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he wants sex, i dont
22 Female.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we are very much in love with eachother and fancy eachother. Sex has always been very difficult and painful for me, and such a huge struggle, but earlier this year it did become easier.
It's just this year, i haven't wanted anything sexual, a few times this year ive gone through spells of 3-4 days when all i've wanted to do is sexual things with him, but the rest of the time i always knock him back or if he touches me i move his hand away.
I do want to have sex, it's just such an ordeal with the pain and the time it takes for my body to be ready, and i dont get turned on during sex and it takes a while for me to be turned on in foreplay and i really aren't giving it enough time because i keep pushing him away.
i dont know whats wrong with me, i do suffer terribly with depression so we think it could be that, aswell as everyday on-going physical and mental illnesses.
I know he gets frustrated and has though it's because i dont famcy him but i do, i think he's gorgeous and i love him so much.
i just want to understand why i do this, and if there are anyways to get me "in the mood" and find my labido and just enjoy it without turning him down all the time.
thank you
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You have my sympathies. I actually have exactly the same problem. It's not that you don't enjoy it at all, it's just that it REALLY hurts and it puts you off doing it!!
I expect the reason you don't really enjoy it as much as you should is because you're so geared up towards expecting it to hurt that you can't relax into it. After all, it's hard to enjoy something when you know it will be painful. Perhaps the depression does play a part but I have to admit, your problem sounds more physical than it does mental. I suspect that if you weren't in pain every time you had sex, you would be able to enjoy the whole bedroom experience much more.
I would recommend you try lube but if it really hurts that much, I don't think that would help enough.
Now, I have heard of a condition called Vaginismus, which may well be what is causing you problems. It's not uncommon by any means and after doing a quick Google search I found the following website:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
It might be a good idea if you and your boyfriend have a look through the information. It's important also that you note under the "What Is It?" page that it says "It is not triggered deliberately or intentionally by the woman but rather happens unconsciously."
Please don't worry about this. According to the website, there is treatment available and it gives you hints as to how to make sex easier.
If you need to talk about it at all, please feel free to send me a message.
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Hey alot of women have this problem, it actually sounds like 2 different ones.
As to your lack of a sexual desire, that could be because your hormone levels are out of whack, if you visit your doctor then you can have a blood test that will signify what the problem is. It could be easily remedied by taking some hormone replacement.
As for the painful sex that also sounds like a symptom of a bigger issue. Sex can be painful due to an infection such as PID or a variety of other issues.
I highly suggest that you visit either your doctor or a neighborhood clinic to find out the reason behind this, just think how much better you will feel if you didn't have this hanging over your head!
Hope this helps.
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hey!
hhmmm well if sex is painful for you, i can see why you don't want to do it. no one wants to do something that they don't enjoy. on the other hand, it is something that he enjoys, and it is something that is part of long term relationships. you need to have some sort of physical contact every now and then, or else both of you will get frustrated and the relationship miht suffer from it.
a lot of women don't get off from sex. if you don't, and on top of that if you have to deal with pain, then you shouldn't be forced to do it all the time. why don't you guys try oral sex? what probably hurts is when he inserts his penis into the vagina... but that's not involved in oral sex, so it shouldn't be painful for you and you should be able to enjoy it. that way both of you are happy... he gets some action (and so do u!) and you don't have to deal with pain.
now as far as why it hurts, maybe his penis is too big or you are too tight? try buying a small dildo or even just using your fingers every now and then to help with the tightness. if that is the problem and you get it a little bit looser, things should be ok in the future. if not, then why don't you go see a gynecologist and explain the situation to them. they should be able to determine the problem and give you a solution!
lastly, when you do get in the mood to have sex, make it really really good for him since it's not something you want to do all the time. buy sexy underwear, try different positions, role play... whatever turns you and him on. buy and read the magazine Cosmopolitan... they always have lots of great ideas on how to make sex better and more exciting for both partners. maybe even watch porn before you get in bed with him... that might turn you on. basically try different things and see what works! :) GOOD LUCK! let me know if you need more help!
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OOk...it sounds like you just need to relax for a bit while you are together and just trust him to be easy with you and trust him to know when you are not ready or you dont want to anymore.
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