about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

Ok so this is kinda embarrssing but I fart allot. Its really bad.
Does anyone know what could help me?

First of all what are you eating and drinking? This could have alot to do with it.

I would try using "BEANO" or "GAS X" if these products do not aleve your symptoms then go see your doctor for a check up and see what he suggests.



Hope this helps.

[view]

my dog pees on the carpet allot. no any good stain remover?

Spot Shot is awesome!!! Also oxyclean works really well. This is from personal experience from having a puppy who peed EVERYWHERE lol.


Good Luck

[view]

I live at a horseback riding stable and my mom is an instructor there. I have these friends and everyday after they are done working at the summer camp they come up to our house and eat lunch. Some days it feels like they just are my friends so they can come to my house. for the majority of them i know thats not true. And then they are always asking if they can eat or have something of ours and i cant exactly say no. A couple times in a row they have like cleaned our house because it is a little messy and they just clean it but they are really rude like oh we have to do it its to gross i cant look at it anymore,kind of rude. so then it makes me feel really bad. So my question is what do i do? They are being rude,esspecaily to my little sister. she is 12 (most of ther ages, im 14) but she is easy to pick on. how do i stand up to them and any other advice you have would be great

Ok First of all if they feel your house is "too gross" then they shouldn't come at all. They are beyond rude. I wouldn't allow them into your house again. IF they can't accept your hospitality then you shouldn't offer it.

As for picking on your sister that is not ok. I mean they are GUESTS in your home. The next time they want to come over just tell them that because of their past behavior not only towards your home but towards your sister they are not welcome until their attitudes change.

They sound like spoiled brats to me and deserve to eat in the barn with the other animals.

Hope this helped.

[view]

Hey!
I Dont know this might sound really stange but ill give it a shot.
It seems like i get obsessed with people and it is really werid to me it has always been another woman who is older than me. I am a fourteen year old girl.
Ex1. I had this friend named Amy who worked with my mom she was 22. Since my mom lives at her work and i live with her i would see Amy everyday and hang-out with her on her breaks and stuff,
It came to a ponit where i would ditch my other friends to go and be with Amy like i would say "oh, i just have to go tell her something, ill be right back" and leave my friends and would forget about them because I was happy to be with Amy. Then after about a year She quit her job and i didnt see her, but she promised to come back and visit me once a week she came once and didnt come again like she said she would. Then after a while i found myself just hating her and not wanting to talk to her on the phone or anything like that. I dont see her very much anymore.
Ex2. The Counsoller at school, Ms.Shima was someone who i would talk to almost once a week( somethimes less). I really liked talking to her and listening to what she had for advice i was haveing a really rough year so i would sometimes try and talk to her more often. I would go up to her at recess and see if she would have time during my free period to talk with me and she would say "oh thats fine, sure!" so then i wouldgo to her office at the time we set aside and she wouldnt be there or she would be talking with someone else. I understand that at school its not like you have a real appt. but then later in the day she would see mee and say " oh sorrrryy i forgot, is tammarrow okay?" the first time it happened i kind of just shrugged it off the second and third time it made me a little angry. But when i did get in to see her it always made me feel so much more at peace and relaxed. Now that it is summeer i feel like i am haveing withdrawls from not being able to speak with her about things.
I wont be able to talk with her nest year either since i am going to be a freshman but a specail cousoller it going to come to my highschool once a week fr me to talk to, but without Ms. Shima it will be really odd.
SO I DONT KNOW THIS IS THE WEIRDEST THING I HAVE EVER ASKED AND SORRY FOR THE LENGTH.

OK you are not really asking a question here, you are simply stating your behaviours and feelings towards 2 people and suggesting a pattern of behavior. What exactly do you want to know. I can't help you if you are not clear with what you need help with.


Please let me know what I can do to help.

