missbananafontana's advice column

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Q: does anybody know this song...(name or singer)
its by a girl singer

its like...

"you dont know what its like to be(something??)...
you dont know anything about me...."

thanks a bunch

Well, there's "Boston" by Augustana where the lyrics go "You don't know me, you don't even care...". I thought of that song when I read your question. Here's a link to iTunes to see if that's it: http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playlistId=180147957&s=143441&i=180148416

Q: Christopher Columbus didn't DO anything! He DID NOT discover America! Its should be Rosa Parks day BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING!!!!!!! Does anyone know any websites that I could go research that kind of stuff? To proove that he didn't do anything and that it should be Rosa Parks day?!!??!!!

Ummm... yeah he did. He went to go find a short route to the Indies, and found the big hunk of land called North America. The Vikings actually get the credit now, but still. Are you saying that Rosa Parks should get a day for discovering America on the day we call Columbus Day? You're being kind of mixed up. And for your second question, do you want a site that will say that Christopher Columbus is a fraud and that we should have a Rosa Parks Day? Sorry, but you can try Wikipedia for SEPARATE searches, since, hello, wake up, they have nothing to do with each other. And also, all Rosa Parks did was stand up for herself. That's all we know her for. I'm not saying that she wasn't a good person, just that she didn't do anything like introduce civilized Europeans to a new land that they could modernize into what we know today as America.

Q: ok ther is this girl christina and she is mad at me beause i told her that i didnt like her huggin and flirtin with my boy friend and she said she cant be my friend any more bcause i dont trust her she swares she dont like him but i dont well didnt want him to start likein her and then she proswaded him 2 brake up with me and he did(you see they was friends way before me and him were) and thats why he did. but am i the bad guy(girl) here?andi do miss her as my friend and ive tried to be her friend againbut all she does is be her bitchy self soo?

She is a major bitch. It would be a nice sense of revenge on her to kick her ass, and I encourage you to do it, but it is not necessary. Don't try to be her friend. She is obviously a girl with no conscience or empathy. Sorry about you and your boyfriend. She apparently was very into him, but that doesn't justify it. You're not the bad guy; she is. And when it comes to it, that's all that matters.

Q: hi im 15 f,

ok well i like watching people having sex like n theintenet n stuff and rent porn movies with people well doinit does that mean im bi or gay? and if im not what am i?

plzzzzz help.

The fact you like porn means nothing about your sexuality. If you're attracted to guys, you're straight. To girls, you're lesbian. To both, you're bisexual.

Q: I hit a deer with my car, well actually the deer hit me. There is no damage to the front of the car, the windshield isn't broken, and the airbags didn't go off, the only damage is on the hood of the car itself.

http://i13.tinypic.com/7yga9uo.jpg

My parents don't want to report it to the insurance company, how much do you think it would be to pay it out of pocket? Do you think they could just bang the hood out so it would fit again or would we need to replace the entire hood?

You can take it to a Paintless Dent Removal Shop (check your phone book) and they'll take an estimate on it. You could also try hitting the dents with a rubber hammer from the inside of the hood. It would cost you a maximum of $200, but I have no clue for exact, since I'm not a car mechanic.

Q: what is the best straightener out there? im looking to buy a new one because i have thick hair and the one i have now isn't working well. i'll go for any price as long as its under around $150.

TIGI Bed Head works really well; here's a link to it: http://beauty.hsn.com/bed-head-1-tourmaline-ceramic-hair-straightener_p-3621130_xp.aspx

Q: okay, heres the story.

about 4 months ago i went out with this kid.
i only when out with him for 2 months.
he was my first kiss, but we didn't really talk much. So i broke it off, because i didn't want a bad relationship, we never saw eachother.

Its four months later, and i cant stop thinking about him. i don't know why, i honestly dont know what this is about. But i guess its cause he was my first kiss.

After we broke up he was talking to me online saying he'll never find another girlfriend. I don't think he was sad,though.

I haven't talked to him since i broke up with him.
We have the same friends. But when I'm there , he wont come over. Its like he's ignoring me,avoiding me. i think he hates me. It hurts me to think that, because we were once so close. I don't know what to do anymore.

My real question is, Why do you think he's avioding me? I mean, it wasn't that serious of a relationship. Do you think he still might like me? or is he just compleatly over me? i'm so confused.

