and ask what she would think about dating. Leave it to her to answer. The odds seem stacked in your favor right now if you play it cool.
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do you think that giving a hj as a freshman is slutty? because some of my friends have.. not my close ones but i know that a lot have. and i have a boyfriend that i really love and like i want to but like a lot of my close friends would consider that to be slutty. like i really dont think its that big of a deal. (link)
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First of all the word slut refers to prostitutes and or promiscuios women. What you are asking about is a normal sexual act that many people do. It does not make you a slut for wanting to do it or doing it to your boyfriend or having him do the same kind of act to you.
Secondly, why do you care what your friends think about what you are or are not doing sexually? It's not any of their business really. Why do they even know about these private details of your life anyway? It is always going to be your choice alone to decide whether you want do this or any other sexual thing with your boyfriend and not there's.
Keeping initimate sexual or relationship details to yoursel and not talking to your friends is essential. It's your choice to do this based on whether or not you feel ready and you do not need anyone else's approval here. Even if they did find out you did this so what? If they called you a slut you could laugh it off as you know what the word means and they have no clue ;)
I would talk to your partner about all of this and your fears and then get a sense of whether you are completely comfortable doing it before you go about trying it. If you still feel nervous or like you shouldn't that's perfectly okay.
I'm sure if he loves you he will understand that you just aren't ready to do that to him just yet. If you want to do it as you said you did above go about it and relax. Your friends won't know unless you or he blab to them about doing it.
If they did find out (which they likely wouldn't) just tell them that their business starts and ends at their nose. For good measure talk to your boyfriend now about keeping intimate and sexual details of your relationship to himself and not tell friends about it and pledge to do the same as a condition of engaging in anything remotely sexual. The potential problem would be solved I would think.
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