[view]

i have this guy i been with for 8 months and he broke up with me and i gave him a letter begging him to take me back telling him i love him and i need him and i cant live without him.. and he just read it and ripped it up...and i left crying and he cursed and yelled at me..when i came back i sat by myself and cried for like 2 hours and he was all over my friends hugging them and stuff like that and i got so uppset and he didnt even care..this happend like 20 minutes ago and he isnt calling ...he never calls when we break up...i always call and beg for him back what should i do to make him want me back?

Ok first of all this guy sounds like an ass, why are you begging him to come back, he is obviously hurting you on a continual basis. You can't make someone love you, believe me I have tried. You deserve better then him.

If you really want him back, (despite the fact that he seems like an ass) then here is what you do: Don't call him, If he calls you tell him your busy right now and you will call him later, then make him wait for a few days. If you see him don't react to him AT ALL just say like hey and walk away. I GUARANTEE that he will be the one to come begging it will drive him NUTS that you are not running after him.

Good Luck and if you ever want to talk about WHY you think you deserve a guy like this let me know.

[view]

So there is this guy I really like. And the last guy I went out with really liked my chest. He apparently would describe me to people as "brown hair, brown eyes, tall, huge boobs." And so I hated that!
So we brok up. Duh. =]
But so this new guy is so nice! But so was the guy before. And kind and sweet and funny. All the same as the previous "nice chest" guy.
So today, I wore a really revealing shirt.... just to see what he would do. And he talked to me for like 30 minutes *we usually talk like 10 minutes every day, sometimes less* and he kept looking at me from across the room.
Does this mean that he likes me?! Or likes my boobs? Weird question, I know.
Thanks!

First of all you and your boobs are a package 2 parts of a whole, so its not like you can seperate the 2! As for whether or not he likes you for you or your "assets" well I think that he obviously liked you before, and maybe he has just found something new to like about you. Most guys like boobs, it is an unfortunate thing, I mean I can't tell you how many times I have told guys that my face was actually a few inches up! If he was obsessed with them its a problem otherwise enjoy being a girl!

Hope this helped

[view]

Ok, I have always wondered if I were attracted to women more than men; I am a 22 year old woman and I met a really great man and of course got married. But I'm running into a problem; I started work with a new company and I am finding myself very attracted to the girl I work with. She is a lesbian and she also has a girlfriend. My husband has no idea that I have these feelings for this woman and this woman has no idea that I have these feelings for her. What should I do? Do I tell her that I have feelings for her? Do I tell my husband that I'm feeling these feelings too? I'm still very attracted and in love with my husband too, what do I do?

Ok, as a married woman I gotta say whether it's men or women we are still attracted to others even when we are married. We're not dead!!

You say that you are still in love with your husband so no I wouldn't tell him. Do you think he tells you every time he is attracted to another person? Being married means that this is the man you have chosen to be with despite meeting people who if you weren't married too could possibly be a candidate for a relationship.

You could very possibly be bi-sexual, attracted to both sexes. I wouldn't tell this woman at work either, I mean she is in a relationship and if she was not interested in you then that would create alot of friction at your new job.

Hope this helped.

[view]

Okay, so at night when I'm trying to sleep, my left thigh just will not relax no mattter what position I'm in. It's not really tight, but it's just distracting, and It keeps me from going to sleep as fast as normal. This has been happening the past few months. Any ideas about what it is and how to make it relax?

Hey my husband has the same issue, but his leg twiches. It is actually called restless leg syndrome, and can also be when your muscles don't relax. Some things you can try are taking a warm bath before bed to relax your muscles.

If it doesn't get better I would see your doctor. My husband actually takes meds for it.


Hope this helps

[view]

Im going swimming tomorrow and I just got my period! I really want to go because I made plans with guys & stuff..but Ive tried putting a tampon in and it hurts me really bad. Any advice on how to make it hurt less or how to put it in right?? ANY advice is appreciated.

First of all they make tampons specifically for teenage girls, try and use those. Second of all the minute you get in a pool your period stops due to the pressure of water.