Also, how can i get over him?

thanks

He is avoiding you because he is so absorbed and swallowed up that he couldn't deliver what you wanted in a relationship. He didn't exactly WANT you to break up with him, and he's obviously still thinking that maybe if he plays the poor sad kid that can't find anyone to love him, you'll go back to him out of guilt. You need to realize this guy is a total wimp that can't take a break-up like a man, and you need to go find something else to do besides think about how "bad he must feel". You can feel bad for a little bit, it's only natural, but after that you need to move on and if he doesn't want to talk to you, that's his problem.

Q: I'm 17/f
And I have lent some money ($200) to my best friend who has not paid me back after almost 10 months because he is always broke.
I am really in need of the money right now and I am broke myself.
I have recently been diagnosed with depression and I am too tired, lethargic and out of energy as well as irritable and I get angry and violent very easily.
So therefore I can hardly go to school everyday, let alone work.
I really need a job and I desperately need money but i dont think I am going to get the money back of my friend who is actually moving away next week.
What should I do?
it's not only the money that I lent him that I need but I really need an income but I just can't work.

please help.
xx

That is one of the worst attitudes I have ever seen in my whole life. You can work, just get off your lazy ass. If you have depression, hello, go to your doctor and get Cymbalta or some other medication to treat it. Sorry if this makes you angry, but no one is just going to give you money because you are to tired and irritable to have one. Everyone will scuff in disgust at your attitude. What to you want me to tell you? Go call the hotline for 1-2-3 LumpSum? You are NEVER GOING TO EARN MONEY IF YOU DON'T WORK. Try getting some therapy and medication for your depression, then suck it up like a man and go get a job. It's your loss, not anyone else's, if you won't. If you stay like this you're going to turn into a grumpy old maid with no life who has lived in her parents' house forever. My point is, if you don't go work for money, no one's going to give it to you. No one is going to be affected besides you if you don't get a job, and therefore no one cares if you have any money. You're using your depression as an excuse to hide behind, and it won't work forever. Just get up, get out, and go get a job. This is not the answer you wanted to hear, I know it, but it's a painful reality shock that you needed to hear.

Q: how do you get free movies for your ipod with ouuut any viruses and not limewire

Umm... you can't really, unless they put a movie under the "Free on iTunes" section of iTunes Store. Sorry. I don't know why you don't want to use LimeWire. It's 100% legal, and there's tips for avoiding viruses on their webpage.

Q: what is a good screen name for aim?
i cant seem to find one that isnt already taken : /

I don't know if this will help, but here's a random user name generator:
http://nine.frenchboys.net/handle.php

Q: who sings the song on the iphone commercial.
it's upbeat and the first line is "music is my boyfriend"
thanks

That's the iTouch commercial, actually. The song is "Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex" by CSS.

Q: Ok can you define these for me?
hand job,
blow job
head

and which one is oral sex?
thanks!

Blow job: Oral sex performed upon a man.
Head: Slang term for blow job.
Hand job: Stimulating a man's penis with your hand until he ejaculates.

Q: hey ; i have a few questions but they're all related -- should i have made them each seperate questions? sorry; please just answer what you can

1 )are there any foods that would make your breasts larger? i have small breasts but they're still growing. i want them to be larger but NATURALLY -- no pills, surgeries. i just want to know is there any food that will give me a "boost" ?

2 ) i'm currently an A32 cup -- pretty small. do breasts have "growth spurts" like your height does? if so about what age does this occur between averagely?

3 )is there anything else that will NATURALLY give me larger breasts? i know that you are born with what you get; but like is there a kind of excercise? i could always use a push-up bra or something as well i know; so please don't suggest that(=

4 ) what is the average breast size (cup) once the breasts have fully developed?

thank you(=

2. Yes. Your breasts will begin to get sore and slightly firmer around 13 or 14 and that's when they begin to grow. Don't worry about the soreness; it will go away in time.
1 & 3. I recommend you leave your breasts the way they are; they're already natural, and will get bigger in time. The best ways to naturally enhance them, though (to answer the question), is:
a. get pregnant. Pregnancy will make breasts grow larger.
b. Exercise the muscle below the breasts.
4. The average size (in America) used to be 34B, but is now like a 36C since a lot of Americans are overweight (which also increases breast size) and more Americans are getting implants.

