about

Hey, my name is Elena (pronounced EE-lay-nuh) and I run the advice column at my high-school newspaper. I've been told I give great advice that works. So go ahead and ask me ANYTHING from light-hearted questions to serious problems. If you need to know how to fix your broken iPod or fix a broken heart, I'll answer. Remember, I only know what you tell me so my advice may not work in your specific situation. Ask away! :)

advice

i'm going to a bat mitzvah after-party and i need to know what to wear(ASAP!):

so far, i am going to wear a shirt that is a halter top. It is brown with white flowers on it and it is long(its a little bit higher than the middle of my thigh)

i dont know what pants/shorts/etc. what to wear under it...

advice please?
thank youuu

Oh my God, no! Unless this is REALLY casual, you need to wear a dress. A party dress(casual or cocktail)This is a big event, do NOT wear bermuda shorts!

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There is this guy that i have liked for about two years and he would flirt with me one day and the next day he is going out with this girl that he has known for two days. I have cried over him so much and he has hurt me alot but there is this part in my body thst i just dont want to forget

He is a player and would never be a good boyfriend. I say let it go, he's a jerk for doing that to you.

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is there nayway someone can be in love with someone if they were never together?

or how about if they broke up? but only one loves the other?

or does it have to be both?

You can love anyone, it doesn't mean you have been together.

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Okay so, he and I have been together for 4 years. I've broken down alot of his committment barriers, no kids, I have kids and he loves them. no living together, we have lived happily together for 3 years.. we have yet to fight, no marriage "right now". he bought a 4br. house for me and my kids!! we move in this week..he has said, you want to be mrs. dont you?? I said yes, of course!!Lots of suggestive talk, his friends slap him on the back and say when are you gonna marry this beautiful girl?? He blushes and laughs! My b-day is 7-7-77. Proposal POSSIBLE?? He has been married 2x, me once. we are an incredible team with love and understanding, lots of communication?? what do you think? I am 29, he is 42, age definately doesnt matter..

I don't think so. He has gotten out of 2 marriges, so he doesn't want comitment. Age DOES matter because it links to interests. I don't know him or you, but it seems he doesn't want to be tied down.

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sorry its long
Me and my mom have a really good relationship We never fight or anything i love it. But the only thing is i dont think she trusts me and she is really protective. I think its because im the youngest in my whole family, like cousins and nephews and everything. I never lie to her because i dont feel the need to and she knows it(plus if i did she would probably catch me anyway and it would be worse) But my mom never lets me go out and do fun things. She will let me go out locally because i live in a small area. But like if i want to go to concert in the city she wont et me unless there is "adult supervision" She never did that to my sister! Or if i wanna go vist my friend because she lives 4 hours away my mom wont let me take the bus over there so i never get to see her. What can i do to get my mom to let me go out and have fun?

You need to keep up responsible behavior, like you already have. You're mom probably learned from her mistakes she made with your sister, and wants to make you more safe. Going dangerous places(bus,concert) by yourself isn't a great idea, so your mom is right there. Ask though if your big sister or another responsible person can tag along with you. Ask your mom how you could be able to go, and if she says only with an adult, ask if she can go shopping or something while you have fun. Or ask if another adult you like could go with you. Hang in there, its for your own good.

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Okay, so I want to pierce my friends cartilidge, and she wants it done. Does anyone have any tips/experiences to share? And, how big of a needle shoud we use and what are the steps other then numbing, sterilizing, cleaning, and putting in the pin then the earring?

Has anyone had a good/bad experience with self-piercing the cartilidge? Please share.

thanks

My friends (5 of them) have pierced their belly buttons,ears,lips and all 5 experiences turned out with scabs and infections for them. I don't have any tips other than to go to a professional! These things never work out well.

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I am so sorry that it is long, it would mean so much to me if you helped me :D

Okay well I broke up with my ex because I thought that things would just go better as friends.but now i got these feelings like i think of him all the time.but i picture us together and i''m scared that it will end like the last time. and i dont know i'm confused.i like him but at the same time i dont know if i do. like i dont even know, i really want someone that i know will love me for me and always there for me and just to be with and hug i'm 14/f

i'm also scared to get hurt. because i fell in love with a good friend he said he loved me and all this and stuff but it all turned to lies. i dont live by him anymore i live lik an hour and half but no matter what i say i dont love him anymore but like i'm over him but there is a part of me that will always love him. he broke my heart and i'm so scared to get hurt again i think that really that is why i broke up with my ex in the first place. not because i thought we were better ffriends but because i was confused and scared to get hurt again
but sometime i lay in bed and wish he is with me..
what should i do?