Hope this helps

[view]

I'm going to put this as clean as I can.
I had sex, and was giving the guy a hand job before hand and didnt finish him off.
He penetrated me a few times before putting on a condomn.
I haven't missed a period yet, but I should be getting it any day now.
But I've not felt well at all in the morning, my breasts have been really sore, plus I've been neasuated somewhat.
I'm not sure if it's possible I could be pregnant? I need some help here, and asap..thanks.

Ok yes it is possible but it sounds to me like you are having psychsymptomatic issues as well. What I mean is because you think that there could be a possiblity your mind is telling your body to be nautious ect. Your best bet is to take a test. Also all the symptoms you decribe can happen around a normal period. And you would not be nautious this early in a pregnancy.

Hope this helped.

[view]

i took a pg test and it said i was pregnant but then i started to bleed a couple of days later and then i took another test and it said negative but my periods are shorter and my mom says i am gaining weight and i have been feeling bad

Just so you know some women still get their period when they are pregnant. It is a medical fact you can look it up.

I would suggest that you go to the doctor, he can give you a blood test which are pretty much foolproof.


Hope this helps

[view]

I'm 17/f. I'm about 5'11". I've never been kissed, been on a date or had a boyfriend. Not to sound arrogant or anything but I am pretty. I have a great personality. I feel like I'm the only girl my age who hasn't been kissed, etc. I'm afraid I won't experience anything till college. Kinda like Felicity (old t.v. show). It makes me really sad, especially when watching romance movies. Any advice?

I had the same problem in highschool (I am 5'10") and alot of guys are intimidated by the height thing. You won't have to wait until college, most boys are having their final growth spurt around now, also maybe your "too" pretty so guys tend to assume that you have guys banging down your door. Try to be a little more approachable, by joking around with guys etc.

Guys are oddddd creatures, but don't worry it'll happen for you!! Also ask your friends for suggestions, you never know they may see something you don't.

Hope this helps

[view]

My friend Taylor, *of 7 years* always tries to make her look better then me. She always tells people I'm having a bad hair day, I'm breaking out, my parents are strict *even though HER parents are the super strict ones, deff. Not mine!* she'll tell them my families having money problems, I complain to much, or that my legs are a little hairy or something, especially around popular people and hotties.

She ALWAYS does this, I hate going places with her. She thinks she totally cool, but shes not. After two hott guys chose me over her, she's been like this. I'm not trying to compete against her, she just auotmaticly does this. I've tried talking to her, didn't work. What should I do?

She is not your friend. I am sorry to tell you this but a friend does not do these things EVER! A true friend would be building you up to people not tearing you down.

I would tell her that if she can't be a friend that she is not worth hanging out with. I can pretty much guarentee you that her toxic behavior is probably having the effect of keeping others from being friends with you.

Explain why you are dumping her and if she promises to change I would give her ONE chance and one chance only!!

Hope this helped.

[view]

my dad left my mom about 3 years ago.. I don't hang out with him or anything.. and when I see my friends with their dads having a good time..I always get jealous and wished i had a dad to have a good time with..I also watch shows and get jealous to..what can I do to not get jealous of people cause they have a dad and I don't? It ain't no way I'm spending time with my father.. I don't like him..

Ok first of all I know what you are going through my dad is an absolute ass. As for the jealousy thing you may always wish that your father had been a better man but maybe instead of expending your energy on a the idea of a "perfect" father why not stop and thank your mother for being strong and raising you the best way she can. It is better to have one good parent then 2 crappy ones anyday.



[view]

I'm sixteen years old and people tell me I'm really good at picking out clothes and looking cute. The problem is no matter what dress I try on it look bad on me. I'm kinda pear shaped and I have wide hips. Do you know of any styles of dresses or places I could find dresses that would most likely look good on me?