Q: I got these brown COACH shoes :

http://www.coach.com/content/product.aspx?product_no=9475&category_id=159

I know that i can't wear them all the time because somethings just dont match. What color besides the colors in the shoes can i wear with them? I know black and brown dont match but i mean i tried it on together and i really like it. So can i wear black ? I need more ideas

My friend recently got those sneakers. She can't go jogging or walking in them because they were expensive, but they're not dressy, so she can't wear them with skirts or dresses. You could wear them with like a denim mini skirt, and green/pink/blue top. Those colors will look good. But never wear a very casual outfit; you will look like one of those ladies who dress badly so they buy Coach bags and shoes to try to look more stylish. You know the people; the ones walking down the street in sweatpants, dirty T-shirt and Coach shoes. Doesn't look good. You could also wear them with dark skinny or straight leg denim and a white or blue top. Blue looks so good with brown. And with a semi-fancy outfit, sneakers will dress them down and will look good. Hope I helped!

Q: What are the best ways to boost your metabolism?

Well, I just thought of my mom's diet when I read your question. She had a pretty slow metabolism, and so she paid $250 for a weight loss thing, and the first 6 weeks she had to eat a strict diet of 5 meals a day to reset her metabolism. She ate 2 egg whites, 1/2 cup of oatmeal, and 12 fl. oz of water for breakfast; 2 oz. of chicken, 1/2 of an apple, and 12 fl. oz of water; 3 oz of FRESH tuna, 1/2 cup of DARK GREENS, and 12 fl oz of water for lunch; an afternoon snack that's same as morning snack; 3 oz of turkey breast, 1 cup of brown rice, and 12 fl oz of water for dinner; and optional night snack of 1/2 grapefruit or 1/2 cup of mixed berries. Hope this helped! And p.s. this really worked for her!

Q: Can anyone tell me who this is? I came across this picture and thought he would make the perfect Edward. (Twilight)

http://photobucket.com/mediadetail/?media=http%3A%2F%2Fi132.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fq7%2Fmatthiasxxx%2FHOT%2520GUYS%2Faf88.jpg&searchTerm=guys%20with%20long%20hair&pageOffset=3

I'm pretty sure it's not anyone particularly famous, probably the person who posted the photo, who's name is below it. And I don't know, I always pictured Edward with short hair and pale skin. : )

You can't really make anyone pale. Liar. (JK!) You can make a lot of pale people tan, but usually not vice versa, at least not easily.

POST FEEDBACK (down here!!!)
Hey. I answered this a couple weeks ago, but I thought this was interesting... The person in that picture is actually a Calvin Klein model... thought you'd like to know. I just did a Yahoo Image search for Calvin Klein, and that picture in an ad came up. Cool, huh?

Q: I'm 15/f, a freshman and I need some help.

First of all, I wasn't allowed into my school drama program because the class was completely full by the time I was registered. Therefore, I'm automatically disqualified to audition for any school plays or musicals (My public school is pathetic).

So I met this guy Jason who's the leading actor in the school drama program and the captain of the school Improv Team (currently unavailable for freshman). He's really hot and smart and friendly and a good actor...and he's a senior. Yes, I know I'm a freshman and I don't really have much of a chance because he has female friends following him wherever he goes, and he probably has a girlfriend anyways. But still, I enjoy occasionally talking to him about the school's upcoming theatre events and such when I see him around campus.

Anyhow, about a month ago I started having these drug crashes in class because the dose of my ADHD medication was too high for me. I totally went insane, became very ill (physically and psychologically) and I had to stay home from school for awhile.

I started getting manic highs and lows, and the drug made me say and do all sorts of stupid, embarassing (nothing dangerous, just silly) things without even thinking and I didn't have any control over myself.

So my dad took me to Jamba Juice one day and we were driving through town when I saw him with a large group of his friends in front of a restaurant. On impulse, I opened the car door, popped my head out and screamed "HI JASON!!!" and slammed the door again. Like I said, I was under the influence of drugs that my doctor shouldn't have prescribed and I was not responsible for my behavior. Still, I'm very embarassed.

I'm scared. Does this mean I can never face him again?

That IS embarrassing. And embarrassing for him. I would laugh so hard if someome did that to me. No offense, just saying what probably happened. Now, I am quite sure that they are thinking that you are some kind of sped with some serious issues. It isn't right, it isn't fair, and it isn't how you want it to be. But that's what it isn't. What it IS is funny. It's really funny. Just laugh about it and forget it. And for your ADHD, take the proper medicine (make sure) before you talk to him. Just say you had like an ADHD spaz attack. Then laugh about it and be light, not defensive. Just try to be friends, and explain your illness to him, but remember, nobody likes to be under pressure, so be light about it, and never be too serious. Hope this helps! (Remember, anything in life is worth laughing about!)

Q: ok well sometimes when im talkimg to some guys at school idk how to respond so im like "okay.." like this guy always says that we're tight.. and i keep saying "okayy" and i wanna say something else like funny but idk.. like i've know him for 2 years now but with some guys its a little hard to open up. btw im 13 and a girl. thanks :)

Be comfortable. Like if someone says "we're tight", like hip-bump him and go "like spandex!". It's funny and cute. It's okay if you feel uncomfortable about it at first, just get used to it. Like the spandex thing. That was an easy one. Find something cute to compare it too, like looking at sassy T-shirts from Forever 21. (I got the spandex one because I thought of a shirt I saw that said "I'm tight like spandex" on it.) T-shirts have some really witty and cute things on them, you can just browse through websites and look at them. I know it sounds weird, but it works!

Q: okay so this guy who i like likes me back. his name is billy. he is this really hot guy who is like emo but he doesn't cut himself or anything. okay so today at school his best friend came to school totally stoned and the teachers noticed and he got taken to juvey. i talked to him about it on the bus today and he explained to me what had happened and everything, and then i asked him if he did drugs. he said no that he would never do that. im not really sure if i should believe him or not because it was his best friend and all of his other friends do it. im not sure if i should believe him or not. i really dont want to go out with someone who does drugs, but how do i no if he does them or not? anything will help!

You can't judge a person on what they're friends are. You can express your concern on what his friends act like, and that you hope that he can help them get clean. If he refuses, you will now have reasonable doubt that he isn't dirty, and you can try to find something out from people who know him better than you do. I think you really like him, and if he is dirty, you should try to help him as much as you can to get clean, even if you "don't want to go out with someone who does drugs." This isn't unreasonable, I don't either, but you should still care and try to get people on the clean side of humanity. Good luck!

Q: One day my cousin came to visit us and was telling us about how much her dad hates her because he never stops yelling at her for anything she does and she doesn't do anything worng.

Then my dad interjected "You idiot! He yells at you a lot because he loves you the most!"

And then she looked at my little brother because evryone knows that he yells at him the most.

Is it true? I thought I was his favourite, I'm the only one out of the three siblings who even like him at all.

And if it is true, how? I don't get it, it doesn't make sense

Maybe he was kidding. Or is your cousin's dad your dad's brother? Maybe he knows how much her dad loves her and wanted to make a point that even though he yells at her, he really loves her, and just didn't know how else to say it. I really think that's it. He just was mad that she doesn't know exactly how much her dad loves her. And you sound conceited when you say that you thought you are his favorite. Parents usually seem to favor one kid, but it is usually not true that they actually mean to have a favorite. He loves you all.

Oh my gosh! I'm sorry! I saw notinyourdream's column, and she had said that she had a question that was titled "Is it true?"! I really, really thought this was it! SORRRY!!!

bio

Happy 2008! My name is Dana for those of you who don't know, and I obviously love to give advice, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be here. I will pick at anyone who doesn't bother to capitalize their "I"'s or the beginnings of sentences. Proper grammar and spelling is very important to me. bcuz it Just loooks soooo sloppie when u type lyke this. So a word to the wise, and for the majority of you that it doesn't apply to, think about it, and watch yourself. Second of all, I will never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever write something that is not true. So therefore I am always right. So stand down and accept it. (Note: that also means that my "opinions" are actual facts. At least the ones I bother to write.)

Never ask me anything about how fat you are or love life. Cliched, I know, but I am heartless when it comes to the truth. If you don't know what to do with your cheating boyfriend that you still love, go ask someone else since I could not care less. Seriously.

Have a nice day!
Love,
missbananafontana

Favorite artist so far: Bob Marley
Favorite movie ever: "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
Favorite actress: Grace Kelly (as you can tell)
Favorite brand: Vineyard Vines (as you can tell)
Favorite song: "No Woman, No Cry"

WARNING:
My answers will be based on a preppy lifestyle. I am the clean, preppy sort, like the person who looks clean and classy and doesn't really notice anyone who isn't, regardless that some weirdos think that preppy people hate them. Also, if you wonder about the corrections on the answers I give, no worries; they're just simple corrections to those who don't know where to put a period, or that they have to capitalize the beginnings of sentences. Please don't be offended.