I think your emotional right now. These feelings are normal after a break-up.Before you date anyone else, you have to let the wounds heal, so you won't be scared next time. Take time to focus on school,friends and yourself. Love is not a maybe thing-you wouldn't be scared. If it endedd badly last time and because you are so young, it probably will go bad again. If you were older, the realationship may have a chance. It's okay to hurt, but be rational and wait awhile until you aren't upset anymore and
re-evaluate the relationship.

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i know this is long but i need some help... ok so im a 16 year old guy and a soph. in hs..i know this sounds crazy but i think im in love with a girl i only went out with for a month 2 years ago we are great friends and the problem is she has a boyfriend (a senior)...i told her last year how i cared for her again but it was at the wrong time she had a boyfriend and also she didnt want to risk our friendship but i told her i wouldnt let anything ever get between us...we are supposed to hang out saturday but now i have a feeling like we arent going to becuase all week she hasnt answered my texts instant messages or even really say hello in the halls at school..i dont think i did anything wrong i mean i didnt see her all weekend...the only thing i can think of is this weekend while she was at a competition with the school and my cousin called her from my cell and left these messages of a random, song..i told her it wasnt me and she said it was ok...so the thing is ive tried other girls and none are as special as her..shes amazing in every way to me shes the perfect girl..so should i tell her how i feel even though shes with this guy she claims to love or should i hold my feelings in? Thanks so much in advance!!!!

That's a tough one. I would tell her(in person!) and say that you realize this isn't the best timing, but you want to get your feelings out there. I'd give her space since she has been avoiding you. Tell her that you love being friends so much, that you think you could be more. Tell her what you like about her and why you think she could be the love of your life, "the one", your soulmate-whatever you want to call it. Tell her you respect whatever she wants to do with that info and would love to continue being friends. Check in with her about 2-3 days after so she doesn't feel neglected and she knows your committed. Don't leave her hanging with all those emotions. Be respectful if she doesn't choose you, and still make an effort to be friends. Be prepared for her descision. I know I would want to know-just wait a week or two(or until she stops avoiding) so she doesn't feel awkward. She knows you like her,so tell her.

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from experience, does Pantene Pro-V Extra Liso shampoo and conditioner really make your hair straight? is it worth the $$? thankss.

It may help a little, but those things never work for me. I'd splurge for a straightner instead.

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f/15
okay so last week my boyfriend and I were fooling around and we actually had sexual contact.he didn't go inside, he was like at my opening. he says that he didn't ejacualate inside, but i want to know if there was any possible chance I COULD be pregnant.
thanks

There is a possibility. Anytime there is any sort of contact, there is a chance-especially if you had no protection. Your boyfriend may not realize if he ejaculated, or he doesn't want to worry you. Maybe he didn't,but there is always a chance. See your doctor, and be careful.

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I'm normally a confident girl,
I liked the way I looked,
and was pretty comfortable with myself,
I'm asian, and lately I just dont feel pretty, compared to everyone else..
=/

Comparing yourself to others is always a set-up for sadness.Spend time doing your favorite hobbies,sports,or playing with your dog(or w/e) and write a list of all your good qualities(physically and personality-wise). Don't compare yourself to other girls, focus on your inner beauty and take time each morning to do some yoga,style your hair and try new makeup on. Keep up good spirits and take time to make yourself feel good!

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ok so i have one of the flattest butts i have ever seen and i really want to make it bigger but look fit. does anybody know any excercise routines i can do or anything? thanks!

Squats,lunges and jogging lift and firm the butt so it looks higher and better looking

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if i bleed ALOT when i urinate do i probably have UTI?

If this is occasionaly, its probably because of your "time of the month". If its constant, it could be a health problem so tell your doctor. If you are sexually active it might be a side effect of an STD. Tell your doctor though.

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I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four and a half years. We had an argument last night about our sex lives. He said to me that he's tired of routine and him always initiating sex. He says that he is tired of me being "conservative" when it comes to sex and can count on one hand how many times I've actually initiated. We've argued about this before and afterwards I would initiate because I know he's right. But itd only be once until he complains again. The problem is that he's right and I know I can't be mad. I don't know why I don't because I'm not shy and I really enjoy sex with my boyfriend. Last night I said to him "I'm sorry, its just not me. And you what... I don't think I can ever change that.." And out of, I don't know, anger at myself, I said "why don't you find a girl that can give you what you want." We both agree, although I've never said it aloud, that sex plays a big factor in a relationship. But after I said that I felt like, no I don't want him to find someone else because I want to be the girl that can give him what he wants. Its just so damn hard for me to initiate. You'd think after four years we wouldn't have this problem.. But I do really need to try harder because I'm in love with him and vice versa and I want to be with him for the rest of our lives and I don't want to lose him because of my lack of initiations. Can any one please give me advice and what to do and how to help me open up to him when it comes to sex. I say to myself "its just not me" but maybe its more than that... maybe its because I was raped when I was 14 and my virginity was stolen from me. Maybe that plays a part?

Well, thank you for reading this. Any advice is appreciated.

21/female

The fact that you were raped probably makes you scared of the situation. I am so sorry that happened to you. I think you should tell your boyfriend your feelings and why you think initiating it may be hard. If he doesn't respect or understand your fears,anxiety or feelings maybe you should take some time apart. If you don't want to do anything, you should'nt feel pressured to. Therapy may help you overcome those past emotions,but I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and explain how you value your relationship but the physical aspect is going to be a process to overcome and hope he helps you through it. A good guy will understand and will want to help, so talk to him.
Best of Luck

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18-f-aus

is it possible if 2 girls have oral together like you can catch aids or other diseases cause i have been with a few girls and im scared now that ive catched something and im gonna die its not possible if i just used my fingers right?? and you cant get diseases in yoru mouth can u please help im scared that ive got some infesting disease inside of me killing me away without me knowing

Actually you CAN get an STD in your mouth, but it is less likely. Symptoms take time to show up, but continue to practice safe sex,oral included. See your doctor, but if you have been safe there is probably nothing to worry about. If you cannot handle these possibilities maybe you should refrain from sexual activities for a while. I don't think it is likely you have aids, but if anything it is another STD. See your doctor if you are concerned. Good Luck

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Ok, 'mental health' isn't the right category, but I couldn't find anything close to my prob.

I'm terrified of human beings. Male and female. I only have around 5 close friends, no one else. Whenever it comes to ordering food, I panic, start crying and refuse to call the place to ask for delivery - even though it's on the phone! I make my friend pay for the shopping I do (i give her the money, of course) because I'm just scared to do it myself. Everytime I'm at the mall and I get lost (i get lost all the time...=() I start crying and shaking because of the crowd around me.
I live in a pretty safe and quiet country (the only war we've had was between the bedouins and camels) and I should have nothing to worry about but my case is getting really bad. Because of my fear, I'm not driving, I'm not meeting new people and going to university every day and sitting in the classroom with all those people is just so stressful...

I'll be 18 next week. I'm in deperate need of help here...am I losing it?

Note: I was kinda kidnapped when I was a child. But that was years ago, I can't even remember what happened. Could that thought still be haunting me?

How can I get over this?...

Thanks.

I think the kidnapping has a lot to do with this phobia/fear. I don't think you're "losing it", but I think its that you feel scared and cannot trust people because of that horrible incident(I'm so sorry that happened to you). I believe what you need to do is seek help from a therapist, hopefully this is one person you can overcome your fear for. Take your mom or close friend or relative to the therapist with you because you are mst likely to be scared of this new person and situation. Help yourself by seeking help. Good luck to you and work on your emotions from your past that are affecting you now.

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okay well i'm just going to make up names before i start.
alyssa and rob are dating.
dana and nick are dating.
rick is my ex boyfriend who i dated for a year and a half.
alex is my ex boyfriend who i recently broke up with.
oh and i'm 13/f by the way

okay well here it goes. after a year and a half of dating rick, on and off because he broke up with me 6 times during then but whatever, i broke up with him and to get him jealous, i went out with alex also because i though he was nice and cute. well me and alex dated for about 5 months exactly the day we broke up. alex and i used to always hang out with our best friends/couples. (alyssa, rob, dana, and nick). so once i broke up with alex because i really missed rick, alex was reallyyy upset and for awhile was always telling me how much he loved me and missed me and crying all the time and stuff. then i found out that rick never stopped liking me since the day we broke up. so me and him would hang out occasionaly and stuff but then the next thing i know alyssa, rob, and dana are all super pissed at me and telling me that i was leading alex AND rick on becuase they both thought they would get me in the end even though i told alex i didn't want to date anymore and stuff. well as of yesterday(2 or 3 weeks after alex and i broke up) i told rick i wanted to go out becuase he had been telling me he wanted to really bad and stuff. but alyssa and dana and rob would all rather hang out with alex than me it seems. yeah occasionally they'll invite me to hang out, knowing i really don't want to hang with alex just yet, and so i'll agree to it and then the next thing i know alex is hanging out too. its like he stole all my friends from me and i don't know what to do. i'm really happy to be back with rick again, but i want my friends back. and its hard because i'm already in this down and depressed mood lately because i HATE my dad and stuff and i have no one really to cheer me up. all my best friends would rather alex over me and all my other friends don't call me or anything. my dad was recently arrested, and is back on herion and cannot afford anything anymore. yes my parents are divorced but he lives about a mile down the street. and my mom is getting married but they're always fighting. and i just don't know what to do anymore. i'm going to a different school next year to hopefully start off fresh and if that doesn't work were moving down south to south carolina from massachusetts. please, some advice on what to do to be somewhat more happier please!

Phew, that was a lot to take in. Rick doesn't seem like he treated you very well, but Alex did. Your friends probably like the person you are with Alex, rather than with Rick. A girl's friends approval is very important. You are super young though, go with who you really like as a person and as a friend(the best couples are always best friends too!)Rick seems like the cool, rough, bad, hot guy and Alex seems like the sweet, cute caring guy. Your friends don't want to see you hurt. Choose who you want, but do want to risk losing 4BFFs and a good guy for a bad guy you probably wont be with forever? Remember-Friends are Forever
Boys are whatever.
I don't think your friends care if you get back with Alex, they just don't want you with Rick. Think about what guy makes you a better person and then the rest of your priorities will com in line. You seem like you aren't willing to risk it all "for love" so I'd focus on friends, not guys.

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14/f
my boyfriend and i were fighting last weekend, i was feeling upset so i texted my friend who i know and he is a boy, but my boyfriend has never met him. when my boyfriedn came to apologize we were ok until he wanted to read the messages on my cell. i deleted them. he can't trust me anymore.today we had the same problem!! but i deleted the messages..he thinks i am playing him but i am not..!! so herres the situation i am in:: my bf now has a problem in trusting me because he thinks i am playing him and i luv him and i don't want to loose him.how can i let him know the truth or something???sorry if this is confusing

Okay, I might be wrong but this is my instinct. A normal, trusting BF doesn't ask to see your texts. So he is either insecure,plain suspicious of you, or he is trying to distract you because HE is actually playing YOU. I think its the third. Have you ever given him any reason before to not trust you? If not, he wants to make himself feel better about his unloyalty by making you feel guilty. Even if he isnt cheating, he is uncommunatative and distant and doesn't trust you. All reasons to show him the door.

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16/F
105 lbs/5'4"

I recently came out to my family that I've lost 10 pounds in the last two weeks due to not eating and throwing up when I do eat. Now my parents want to send me to an in-patient facility for rehabilitation. I'm really really scared/angry because I think that I can beat this or figure it out myself with a little help from my family...I'm not even that underweight. I feel like this whole thing is ridiculous and I shouldn't have tol them about it. What should I do? I need to convince them otherwise very soon...

I know its frustrating to hear, but you need the help. Its not the fact that you weigh less, its that you have an emotional conflict causing you to do this and your family cannot fix that. They should support you though. Work on making yourself healthier and happier. Tell your parents your feelings, but only so they can reassure you. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get the profeesional help you need and deserve.

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ok it may sound weird...ive fingered myself and used a dildo kinda but ive never had an orgasim. is that weird? how can i make myself have an orgasim?

Based on health studies, no it is not weird. Some women never physically have them and you may be one. Go to gurl.com
click on "sex"
go down to "fast facts"
click on orgasims
Sorry,I don't know much, but this website has a lot of good answers.

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