Hey there,

I found this website that tells you exactly what kinds of pants/jeans skirts and shirts to get hope it helps.

http://www.uniquelywoman.co.uk/women's_apple_pear_shape_body_images.htm

[view]

i was watching tv and i saw this commercial to lose weight using the sauna belt ..like you would put it around your stomach and you could lose inches.. i was wondering if anyone has ever tried this sauna belt before and if it acutally worked and where can i buy this and how much does it cost?

It totally does not work, all it does is shift the fat for a short period of time.


[view]

Ok so I'm going on a blind date today except I know who I'm going with and I know what he looks like, and he is smoldering hot. Whereas I am so-so.
My friend and his girlfriend wanted to go doubled-dating so she picked smolderinghot guy and my friend picked me.
I really want him to like me though, I'm a little shy. Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with a really hot, really popular guy? My friend's girlfriend says he's really sweet but I'm intimidated.
So any advice other than just be myself? Thanks in advance.

Well first of all he probably is just as nervous! Also if you go into this seeing him as really hot and really popular you are ignoring the person beyond the outside. Talk to him like you would to your friend, make jokes, ask him about himself, his likes/dislikes. The key is to keep it really light and casual. Do not talk about serious stuff!!

I have poled most of the teens I work with and asked what they look for in a girl and 95% of them said that while yes they had to be attracted the most important thing is sense of humour and the ability to make others laugh! So Chillax and make it funny, and light!

Hope this helps

[view]

I'm supposed to be drawing Caricatures for my aunt's boss but I'm not exactly sure how to start one off. She also told me to set a price for her. I'm drawing 5 different people for Christmas cards. So, how much should I charge her? and any tips on how to start off a caricature would be so great. I really need to hurry and get this done!

Have you ever done a caricature before? I would assume that you are a good artist, drawing caricatures is very different though, I would advise you that you meet with each person and find out what they like to do in their free time, likes, dislikes, nicknames etc... Caricatures are usually personalized and show the subject in an a light that is humerous but not insulting it is a fine line! Also ask your aunt's boss what she is looking for and if she has ideas.

As for the money, well it depends on how long it will take you to do each one, also does the buyer have a fixed price in mind? I would figure maybe 15-25 per picture? That is around what those guys who draw in amusment parks charge.

Hope this helped.

[view]

15/f I am not a very sexually active person and have never gone past 1st base. My question is if while masturbating you break you own hymen are you no longer a virgin? Like if a guy asked you if you were or does it not really count?

Being a virgin is more then a broken hyman. If you have never had sex then you are still a virgin.



Hope this clears that up for you.

[view]

22 Female.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we are very much in love with eachother and fancy eachother. Sex has always been very difficult and painful for me, and such a huge struggle, but earlier this year it did become easier.
It's just this year, i haven't wanted anything sexual, a few times this year ive gone through spells of 3-4 days when all i've wanted to do is sexual things with him, but the rest of the time i always knock him back or if he touches me i move his hand away.
I do want to have sex, it's just such an ordeal with the pain and the time it takes for my body to be ready, and i dont get turned on during sex and it takes a while for me to be turned on in foreplay and i really aren't giving it enough time because i keep pushing him away.
i dont know whats wrong with me, i do suffer terribly with depression so we think it could be that, aswell as everyday on-going physical and mental illnesses.
I know he gets frustrated and has though it's because i dont famcy him but i do, i think he's gorgeous and i love him so much.
i just want to understand why i do this, and if there are anyways to get me "in the mood" and find my labido and just enjoy it without turning him down all the time.

thank you

Hey alot of women have this problem, it actually sounds like 2 different ones.

As to your lack of a sexual desire, that could be because your hormone levels are out of whack, if you visit your doctor then you can have a blood test that will signify what the problem is. It could be easily remedied by taking some hormone replacement.

As for the painful sex that also sounds like a symptom of a bigger issue. Sex can be painful due to an infection such as PID or a variety of other issues.

I highly suggest that you visit either your doctor or a neighborhood clinic to find out the reason behind this, just think how much better you will feel if you didn't have this hanging over your head!

Hope this helps.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker